laelene Post in relationships,Tags: , ,

I spend much of my time alone with my thoughts, and to fill the air with something other than those thoughts floating around, I like to watch videos online (either ones or some TV show that isn’t airing) or play games.  But sometimes, the quiet of the night catches up with me and I begin to anticipate the day when Panda has to go to the east coast for work and I really will be alone.  Then I will no longer have someone to look forward to seeing at night or on the weekends.  It’ll just be me and whatever apartment I eventually end up living in.  Maybe I’ll start Facebooking again, or maybe I’ll spend more time on this blog.  Maybe I’ll even get around to reading more books.

By the time I get home from work, it’ll almost be time for him to hit the sack, so most of my nights will be void of his presence.  I suppose I could try sleeping earlier and working out to kill some of the time, but the rest of it… well, I wonder what I’ll do with myself.  The good thing, at least, is that I know that the anticipation of it is far worse than actually doing it.  After all, we’ve been through this before – and back then, we were still so fresh in our relationship.  Now we’ve solidified some things and really made room in our lives for each other.  And at least this time around the place he’s going isn’t as inaccessible as Singapore was.  There is no $1000+ plane ticket standing between us.  Just one for a couple hundred bucks, maybe even only in the double digits if we get a good deal.

It just sucks sometimes, having that sort of a void at night, when he’s busy doing something and I’m sitting there, bored of all the games I’ve been able to find and tired of watching video after video.  Then what do I do?  There is no Panda to share my day with and talk about random things with.  I hope I find a place with a gym, so I can fill my time with getting in shape.  I guess I’ll also start to figure out where the local library is.  Then again, I do have some books at home that I’ve been meaning to tackle for awhile now.  I hate when I get to thinking of what I’ll do when the time comes though.  That’s the hardest part.

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