So many of my friends have a group from college, or even high school, that they still keep in touch with and hang out with. A good portion of them also have some friends stemming from childhood as well. I wonder what that’s like and if I’ll ever have lifelong friends. The landscape of my life is so variable that dozens of friends have come and gone. The people I spend much of my time with are only friends I’ve met in the past three years or so. I’m so used to moving around and making new friends that it’s hard to imagine knowing someone for that long.
I’ve always hoped that each friendship would be one that would last forever, but as our lives changed, we would grow apart. It also didn’t help that I moved a lot, so many friendships dwindled after not being able to hang out for a long period. The internet has definitely helped to slow down the process of losing touch, but it still happens. At this point, the only person in my life right now who I know will be around for decades is Panda. He’s the best friend I’ve got and anyone else could very well be out of the picture in a few years.
I haven’t given up hope that I can maintain some long-lasting friendships though! I think that business school will offer me a great chance to meet people who I can consider friends forever. In addition, any and all future business partners will probably be great friends and a common interest in our business should keep us in contact for a long time to come. I wish I had a group of close friends who all hung out with each other, but that’s just not the way my life developed. Instead, I will continue to be a connector, bringing together my different sets of friends for gatherings and potentially facilitating some wonderful new bonds.
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December 18, 2011 11:49 am
A book I read a few years ago on successful marriages gave not only great insights into marriage, but also gave some tools to identify the key factors in what causes long-term relationships – Which includes life-long friends!
The key is that long-term friendships (whats a marriage without friendship?) are more-so built on common values and less on common interests – Unbeknownst to many is that values cause what you become interested in, so if someone can figure out the qualitative things they value in life, that will help them identify those same qualities in others, and the probability of friendship for the long-haul increases greatly when you surround yourself with people with similar values!
For instance.. if you meet someone at yoga, you both will bond over the fact that you both are doing yoga, but the more important factor is the reason that brought both you and this other individual into the yoga studio in the first place – The value! They could be doing yoga for the sake of vanity, or its popularity, whereas you could be doing it for health and vitality. Once Yoga is over, you may not enjoy this person because of where their values lead them next. 😀
December 19, 2011 1:52 am
One more thing – what was that quote about friendship and business? I am reminded of that now.
December 19, 2011 1:08 am
Ah that rings so true! That helps me understand why so few friends stick over the years… it’s hard to find ones who love thinking and not drinking. Why is socializing over alcohol so pervasive in this world?!
December 20, 2011 9:56 am
I’m speculating, but many people (myself included) drink because it helps you to stop thinking – Philosophers have known for thousands of years (it’s even in the Bible in one of the older books: Ecclesiastes 1:18 – “For with much wisdom comes much sorrow, the more knowledge, the more grief.”) that thinking (wisdom) is what often leads to anxiety – It’s why we’re all so busy all the time, we don’t want to stop and think about bigger questions! haha, but enough about that!
I love that quote!!! I pulled it out of the JD Rockefeller biography, and it was said by Rockefeller’s business partner in Standard Oil and lifelong friend Henry Flagler, “A friendship built on business is far superior to a business built on friendship.”
The former being starting a business with business minded people, and the latter being starting a business with family or close friends simply because you get along – and not because you both are passionate about the business (having done the latter version of a partnership for the last 2.5 years and closing it out now with negative profit-at least I can write it off haha- I can definitely say that the former method of business is already yielding amazing results!!)
December 21, 2011 12:58 am
Ah, very interesting. I guess when I get overwhelmed with thoughts I just shut it down myself.
I am thrilled that we can build a friendship on business! So much so that I just blogged about this whole thing. 🙂