I’ve come to a realization. This whole time I thought being an entrepreneur working on my own schedule was the most important thing to me. While I do cherish the ability to work from home as I please and enjoy the atmosphere and weather here, it’s not enough. Or, more accurately, it’s not the most important thing for me right now.

For the past couple of years, I’ve had to say “we’ll do this someday” or “in the future let’s get that” or “we can go there one day” when referring to anything I wanted to do with Panda. Most things have to be put off – we’re just not at that stage in life yet. Then, recently I came across all these bloggers who are married and have this great home life. The kind of life that I want. And you know, it’s hard to sit here and wait for that future day to come, when Panda and I can finally live together. I’m ready for that stage.

So really, while my work freedom is something I would love to hold on to, I see now that emotionally what I need is not that. First and foremost my heart desires to live with Panda, so we can start to do all those things “for the future.” I want to have a home I can make my own, whether it’s how things are organized within it or how it is decorated and furnished. In addition to that, I need more socialization. Working on my own is lonely and I always knew I’d want a business partner, but that didn’t work out. After a year of plowing ahead, I’ve learned that I was right: I’d work so much better with a team.

I’m so glad that my parents have been unconditionally supportive of my efforts. They gave me the time and space to figure this out for myself. In my stubbornness, I probably would have jumped off the deep end if they pushed me to stick with a “9 to 5” job. Ran off to some remote place to start some obscure small business or something. Instead, they let me sit around at home, evaluating what I was doing, altering my direction as I learned, and that is what has led me to this point. Entrepreneurship may be for me, in a future setting, but right now it’s not what I need.

What I need is a happy (pseudo-married) home life. I’m in no rush to get married, but I do want to build a home life with Panda. So far I’ve only stayed with him sporadically and never felt like I could make the place “ours.” I guess you could say I’m in the mood to be nesting? At least in terms of getting furnishings and developing lifestyle patterns together. And on the work front, I need coworkers and a team more than I need the freedom to work from home or work odd hours. I’m ready to re-enter the workforce.

It’s time for “one day” and “someday” to become a reality. I don’t want to put it off anymore, so I’m dusting off my resume, revamping it, and going on the job hunt.

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