((little fat notebook))

Timeless dilemma

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: childhood, daddy, friends, journals, mommy, ninja, observation, opinion, pictures, social media, writing

18 July 2009

Truly like a ninja.

I have a friend, Ninja, who lives his life in such a way that it should be worthy of being made into a movie. In everything he does, that’s how he’ll treat things. It’s quite fitting that everyone sees him as a ninja, prowling around doing all kinds of cool moves and getting into spectacular “fights.” I’m sure everyone would love to have his approach to life. It’s really quite cool, because then he’s always having exciting adventures. It helps that he’s extremely athletic, so he can escape situations if needed. One of the examples was when he went to the midnight showing of Indiana Jones (whichever one just came out in the past year or so) dressed in a leather jacket, leather hat/fedora thing, and (real) bullwhip. After the show ended, he stood up on the balcony and cracked his whip to cheers and whistles until security approached. He then made a run for it and got out unscathed. Now how awesome is that?!

Having too much fun to write about it!

Well, the thing is, if you’re out having such a fantastic time all the time, you never have time to record it for others to enjoy or for it to be passed down in the books. This is a dilemma that I face all the time as I ponder how worthwhile it is for me to maintain a daily journal. It started back in 4th grade, when I wanted a diary from the Scholastic Fair, but my dad would only allow me to buy it if I promised to write in it every day. I did, and he got me the diary, but never again asked about it. It was only in the months and years following, when my parents would find me scribbling away at yet another volume of my journal, that they realized I was serious. Maybe they didn’t hold me accountable for my promise, but I did. They used to scold me that I was wasting my time writing so much and it was just a liu shui zhang, or ‘running water account’. Basically, it meant that my writing was as useless as a bank account where all the funds were drained, or something to that extent.

Nonetheless, I pursued until about a year ago, when I truly started to get behind on my writing. When I can’t find the time to write an entry each day (which has been the case for many years), I’ll keep bullet point notes to remind me of what to write about when I do have time to catch up. I used to be able to catch up on a weekly basis, which then evolved to a monthly basis and now… yearly? I still have tons of notes for all the days I’ve missed, though even those I’m behind on now. I’m not too worried though, since with the brilliance of the internet, I can just check my Facebook, blog, texts, and IMs from a particular day to piece together what happened. Not the best way to keep track of my life, but it works.

Have fun playing with friends or chill out writing alone?

My constant struggle with keeping a journal was that when I had a lot to write about, I had no time to write about it and when I had plenty of time to write, I had nothing to write about. After all, if you’re too busy out doing fun and interesting things, you won’t have time to stop and spend some time writing about it. Conversely, if you’ve got plenty of time sitting around, you aren’t really doing much exciting stuff to mention. So I always question the existence of my journal and whether or not I should maintain it. Even now, being so far behind, I fully intend to catch up on it eventually. But is it worth the time? Should I be doing something more notable instead? I used to write when I couldn’t really do anything else, like when I was on planes or in a waiting room, but that doesn’t happen much anymore, so most of my time I can spend doing something else. I’d like to live a storybook life, but I’d like to document it as well. So where is my balance? I don’t know if I’ll ever find one, but I will certainly always be striving towards one.

Pets!

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: pictures, storytelling, travel tales

17 July 2009

When I went to visit Patong Beach, I was delighted to find the sand teeming with live little clams that could be caught burrowing whenever the tide washed away the sand hiding them. I happily spent the next two hours digging them up and taking pictures and videos of them climbing back down again. It was truly an amazing time for me, since I love creatures of most sorts and it was my first time seeing clams in a natural habitat and not at the market. The next day, I went to check out a different beach with the hopes of finding more of them, but the sand was rougher and there was hardly any life to be found.

After much searching, I finally found a clam, but the waves soon caught me off-guard and washed it away. Then, I spotted a big one trying to get back under the sand! I quickly grabbed it and happily examined him, then tried to film him burrowing, but he clammed up and wouldn’t cooperate. Not long after, it began to rain and we were all chased from the beach by the drops. As I was making my way towards land, I came across a pointy shell wiggling its way into the sand. Thrilled, I quickly grabbed it and admired my new prize. Now I had two of these sea creatures and went to ask for a bottle. The guy selling drinks gave me a bag, which I filled with sand and water and brought it back with me.

At the hostel, I wasn’t sure about the policy on bringing back such things, so I quietly took them upstairs and went out to find a container to put them in. I ended up finding a styrofoam bowl and transferred them over. The sea snail with the pointy shell was an active one, always coming out to climb around whenever I put him on top of the sand. He left a little slimey trail with sand clinging to it and made a small indent in the surface of the sand as he moved around. The clam, however, was super boring and just lay there for hours. I guess he was trying to get used to the still water and the little bit of stirring I did was not enough to simulate the ocean’s waves.

The next day, I was going to take them back to the ocean, so I put them on the floor of the “bus” (it’s like a truck with seats and a cover put on the back). As soon as we started driving, they came alive! The clam popped up to the surface and stuck out his siphoning extensions, then used him tail thing to move around, occasionally jumping too! The sea snail got back to work trying to climb up the walls of the bowl only to find his shell was too heavy for him halfway up. He’d fall over and flip himself rightside up again, then crawl along the sides of the bowl before going down into the sand. It was great for me to watch, especially when the clam would retreat as soon as the car stopped moving.

It’s a pity I couldn’t keep them, but as a fellow hosteler pointed out, they wouldn’t get through customs. However, Panda is willing to get an aquarium one day, so I can get some then! I also want starfish and sea cucumbers and anemone and sea horses and sea urchins and shrimp! It’s going to be one intense aquarium, I tell you. However, I’m going to have to wait a few years before I can afford to maintain such a thing. So for now, I’ll just enjoy the life that I can find when I go to the beach to play around.

Serendipity

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: beliefs, experiences, mizu, opinion, pictures, singapore, storytelling, travel, travel tales, zen

16 July 2009

Some may call it an accident, some may call it a mistake, but I call it serendipity. With every supposed wrong turn we make, every situation that doesn’t go quite as we planned, there’s something else to be discovered and seen. It seems that the “bad luck” I’ve had recently may have been unfortunate, but it has also provided the opportunity for some rich experiences. Of course, there are lessons to be learned, but I don’t like to concern myself too much with getting things right. Traveling is just about the one thing that I am ok not doing extensive research on before jumping in. In fact, I’d be perfectly fine with not knowing my next destination or how long I’d be staying at the current one, if only I had the money to support that type of travel.

Spacious and comfy.

It all started when I was getting ready to check in for my flight to Kuala Lumpur. I had inadvertently packed my passport in a purse that I had decided not to bring. Thankfully, I discovered it soon enough to still catch a ride with Mizu and Zen. It turns out that was actually fortunate, because I had booked the wrong flight (it was for the following day), so I would have been stranded there or been forced to pay SGD 60 to change to that flight, if they had space. Instead, I got a luxury bus ticket for SGD 38, got treated to gelato and waffles, had a huge seat and personal TV, got a chance to enjoy the landscape, and even got dropped off at a location very close to my hostel (saved me a trip from the airport!). I had wanted to take a bus originally, but what I fould was more expensive than flying, which is why I had chosen to buy an air ticket. But in the end, I still got what I had wanted to do.

The next hiccup was a small one, where I nearly went to the wrong airport to board my flight to Phuket. It was caught early on in the day, so I got to my boarding gate with plenty of time to spare, but even if I had gone to the wrong place, I could have found a way to get there on time anyway. Upon arrival in Phuket, the airport bus had stopped running for the night, so I took a shared airport “limousine” and we stopped at a travel agent’s office so they could solicit us. Though I didn’t book any tours, I did find out about one that I was interested in, which I probably wouldn’t have known about otherwise. I plan on taking such a tour in the next day or two.

The night view of Phuket Town.

Now in Phuket there are many beaches, most of which are a good 30 minute drive from Phuket Town. My first day there, I decided to go over to Patong Beach, which is the most tourist-concentrated one. I had booked a spa appointment for the afternoon and enjoyed some wonderful relaxation treatment (aromatherapy sauna, hot stone massage, and facial!) before heading to the beach. I had a lovely time digging up clams and those sand bugs that burrow in the sand with amazing speed. Unfortunately, I had a bit too much fun and by 7:15 I was trying to find a ride back to no avail. The bus stopped running at 6:30 and the tut tuts quoted me at THB 500! So I walked along the street, trying to find a better way and ended up asking a hotel security guard and his friend for help. They flagged down a family on a motobike and arranged to have them drop me off for THB 200. The man dropped off his wife and baby and took me over the hills back to Phuket Town. On the way he stopped for gas (or whatever it is) and I was greatly amused when they took a huge bottle of what looked like cherry syrup or grenadine and poured it into his tank. What interesting fuel! When we got to the hostel and I paid him, he then offered to take me for a spin around town. I decided to accept his offer and later he insisted on showing me Phuket Town from a viewpoint. There was a nice park at the top of a summit and a crowd of people sat on the small wall erected to prevent people from tumbling down.

Would you have guessed this is fuel?

Learning my lesson, I checked with the bus driver the next day to make sure I didn’t miss the last bus (which was due at 4) and went to another beach, Nai Harn. I had managed to find a larger clam and even a pointy-shelled sea snail before it started to rain. So by 3:20, I was standing under some trees at the bus stop, waiting for the bus to arrive. When it stopped raining, I ventured back towards the beach to get some more water for my new pets and an expat approached me, offering to take me back. Apparently he had seen the guys at the coffee shop eyeing me and he didn’t feel it was safe for me. I just needed the bus to come and all would be fine. He insisted on taking me because he was bored out of his mind and needed something to do, so I decided to go with it. I got the extra water I wanted and he took me to his place to exchange the motobike for a truck. We had a nice chat and I got a comfortable ride back, complete with a bucket to keep my pets in so I wouldn’t have to hold them the whole way.

So, it turned out that each transportation problem I came across became a new adventure, often with nice people helping me out. I believe that people are mostly kind and genuine and certainly not psychokillers or kidnappers, but I still keep a wary eye out. Everybody I’ve sized up so far seemed like a punch to the face and a kick to the groin would be enough to take them down. I’ve watched out for roads to make sure we were going the right way and noted places that we passed that looked safe enough to find help at, if I had to run away. With those precautions, then it’s just luck on who I choose to trust. People may be concerned about a girl traveling on her own, but as my expat driver told me, I seem very confident. I walk with a purposeful and powerful stride, I ignore most of the people hollering at me, and I act like I know what I’m doing whether or not I actually do. Nobody’s going to see me as an easy target. I’ve come across a lot of helpful people who have saved me a lot of hassle (and money). I call that serendipity. 🙂

Hostel LA

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: experiences, food, future, los angeles, passion, pictures, storytelling, travel, travel tales

15 July 2009

The first hostel I stayed at was cozy and cute, run by a man named Hazdy and his friends/relatives. He knew the names of each and every person staying with him, greeting us by name and remembering what we had planned for the day so he could ask how it went. Now that’s some personalized service! He lived right there in the hostel too, so he was always around. I went to him whenever I had a question, ranging from how to get places to where to eat. I trusted his knowledge and judgment and thus spent less time online searching for those answers. He even introduced me to other hostelers when I returned from my day if they were sitting in the “lobby” area.

Now I am at a hostel that looks like it is run by a couple who also live on the premises. Last night they didn’t have the accommodation type I reserved, so today they gave me free breakfast. It was tasty and filling, with toast, eggs, fresh fruit, and tea. The living room is stacked with DVDs and there are couches, oversized pillows, and these special-made recliners situated throughout the common areas. It’s a comfortable place to stay and extremely clean too. There’s even a quaint garden area in the back and the entire place has a very open plan, with places where people on the second floor can look down to see parts of the first floor.

From sports...

The first hostel experience got me thinking about how fun it could be to run a hostel. I was thinking that if I were to open one, it would be in Westwood. I’d convert one of those little homes around Gayley and Weyburn so food would be right across the street, bus stops would be nearby (especially the airport shuttle), and UCLA would be but a 15 minute walk. I’d go around the hot spots in LA to understand the best times to visit seasonally and even the optimal time of day, then I’d go searching for all the small things that wouldn’t appear in a tour guide. I’d set up a shuttle service to get people to some of the main areas in town (or at least to some reliable public transportation). I’d hire a friendly staff consisting of receptionists, housekeepers, a cook, and drivers.

...to entertainment.

I would name this little place Hostella/Hostela/HosteLA, for hostel LA and keep it extremely clean. I’d have an array of TV channels, DVDs, and books for display as well as personal enjoyment. If there’s a particular show or novel that someone likes, they can opt to trade it for something my library doesn’t have. I’d provide free wireless DSL or something decently fast and at least two computer stations, complete with scanner and printer. I’d keep a collection of plug converters for those who don’t have them. I’d have some nice wardrobes for people to keep their clothes and some valuables locked away while they’re out. The front desk would be open 24/7, in case some people get stranded on their way in and show up at odd times.

And of course a variety of great cuisine!

Ah, what a nice little fantasy I’ve conjured up! It would be a great chance for me to both share more of this city I’ve grown to love and explore it even further in my quest to provide the best inside tips. For those night owls, I’d even take them out to K-town for some BCD whenever I’m up and craving it. They’d get free reign on the kitchen so long as they cleaned up after themselves and I’d provide assistance for those who go grocery shop and buy just a bit too much for their legs and arms to handle. I’d also love to share with them the random things that they may not come across in typical tours, like the roving Kogi trucks that sell Korean food wherever they stop. If they want a nice beach to relax at, I’d tell them about my favorite quiet one in Malibu, where dolphins like to play.

Some things are more hidden away.

I have so many ideas brewing that I wish this was possible! Unfortunately, the US in general is not a very backpacker-friendly place and LA is especially so. Unless they get a car, they really can’t appreciate all that the city has to offer (and even with a car, parking would be such a pain). Granted, there are still a fair share of hostels in the city, though they’re all in Hollywood or Santa Monica. The advantage of Westwood would be the access to college life, from visiting the campus itself to seeing what frat parties are all about. This dream would also be a huge investment to begin with, what with getting the place and then converting it to the appropriate layout. It would be so cool though – meeting travelers when I’m not traveling and showing them the best of Los Angeles.

What would you share about your town?

Solo

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: experiences, storytelling, travel, travel tales

14 July 2009

“You travel alone?” they ask.

I hesitate, sizing each one up before slowly nodding my head in confirmation.

“Yes,” I murmur.

“Oh, you not scared? So brave!” they exclaim.

It’s a common conversation that I have with the locals on my travels. It seems that every friendly soul who strikes up a conversation with me will ask if I’m alone and finds it admirable that I am alone. I guess that’s fair enough – I’ve yet to see another girl traveling alone. We really are few and far between, especially in Asia. But to me, this type of travel is not so abnormal, so it’s just vacationing as usual.

Sometimes I want to ask these people, “Should I be scared?” After all, that’s what they’re implying. Nevertheless, I am not scared and see no real reason to be. Most people ignore me and those who do talk to me are just curious about where I came from. They’re all nice enough, though I still keep my guard up. There are those moments when someone walks by too close for comfort and I find myself clutching my purse a little tighter to my chest, but generally I’m not worried.

I’m always careful not to flaunt my wallet or other valuables (most of which I didn’t even bring in the first place). I carry as little as I can, typically just a small purse and a water bottle. I keep my eye out for suspicious movements and never walk too close to other people or the road. I keep my money, cards, and ID in at least two places so I’ll still have half if the others go missing. I maintain a neutral expression on my face so nobody thinks of me as threatening or too vulnerable.

So, through a combination of precautionary steps and general street smarts (not to mention locals who usually aren’t a threat), I haven’t run into any problems yet, nor do I anticipate on it.

My other half isn’t here

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: experiences, los angeles, panda, storytelling, travel, travel tales, work

13 July 2009

For some reason whenever I travel, there will inevitably be that person who asks me, “Do you have a boyfriend?” Well, actually, yes, I do. Besides, it’s not as if I’d ever stay and get involved with any guy I meet on my trips, even if I was still single. What motivates these people to ask, despite knowing that I’m a traveler who’s just passing by for a few days? It’s certainly a far-fetched scenario that I’d be smitten suddenly and be convinced to stay longer, yet they still ask as if they have a chance. It’s an interesting phenomenon; I wonder why people are like that. I mean, deep down they must know it’s a silly idea, right?

Today a lady asked for this guy when I was waiting for the bus to arrive. I find it amusing how people always want to match make, whether or not the pairing is actually feasible. This happened a lot when I was working in Whole Foods around LA a few summers back. Strangely enough, all the sushi men seemed to be Chinese and they were all eager to match me with their sons, grandsons, or nephews (especially when they found I speak Mandarin). At least they had a sliver of a chance, since I’d actually be around the area for more than a few days. Still, it strikes me as odd that the thought is even entertained when they’d have no way of contacting me (and please, I wouldn’t give my info out for some guy I’ve never met). I guess to some extent we all need to live on hopes, dreams, and the occasional fantasy.

Today’s lady was very surprised to see me traveling alone if I had a boyfriend. Are we supposed to be glued together? Am I not allowed to travel if I’m not with him? Well, you know, sometimes people are busy and can’t always travel together. Nice as it would be to have him here now, unfortunately it is not possible. I was almost tempted to say, “I’m sorry, my other half isn’t here now, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be my own person.” That’s the impression that I got – that somehow I wasn’t allowed to be my own person without my boyfriend in tow. Well, that’s certainly not the case for me! And so it goes, just me striking it out on my own for now.

A series of “oops” moments

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: experiences, food, mizu, pictures, starfish, storytelling, travel, travel tales, typea, zen

12 July 2009

Wow, what an eventful day. It started off quite well, with calls from Mizu announcing a pleasant surprise: I would get company on my way to the airport and even be given a ride! That meant that I could sleep in a little and enjoy some extra rest. By and by it came time to leave, so I took my stuff downstairs and hopped in the car. We got to the airport with plenty of time to spare and ate some lunch, casually chatting until it was time to check in. Mizu and Zen then went on their way and I prepared my documents for the counter.

And thus began the adventure. I went to get my passport out of my purse only to find it missing. I checked all the compartments and tore apart my suitcase checking for it. Pretty soon, I realized that I left it in the other purse I had been packing for the trip, which I had decided to leave behind because it was too big for my needs. Dismayed, I called up Mizu and wailed the news to him. He and Zen decided it would be best for them to pick me up and go get it, so I headed out to meet them along the way.

In the car, I called up Typea to check if anyone was at home to let me in. Unfortunately, they had all gone out. He gave me the numbers of his family members to call up and I went through each one, finally reaching his father. We arranged for him to rush back to meet me. While waiting, I called up the airline to ask about changing flights only to discover… I booked a flight for tomorrow. -___- As Mizu howled with laughter. He was loving my newfound inner ditz! Baffled at my own airheadedness, I considered my options and decided to opt for the bus option.

Mizu kindly drove me to the bus departure and I got myself a ticket on a nice luxury vehicle. We had some time before its departure, so I exchanged some money and then got some dessert to snack on. Soon enough, it was time to board the bus and Mizu sent me on my way. I settled in to the large comfy seat and watched the landscape whizz by as we headed off. The rest of the trip was scattered with movie-watching and naps on and off, briefly interrupted twice to get off and go through immigration and customs. It was very comfortable save for the cold air blasting overhead, which left me shivering towards the end of the trip.

We arrived at my stop unexpectedly and I rushed off, hoping it wasn’t too hard to get to the hostel. Thankfully, it was an easy trip away and soon enough, I was settling in and meeting the others in my room. I reported in to both my mother and Starfish as soon as I could get online so they’d know I made it to my first destination. I then spent some time talking about travels with my roommates and then went to grab some dinner next door. It’s far too late and I’m far too tired to do much else, so I just ate and typed the rest of the night away, occasionally chatting with some of the guys who work at the hostel.

Security or sharing?

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: blogging, friends, katana, los angeles, opinion, pictures, singapore, travel, work

11 July 2009

I’ve had this dilemma between wanting to share what’s going on in my life (especially as it’s current) and needing to protect myself to some degree. I remember reading awhile back about a guy whose home was burglarized after he announced a vacation over Twitter. That was a wake-up call for me and a reminder of the dangers of transparency. Katana had mentioned this very issue at some point, talking about how she would only speak of plans to vacation after the fact and make very vague references to places that she likes to frequent. It was all in an effort to prevent certain people from finding her too easily or know too much.

A vacation long past. Can you guess where I am?

I may not be too concerned about my privacy yet, but maybe one day I will, if I become more high-profile through the work that I do and (hopefully) get to be known by. I don’t want to get into habits of sharing everything about my life and finding it working against me in the future. So far it’s been fine for me – I tend to talk about things I’m thinking of and things that I did on a particular day. Nothing there that would pinpoint where to find me, since I would have been long gone by the time I wrote about it. Of course, there was the huge move to Singapore that narrows things down quite a bit, but I’ve never mentioned where I’ve stayed or worked while here. Also, I haven’t talked about exactly where I live in LA and it’s not like the house is empty and easy to be broken into anyway.

However, this is the first time that I’m vacationing (there, I said it) since I started my blog more seriously. This time I’m not worried because people don’t know where I’m staying (except for colleagues, who I trust) and it’s not like I’m leaving the place empty – there will still be plenty of people occupying that space, going on with their lives. The problem is I don’t know what I’d do when I do go on vacation and leave a home empty. I absolutely love to share my life with others, friends or strangers. I just don’t want that to come kick me in the butt in the future for being too transparent about my life’s details. But will I really be able to resist sharing?

If you're sick of seeing my face, too bad. I try not to put pictures of others unless they are hard to recognize or I am out of touch with them.

It’s a battle between who knows the most intimate details about me (and who can find out if they wanted) and of those people, who would actually do something to harm me. Does my announcement of some time away put me at risk for being robbed? Can people who I don’t know that well find my personal details? That stuff doesn’t seem too hard to find – I’m constantly filling out forms with it, so what if it all goes to the wrong hands one day? There are so many questions and not enough answers – this has to end up being a judgment call with not much basis beyond a feeling. I feel safe enough sharing it now, so I will. I’ll try to only write about the cities I visit after I’ve left them, just for practice.

I remember thinking similar thoughts when I posted earlier this week about looking for a job. I wanted to share a screenshot of my résumé, but I didn’t want everyone to see my contact details. So, I spent quite a bit of time editing it so that people would know that the contact details would have gone in that space, but not be able to read it. The first few times I tired a variety of blurring effects, but none worked well enough, so I finally settled with a pixelating. I trust that people are generally good, but it doesn’t hurt to take some cautionary steps at times. I just hope I don’t ever get too paranoid.

Mentality vs behavior

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: experiences, observation, opinion, work

10 July 2009

[just a short post as I get ready for a busy couple of weeks]

Today I met with a guy who came off as a huge cynic, or at least someone who doesn’t appreciate the world for what it is, but is dissatisfied with much of it. It was a very interesting chat to hear about his point of view and how he sees himself as an optimist. To him, the world could be so much better, but it isn’t, which is why he claims he’s an optimist. However, I see that more as a harsh critic. After all, he never provided any solutions or ideas for how to make things better then. Instead, he dissed what he didn’t like and spoke eagerly about what he did (New Yorkers’ no-nonsense way of life).

I was put off by his negativity at first, but found it interesting to hear his view on things. To some extent, he brought out the critic in me and I told him some of the things that bothered me. Ultimately though, I’m a positive person and I don’t go around sullying everyone’s moods. I can see why he considers himself an optimist, but I don’t think he is. a true optimist would think we can do so much more and come up with ways to do it because he’d believe in our ability to accomplish such tasks.

At the same time, I felt intrigued to try to understand his complex character more. It was refreshing to have someone challenge your way of thinking and your opinions so much though. Another interesting thought that came up was how he doesn’t hide his gripes with the world and feels that people who see problems but are still happy are insincere. I didn’t believe that and felt that though there are things I am not happy about, that doesn’t mean I’m going to spend my days pointing out all that bothers me. I spent some time afterwards considering why I didn’t feel that incongruency was not a bad thing. I’m still not quite sure how to put all these ideas into the right words, so I’ll get back to you when I have.

Surreal

laelene Post in general blog，Tags: asian american, australia, childhood, daddy, experiences, memories, military, mommy, pageant, pictures, storytelling, travel, ucla

09 July 2009

So many years in uniform.

Have you ever looked back on your life and wondered, Did I really do that? Well, I have. It’s the strangest thing, to have this sort of disconnect with my old life. Perhaps it’s because things have changed so drastically with each stage and each move that it seems odd that I lived through that. Whatever the case, sometimes I’ll be recounting things in my life and then I catch myself and marvel that that was really me, that was really my experience. There are times when I am talking about my life, but it almost feels like I am telling the story of someone else’s life. I think it also has to do with a feeling of being so fortunate – was I so lucky to actually be able to have done that? In fact I was, but it’s hard to believe at times.

ATVing in Hawaii after the Australia trip!

One of the main things I feel detached from these days is my childhood homes. I’ll talk about how I was born in China and then lived in Pennsylvania, Kansas, Missouri, New York, and finally, California. Then I’ll stop and think, how strange it was that I used to have half an acre of backyard to play with in Kansas. Or that I went back to China for a year just for some cultural immersion. With so many experiences that are so far-ranging, I guess it’s no wonder I feel like it was surreal at times. Not many people get to go to Australia for two weeks or attend six boot camps or claim links to so many different places. At times I marvel at the places I’ve had the chance to go to – it’s truly a blessing, though I’ll probably never have enough. Travel is one of those things that doesn’t lose its charm as easily. After all, there are just too many countries, too many cities, too many villages to go to!

My first prom dress was for this pageant.

Boot camps can be fun too!

Another aspect are the things I’ve been able to do. They range from how I’ve kept a daily journal for thirteen years to working on a movie to visiting China annually in the summer. Sometimes these things just seem too good to be true – did I really have that dedication? Did I really rub elbows with Tom Waits? Did my parents really spend that much money on me each year? Even a basic part of my identity leaves me grateful – was I really fortunate enough that my parents were able to leave China? It’s hard to live up to parents who are cream of the crop in intellect, but it’s a blessing what I’ve gotten because of that. I can hardly imagine the disaster I’d be if I had grown up in China, being too masculine for my own good and not wanting to get stuck in a boring desk job. Everything I’ve gotten to experience because of my American nationality is something that I may take for granted normally, but definitely not something I’ll ever forget was a gift to me from my hardworking parents.

At the same time, some of my own accomplishments amaze me too. How did I balance 10 classes and two sports on three teams? I was running around from 4 AM to 10 PM during my peak in high school, and then I had to do homework too. Just thinking about that tires me out now, but I felt so good doing it then. Similarly, the strenuous activities I did at the various boot camps I opted to attend make me wonder where all that energy came from (perhaps the MREs). How were we able to march for so many miles and sleep so little? How were we able to stay awake during classroom lectures (well, with the help of standing)? When I stop to think of that it really takes to do that, it’s quite cool.

I’m on camera!

I’m sure everyone has something in their lives that if they stopped to really evaluate, they’d be proud of saying they did. From my peers at UCLA who are attending a world class university to fellow ex-cadets who underwent the same boot camps, everyone makes themself worth something, somehow. I think it doesn’t hurt to stop and consider how astonishing some of the things we’ve done are. Maybe I’m just looking at everything through rosy glasses now, but I love thinking about all the cool things I’ve done. Even the negative things I’ve experienced leave me in awe, wondering if I was really able to overcome that. So to everyone who has done something extraordinary, whether it’s pay your way through college or excel at an art or sport, here’s to you! May we all celebrate our accomplishments and learn to appreciate ourselves better.

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