Opinions brewing

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EnneagramI have realized, in my many attempts to get a satisfactory answer to what I fall under in the Enneagram types and justify my behavioral preferences in Emergenetics, that I am much more opinionated than I may seem to be.  Answering the questions they pose has gotten me deeply introspective about my emergeneticsperson.  According to my profile, I should be more assertive than I feel I am and far more ready to express my opinions.  Yet, I find that I hold my tongue a lot and keep my thoughts to myself, save for some ranting to Panda (poor guy) and occasional references to it in my writing.  As I started to reflect more on what kind of a person I am and how I interact with and fit into the world, I began to see that yes, I am rather assertive and gregarious about how I feel.  It’s just that few things seem important enough for me to actually express my thoughts on it, so I usually opt to keep it in rather than allow any brashness to come out and hurt others.

This is where I keep my spontaneity in check, to ensure the peace is not disturbed unless I just can’t contain it anymore or determine that the benefits of doing so outweigh the costs.  I’m a very analytical person, so I prefer to sit around thinking about my options, weighing them in turn.  I tend to see many points of view, so it takes me time to process them all and evaluate the best course of action.  Internally I may be fuming, but externally I am quiet and withdrawn as I retreat to my thoughts to digest what is going on.  I like to fantasize and get lost in my imagination to escape what bothers me in this world and dream up scenarios in which problems could be aired out.  Yet because of this, I tend to miss the boat and if and when I decide it’s time to react, the time has passed and it would be inappropriate for me to bring up and address the issue again.  I don’t like to be confrontational, so I often try to express my feelings by saying things that can suggest how I really think about things.  Because of this, I often feel suppressed and, in a sense, shackled.

So, it’s not that I don’t stand up for what I believe in; I’m actually quite stubborn and adamant about the things I’m truly vested in, mentally and emotionally.  Once I do get going, I don’t like to back down and I can get very passionate in promoting my thoughts.  I’m also the type to notice a lot of details and can get primed to notice ones that annoy me more and more, which then starts to wear away at my patience.  Sometimes what it takes to get me to cross the threshold into openly expressing my opinion is just that process of getting weary of putting up with something.  At some point, I reach a level that then pushes me to release my ideas to the world.  Usually this stuff is not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, so I have learned to filter everything through a screening process to allow myself time and force myself to reason to see what doesn’t really matter in the end.  I guess giving myself the opportunity to mull things over is my own way of counting to ten.

It’s an interesting observation about myself that I always knew, but haven’t really explored (at least not lately).  Most of my frustrations stem from this tendency and I’m trying to find a way of handling it that doesn’t shortchange me and my reactions.  I hate stepping on toes though, so I tend to just get walked all over.  I’ve thought about setting a designated time to bring up these issues so I can get it out there without being in the heat of the moment, but I can’t bring myself to even get that going.  By the time I want to, I’ve convinced myself that it’s really not that big a deal and I don’t want to be petty.  Yet, time and time again it just comes back to haunt me and grate away at my nerves.  Am I undervaluing myself?  Or am I just being too observant, too anal?  I need to find more peace in my life.  A deeper sense of calm and contentment.  To an extent, I wish I was as easy-going and relaxed as Zen always appears to be.

To the haters out there

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Last week I saw a tweet from David Choi talking about the nasty racist comments he got on his YouTube account, due to the fact that he’s Asian.  It made me wonder why people go out of their way to be cruel like that (not that I’ve seen what was written, but I don’t need to).  Especially in a case like this, you really have to go out of your way to send hate messages.  Why bother going to someone else’s page, where they’re just sharing their work, their lives?  I really don’t understand it.  I mean, it’s one thing if you’re thinking them in your mind and you just can’t think of someone nicely, but it’s a whole other thing to go attack them.  I’ll admit, I’ve had my share of negative and unpleasant thoughts, but I keep it to myself.  If I really have to get it out, I’ll tell a friend to blow off some steam, write it down to get it out of my mind, or exert myself physically to wear myself out.

Just this weekend this girl serving me boba was extremely rude and disrespectful, but I held my tongue and just imagined giving her a piece of my mind.  Actually doing so would have served no purpose but to waste my time and energy and either make her even meaner or feel terrible.  So instead, I told Panda about it and “screamed” (only online AAAAHHHs and UGHs) to get it all out.  I’d all but forgotten it today, except when a comment reminded me of it (talking about how some people are just not polite or gracious at all).  I told Lorrie about it quite calmly and I’ve found I’m at peace with it now.  But for this case, there was an actual reason for my anger and frustration!

As for David’s haters, I don’t know what’s going.  What has he done to possibly annoy anyone?  Maybe I just can’t see because I’m a fan of his work, as I anticipate Miley Cyrus’s fans would not understand why her voice grates on my nerves and anything about her makes me want to gag.  Even though I feel very strongly against her, I don’t go to her website to tell her these harsh words.  Everyone’s entitled to an opinion, no matter how ridiculous it might be, but that doesn’t entitle them to take any negative ones they have about someone and shove it down that person’s throat.  It’s crude and poor judgment.  If you don’t like it, don’t pay attention!  There’s so much more in the world for you to be appreciating, rather than seeking out what you don’t and making it inescably obvious.

This, of course, only applies when no harm is being done.  If people are being hurt by a person’s actions, then this type of avoidance and complacency tactic is countereffective.  As for those who are victimized by such thoughtless acts, I hope you can rise above it and not shoot unsavory comments back.  Either ignore it because it’s not worth your time or reply in a firm, but respectful manner.  This world could use more kindness and dignity.

The inevitable Mother’s Day post

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I like to be strange, different, unusual.  So, it’s almost too cliche to write about my love for my mother on Mother’s Day.  Not that I don’t like the idea – I certainly appreciate my mom and enjoy celebrating her role in my life!  However, it seems all to predictable to be writing about motherhood on this day.  I’m sure a good majority of the world is doing so and the blogosphere is alight with posts of a similar sentiment.  Even on Twitter, the most trending term is “Happy Mother’s Day.”  But, filial piety and maternal love win out in the end and I concede to do something all too normal and expected.  That’s my tribute to my mom, I guess.

When I ran into Marylin’s mother outside in the living room today, I made a point to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and inquire about her plans.  I was vaguely aware of dinner plans she and Marylin had with family friends, but I wasn’t sure if it was just a normal gathering or if the holiday would be acknowledged.  I guess it was kind of just a random gathering also meant to celebrate a friend’s birthday.  So celebrate away!  Celebrate all there is to celebrate on this day.  What struck me the most though, was her initial reaction to my well wishes: “Oh, I’d forgotten all about that.”  It reminded me so much of my mother and I asked Panda if his mother is the same way too.

You see, my mom’s the type of person who doesn’t remember Mother’s Day or her birthday, or any other day out there that’s meant to celebrate her.  I have a theory that she only remembered her birthday long enough for me to be old enough to remember it for her and now it’s just a fleeting memory in her mind.  So, every year, it’s up to me to remind her that, this is your day and I’m taking you out to eat, as our family tradition goes.  Over the years we’ve ended up going to the same Asian buffet for every holiday that we celebrate together, whether it’s Mother’s or Father’s Day, Christmas, or one of our birthdays.  We don’t make a big fuss out of these things and they pass rather quietly, but I make a point of never forgetting.  It’s one of the most basic ways I can show that I care.

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Well, it turns out that not all mothers are like this and Panda’s mom quite likes to be recognized, at least in comparison with my mom.  I think I’ll be the type who won’t bring it up in the hopes that I will be remembered.  I asked Panda if he’d remember all the important days to celebrate and though he was reluctant to promise at first, in case something comes up, he eventually agreed to extend that promise to me.  After all, I realize that life gets in the way and I’m really only asking for his word that he’ll try his best, which I know he will.

So back to my wonderful mother.  Currently she and my dad are in LA again, so I hope they go out to a nice place to eat.  As the truly dedicated mom that she is, she’s helping me with my taxes and finances.  She was always the one I turned to for all things money related.  Right now she’s in a stage in her life where she isn’t sure what to do.  Before I left for Singapore, I spent my time trying to give her the confidence and hope that she needs to perhaps take a leap and go for her dreams.  After all, they were put off because she chose to take care of me fully, rather than be distracted by a job.  So now that she’s back in the work force, doing environmental consulting work with my dad, she’s looking to do more of what interests her.  And that is something in the aerospace industry, preferably along the lines of designing planes.  She feels like she’s too old and there isn’t a foothold for her to grasp in the industry.  The unfortunate thing is that employers don’t even want to consider her because she’s not as young and fresh as college graduates and she took so many years off from practicing her engineering expertise.  They don’t trust her to be as sharp and capable as she used to be, even though she has been teaching herself programs like AutoCAD and attended some courses at our community college.  How do you get people to give you a chance though?

So for now, she’s helping my dad out in his company, building up her resume again as she tries to think of how to get into Boeing or Northrup or Lockheed and the likes of them.  I fully support her and hoep that she can achieve what she wants, after all those years she gave up for me.  She gave me a privileged life growing up, with a mom who could always drop off a project I forgot to take to school with me, or drive me to the various swim and track practices and meets, or pick me up from school after all my extracurricular activities were over.  I remember when I was young I won a competition for writing about why I have the world’s best mom and I still have that essay to this day.  When I read it, it doesn’t seem all that exciting since I wrote it when I was in fifth grade, but apparently it was good for my age!

I hope everything is well with her now and I wonder where she’ll be when I return to LA.  I’m keeping a lookout for her, in case I hear of any opportunities that she may want to look into.  For now though, all I can do is be a good daughter and call her periodically to check in.  I think I really surprised her when I did that like two weeks ago.  We’re not a family built around constant contact and communication.

With that, I hope that everyone has spent some time to think about their own mothers and remember all the things they should be appreciated for.

A Bruin is Forever

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ucla-dayToday was UCLA Day at my beloved university.  This whole weekend just makes me miss my college experience.  It’s only the second time that UCLA has done this, inviting alum back for exclusive tours, lectures, and gatherings to reunite with old friends and make new ones.  I really wish I was around to experience it and I can’t wait until when I am.  This year, Rachel Robinson, a UCLA grad and Jackie Robinson’s widow, was on campus to receive the UCLA Medal from Chancellor Block, for all her hard work and dedication to education.  I remember last year when they were starting the inaugural UCLA Day, banners went up all over campus and tables and stages were set up for the day.  And it’s not just this – there’s also Dance Marathon, the Festival of Books, Spring Sing, etc.

I joined the Alumni Association as a Lifetime Member when I was buying my cap and gown and diploma frame last summer.  Because of that, I have some nice UCLA memoribilia, including license plate frames, padfolios, and a mug.  I bought a fancy tassel to hang in the car and I can’t wait to continue to collect UCLA gear, adding to my vast collection of clothes, binders and folders, keychains, and even a baseball cap (though I don’t wear them).  I’m a sucker for all things UCLA and I’ll buy nearly anything with my alma mater tastefully included in the design.  I’d stop short of buying a blue and gold car with the logo on the sides though.  Otherwise, my devotion runs deep and I can’t wait to take advantage of everything as an alumna.  I’ve gotten exclusive invitations to hear Coach Howland and Neuheisel speak about next year’s seasons, special ticket access for Spring Sing, and of course, an invitation to attend UCLA Day.  There are also special discount offers and exclusive sales/coupons e-mailed to me.  This is all fine and dandy, but useless to me unless I am in the area.

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I even have this worn-out sticker on my laptop.

So, I really look forward to when I am back in LA again and I hope I can make time for all these events.  I love feeling connected to the school and I am ever so loyal.  I got a peek at Panda giving a housing tour today and it made me miss the campus so much.  I would love to give tours as well!  I wonder if there’s a part-time position that allows alum to give tours…  That would be nice.  I love more than anything to show others the beautiful campus and explain to them the history and tradition we are steeped in.  I think Orientation tours are the best, because it’s a unique experience offered only incoming freshman.  They get a special edition, hearing about the campus from an insider’s point of view.  I think I’d really enjoy giving any sort of tour though.

So, as the saying goes, “A Trojan is only good once, but a Bruin is FOREVER.”

Spring Sing

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spring-singUCLA has got some great traditions, and Spring Sing is one of my favorites.  Put on by the Student Alumni Association (SAA) every year in May, thousands gather to witness one of the most entertaining events you could ever imagine.  People sing, people dance, and back in my glory days, people juggled and jump roped too.  Entrants compete in a variety of categories, a special guest is given an award for lifetime musical achievement, and everyone is entertained by hilarious skits and parodies in between acts.  While I was a student there, it was held in the Los Angeles Tennis Center, which got transformed into a huge concert venue for the night.  This year, they had to move it over to Pauley Pavilion due to the high demand.  When I went last year, over 5000 people were there as well, which is why a bigger venue had to be sought out for this year’s 7000+ attendees.  Although the LATC can hold many more than just 5000 or even 7000 people, many of those seats become obsolete once the stage is set up.  It’s strange to think of the event I associated with that place now indoors, but that’s part of Spring Sing’s growth – throughout the years it has moved as the audience size grew.

spring sing 2009 flyerYouTube Spring Sing and you will find hundreds of great videos, from the performances themselves to the George and Ira Gershwin Award winner speech to the amazing videos and skits that Company produces.  We’ve had some great talent throughout the years, including Maroon 5 (known as Kara’s Flowers back then) and Sara Barielles, who won twice!  Additionally, some celebrities have been invited to judge, with the likes of former President Ronald Reagan and Tatyana Ali (Will Smith’s little girl cousin in Fresh Prince) amongst them.  And of course, let’s not forget the special guests who are invited to attend just so they can accept the George and Ira Gershwin Award for Lifetime Musical Achievement.  Last year it was Lionel Richie, who gave a funny and engaging acceptance speech, saying, “Forget about surviving 30 some odd years in the music business, I survived 27 years of Nicole Richie.”  This year, the award recipient is Julie Andrews!  I’m so jealous.  And finally, Company provides the best laughs for the night, with videos like the “March of the Trojans,” “Brokeback Fountain,” and “The Hill” to musicals about “fro-yo” when frozen yogurt joints had spread across LA like wildfire and skits about the new Sudoku craze.  There are SO many other great ones!  You’ve got to check them out.

I’m really sad that I am not there right now, as performances rage on and the audience has a blast.  However, I know that at least I can expect videos popping up online within hours and throughout the next week or so, so at least I can experience some of what they saw.  Unfortunately, some videos just don’t do justice the experience, like any you may find of the UCLA juggler and jump roper when they “battled” each other.  On video, it doesn’t look that exciting because you just can’t see the intricacies of what they’re doing.  Being there, however, was AWESOME and I’m so glad I had that privilege.  I hope I’m around next year to go see what it’s like at its new location and see what other talent UCLA holds.  It’s always endlessly entertaining with the parodies that Company does, as listed above.  They touch on a lot of current situations, from popular TV shows and movies to the latest craze hitting LA.  It’s some quality comedy!

A peculiarity

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I didn’t know what to write for today.

I’ve been sitting here for two hours now, going through the typical internet activity that starts my day – checking e-mails, going through websites, doing some searches… all the while in the back of my mind has been a question: what should I write about in my blog today?  And as of yet, I have not been able to come up with a good answer.  So instead, I decided that I will address this peculiarity of mine.  It’s not that I don’t have topics that I want to talk about; in fact, I have a whole list of them.  I even have a couple of drafts started, waiting to be finished up and posted.  So why not use one of those brilliant ideas I currently have laying dormant?  Well, because I am very particular about how I do things.  For my blogging, that means that I must only write of things that I am “in the mood” to write about.  And currently (also unfortunately), there is nothing on that list that I am interested in exploring at the moment.

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photo credit: wendy usually wanders

It’s not exactly writer’s block, though I guess you could consider it a breed of it, if you must.  I have also noticed, as I typed this, that my pinky finger on my right hand gets very little action.  In fact, I’m not sure I really use it for more than the occasional apostrophe, colon, semi-colon, quotation mark, question mark, or entering.  (Which means I’ve used it a total of fifteen times in this post so far.)  I use my fourth finger to backspace purely because it is longer and I have to move my hand less to reach it.  I also know that I tend to use my right thumb to press the spacebar.  When I tried to switch to my left thumb, my typing slowed significantly.  This could be a good exercise for my dexterity and force me to use the other side of my brain more.  I have always been slightly ambidexterous, using different hands for different things – my right hand writes and draws, my left hand colors; my right hand uses chopsticks and knives, my left hand uses spoons and forks; both hands throw balls about the same; I bat left-handed and kick right-footed; I brush my teeth and hair with my left hand; I text with my right hand.

photo credit: adirondack guitar

photo credit: adirondack guitar

I am a big fan of symmetry (except in artistic cases), so I’m always trying to use the other hand for these tasks, but I think that my toothbrushing is not as effective with my weaker right hand.  I’ve also had some trouble slinging my purse over my left shoulder, which somehow does not seem to know how to support it quite as well as my right shoulder.  As with all things though, I suppose it just comes down to practice and habit.  So I’m slowly working to make left-handed spacebar-ing and right-handed brushing more common in my life.  I also considered learning the guitar, but left-handed ones are hard to find and I think I’d be more comfortable with that kind, rather than a standard one.  The significance of a simple flip flop like that can be greater than people may expect, as I was surprised to find when I was reading the Emergenetics text and found this on page 10:

“Before you begin to read, you can boost your brain activity with two simple exercises.  These will help you stay alert, understand what you are reading, and remember it longer.

1. Cross-Crawls.  With your right hand, touch your left ankle.  Now with yourleft hand, touch your right ankle.  This is most effective done standing up, but it works sitting down, too.  This exercise is thought to integrate the right and left hemispheres of your brain.  And by clearing the potassium and sodium that builds up in your brain when you concentrate, it will help you read faster and comprehend more.

2. Crazy Eights.  Make big “eights” horizontally in the air with your right hand.  Without moving your head, follow your thumb with your eyes.  Make the eights as big as your peripheral vision will allow.  Now do the same thing with your left hand.  This may help integrate both sides of your body.”

So there you go.  My stream of consciousness.

Lovesac

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lovesac logoNearly seven years ago, not too long after I had moved to California, I discovered a shop in the mall that I’ve never forgotten.  It was a cozy-looking place, with cushy Lovesacs strewn around the room and a couple of TVs positioned throughout.  Lovesac?  What’s a Lovesac, you ask?  Well, first picture what a beanbag looks like.  Then take that image and imagine something that feels so soft yet still firm and supportive.  Whereas traditional beanbags are filled with random little balls or, literally, beans, Lovesacs are stuffed full of foam – Durafoam, to be exact.  It’s designed to never go flat and a quick fluffing can plump out any Sac that has started to mold to your body from too much lounging!

So in my local mall, there was a Lovesac store, where people would go in just to chill and rest up.  It was a very relaxed atmosphere and Katana and I would find our way there whenever we were at the mall.  The Sacs are the most comfortable fluffs of foam to lay or sit on and they fit anything, from your pet to at least three adults.  They also come with a variety of accessories, including SodaSacs for having drinks handy as you sprawl on your Sac, or sactionaleven TubeSacs for those who want some pillowed neck support.  There’s a whole line of removeable covers as well, with textures like Twill, MicroSuede, Velvish, and Phur.  Colors and designs also allow people to customize to their heart’s desire, from the basic solid earthy shades to the custom order fabrics of different patterns.  Their newer products include an oversized PillowSac that can be used in a multitude of ways and an ottoman doubling as a seat or footrest.  And most recently, they’ve come out with Sactionals for any sort of sectional combination you can come up with.

I’ve had my eye on the SuperSac for awhile now, with its six-foot diameter that comfortably fits two people.  It’s so big that it can fit “3 adults or 14 kids” as the description touts and weighs about 70 lbs.  In high school, I dreamt of the day when I would have my own apartment and could buy myself one of these to be used as a couch, bed, and chair.  I would just need a lap table and it could be used as a desk too!  Alas, about two years ago I was just checking up on the LoveSac of my choice when I found shocking news – LoveSac was no more!  I was devastated and regretted not buying them before they disappeared from the face of this planet.  Then this summer, purely by lovesacserendipity, I ran into my friend walking in the hallway with one of his friends and that guy had on a LoveSac shirt!

It turns out that this friend’s friend works for one of the LoveSac shops that has since reopened.  They are much more dispersed now, with only two stores in California, but I’m so happy they’re up and running again!  I immediately went to the website to see what had changed (and hopefully find that what I wanted hadn’t changed).  There’s no longer a pre-starter page that assures visitors that this is not a pornographic or otherwise inappropriate site.  Some of their smaller sizes seem to have gotten a facelift, with names like GamerSac and MovieSac.  They expanded the type of alternative furniture they offer and changed the logo, but other than that it was (thankfully) still the same company I had been obsessed with so many years ago.  I was relieved to find they were back in business and excited to figure out when I could get one for myself.

As of yet I still don’t know when I’ll be able to settle down enough to get one, but I’m hoping within the next year.  🙂

Self-taught

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There are many skills I have learned throughout my life and plenty of them have been acquired of my own volition.  One of these skills has been (basic) coding.   Back when I was in my “tweens,” I taught myself how to use HTML to create my own websites.  I spent hours upon hours in front of the computer, typing away with various <> tags, making all kinds of nonsense sites that I don’t remember anymore.  Those were the days of GeoCities, Angelfire, and the like and I doubt anything useful or interesting was ever posted.  I was just happy to be given a blank slate and a simple box to type up my HTML.  So off I went, happily coding away.  I remember I used to sit in front of the computer for hours at a time, even pulling some all-nighters, as I browsed the internet learning about hex codes and how scrolling doesn’t show up on all browsers.  I always had a gigantic bag of Chex Mix with me to snack on through the night and my blanket wrapped around me for warmth and comfort as I curled up on the chair.

My first LiveJournal.

My first LiveJournal.

As the years went by, such simplistic websites lost their charm and I eventually left them to the wayside.  A few years down the line, I picked up blogging, which hardly required more than centering, bolding, linking, and inserting pictures.  It was very easy to remember the few commands I needed to do everything I needed.  All the other stuff was taken care of for me.  As that picked up, I became more and more interested in customizing my blog for my own needs.  At first I could still plug and chug – many themes were customizable to a certain extent, allowing me to upload my own banner or change the font.  However, to really delve into the design elements that I wanted to control, I now needed to use CSS to create the look I wanted.  I have never quite learned that more sophisticated programming language, so I took it upon myself to discover its workings.  Instead of grabbing a book or reading a tutorial, I just took the codes that had been created as themes already and began tweaking them to fit my desires.  Initially that worked out just fine – all I wanted was a bit of a change in width here, a different look to my link there.  But of course, things don’t always stay so elementary.  My needs developed more and more and what I knew simply wasn’t enough.

The way that I have been learning and teaching myself requires a lot of trial and error.  It’s much like learning the vocabulary of a language similar to one you know already, but then not really understanding the more complicated grammar.  And to make the right effect, you need those complicated sentence structures!  So I’ve hit a bit of a rut where I should probably take the time and effort to start from the beginning and learn all the ins and outs of this language, but I don’t have the patience for it.  As frustrating as it is, I still much enjoy pounding away at the script I have currently, changing and refining things as I go.  My stubbornness keeps me doggedly pursuing this path, even if it’s not the most efficient.

The first theme I was working with.

The first theme I was working with.

To me, there’s a certain pleasure to be found in finally getting the right change accomplished this way.  When I get into the process, I really get into it and hours fly by as I try adjusting a number here or reconfiguring a command there.  It’s one of the few times I feel like I’m in a “zone” and truly wholeheartedly focused on something.  I’m the type of person who tends to like to dabble in a lot of things and jump around from project to project, getting a little done here, a little done there.  Every now and then, I find one of the few things that just grabs my attention and keeps me there.  Granted, it does depend on when my whims come and go, and how long this phase lasts, but while it’s here it’s strong and pervasive.  I put up my do not disturb face and go at it until my body is begging for a break or I have an obligation to fulfill.

Tonight, I hit one of those strides, where I just kept fiddling with one of the themes.  I’ve tried and considered a handful of themes so far, but I’m quite picky when it comes to how I want it to look: customizable banner, adjustable width, round and curvy font, two columns

What I'm settling on for now.

What I'm settling on for now.

only.  The color scheme has to be right as well and I tend not to like any of the extremely graphical backgrounds I’ve seen.  That narrows it down to pretty much no option, so I’ve had to make do with what I’ve found and figure out how to work with it.  I won’t ever be completely satisfied until I learn how to make a theme from scratch or I get someone who knows what they’re doing to create something with all my specifications.  Somewhere down the line I’ll be looking for a complete makeover of my blog interface.  I’ve got some friends who are good at this, so perhaps one of them will have the time to create something for me one day.  Until then… you may find that this theme will switch back and forth as I find ways to edit in what I do want and edit out what I don’t want from the templates I’m using.

Bookworm at heart

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I’ve been reading Emergenetics: Tap Into the New Science of Success lately and I’ve rediscovered the nerd inside.  Ever since I was a kid, I loved to read.  From when I first learned how to read until I was nearly 13, nothing else took up more of my time.  I’d wake up and read on the walk to the bus stop, read on the bus ride to school, read while walking to and from classes, read while eating my meals, and even attempted reading in the shower a few times (they always ended up as baths).  Every week my mom would drive me to the library

Ah, that's what it was!  Book it!

Ah, that's what it was! Book it!

and I’d tote home about 30 books to read for that week.  In fifth grade, my teacher had us keep a log and the first time I turned it in, she stared at it in disbelief before calling my parents to have them verify that yes, I did nothing else with my life but read.  I remember I did very well for reading clubs back then – what was that Pizza Hut reward program again?  And of course, my favorite event of the year was when the Scholastic Book Fair would come rolling around.  It was the most exciting and anticipated thing for me – to be able to browse shelves of books, peruse tons of offers for monthly subscriptions (did anyone else order the Goosebumps series?), and check out all the random other items that came along (like those science kits, bookmarks, and journals!).  Ah, it was a dream come true for me.

Good old R.L. Stine and his crazy creations!

Good old R.L. Stine and his crazy creations!

It was at a book fair in 4th grade that I came across a light purple diary with an adorable grey kitten on it.  I begged my dad to get it for me (seeing as I had no money back then and my allowance was just whatever I needed).  He agreed, on the condition that I promise to write in it every day.  And thus began my long journey with keeping a journal.  As promised, I wrote in my journal every day, whether or not it was anything interesting.  I tried a variety of styles over the years, from using Chinese to titling each day in French to bullet-point lists.  Time and time again, my parents would find me holed away in my room, scribbling away at my journal and each time they’d ask me, “Oh you’re actually still doing that?”  Well, I made a promise!  As time wore on, I got busier and didn’t always have time to write every day, so I started to write notes for my journal and then catch up in it periodically.  This ranged from a few days to a few weeks.  Then, a couple of months ago (wow, nearly a year now), I got SO distracted with being an Orientation Counselor at UCLA that I haven’t been able to catch up since.  I am now months behind on writing and even a few weeks behind on my notes, but I have every intention of writing an entry for each of those days.  Thankfully, I am great at stalking myself (I like to think of it as being resourceful), so I can piece together most of the pieces through the IM conversations I had, the e-mails I sent, the text messages I used, and of course, the blog entries I wrote.

My love for all things “booky” didn’t stop there.  I love all sorts of office supplies, if you will, ranging from pens and notebooks to staples and superglue.  Of course, I love books and bookmarks, but really I can spend my life in a Staples and never get bored.  Highlighters,

I loved collecting these.

I loved collecting these.

erasers, rulers, protractors, you name it, I love it.  I’m an absolute junkie when it comes to that stuff.  I don’t know if it’s related to my insane bookworm tendencies from my childhood, but it seems correlated at the least.  So, throughout the years (and volumes upon volumes of journals now), I experimented with an assortment of pens, pencils, markers, and even Sharpies in filling up my journal pages.  I’ve settled for a certain format as of late, which I think started a few years ago.  I guess I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m comfortable with how I do it.  I still make small changes and tweak a little here and there, but overall it’s just about the same and exactly how I like it.

I’ve gotten to get back in touch with that old side of me that always had her nose buried in a book and it feels good.  I love to read, whether it’s books, magazines, blogs, e-mails, or online articles.  I have always done a lot of reading and writing, whether for pleasure or for school, and I’m sure my love of researching has to do with this obsession.  When I was in first or second grade, my neighbors gave me their set of encyclopedias and stacks of National Geographic Magazines, which totally made my day.  Although the medium has mostly changed from hard copies to soft copies, I’m still doing the same thing.  However, nothing can beat the beauty of a book.  The feel, the smell, the look – it’s all so attractive to me.  Plus, I can bring it around with me anywhere and read while sipping tea in a cafe or after I’ve climbed a tree perched on a mountain.  That’s also what I love about my journals.  I really enjoy going out alone, finding somewhere peaceful (which may or may not be a public spot), plopping myself down in a nice spot, and reading or writing the day away.  Oh the luxury of free time!

I’m glad I’m getting back into pleasure reading.  I barely did so in my years of high school and college, which totaled nearly a decade!  That is far too long to be away from my precious books.  My preference for content has changed from whimsical fiction stories to more popular science and things I can use in my life, so not only am I getting in touch with my past and particpating in a great hobby, I’m also learning and growing so much!  Not to say you don’t learn and grow from fiction, but sometimes the lessons and uses are less apparent and not immediately applicable the way that they are in the non-fiction genre.  So, onward with my current book!  Synopsis to come.

My own domain: a gift to myself

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I have, for a long time, wanted to claim my own domain name and have my blog hosted on there.  However, seeing as there aren’t really many people out there who would ever want to take my name from me, it didn’t feel justified to do so.  I became more and more interested lately, as I found that my dedication to my blog has not wavered and I got more involved in the online community.  Then I came across green hosting websites and that sealed the deal for me.  Cheap webhosting from energy efficient servers?  I’m in!  I chose Super Green Hosting for its great deal (it certainly helped that they were listed first on the list that I was reading and their website looks the nicest to me) and decided I’d wait until this month to sign up.

Why now?  I don’t really know.  And why do I need a website of my own?  Maybe I don’t.  In trying to justify this to anyone who doesn’t understand, I probably won’t come up with any answers.  All I know is that this is one of my deep heart desires.  One of those things that nags at you again and again, reminding you that you should do it.  There may not be a logical reason as to why I should get a website.  It’s not like I’m someone famous and well-followed or I’m trying to make money from the internet.  No, what I will say (and really the only thing I can say) is that it feels right, it makes me happy, and I’ll be darned if I don’t do that for myself at a mere $3.95 a month.  It’s a bit of peace of mind too, in knowing that this domain will belong to me and always be mine, whatever I may choose to do with it.  And hopefully one day I will be someone that people want to find and follow, so they will look for my domain.

Well, May 1st came along, the day I promised myself I would do this, and I spent the day out.  When I got back, I set out to order the service and begin building my new website.  Due to some snags, I wasn’t able to complete the order (and being out of the country only complicates things), so I had to wait.  After calling, “live chatting,” and e-mailing, I finally got too frustrated and needed a break from the process.  I spent all of today away from my e-mail and when I decided to check it, I found an e-mail confirming my order!  Apparently they’d been working as I put it aside, so everything was ready for me now.  I happily began the lengthy process to get used to their system, learn more about what having my own space means, and figuring out how to put a nice pretty blog there for people to find.

My CSS skills are sorely lacking, so much of my editing is done on a trial and error basis.  I was able to make all the edits I wanted except for one crucial one: allowing the header image to be bigger.  So, though I was able to lengthen the height and width of the area where the header is, the image just would not stretch to fit, no matter what I did.  Some of the tiling was quite visible on two of the sides, so I had to forfeit that idea and stick with a narrow look until I can find out how to fix that problem.  It certainly isn’t the image I’m using, since I cropped it to fit the dimensions I wanted.  There are also a couple of other issues that I am having with coding, so it has taken me a much longer time than usual to set this up.  I got spoiled with Weebly’s drag and drop method that required no technical skills of me.  Nonetheless, I am happy to have this now and I’m going to eventually look into having a professional help me out with a layout that I like.

So in the mean time, please excuse any and all errors that you find at maryqin.com.  It is still very much under construction.  Once that’s set up though, I anticipate only blogging through there, so do bookmark it and look for futher updates!  🙂

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