Nearly a month ago I came across a blog entry about speaking with accents (to me, there is no such thing as speaking without an accent – everyone’s got one).  Reading that led me to the blog post cited (written by Louis) and so many thoughts were triggered by these pieces.

Can't all speak like a news reporter! photo credit: lasplash.com

First, let me start by airing my main grievance: there is no such thing as NO accent!!!  Why don’t people get this?  Perhaps it is because Americans are so sheltered, so unworldly, so ignorant that they think they’re the center of the world.  Not having an accent does NOT mean having an American accent, yet you’ll find countless American writers acting as if that’s the case.  I’m sorry but since when did you get to act so haughty?  I’ll admit, I used to use the same terminology until I grew old enough to realize that it’s not that I don’t have an accent – it’s just that I have a thoroughly American accent.  So, to the people around me, sure I don’t have an accent – but what they mean by that is that I don’t have a different accent.

Secondly, and closely related to the first idea is that just because you have a “non-standard” accent (aka American/British/Australian accents found in mainstream media), you’re not as civilized or smart.  That is complete BS and everyone should know that.  Yet, I find the likes of commentators on Louis’s blog post acting as if this is the case!  In Singapore and Malaysia (and I’m sure many other countries as well), people will readjust and speak with more “proper” accents when they’re dealing with foreigners (namely white people).  Why?  Well, according to a commenter:

“Accent or no accent, i think its all about trying to prove and to impress. Humiliating as it is, we already have a bad impression on the foreigners and i guess speaking with a fake accent is somehow a try to change that impression…”

Excuse me?!  Are you SERIOUS?!!!  How much more could you put yourself down?  You’re the ones who have mastered multiple languages and can understand not only your local accents but American and British and whatever else ones out there.  Why can’t you think like that?  Why do you have to treat your own accent as if it’s not as good?  It’s just different!  This is after I had posted a comment saying that they’re able to do this because they’ve had exposure to foreign accents, so it’s a nice gesture for them to throw us a bone, so to say, and speak in a manner that is easier for us to understand.

You do, I do. photo credit: eruptingmind.com

Honestly, switching accents should not be seen as some sort of a demoralizing act that makes the person changing accents feel like theirs is less worthy.  It’s completely natural for people to change their behavior to match the people they’re trying to communicate with.  There’s even a term for it: mirroring!  It happens on such a subconscious level sometimes that people may never notice.  Think about it – if someone is speaking to you and you two are building repertoire, you both want to be liked by each other.  How do you do that best?  Making each other comfortable through your body language, interactions, and conversation.  Well, the most basic of that boils down to speech patterns, movements, breathing, accent, attitude, diction, the list goes on…  Give it a try next time you’re talking to someone – lean forward, lean backward, slouch, stand up, cross your arms, start talking faster and watch what happens.  More than likely the person you’re conversing with will follow suit unknowingly.

So really, the change in accent should be more about clear and comfortable communication with the other party rather than consciously doing it to try to impress them.  It’s unfortunate that so many people seem to take it the wrong way and there’s a huge mentality change needed to accept this as a purely normal interaction between two people.  This type of interaction is no different from the expat who starts to use local slang, the immigrant who picks up certain parts of the accent he’s surrounded with, or (for a more extreme example) even the multilingual who uses a language that will allow her to be understood.  In the end it’s really just a simple case of making communication easier and more clear.  That whole “my accent is not good enough because it’s not what you hear on TV” idea?  It’s all in your head, or at least it doesn’t need to be true.  I wish people didn’t think it was true.

Growing up an only child, constantly on the move, and often home alone, I’d say I can be a hermit of sorts.  At home I’m used to holing up in my room, for the first half of my life reading books and for the second half spending time on the internet.  I’ll spend the entire day there, taking breaks only to go to the bathroom or go grab some more food from the pantry.  It’s a lifestyle that I think a lot of people don’t understand, either because there are too many people in their households or their parents didn’t offer them as much space and independence.  But for me, what is normal is to do my own thing.

Just me and my computer.

My mom will call me for dinner when it’s ready and I’ll make my way downstairs when I’m ready, usually after my parents have finished eating their meal.  We’re not ones for small talk, so they’ll continue on with their lives, my dad sometimes flipping on the news and my mom burying herself back in her study material (she’s always teaching herself something new or playing with AutoCAD).  We have a very nontraditional family unit and I think outsiders would often see our relationship as cold and distanced.  I don’t know how to convince them otherwise (nor do I want or need to), but that’s just the way it is.

I get all the support I need both emotionally and financially.  When I need help or advice on something, I can go ask and though we’ll often disagree, there’s much to be learned from that.  As for money, I hardly spent any as a child, never really asking for toys or new clothes.  All I wanted was to be driven to the library on a weekly basis so I could drag a new stack of books home.  At one point, I wanted video games, but they refused and I didn’t pursue it very frequently so eventually the desire faded.  In my senior year of high school, I started to drive and since then my habits have changed quite drastically, where I am much more in charge of where I go, what I do, and what I buy.  I still try not to spend much, but I do splurge here and there and my parents are always there to help me pad my bank account if I need it.

Panda and I have talked about the type of family we would want and I think it will be much more cohesive.  I image going to the park on a weekend or wandering around some new part of LA.  It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my family; it’s just that when everyone is busy with their own things, hanging out for no good reason seems a waste of time.  So yeah, I’d like to have a lot of time to do things together, but I hope that when it comes time for the kids to leave home and go to college, they won’t feel tied down.  I don’t want them to feel like they need to come back on weekends all the time.  I chose to go to a college near home not because of the proximity but because of the university itself.  I want that to be the case for my children too.  There comes a time when you need to leave the nest and start making a life for yourself and college is definitely a major transitional period where that starts to happen.

A bit of a loner.

Lately I’ve found that my immense independence and solitude is not “normal” and I think it can be seen as being aloof.  To me, it’s leaving people alone and being left alone to do what we need to do.  Unless there’s actually something to talk about, trying to find things to discuss feels like a waste of time to me.  So I thought I was doing everyone a favor by staying out of the way.  Well, when I was told that that’s not what they wanted, I started to greet in a less timid manner, began coming up with follow-up comments or questions, and would occasionally make my way to the living room and watch some TV together (even though I have no interest in TV).  All the while, I wracked my brain for things to talk about.

At the same time, I was terrified.  I don’t know how to approach people who I perceive to be in a position of authority (teachers, bosses, parents) and even when they are extremely open and inviting, I proceed with caution.  I think much of this fear held me back and created a lot of self-doubt in what I was doing and what I could do.  I knew I needed to somehow be more talkative and interactive, but I couldn’t think of interesting topics.  Perhaps it was because I felt that everything had to be so meaningful and profound.  It seems that small talk isn’t like that though – so much of it is really just mundane stuff, isn’t it?  And everything is quite repetitive – what you ate, what you did, how the weather is – and really doesn’t change all that much.

I also stopped myself from trying to talk much when the TV was on or trying to enter a room if the door was closed.  Those are signals of “leave me be” in my world, so I respected that.  Yet, other than that time, there were not really other windows of opportunity.  It’s either nobody’s there, they’re in the room, or they’re watching TV.  Well, it seems that there has been discontent because of the lack of interaction, so I decided to give it a shot.  I sat there and tried to make conversation for 45 minutes, with many pauses and much of the time spent looking at the tennis match on TV.  A couple times, it was suggested that I go rest or that I must have other things to do, so I should go in the room and go on with it.  I didn’t know if those were just polite refusals as a gesture that it’s ok if I don’t stay or if they were a subtle dismissal and an attempt to get me to retreat to the room.

Sigh, everything is so complicated when it comes to relationships.  I’ve got no experience in this realm and it is kicking me in the butt.  Even when I ask what is going on and what thoughts and feelings there are, I get no answer.  It’s such an Asian thing to do and perhaps I am too Western in my behavior.  To me, it’s about sharing feelings and talking it through.  But I guess it’s not so easy.  There’s so much that is taboo in the Chinese culture.  I wonder if this is the case,where even asking will not help yield an answer.  It sure seems so because so far it hasn’t.  I know I have a lot to fix but I don’t know what exactly and, more importantly, I don’t know how.  I feel utterly powerless and useless.  Boy do I have a headache.

Every day when I go to the MRT (mass rapid transit – basically the train/subway system here) station, it’s a constant battle between whether I should step forward to try to get on board earlier or whether I should sit back and wait for the train to arrive and the traffic flow to begin.  It seems that no matter what I do, there are always people who butt in in front of me and don’t allow passengers to get off before they barge ahead.  So really it’s a lose-lose battle that I just try to lose less in.  I’m still trying to figure out if this is because of the Singaporean culture, a crowded city culture, the overall Asian culture, or even a public transportation culture.

Even after the Singapore Kindness Movement (SKM) kicked in and signs are showing up everywhere encouraging people to let people alight (get off) before boarding, I haven’t seen a change in behavior.  There’s no respect for lining up and even less for waiting your turn, so it’s an evil cycle of people being more and more rude just to get in or out of the train.  Now, to some extent I can see this just being a sort of “survival of the fittest” – those who can make their way forward first will get better chances at seats and also not worry about the doors closing on you.  However, the same exact thing happens when there are no crowds around and such behavior does nothing more than annoy people trying to get off.

So, why is this?  I don’t think it’s because Singaporeans are unkind – after all, I’ve seen a fair share of people get up to allow others to sit.  Yet, when it comes to the simplest bit of patience in waiting for people to get off before you get on and allowing those who arrived to wait before you to get on before you start pushing forward, there seems to be a huge lack of disregard.  The lines on the floor indicating where people should stand to wait and allow others to get off are completely ignored and fools like me may have thought we were first in line only to find that half a dozen people managed to squeeze ahead by directly facing off those who are stepping off.

It’s really amazing and I wonder if all cities work like this.  I can’t really remember a time in Europe or other large cities that I’ve been to where I noticed this, but I also can’t say that I was really paying attention.  Whether or not it’s widespread, it’s pervasive here and it’s one of those unfortunate things that you can’t really regulate.  Also, unless everyone changes their approach, those who honor it only end up getting screwed.  Sad, isn’t it?  So where’s the incentive to follow directives like that when there’s no way to keep others from abusing the situation?  I guess in the end it comes down to a cultural mentality change, but the problem is – which culture?  As I mentioned before, i don’t know if it’s limited to Singaporeans, city dwellers, Asians, or public transportation users in general.  So how do you go about making a change?  SKM is making an effort, but unfortunately, I think this is something that will take a lot of time (and perhaps some regulation) to change.

Last week I saw a tweet from David Choi talking about the nasty racist comments he got on his YouTube account, due to the fact that he’s Asian.  It made me wonder why people go out of their way to be cruel like that (not that I’ve seen what was written, but I don’t need to).  Especially in a case like this, you really have to go out of your way to send hate messages.  Why bother going to someone else’s page, where they’re just sharing their work, their lives?  I really don’t understand it.  I mean, it’s one thing if you’re thinking them in your mind and you just can’t think of someone nicely, but it’s a whole other thing to go attack them.  I’ll admit, I’ve had my share of negative and unpleasant thoughts, but I keep it to myself.  If I really have to get it out, I’ll tell a friend to blow off some steam, write it down to get it out of my mind, or exert myself physically to wear myself out.

Just this weekend this girl serving me boba was extremely rude and disrespectful, but I held my tongue and just imagined giving her a piece of my mind.  Actually doing so would have served no purpose but to waste my time and energy and either make her even meaner or feel terrible.  So instead, I told Panda about it and “screamed” (only online AAAAHHHs and UGHs) to get it all out.  I’d all but forgotten it today, except when a comment reminded me of it (talking about how some people are just not polite or gracious at all).  I told Lorrie about it quite calmly and I’ve found I’m at peace with it now.  But for this case, there was an actual reason for my anger and frustration!

As for David’s haters, I don’t know what’s going.  What has he done to possibly annoy anyone?  Maybe I just can’t see because I’m a fan of his work, as I anticipate Miley Cyrus’s fans would not understand why her voice grates on my nerves and anything about her makes me want to gag.  Even though I feel very strongly against her, I don’t go to her website to tell her these harsh words.  Everyone’s entitled to an opinion, no matter how ridiculous it might be, but that doesn’t entitle them to take any negative ones they have about someone and shove it down that person’s throat.  It’s crude and poor judgment.  If you don’t like it, don’t pay attention!  There’s so much more in the world for you to be appreciating, rather than seeking out what you don’t and making it inescably obvious.

This, of course, only applies when no harm is being done.  If people are being hurt by a person’s actions, then this type of avoidance and complacency tactic is countereffective.  As for those who are victimized by such thoughtless acts, I hope you can rise above it and not shoot unsavory comments back.  Either ignore it because it’s not worth your time or reply in a firm, but respectful manner.  This world could use more kindness and dignity.

Had a long day at work, so I’m pulling from a back-up stash of entries for when I just don’t have the time.

I mentioned before that I have a very complex self identity.  Part of that was all the moving around while growing up, but another part was that initial move.  Since I was only three and a half when I immigrated from China, I could be first or second generation American, depending on how you want to look at it.  That is probably why I always called myself the 1.5 generation (not knowing that it is actually a recognized term!).

I could be first generation if you feel that anyone who personally immigrated is the first generation, or the children of those immigrants are the first generation.  I could be second generation if you feel that the children of the immigrants are the second generation.  However, children of immigrants are typically assumed to be born in the US rather than brought over at a young age.  So, I don’t fit very neatly into any of the more traditional ways of viewing immigrant generations.  It’s all very confusing.

I always grew up thinking that first generation meant that you were the first to enter the country.  However, that would put my parents and I on an even field, which didn’t make sense.  Hence, the one and a half generation – because I was born abroad, but grew up here.  There are plenty of others who did the same and they may be equally confused as to what generation they are considered.

So I never knew if I was an immigrant because I had an alien card or if I was American because I became a naturalized citizen?  Well, as it turns out, these things never have easy answers and I just accept being a little of both.  Neither one really, yet both at the same time.  This is how I imagine it would be to be a biracial or multiracial person.  You are at once all of your parts, but none of them individually, and the sum of your parts does not equal an even whole, but more than that, with the interaction of the parts.

Rather than be confused or upset by this, I find it rather amusing and fun.  It certainly makes for a lively conversation if the topic comes up.  Self identity is such a complex issue; it can’t really be simple for anyone.  So, I like to think of its nuances from time to time, but I never really worry myself about it.  We’ve all got to find our way in life and this is only part of the discovery.  Then there’s figuring out what we to define our lives by, in terms of our hobbies, abilities, lifestyle, and occupation.

This issue is only the tip of the iceberg!  There’s a lot we can identify ourselves with, which changes over time too.  So you know what, I’m not about to have an identity crisis.  It’s cool.  Who am I?  Well, you’ll just have to see.

I am not sure how it happened, but 8Asians started to follow me on Twitter!  When I was notified of this, it got me to go back to their site to read some of their entries.  I eventually came across an article about teaching your kid Chinese, as a response to an article that the author had read about the decision to not teach your kid Chinese.  It was interesting to see the perspectives on this issue, being one who went through years of Chinese school.  Though I hated getting up on Sunday mornings to go learn, the extra homework that inevitably came with extra schooling, and the difficulty of learning the characters, it is something that I am tremendously grateful for.

So I, for one, lie on the side preferring bilingualism.  I grew up speaking Mandarin at home and English at school.  Any notion that children will get “confused” learning two languages simultaneously is absolutely absurd.  I’ve never had a problem with that, not even accidentally saying a single word in the wrong language.  Some people seem to have it in their minds that integrating two languages into learning is conflicting, but it certainly is not.  That’s the beauty of a young mind.  It can pick up on so much so effortlessly (or at least so it seems).

As I read through comments to those posts, I started to think: it’s not just about the communication aspect.  Being bilingual (or multilingual) opens the doors to be bicultural.  And to be multicultural is to understand.  That is not something that can be learned very easily either.  Though plenty of people in their adult lives can move elsewhere and adopt their new culture, a lot of the old culture still remains at odds with the new one.  It’s not easy to balance the differing views.  Growing up learning to mesh them, however, could give you a worldly view on things.

Plus, from a practical point of view, if you want to stay in touch with your family abroad and allow everyone in your family to understand each other, it’s an important skill to have.  Otherwise, you will end up having to translate (or be translated for) at family gatherings.  I have always prided myself in my Mandarin fluency – it allows me to get around as I need to when I am visiting the country and it allows me to interact with my relatives without needing my parents to translate.  Just by knowing the language, I feel so much more connected to the culture too, since so much of it has historical and cultural roots.

I think the older generations also respect you more if you know the language(s) of your heritage.  So many of them shake their heads and mutter to themselves when they hear of other children who don’t know the language or can barely get by with it.  For me, however, they are either proud that I can speak to them or holding back from their mutterings because they know I’d understand what they’re saying.  It gives you so much more freedom.

Now I can understand parents who may want to wait for their child to start learning another language (like the lady in the article mentioned above, about not teaching your kid Chinese).  For the first few years, it will be relatively easy for them to pick up on the language, so there’s no need to throw them into lessons when they’re still learning to walk.  This is especially true for people who may not be native speakers themselves, since there isn’t much they could teach the child.  However, I do think that anyone of a heritage growing up in a culture other than the one they were born to should start learning the language sometime in elementary school.

I certainly want any of my future offspring to be bilingual, if not multilingual.

This is a thought that comes up periodically in my life.  It’s not that I’m a nomad, but I have no true hometown to speak of.  I am not really “native” to anywhere.  Though I was born in China, I grew up in the United States.  Does that make me “native American” (as opposed to Native American)?  I don’t feel so.  Then do I feel Chinese?  Not enough, especially when I go back to visit and the very way I look and hold myself gives me away immediately.  Plus, my way of thought is greatly influenced by the American culture.

Being Chinese-American has always posed a slight problem for my identity.  I am equally both?  More one or the other?  I didn’t grow up questioning this, but it’s always tricky to answer that inevitable question: “So, where are you from?”  Where am I from originally?  Where am I from now?  Where is my parents’ home?  It’s complicated, so I usually try to answer with whatever it seems they were looking for.  But really, what am I?

I lived in China for three and a half years (split between Shenyang and Jieshou), Pennsylvania for two years, Kansas for three, back to China for one, Kansas for another one, Missouri for two and a half, New York for three and a half, California for four (split between Valencia for two years and Westwood for the other two), England for one, California for another year and a half, and now Singapore for six months.  So you tell me, which is my hometown?

Even if I were to claim American roots, where do I belong?  The East Coast?  The West Coast?  The Midwest?  I even almost moved to Texas (and would still like to for awhile).

All I know is that England and Singapore are out the running, since they were rather brief stints that didn’t occur until adulthood (not that I feel like an adult).  One was for studying abroad and now the other is for working abroad.  Since they are not permanent relocations, it’s easy to rule them out.  However, that still leaves the eight major areas I have lived in.

I don’t look American because I am Asian.  I don’t look Chinese because I have been out of the country for too long.  I don’t really fit in to either place like a native would.  I’ve stayed in places long enough to get to know the area, but not enough to leave a lasting imprint.  Most of my childhood friends would have been lost to me were it not for Facebook.  Yet, even after finding people I knew early on, things have changed so much that we don’t even know each other anymore.  Sure, they look similar to what I remember them to be, but watching them mature and go on their own paths… well, that is not something you can really predict from elementary school!

I am quite comfortable with all of this though.  I don’t mind being seen as an outsider sometimes.  I still feel at ease where I am and with who I am.  It’s just hard to explain to anyone.  I am a melting pot of East meets West, East Coast meets West Coast.  There are so many different factors that shaped my opinions, from my cultural background and upbringing to assimilating into a new culture and traveling the world to experience more.  So if you really want to know where I’m from and how I think, grab a seat, get some tea, and we’ll chat…

What a day!  I left for Kollab around 4:30 in the afternoon yesterday and just got back 11 hours later.  It was intense.  From the obscene amount of traffic to get there to getting in early enough for awesome seats (and pit access!), it was quite the adventure.  I even ran into three accidents on the drive down from home (somehow always ending up in the lane where the debris was from the collisions).  Not the best start to the day, but it ended on a very high note.

First, let me explain:  Kollaboration is a sort of concert and talent show all rolled into one, with an after party to boot!  This is their ninth year putting it on in various cities around the country with the mission: Empowerment Through Entertainment.  It’s about bringing the Asian community together and promoting the presence of Asian/Pacific Islanders in the media.  Of course, it’s not exclusive to only APIs, but it is about awareness and support for the issues surrounding them.  Anyone who believes that APIs deserve to play a larger part in the entertainment field (and really all fields) is more than welcome to come celebrate what has been acheived.

Kollaboration 9 was at the Shrine Auditorium and the after party was held adjacent to it at the Shrine Expo Center.  The night was comprised of seven competitors, six guest performances, five celebrity judges, two freestyle competitions, tons of free giveaways, and a slew of sponsors.  All in the course of three hours.  There were even NINE letters from government officials printed in the program, talking about their support for the show.  (Yes, even Arnie.)

So who all was there?  Well… Kenichi Ebina, Jazmin, Paul Dateh, Kina Grannis, Lilybeth Evardome, Jane Lui, and David Choi competed; BoA, Jo Koy, Kaba Modern, Fanny Pak, Norman Ng, and Team Millennia performed; Printz Board, James Kyson Lee, James Ryu, Welly Yang, and Teddy Zee judged; random volunteers from the audience freestyled; and of course, my lovely AKP brothers and I attended, along with the rest of the sold-out crowd (including Philip Wang, Wesley Chan, MySpace Tom…).

Aren’t you jealous?

Well, maybe you aren’t.  Maybe you don’t really know who these people are.  In fact, the only ones I had known were the Wong Fu guys and Kaba Modern.  David Choi, Kina Grannis, Jane Lui, Jazmin, BoA were very new discoveries that I had just learned about.  Everyone else was new to me.  See, that’s the unfortunate situation we are facing (and hopefully eliminating).  How many API performers do you know of?  How many of them are mainstream?  Very, very few.

Yet, interestingly enough, a lot of popular YouTubers are of some sort of Asian descent.  What happened there?  It seems that having a platform that empowers the individual to make it on their own enables these Asians who are not making it on the big scene to create a following of their own.  Kollaboration is a means of getting those types of artists to the forefront through exposure beyond social media.  Social media is more grassroots whereas Kollaboration is more mainstream.  It can help slowly bridge the gap between online phenomenon and nation-wide star.

As for the rest of the night, there were a lot of entertaining moments throughout, and the performers were great.  David Choi and BoA are really good live and it was wonderful to watch them perform from the pit.  Though it was about six feet deep, I’m really glad I moved there during the intermission so I could see the facial expressions better.  I also had a clear view of the fancy fingerwork that Kaba incorporates into their routine.  My arms did get rather sore and there were times when I started to shake a bit, but it was all worth it in the end.  We were also treated to a sneak preview of another song on BoA’s first American album, set to come out next month.

When that part of the evening ended, my fraternity brothers and I took a break to get something to eat before heading over to the after party.  I was fortunate enough to come across Philip Wang, Wesley Chan, David Choi, Kina Grannis, and the guy who won the freestyle vocal competition (gosh, what was his name?).  And I took pictures with them.  Of course.    It was sooo exhilarating!  I never run into people that I know from some sort of media outlet.  It’s cool to see them in person.

I was catching up with an alum of the fraternity when I came across these people and he took the pictures for me, bemused at my giddiness.  I don’t know why I was SO excited (mostly for Phil and David), but it felt awesome.  I have so much respect for them and it’s really great to get to meet them in person, even if we just take a picture and I am forgotten.  Phil did ask for my name though when I told him how much I enjoyed his speech at my graduation this summer.  I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot it as soon as he repeated it, but it was a very sweet gesture.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!  I heart Wong Fu (too bad Ted’s in NYC).  They’re so sweet. 

Maybe this is why I like low-key “stars” – they don’t have some sort of upkeep to make them happy and they really appreciate their fans so much more.  I’m not into the big Hollywood stars and I probably would want pictures, but wouldn’t care to really interact with them beyond that.  Part of that is because they probably wouldn’t give me the light of day anyway, but part of that is because they’ve got so many fans they’re probably used to that whole lifestyle already.  I’d much rather appreciate those who are more real, living like I am, working in less than ideal situations, but nevertheless pursuing their passions.  Not that there aren’t A-list stars who do that, but they just don’t interest me.