Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

When I dream, I don’t sleep well

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,

Every now and then I’ll remember a dream. It’s a pretty rare occurrence that I do not try to encourage.

Whereas many people seem to enjoy remembering a dream, or at least find my wacky ones interesting, I always hope that I can wake up with no memory of my mind’s nighttime escapades. It’s not that I don’t like remembering the dreams (though sometimes they are a bit nightmarish) – it’s just that it always seems to happen when I’m not sleeping well. So whether I dreamt because I didn’t sleep well or I didn’t feel like I slept well because I dreamt, it’s just not a good combo.

It started in my first year of college, when I decided to start writing down my dreams. I rarely remembered them, so it was pretty cool when I could. Not surprising, the more I wrote about them, the more I remembered them. It went pretty much as I expected. What I did not expect was the sheer exhaustion and lack of energy I felt from those endeavors. I was completely drained when I woke up and it only got worse. I had never noticed it because of the infrequency, but once I started to consistently wake up remembering my dreams, I quickly noticed that it was not good for my sleep.

So I stopped.

Now I’ve gone back to remembering perhaps a dream or two a year, and I like to keep it that way. For all the fantastical things that are happening in my mind at night, none of that is worth waking up unable to stay awake and function throughout the day. I’ll keep my dreams in lala land, thank you very much.

Do you have this problem too? Or do you recall your dreams with no effect of your awake life?

The man in my dream

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,

[I started writing this the day after I woke up from this dream back on 7/26, but I only recently finished it.]

I had a dream last night.

Of a man who picked me up on my way home from work and led me on this fantastical voyage. He was charming and sweet and blonde and rich. Somehow he managed to be a mash-up of some of the men from my past. He drove a Mercedes, which none of them did though. There was the one who drove some sort of Cadillac, another with a Ford truck, the Bentley guy… even one with a family yacht. But this guy, he drove a Mercedes and he struck up a conversation with me as I was walking along a hallway lined with large glass windows on one side. It seemed we worked together and were friendly. I had the impression that I was heading out for the day, but the sun was high in the sky and the welcome rays streamed in to the hallway as we walked.

Physically, he reminded me of a cross between a teacher I had in high school and a man I met in Whole Foods. Personality-wise, he reminded me of a flirtatious friend or two. Somehow he convinced me to take a ride with him in his car instead of heading home. So off we went, driving down a small country road as the breeze swept my hair and the sun warmed our faces. We were exploring the region, down quaint two-lane roads lined with fields of green. He drove me to some place in the middle of this landscape, where all my long-lost friends were. It was a town of sorts where my friends from high school and previous jobs were, together and mingling. The scene was reminiscent of a part of a canyon that I was at for boot camp for AFJROTC one year. It was a sweet reunion, as I happily caught up with some of those friends.

He then took me to a little cozy brunch spot, where we got to enjoy breakfast foods. (Was this day somehow going backwards? Don’t ask me why we were eating brunch midday supposedly after work.) The meal wrapped up with a surprise treat. A rare, fancy dessert that apparently is part of a classier lifestyle. It was as if we were celebrating something. At this point I noticed some coworkers eating in the same establishment. They were eyeing my luxurious dessert with envy. There I was, being shown the finer things in life and rather confused as to how I got into that situation in the first place. Still, I wasn’t about to complain. I was enjoying myself.

Before I knew it, we were wrapping up our grand adventure at a hotel spa later that day. In front of us lay a giant tub brimming with a steaming herbal bath. This is when I really started to question his motives. The day had started off innocently and with a friendly undertone. Somehow as the events progressed, it got more and more suggestive. Then this. The assumption was that we would bathe together. As I stood there taking in the scene, pondering whether I should go for it, I woke up.

Good Friday

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , ,

Last night was the first time in a long while that I actually fell asleep unintentionally. I woke up at 2 something in the morning to find the lights still on, my laptop running, and the cat dozing away. I thought about getting in a blog post, but that required too much effort to wake up from a fog, so I turned off the lights and settled back to sleep. I’m pretty sure I had a dream in a world that I’d dreamed of before. It was like a hybrid of SF and Georgetown and (much like last time) parts of it were flooded. I even recall a house that I’d admired last time. This time I decided to sneak in with Panda and another friend (I think it might have been Ninja) to check it out.

Such was my exhausted state of mind last night, so I’m very glad that we get today off. I’ve got to say, I’ve never had Good Friday off (nor have I had Earth Day, which I also get this year). It’s quite nice and I hadn’t realized how much I was trying to cram in before my long weekend (I’m taking Monday since Earth Day is Tuesday, so I get 5 days!). I guess it all caught up to me last night as I finally got a chance to decompress from it all. It’s also the perfect time for me to be able to go pick up my volunteer badge for the Smithsonian. Their security office is only open weekdays so I haven’t had time to go all the way out to DC to get my badge.

I’m also looking forward to swinging by a macaroon shop that closed before Panda and I could go buy anything last time. I might just get some Georgetown Cupcakes or Sprinkles too.

365great Day 257: Marines

laelene Posted in 365great,Tags: , , , , , ,

365great challenge day 257: marinesThese are the Marines I first fell in love with. They trained my JROTC unit in New York and taught me so much about drilling, discipline, and determination. They were fun yet serious and crazy fit. They barked out orders in those gravelly voices and shaped us into strong cadets. I only spent a few days with them, but I have never forgotten them. Ever since then, I’ve had immense respect for the Marine Corps and all its members. I even wanted to join at one point, before I decided that my path didn’t quite belong that way. Still, it’s one of those dreams I’ll always carry – to have served as a proud Marine. I still hold out hope that I get to work with Marines somewhere down the line. All the ones who have trained and drilled with me have been amazing; truly great people.

The nightmares

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , ,

I must be sleeping too deeply these days. Or, maybe it’s just that I’m waking up during that deep sleep, filled with dreams. Throw in the stress of worrying about everything that comes with getting a job and buying a home and you’ve got a recipe for nightmares. For the past two nights, I’ve had some pretty vivid and unpleasant dreams. The first I would definitely call a nightmare, but the second might just be a bad dream. I don’t usually remember my dreams, but when I do, my restful sleep declines. This might even have been triggered by that scary knocking on the door a few nights ago.

bottle of dream water nighttime nectar sleepstat shot

Could this be the culprit?

So it started Tuesday night. I had an interview scheduled for the next morning and it is THE job I want, so you can imagine I was a little nervous. I knew my stuff and prepared really well, plus I’d done quite well on the phone interview. That wasn’t the issue; I was anxious because I’m really counting on getting this job. In an effort to ensure I got enough sleep and would fall asleep at a reasonable hour, I took some of that Dream Water I’ve been getting in subscription boxes. The entire bottle seemed like overkill so I went with about 2/3. I fell asleep relatively easily (I’ve been known to toss and turn for hours).
sketch map showing layout of things in nightmare

A visual to help you navigate my nightmare.

Wednesday morning, 5:50 am, I jolted awake. In my dream, I was on a bus, maybe a school bus. I was headed into town or something, but decided to get off at a stop where my house was. Apparently my orange tabby from childhood, Jerriey, was playing in the bushes and I figured he probably got stuck again. I was going to retrieve him and continue on my way. Once I got off and the bus left, I paused to look for Jerriey. A car passed by and the bus neared the next turn. Then, a truck pulled over and a man got out. I started taking a few steps towards the bushes where Jerriey was, but took a quick glance at this stranger stopping here when there was no reason to. He and I looked each other in the eyes and somehow I knew: he was there to abduct and assault me. I started to run towards the house, but everything was painfully slow – apparently I had been to swim or track practice and I was sore beyond belief. I hoped that someone on the bus might notice, but it was rounding the bend. Somehow I thought that if I could run fast enough towards the fence, I could float over it (which made sense at the time because there was a hill sloping down to it so if I could just run fast enough to run straight out at the same height as the hill, I could clear the fence). Meanwhile, the man calmly pulled out his cell phone to call his brother for backup (don’t ask me how I knew – it’s a dream!). His confidence that he would catch me anyway was even more frightening than if he were chasing me.

That’s when I abruptly woke up. The terror of running from a possible kidnapper left me with a pounding heartbeat. When I checked the time, I found that I had another hour and a half before I was set to get up, so I tried to get back to sleep. For awhile, all I could do was think of what I would have done had I gotten over the fence into my backyard. Would I run through the backdoor, lock it, and hide? If I did that, would there be a way I could text 911 so I wouldn’t alert him to my whereabouts by speaking? I figured he’d be able to shatter the glass of the door and walk right in the house. As he looked around, how could I get help without betraying my hiding spot? Or would I not hide but run out the front door to a neighbor’s? Would I pretend this wasn’t even my house and run through the yard to the street in front and find help? I didn’t want this guy to know for sure that I lived here so he could come back to find me. After running through some of these scenarios, I fell asleep and luckily had no more dreams.

Then last night I went to sleep earlier than usual again and when I awoke this morning, I had dreamt that I was being exceptionally rude to my relatives. I believe my grandpa, cousin, and mom were involved? That one is more hazy now, but I just remember I had said something really mean to one of them (grandpa, I think) and the others were defending him. I eventually realized I was wrong, but I kept being horrible anyway because of my pride. At the point where I was getting disgusted with myself, I was awoken. It might not be a nightmare quite like the night before, but it certainly was a bad dream. I hope I never actually let pride turn me into a mean person!

I hope this isn’t some new trend and I’m not sure what about my sleeping situation or mental state might be causing it. I’m hoping that with the stress of the last few weeks melting away, so too will the nightmares. Is it possible it’s related to me sleeping earlier and waking earlier? If that’s the case, I’m in trouble since my job will require me to sleep on that new schedule. I guess I’ll just have to see how tonight goes!

If money was no object

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

At the Gogobot 500 Days of Summer event, I was chatting with a friend (who also happens to be my great great greatx8 grand lil bro – yeah, random) when she asked me what I would do if I didn’t have to make money. This was in the context of what job/career you’d go for if you could do it just for fun. Of course there is plenty of non-work stuff you can do if you had all the money in the world, but that’s a discussion for another time!

My answer? I’d run a cat shelter. A no-kill one, of course (except maybe in the case of a really sick feline).

small cat climbing cage doorYeah, that was not what she was expecting! She was thinking more along the lines of a singer or something… but I stand by my choice! If I didn’t have to worry about money I would focus my energy on creating a safe environment for a ton of cats. I’d try to adopt them out to good families as much as possible, but I would keep them their entire lives if they never got a chance to leave. I’d keep them in a large house with just a few cages for special purposes, but generally they’d be free to roam through the rooms as they pleased. This would help them socialize with each other and get used to moving around a home with people coming in and out too. I’d want to have space for people to stay overnight too, whether it was staffers or prospective pet parents (though that could get complicated). After all, the best way for people to find the cat they want is to see them in as similar a habitat as they’d have once they take them home.

I guess my goals have always been a bit different. When I was a kid, I didn’t dream of being famous or being some high-powered attorney/judge/doctor/CEO. No, one of the jobs I really liked was being a school bus driver. Why? So I could give treats to the kids and brighten their day. That might have worked back in the day, but nowadays I don’t think it would fly. I mean, would you let your kid take candy from the bus driver? Maybe not. I wanted to be an elementary school teacher for similar reasons. I will always remember Mrs. Stewie, who had a magical drawer of candy that she’d open up once a month and let us “buy” candy from. We got money stamped onto homework and tests that we did well on, which we collected to use for “purchasing” treats from her.

If you could have any job in the world, without worrying about income, what would you want to do?

Blog Action Day 2009

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , ,

logo for blog action dayWell, today is Blog Action Day and thousands of blogs are writing about climate change!  When I get a chance, I’ll go check out what they’ve all written, but for myself, it’s all about what I can do as an individual.  Certainly it’s not much on the grand scheme, but individual actions add up and I’m hoping that down the line I can start an eco-consulting firm to address this very issue and get people to change their behavior in positive ways.  With enough people making enough effort, we can make a powerful impact.  That’s my dream for the future.

As for now, I decided to explore the ways I’ve greened my life and what I can do to continue along that path.  I’ve made a lot of small changes to my life over the years to get to this point and I plan on continuing steadily for the rest of my life.  So some ways that I’ve already greened my life are…

Oooh, I wouldn't mind some cute ones like these!  photo credit:
Oooh, I wouldn’t mind some cute ones like these! photo credit:

~ using reusable tote bags and saving all plastic bags I do get for other purposes

~ composting (I’d like to start a worm compost one day)

~ recycling (too bad so many things aren’t recyclable!)

~ unplugging everything when not in use

~ changing out light bulbs (some of the smaller ones are still traditional bulbs… are they going to make smaller energy-efficient bulbs?)

~ eating little red meat (I don’t eat much meat in general, especially beef)

~ printing only when absolutely necessary (which is hardly ever)

~ using a green service provider to power my website

photo credit: Dan44 on flickr
photo credit: Dan44 on flickr

In the next couple of months, I plan on implementing some new ways of improving my own sustainability.  Some options may have to wait until I’ve settled a little more and know where I’ll be living for the next couple of years (namely, planting my own fruits and vegetables to eat).  Each change is a step towards progress and by the time I’m 30, I hope I can proudly claim a sustainable lifestyle.

~ plant fruits/vegetables to eat

~ buy more locally

~ change shower heads

filter water – no more bottles! – and continue using reusable bottles

Just me and my trusty board.
Just me and my trusty board.

~ get a hybrid car (and try to drive less)

~ walk/bike/skate more (it’s good for your health, after all!)

~ phase out commercialized cleaning solutions for more old school ones (like using baking soda and vinegar, or those squash-looking loofahs)

~ buy an energy-efficient and environmentally friendly laptop

I’m sure there’s a lot more I can do, but this is a start!  I’ll keep working on my list over the years as solutions are developed and I discover more ways that I can change my ways to leave a smaller carbon footprint in this world.  I’ve begun to educate and influence those around me as well, and I intend on doing that in a greater scale further into my career!  Someday I’d like to see everyone in my city living this way and a good portion of the country as well.  I don’t know if I’ll live to see the world change like that, but that would certainly be amazing.

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