Posts Tagged ‘goals’

Second fiddle

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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The type of work that I’m good at leans towards internal support – I usually do research for our business development.  It’s the stuff that fades to the background and gets lost among the crowd of client accounts we’re handling.  It’s what tends to be ignored or forgotten, and is hardly ever recognized.  Yet, it’s critical to any organization, as it is for ours, since we need to stay up-to-date with developments in the field and have articles to reference to create new programs.  I’m used to being in the background unseen, like stage crew in their black outfits to blend in with the darkness.  Unfortunately, when you aren’t seen, sometimes your effects are not felt or understood very well and this can create a sense of mystery about what work you do.  If people don’t know what you’re working on, they’ll often draw the conclusion that you’re not really doing anything – after all, where are the results?

It can get pretty overwhelming.  photo credit: awriterinthedesert.wordpress.com

It can get pretty overwhelming. photo credit: awriterinthedesert.wordpress.com

Well, in the field of research, a lot of time is spent searching and filtering through information with little result to show.  So though a lot of time and effort goes into producing just one little thing, all others see is that one thing you did produce.  Nobody knows how many different ways you had to look and all the reading you scoured to get to the end result; after all, it’s only what you find that is relevant that matters.  And to them, this looks like it could be easily accomplished, so your work tends to get discounted in the process.  There’s a lot of room for misunderstandings and certainly a lot will occur.  So, in an effort to curtail this, I’ve decided to take a more proactive approach.  Whereas before I would just report that I’m doing research as I always do, with nothing exciting to update, now I’ve chosen to mention more specifically what I’m doing.

In a way, it’s just to save my own butt – after all, all the stuff we’re doing for clients gets recorded, but the internal stuff doesn’t.  I don’t want people to look back and wonder what in the world was going on for business development efforts.  I want them to see all the areas we were exploring and see the contributions that I made.  This is something I’ve known intuitively for a long time.  After I started here, I kept a running list of things that I had worked on so I could look back and appreciate what I’ve done and what I learned from that.  This way I have solid proof and examples to use when I look back on my experience and I can at least vaguely measure how I grew professionally.  For this line of work, you either need to stand up for yourself or just allow yourself to be used as a stepping stone for the other work.  There won’t be anyone to look out for you and make sure that your efforts are recognized, save for the leader who notices and appreciates (like Starfish, who made a point to thank Skim and I for our work).

First chair recognizing the rest of the orchestra.  photo credit: merinospace.com

First chair recognizing the rest of the orchestra. photo credit: merinospace.com

I think it’s something important for any leader to look out for.  When you don’t neglect those who often are, it means a lot to them.  In any team, you will need people to be front runners and, in musical terms, first chair.  However, it’s equally important that you have a strong “second fiddle” and entire orchestra to truly play wonderful music.  Without those to harmonize, you’re left with a solo act that can have its own benefits, but will never compare to an entire symphony.  Only by taking care of all your people can the engine of the business run smoothly.  It’s a good lesson for my future intentions to start my own firm.  The problem is, I’m going to need to be more of a first chair to be able to start a company.  I could try to find a business partner to be my counterpart, but being second fiddle doesn’t mean I don’t want to be recognized.  It just means that with my skills, I’m better at producing a different type of sound to complement that of first chair.  I guess the question is: Do I have the willpower to take on both roles?

To be elite

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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I often really wish that I had one thing I am extremely good at.  I admire the people who are leaders in their field, whether it’s scientific research, musical ability, sports prowess, or business sense.  If only I had such talent and discipline to join their ranks.  Instead, I’m the type of person who dabbles in a lot of areas and has a good breadth of knowledge and skill.  But my depth?  Lacking.  It’s the curse of the jack of all trades: master of none.  And though I look up to the people who are recognized as the cream of the crop, I’m not sure that I actually want to be like that, though if I was, it’d be nice.

I love swimming, but not that much!

I love swimming, but not that much!

I typically get bored with doing the same thing for prolonged periods, so I don’t know if I could stand to dedicate so much of my life to a singular goal.  Instead, I like broadly knowing more things and being well-rounded.  A little bit of this, a little bit of that.  I guess it comes from my nomadic lifestyle and social butterfly tendencies.  All this makes me great as a search engine, but not so much as a dictionary or encyclopedia.  There are certain pros and cons, of course, as with anything.  After all, people like me can be useful for linking things, finding things, and uniting things.  So it can be useful to get a basic idea from me, then be referred to someone with more expertise.  Still, I don’t want to be a complete generalist and I’d like to have one or two items that I can be a specialist in. The problem is… what?

I guess that’s why it’s hard for me to identify a passion.  I really like a lot of things, but I don’t really LOVE anything more than my other interests.  Therefore, it’s hard for me to decide on a passion to pursue when I have so many that I’m excited about and none that I want to give up everything else to focus on.  If only it was as simple and straightforward as knowing my one great passion and doggedly pursuing it day after day.  At least then I’d have a direction, a purpose.  As of yet, I’m still looking.  So, I truly respect the people out there who know what they want to spend their lives doing.  For me, it’s less obvious and that in itself will be a learning journey.

Fear

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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I just finished powering through a book called Turning It On by Robin Speculand, which is basically a collection of stories for the business world meant to be fables of sorts – they all have a specific point and lesson to be learned.  There were some great points I took from it, though I feel at this point in my development, nothing is new except the way and how well it is presented to me.  I mean, I know all this information, but hearing it again and again is what will help grill it into my life and make good habits out of them.  As the 7X7 Rule of Communication states, tell it 7 different times in 7 different ways!  So, though sometimes it feels repetitive, I push on in the hopes that these constant reminders will guide my behavior down a good path.

Fear makes my heart hurt!

Fear makes my heart hurt!

Now what I came across that did intrigue me was a new way of putting an old idea: FEAR.  In this case, it’s “False Evidence which Appears Real” and the four most common ones that are identified are fear of failure, rejection, being wrong, and emotional discomfort.  Funny, I was just talking about this with Starfish yesterday, because I often hold myself back, too afraid to jump for fear of all but the last one, pretty much.  I spend so much time thinking and analyzing, but my fear is what keeps me from putting everything into action.  It’s also what creates a lot of self-doubt, which otherwise is really not justified.  I don’t horrible feedback and I haven’t had a traumatic experience, yet I worry about so many things and how they are wrong, wrong, wrong.  And I hate to be wrong!

Part of the reason I believe in reminding myself is because for something like this that is so ingrained in my way of thinking and framing things, it’s very challenging to change.  But of course, I must strive for nothing but, since it’s obvious that I’m missing out on a lot, whether actually accomplishing what I dream of or learning valuable lessons from my stumbles, falls, and the resulting bruises.  I’m fine with physically tripping and messing up, but I dread doing so professionally and personally in the work that I do and the ways that I handle things.  Alas, so much of life is learning from your experiences (which inevitably include mistakes).  Just knowing I need to work on this doesn’t make it any easier and doesn’t make it happen any faster, but at least I am aware and trying right?  Right?

So, reading about this new way of putting fear really struck a chord with me since this is the very thing I am struggling the most to overcome internally.  After all, I can get a lot of outside support, but I need to change my mentality to truly stop behaving in a timid, fearful manner.  I’m not very good at it, but I think I’m better or at least more willing to consider facing and overcoming my fears.  It’s so strange that I am so hesitant when I’ve had certain failures that I have put behind me and nothing so terrible has happened because of them.  So why, why is it still such a challenge?!

Fire in the soul

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Perhaps it is time for some soul searching of sorts (in terms of career potential).

Demoing health food forever?

Demoing health food forever?

A few weeks ago, Starfish requested a list of my passions to help me figure out what I want to do and where I can go.  It was surprisingly harder than I thought – after all, who doesn’t know what they love, right?  Yet, it seems that my trouble is what I truly love not always being a viable source of work to pursue.  First let me share what I came up with:

~ emerging forms of media (especially social media at the moment)

~ people’s stories (whether hearing them or sharing them)

~ observing people (their behavior, interactions, and body language)

~ novel things, places, and experiences (travel, broad interactions)

~ health issues (diet and exercise/fitness, organic/all-natural foods)

~ environmentalism (conservation, recycling, and sustainability)

My darling Simon.

My darling Simon. How can you not find him adorable?

~ volunteering with animals (mostly cats)

~ background/support work (researching, planning)

~ the military (particularly the Marine Corps!)

Ok, so where does that put me?

1. I’ve hardly used social media enough to claim expertise as so many do.  However, I am very dedicated to my blog and have made it a point to post on a daily basis.  Still, at best, this would be a supplementary service for some sort of package integrated marketing consultation service.

2. Though I like to hear people’s stories, I’m certainly not interested in journalism nor do I feel like the right vessel to help share those stories.  I’m also not that great a storyteller.  I have had dreams about talking to homeless people to find out how they got into their situation and then helping to groom them to reintegrate to society.

3. Noticing the little nuances in how people go about their days doesn’t exactly translate into a career and is more of an enhancement to how I learn to deal with people.  Maybe I’ll start a little side blog with snippets of the things I observe.

One of my favorite views - out a plane window.

One of my favorite views - out a plane window.

4. Being introduced to new people, new places, and new things would be a cool temporary thing to do or a nice addition to my job, but isn’t exactly a career in itself if I want to settle down.  This is where my dream of competing in The Amazing Race comes into play.

5. I’m not enough of a fitness or health food nut to delve into this so deeply.  At best I could be an advocate for eating less meat to save the environment, eating organic and local to save your community, and exercising regularly and eating well to save yourself.

6. I’ve been doing a lot of research and reading in the green field, since it is what I want to build a company from sometime in my life.  Starfish made a very wise suggestion in mentioning I can start to attend conferences of the sort, get involved in the field.  I’ll certainly be looking into that (hopefully there are free ones).  I’ve been meaning to go to the UCLA Institute of the Environment to see if there’s anything I can get involved in.

My precious Jerriey.

My precious Jerriey. Great for stress relief.

7. I actually started looking at cat sitting services and boarding houses to see the rates they charge at.  I’m not sure how I would handle spending time with all these adorable felines and not getting to keep them.  I think I’m more of a cat owner at heart, though I do like to go play with and take care of them at shelters.

8. Researching and other support work is yet another one of those things that I prefer to use to enhance my work rather than to define my work.

Yeah, I wanted to be one of them.  The first Marines I ever encountered.

Yeah, I wanted to be one of them. The first Marines I ever encountered.

9. Once upon a time I had fantasies about being a Marine.  Then lots of things got in the way and I decided that I was not meant for that path.  However, my love/obsession/fascination for the military will always be strong, so I’d love to find a way to work with them.  At one point I considered trying to do their marketing.  That’s still an option…

What really invigorates me?  Sitting at my computer reading articles about green technology, environmentally-friendly

One of the half dozen military boot camps I want to.  That's me holding the red guide-on!

One of the half dozen military boot camps I went to. They're strangely invigorating for body and mind. That's me holding the red guide-on!

products, and fresh wholesome natural food.  Spending time with and observing animals.  Traveling around the world and getting a peek at the lives of others so different from mine.  Hearing about the interesting backstories of people’s lives.  Spending time alone pondering and introspecting; also, watching people pass me by.  Contemplating (and trying to go out and do) fun ways to be fit and well.  Hearing about anything related to the military.

What I’m really looking for is freedom.  Freedom to sleep in and stay up ridiculously late.  Freedom to get work done in different places on different days.  Freedom to meet new people and learn new things all the time.  Freedom to step away from society.  Freedom to be on my own.  Freedom to think.

At the same time, I want financial security.  Enough to live comfortably, to support a family, and to send the kids off to college without loans looming over them.  Basically, what I had the privilege of growing up with.  There are few gifts like responsible and successful parents who allow you to start your working life loan-free.  I’d like to be able to provide that as well.  In terms of long-term career goals, my main focus is sustainability in all aspects – mentally, emotionally, financially, physically.

So… any ideas?

Cosmopolite

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , ,
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Today I got followed by @nanyate on Twitter and I was intrigued enough to go to her blog because of an offer for free SoyJoy for your office!  Turns out she’s one of five bloggers competing at SoyJoy‘s GI Joy challenge.  I’ll admit, I was tempted by her offer of a free customized WordPress theme!  Nonetheless, I love to help people out, so I went to vote for her and posted on Twitter about it.  The person who helps her generate the most votes will earn her prize.  I don’t know how she can track it, but hey, no harm in trying, right?  So everyone, go vote for her!  Her name is Ivy and she’s the girl shown doing the half squat that the SoyJoy commercials have been using.

Ok, now that the backstory is out of the way, let me get to the point.  I am a huge fan of “about” pages, so of course, what else did I do after being entertained by the SoyJoy challenge she wrote about but go check her story out?  Turns out she has a fabulously-written and immensely cute section dedicated to who she is.  Not only do you get the basics of her life like her educational background, but she also has five “Ivy the _____” sections detailing herself in different roles.  It was from here that I learned of this term third culture kid, which apparently means someone who moved abroad with their parents and took both their culture of origin and their culture of assimilation to create a kind of mesh of cultures, or a third culture.  As such, they tend to consider themselves more of citizens of the world than of any particular country.  As I was reading through the description, I kept thinking to myself, “Gosh, that sounds like my life.”  Yet, I felt like something was off and that I shouldn’t fit the bill, even though I moved with my parents and my culture is very much a confused mix of both cultural influences.

chinese and american passports side by side

Adopting both cultures.


Initially, I thought that maybe it was because these people moved later in life, like after they had started school in their birth country, but from the description, plenty of people could have moved as toddlers and still be considered TCKs.  So why, then did I feel like I shouldn’t belong?  Well, it turns out that I came across one line that made is all clear to me: “TCKs are distinguished from other immigrants by the fact that TCKs do not expect to settle down permanently in the places where they live.”  Ah ha!  I knew there was a tangible difference in being a first/second generation American and being a TCK!  And it’s a critical difference – I plan on spending the rest of my life with my home base in my adopted country whereas they plan on returning to their country of origin, so their immigration is always temporary, transient.  So in the end, I am an immigrant but they are essentially visitors, passing through (even if that takes many years).  We’ll both adopt certain parts of the cultures that we come from and live in, but in different ways and for different purposes.

screenshot of laelene's livejournalWell, in reading about all of that, it led me to the idea of being a cosmopolite – someone who is cosmopolitan.  I’ve never really paid attention to the word, probably because of the magazine that takes its name, which I find to be too focused on looks and being superficial.  I never thought of it as a useful way to convey being “at home in all parts of the world,” so I guess it was meant for the meaning of “conversant with many spheres of interest.”  Mostly I think they were just going with the image of being “sophisticated and cultured” without actually really going for a well-traveled woman.  Whatever the case, this is the first time I’ve actually given a second thought to the term and I find that I connect with the description quite well (except for the sophisticated part, perhaps… I don’t know if I can claim that much).  I feel like I am made up of many components from around the world, can feel comfortable in all parts of the world, and can connect with many spheres of interest.  This is exactly the look and feel I was going for in my most recent LiveJournal blog – a jetsetter who is elegant and sophisticated.  Well-cultured, well-mannered, and well-read.  So thank you Ivy for leading me to give this term a chance, this word that so describes what I’m striving for.

Amazing Race: final thoughts

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Ok, I can’t help it.  I don’t like to post two things in a row that are too similar, but I just finished watching Amazing Race and there are so many thoughts going through my head!  Like I remembered that yesterday I forgot to mention the language barriers that you deal with when you are in a foreign country.  Also, some of the later episodes in China made me look at my own Chinese language skills as compared to Tammy and Victor Jih’s.  And then of course, I’ve been imagining in my head who I could do it with and how we would approach it.  I can’t even sort out all the random thoughts I’ve had while watching this latest season!  I wonder what the other seasons are like and how many more they’re going to have…

Excuse me? What did you say?

Excuse me? What did you say?

To start off with, let me revisit my own experiences in traveling around Europe and the language barriers it presented.  At the very beginning, when I showed up at my new flat in England excited for a year studying abroad, I ran into some trouble.  NEVER did I think I wouldn’t be able to understand the British!  Yet, amazingly, I found myself seated with my flatmates around the kitchen table that night, bewildered at how I could hardly identify what they were speaking as English.  Only Llama had what you would consider a “proper” British accent (aka BBC newsworthy).  Everyone else’s accents ranged from the Yorkshire boys’ to the London girl’s.  Now that’s one thing you don’t really hear about – that they have huge differences in regional accents!  They’re nearly their own dialects.  Thankfully, a few hours of listening to them and I started to understand the patterns and process what they were saying.

But then came the true test during that 5-week spring break (or Easter vacation, as they consider it) when I went traipsing around the rest of Europe.  Though many countries spoke English to some degree, there was a lot of gesturing, pointing on maps, writing out names, and general confusion.  Luckily, I could usually get a map in each place, so at least I didn’t have to try to butcher the pronunciations of the places I was trying to get to.  It was also useful to have my basic knowledge of French, which helped a bit with Spanish, Portuguese, and Italian as well.  However, visuals and physical interaction are usually your best friends in this case.  I always thought it’s funny how people still talk out loud in their own language, even when the other party is not understanding a word of it.  It’s useful though – sometimes the intonation can clue you in or a word will pop out at you.  I find interacting with those who don’t understand you a most interesting challenge.

The complete opposite also happened to me on a train ride from Italy to Hungary, going through countries like Croatia and Slovenia.  I was in a room with three other people and they each spoke three, four, and five languages.  The only common one we had was English, so they tried to stick to that, but at points they’d slip into some Italian or German before remembering me and coming back to English.  Sigh.  I wish I was multilingual like that!  One of my neverending goals it to retain my Chinese, but also to regain my French skills that have been lost over the years in college.  I’d like to see the day when I can claim I’m trilingual at least.  Oh, and I want to learn Cantonese as well, which Panda can start teaching me.  I’m scared of the pronunciations though.  We’ll have to see when I make the time for these ambitions!

Hey, I've been there too!

Hey, I've been there too!

As for the language skills I do have, they’re patchy.  Though my Mandarin accent is near perfect and very standard (aka China newsworthy), my reading skills are quite lacking.  I don’t know if I would have been able to read all the characters in the calligraphy that they did, though the dish names would have been easy for me to pronounce, whether or not I was able to figure out what they translated to.  I think speech-wise, Tammy and Victor’s diction was a bit stiff and sounded foreign.  This happens a lot with people who learn the language by the book – they never really pick up on slang terms or colloquialisms.  Oh, and those translations for what they were saying… who did them?!  Sometimes it was completely off, though it didn’t really affect the main idea of what was going on.  However, their reading skills seemed a little better than mine (though I don’t know if they were told the words first or just read them themselves, since the calligraphers they were talking to seemed to have said what they were writing).  All in all I think I’d do similarly to the Jihs in our motherland.

Forget just seeing the Bird's Nest - how about being in it?

Forget just seeing the Bird's Nest - how about being in it?

Finally, I kept imagining myself with Panda and how we’d deal with it, but I don’t know how plausible that would actually be.  I’m considering applying just to see if we can get through, but I have a media angle on us that I want to wait on.  Plus, he’d need to get out of school first and have the flexibility to be able to go on the show.  I can’t imagine him taking a quarter off to do something like this and you certainly can’t take three/four weeks off in a quarter system and catch up in a class!  Let’s hope the show lasts quite a long time!  Yes, I’m actually seriously considering this.  No harm in trying, right?  And though I was worried about opportunities to enjoy the cities during the race, I figure if you can win it you can always go back!  I know I’m dreaming big here, but it’s something I can fantasize about and look forward to, whether or not we actually do try someday.  However, in thinking of this and how we would face challenges involving our fears or dislikes, I worry about our ability to overcome and try.  It looks a lot easier when someone else does it, but I guess being in the right mentality during the game kind of gets you to do whatever you need to fight to the finish.  Does Panda have that competitive spirit?  I’m not sure this is his sort of adventure.

Grr I am strong too!

Grr I am strong too!

So, then I started to think, who else could I do it with?  And you know what, I began to entertain the thought of trying out with my best friend, Katana.  She’s athletic, well-traveled, and super competitive.  Whereas I would definitely lead a lot with Panda, partly because I am more aggressive and partly because I am in more familiar territory than he, with Katana I’m not sure how things would play out.  Though I’m generally a peacekeeper, that would more of show in the way I’d interact with other teams.  However, in the way that I’d approach the game, Katana and I might have some serious headbutts to contend with when I chose to assert myself.  Otherwise, she’s the more aggressive and assertive out of the two of us, hands down.  We’d have an advantage because of our experiences abroad and our comfort in traveling.  Plus, if I do commit to trying out, I’d be sure to start preparing my body for it, getting back in the pool regularly and returning to my track and field days as well.  Gosh, I’m really starting to dream with this one.  So what say you, Katana?  Season 16?  (They’ve already held interviews and such for the upcoming 15th season.)  We’ve still got a shot at being the first female duo to take it away!

Lost in a sea

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships,Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
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You know when you stick your head in the clouds and get lost there?  Then reality hits hard and you don’t know what to do.  Well, it’s not so dramatic for me, but today was very insightful and may lead to some drastic changes in how I thought things would be.  Ever since I decided to come to Singapore, with so much hope and optimism, I have set my mind on one goal: starting an enterprise with Marylin in LA.  In coming here to immerse myself, I was going to learn what I could and take that back with me to help me build something that would eventually bring her over as well.  Even though I knew it wouldn’t be that easy, we had high expectations and lofty goals.  And there we were, floating, with me taking a wonderful ride on Marylin’s typical train of daydreamy thoughts.  For awhile, we dreamt together, of what we could make of ourselves over there.

Feeling a little lost?

Feeling a little lost?

Then, with months of the real thing, we’ve found that it’s not so easy to work together, live together.  At one point we even joked about how it would be like we’re dating.  And truly, I feel that it would benefit us to treat it as such.  At least if I communicated with her the way that I communicate with Panda, things wouldn’t have gotten to this point.  Alas, when there’s no romantic affection it’s just not the same.  Part of it is that we were still in the honeymoon part of our friendship, where everything was flowery and beautiful.  Now that we’ve spent so much time in close quarters, it’s getting to the point where things have lost their glow and we must face up to the challenges that are bound to occur in any relationship.  But of course, me being the type of person I am, everything just gets bottled up and though I’ve mentioned it here and there, it’s never really been addressed.

And so, I slowly started to notice the rift that was growing between us.  There was not so much hostility as rigid civility.  Not being much of a talker in the morning when we’re going to or arriving at work, I didn’t really mind.  I’m not a morning person at all, so all the exertion in the morning would be bound to wear me out.  It was only more recently that I started to notice we didn’t have much to say to each other at all, ever.  Part of that was due to the sudden divergence in projects that we were working on, but much of it really came down to that divide that had developed.  Additionally, we’d go our separate ways at night, only seeing each other again many hours later, as we were winding down for the day and getting ready to crash for the night.

When I concentrate on something, I really like to give it my all, because it’s not often that I can get into the right groove at the right time.  I get distracted easily, from the music that is played to the comings and goings of other people.  So, when I’m in the middle of something and Marylin gets back, I like to keep that focus.  And by the time I’m ready to ask her how her night was, she’s already on her laptop or out chatting with her parents.  I tend to miss the boat a lot.  There was one precious night recently that she came home very pleased with dinner and we had a warm exchange about that.  But other than that, at night we just don’t talk, because there’s so much going on in the cyber world that it’s hard to keep up.  Then of course, I also spend a lot of my time talking to Panda because whenever I see him, my mood brightens (and who doesn’t want that?).

So there’s definitely been some strain on our interactions, where we chose to avoid each other.  Though there have been many a moment that I tried to convince myself to approach her to say, “Hey, we need to talk,” I always talk myself out of it.  I just keep internalizing everything I think and feel.  Well, today I was having a chat with Starfish and she brought up how people have noticed the change.  That opened up the doors for me to share some of what I’ve been feeling.  She had apparently already heard from Marylin on the issue, so we were brought together to discuss.  From that, I know I’ve got a lot to work on in my… “areas of improvement.”  I have certainly not been the person I am capable of being while here and I’m still trying to figure out why.  So we aired out some of our grievances and got a chance to hear how our respective behaviors have been affecting each other.  Mostly we need to communicate more (and more openly), but, BUT, we also need to figure out if we have a common goal anymore.

It looks like plans may be changing yet again, which is not wholly unexpected, but I got so focused on the goal, that dream that was just out of my grasp, that I didn’t stop to think too much.  Ironic, since I tend to think too much.  But this was something I was doggedly pursuing in my hopes.  Forget all practicalities.  It was something I embedded into my mind and framed everything I did here in the context of.  I evaluated every single task based on how I could do it in LA, how I could make it work in a city like that.  It’s reminiscent of my younger days, when I decided I was going to be a businesswoman and get an MBA.  “But what are you going to study in college?” people would ask.  Oh.  Right… I had inadvertently skipped a step in my lofty ideals, forgetting that detail.  That you can’t get a Master’s without a Bachelor’s.  So then I set out to plan my college career and I guess I thought that this would work the same: have a destination, then figure out the details.

However, setting up a business (or even an extension or a branch of it) is far less straightforward than choosing majors.  It’s even more complicated when it’s overseas, you’re alone, and there’s a huge time difference.  So what now?  I don’t know.  It’s time to look closely at my fantasy and let it fade away to some sort of a reality.  I’m confused, but I know this much – I’m staying here for the rest of the duration to continue learning (and work on getting more involved in everything).  I’m not a risk-taker when it comes to my professional life when I should be, or at least more of one.  After all, what great entrepreneurs didn’t take risks, didn’t stumble, didn’t fall?  Though I know all this in my heart, it’s still hard to convince my logical brain that it’s worth all the struggle.  And really, I just don’t want to have to live off my parents, so they can do what they want with their money and not worry about still supporting me.  Maybe I will need to for awhile, to find my footing and understand what it is that I want from this life.

Sports academy

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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I attended yet another forum today, this time on the topic of whether Singapore is ready to be a sporty nation.  In other words, they don’t have a very strong sports culture at the moment, but it is growing stronger and there are those who are interested in bringing it to the forefront.  They want to develop a following for uni level sports like in the states, where college teams are closely followed, or produce athletes like in Russia, which is a powerhouse for certain sports.  Well, those are just models to look at anyway.  Generally, they just want Singaporeans to embrace an active lifestyle, whether by playing sports themselves or supporting and rooting for those who do (especially if they represent the country in international meets).

First though, people need to realize that excellence in athletics and excellence in academics or other areas of life don’t necessarily have to be a trade-off.  Of course, there will be those who choose to sacrifice all others in the pursuit of elite athleticism, but you don’t need to be that hardcore to still make a living for yourself and be successful in your own right.  It seems that the main concern people have for sports is that it takes away from academics.  This need not be the case.  In fact, in my experience, the better someone is at their sport, the more they tendto excel in school as well.  It’s a matter of the discipline, focus, and dedication they learn from their sport that carries over to other aspects of their lives.  There are a lot of other valuable life skills that can be developed from learning a sport too, whether it’s teamwork, sportsmanship, or self-motivation.  All of these can be directly useful life skills that positively affect the athletes’ lives.

Secondly, I feel that people need a more open mind to what the sports culture is all about.  It’s not always about being the athlete.  Even if you choose to practice the sport yourself, you don’t have to be the best (or even that close) to do well for yourself.  A lot of how well you do and how much money you can earn has to do with how you present yourself.  Personal branding is crucial for creating the right image and smart marketing of yourself to sponsors can earn you a lot.  For those who are world-class, but not quite on the radar for their performance, it then comes down to how you approach things.  At that level, you already have a lot of experience that people are dying to learn from.  You can become a public speaker, start your own club and teach your own classes, write a book, or a number of other things to impart your wisdom.  The top elite athletes are too busy to do that, so you can get into that before they start to slow down and look into those options.

Finally, success is measured differently for everyone and there are so many other paths you can pursue within each sport.  There are a great number of satellite opportunities in the fields of coaching, sports management, sports medicine, physical therapy, sports psychology, etc.  Why limit yourself to the hours upon hours of physical exertion and training?  You can love a sport and be involved in it without being the one setting records and straining your body.  For some, interests and strengths may lie more in promoting those who do perform like none other, protecting their bodies and minds, or in providing them with the tools and resources they need to reach the level they want.  I think that the only universal thing is that people want to be happy and not too financially strapped.  So, in doing something they love, but also finding a way to pay the bills through a steady job, plenty of people can contribute to the sports industry and help it grow.

Talking about the issues that come with this territory, such as changing people’s mindsets so they can see this as a viable career option, reminded my of my own aspiration in this arena.  I even wrote it down when I first created this blog – see goal #2 here.  I came up with this as a concrete idea during one of my random enlightening sessions chatting with Philosopher, one of my closest friends in York.  Together we dreamed up a vocational school for athletes that would not only allow them to train and compete at national and international levels, but would also arm them with the necessary skills to be self-sufficient long after their bodies gave out on them.  The curriculum would involve physiological science, biology, diet and exercise, a history of their sport, sportsmanship, media relations, coaching, negotiation for deals and sponsorships, personal branding, and other such knowledge that would be useful for athletes to know in an academic sense.  Ultimately, graduates would be prepared for years of competitive involvement if they so chose, or they could bypass that and continue on straight to the peripheral jobs.  It’s all about empowering people who are traditionally seen as less intelligent with the ability to take care of themselves.

This plan has been on the backburner for a long time now, since it would take immense resources, connections, and organization to get it all together.  In hearing about a new degree offered at a uni here, I started to think that maybe a way to get started is to start implementing sports management majors, alongside the growing options for degrees in other sports related disciplines.  From there, a set of professors and experts can be drawn to start a new organization that solely focuses on the student athletes.  Even that will take a long, long time though, so for now, I’m just going to sit on it.  Then maybe someday, I can finally make this dream come true.

Family life

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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At times I wish I had more family living near me, or a greater extended family sprawled around the world.  I have always dreamt of having an older brother to rely on (or a gay best friend).  Since I tend to connect a lot better with guys, I have always wanted to have one who was very, very close to me in a platonic way.  Unfortunately, though such figures have come and gone, I can’t really claim one guy who I can run to when I am hurt or scared or just have a great secret to share.  More than that though, I wish that my cousins and I were closer.  When I was young, I would always follow them around so closely that they nicknamed me their shadow.  It was true enough, since I only got to see them once a year for a few weeks and that was my only tie to my background.

I have lived my life very much alone, or in a tiny family unit consisting of me and my parents.  I always love to have people over to my house simply because nobody ever visits!  It’s always just me, my mom, my dad, and for some years, my cats.  There are no random second cousins or great aunts, twice removed who can swingby to say hi.  In fact, there isn’t a single other person in our family in the country, from either side of the family.  So, other than the summers that I got to go back to China in my childhood, I’ve hardly ever seen my relatives.  Lately, I have also spent a lot of my time on my own, first as I went off to college, then as my dad moved back to China, then as I studied abroad in England, then as my mom moved back to China as well, and finally as I moved out to Singapore to work.

Granted, I am not alone alone.  Yet, I have had nobody I can call family in the same country as me for the past two and a half years, but for the few months my mom came to visit, the couple of weeks my dad has spent back, and the lucky few days that some of my aunts and uncles got to come watch me graduate from UCLA.  Family, after all, are the only people who are linked to you from day 1.  And in my life, they are the only ones who have always been there, even if it was largely in the background and rather out of reach.  But year after year, they are there, growing in their own ways, and eventually we will catch up again.  For me, friendship has not worked out quite that way, since each move brought another group of people to leave behind.  I can never claim a best friend from my childhood who watched me grow up.  The only people who truly watched me grow up were my parents.

I have certainly been blessed with a lot of wonderful people in my life, but once again I find that they come and go.  I’m so used to people leaving my life and becoming a great memory that I didn’t even notice I do that, until a close friend pointed it out.  Perhaps I got too conditioned to having to leave people behind with every move we made over the years.  I don’t have the mindset that makes me think of someone, pick up the phone and call them, or drop them an e-mail to catch up.  Instead, I just wonder whatever happened to them and how they are doing.  I am always grateful when I do hear from a long-lost friend and get to see how they are doing in their lives.  I love that we are becoming a more globally connected world now and facebook was the first social media tool that allowed me to get in touch with friends from lives past.  I also love that you don’t need to be maintaining a conversation with each other to keep tabs on and be able to find each other years down the line.

I like to dream about a handful of aunts and uncles and dozens of cousins bustling around during Chinese New Year, as the whole family makes time to be together.  Sadly, I’ve only been in China once during that time of year since I left (which was when I was too young to remember anything anyway) and I don’t recall a thing about it.  My dad has told me that to truly experience Chinese festivities, I need to spend Chinese New Year back in his hometown, the little place that he grew up in.  Now that truly has small town flair in its celebrations, with all the stops pulled!  Maybe if I have time next year, I can make it come true, in the second Year of the Ox that I will experience since the one I was born in.  2010 will be an important year for me because I will have gone through two full Chinese zodiac cycles.  I’m sure that has some sort of significance.

Someday, I’d like to be able to gather with all my relatives (or at least one representative from each family unit).  But over the years, even our not-so-big family has had trouble reuniting as my cousins married off and started to create their own little families.  Between work, children, spouses, and friends, it’s hard to find time to get together like we used to when everyone lived in the same town and the only ones missing were me and my parents.  Now I’m embarking on my own life as well, sacrificing time with loved ones in hopesof building a strong foundation for a successful future.  Work is hardly as flexible as tertiary education was, with more hours and less ease of changing schedules.  Plus, there’s a lot less time off per annum.  On the other hand, I am very fortunate to be working for a company that would, like no other, work with me to try to make it happen, if I so chose.  One of the things I will miss most about education is the lovely summer months filled with enrichment learning, extracurricular fun, and personal fulfillment.

Despite all this daydreaming about a huge family, I still don’t want more than two or three kids, if only because I don’t know if I can handle any more.  Growing up so independent and with all the attention focused on me makes it difficult for me to conceive how it would be with a handful of children running amok.  The grass is always greener on the other side, isn’t it?  And that is why I wish I had a companion to grow up with, whether sibling, cousin living nearby, or best friend from childhood.  But, because I know there is this tendency to think that the other way is so much better, I do recognize the benefits of only childhood.  Thus, I don’t want to overcompensate by having so many kids I don’t know what to do with myself.  Instead, to create that feel, I’d like to live in a neighborhood where everyone knows each other and the kids can play together.  This would also be a great way to expose them to how others live their lives, especially if it’s a multicultural communit

Blogworthy?

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , ,
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I have spent a lot of time these past two days reading people’s blogs, mostly about the guy biking all over the Americas and Africa and the aforementioned Brazen Careerist founder’s.  I also read through one about three guys longboarding their way through South America.  All this makes me want to have a strong theme to my writing as well, but I can’t help but write about all aspects of my life.  I don’t really have a focus for a target audience, though I feel like I should have one.  I’m also trying to come up with a good title for the blog that would encompass the right ideas and give the right impression I’m looking for.

As of yet, I’m having trouble with this – perhaps I am going to need to do what Katana is doing and have two blogs to achieve this goal: one for personal writing and anecdotes, the other for a more professional and focused front.  So, I think I am going to continue to write about all sorts of thoughts that cross my mind here until I am ready for a pro blog, which will ideally go on my own website (which I still need to have).  Thankfully, maryqin.com is not taken and a quick search of my name yields all but one result for me on the first page.  I am hoping that the other Mary Qins out there don’t steal that domain name before I get to it.  I doesn’t look likely, but who knows.

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