I’ve been really preoccupied with work lately.  When I’m there, I don’t think about personal things, and when I’m home, I’m tired and just want to relax, which has meant the e-mails in my Yahoo account are piling up.  I’ve managed to go through them this weekend, but there are quite a few newsletters that will probably go unread for months.  I don’t follow my social networks the way I used to and I’m just barely pumping out posts here.  For some reason, I’ve been really tired during the time I’m at home.  Plus, the Olympics have been a nice distraction, which makes it easy for me to never think about turning on my computer.  Let’s not even go into the problems I’ve been having with my charger.  I’m about ready for a new computer.

It’s been a month now, so I hope that I can get into a better rhythm that fits work, sleep, meals, entertainment, exercise, relaxation, and quality time all in one nice bundle.  I don’t have much energy for cooking dinner, which hasn’t been good, so I really need to start getting more sleep.  The good thing is, one of the guys at the office told me about an app that lets you track your sleeping cycles!  I looked into it and found the Sleep Cycle Alarm Clock, which will monitor your sleeping pattern and wake you up during a lighter sleep stage so it’s easier to get up and you feel more rested.  It’s a really awesome app that you should go check out if you have trouble getting up in the morning!  I’ve only used it one night, so it’s still calibrating to my sleeping pattern, but it could be quite useful in the future.  For a buck, more energy and less time wasted pressing snooze is totally worth it.

For no good reason, my hip started hurting today sometime after lunch. I can’t think of a single thing that could have triggered it, since I was sitting the whole time. Yet, it has made me hobble around and weakened my core enough to make lifting my leg or bending at the hip a difficult chore.  I even had to take a painkiller for it, which I rarely do.  I’ve probably had no more than two dozen of those pills in my lifetime.  I’m also sick from not staying warm enough last night, so I figured it could serve a double purpose.

In the mean time, I’m not moving much (or doing so slowly), watching the Olympics, and sipping hot water as I rest.  Oh, and I had slept the wrong way two nights ago, giving me a sore neck that I couldn’t quite turn to the right.  Days before that, my knees felt bruised.  What’s going on with my body?  So many pains, big and small.  Perhaps it’s time to visit a doctor again, make sure everything is functioning reasonably and no underlying issue is giving me aches.

I was watching this video of Aimee Mullins about adversity, and the thing that struck me, strangely enough, was not her main message, but the moment when she spoke of “childlike curiosity.”  I do agree with her message and the powerful way that language sets a precursor, as well as the strength of the human spirit.  So I suppose that’s why everything else she said didn’t hit me the way that the reference to curiosity being childlike did.

Why did that part stand out?  Well, because I wondered why attributes like wonder and curiosity and innocence are so often described as “childlike.”  It’s as if we no longer recognize that adults can be like that and when they are, it’s a rare thing.  What’s wrong with “adult-like” curiosity?  What has happened in our society that makes everything children do so great and everything that adults “grow into” so bad?  Actually, I think that’s exactly what happens because of society.  Because we have this sort of structure, at a certain age, things like responsibility and maturity take hold.  Expectations develop into more serious ones and we lose much of our freedom to do what we want, enjoy as we like, and not worry too much.

The good thing is that it seems our culture is more and more tolerant of “childlike” activities in adults.  After all, records of generations past make them seem rather rigid, but that could just be because what is recorded is not the playful silly moments shared, but the serious and “important” moments had.  Nevertheless, I still do feel that generally we are heading towards habits that allow more carefree expressions from older people.  I just hope that soon we can progress to such a point that people who sing in public because they are happy aren’t given strange looks as if they’ve lost their minds.  Or that fully-grown men and women can get child’s meals without feeling shameful.

Speaking of, why is it that small portions are only allowed to those under a certain age?  It’s like the problem with McDonald’s Super Size meals – when you offer larger portions, people will get them*.  And when they get them, they try their very best to finish the portions in front of them.  So why not just offer smaller sizes and alleviate this pressure that people have looking at their uneaten food?  I think we still stuff ourselves full much of the time because of our hunting and gathering days, when food wasn’t so easy to come by.  Nowadays, it’s far too easy to overeat, and judging adults who want to get a “child’s” meal is part of the problem.

Personally, I believe in expressing your joy.  People sometimes find me too enthusiastic or hyper when I am happy and excited.  Generally, they enjoy it, though they are wary and wonder if I’m just a bit cuckoo.  But why is that?  Why can’t I burst into song because it was playing in my head?  Why can’t I be giddy over the smallest victories?  Why can’t I jump around and share my positive emotions?  Well, I can.  Just not without being judged.  And that’s ok, I’m used to being judged.  When I’m happy, I’m happy and I’ll show it if I want to.  I think more people should.

I hope that people will learn to stop putting up the walls around themselves and open themselves up the way they did before society taught them otherwise.  I think that’s what people mean when they refer to those childlike qualities.  It’s freeing yourself from the bounds that society puts you in, even if just a little.  Let’s not become drones and make all the motions going through life without experiencing and enjoying the way we did before the clamps started to pin us down.

*The issue of portion size and the poor eating habits is up for discussion in a future post – ironically, I just watched another TED video, this time about America’s (and now the world’s) eating problem.

I’m sure that many people have promised themselves that this is the year they will get fit.  And just a week and a half into the year, most are probably doing alright with that goal.  However, as weeks drag on to months, it gets harder to stick with it.  It’s like the opposite of going cold turkey, whatever that may be.  Suddenly trying to pick up a behavior is just as hard as trying to quit an addictive one.  The process tends to work better when it’s done gradually or less drastically.

That’s one of the reason why pedometers are doing so well!  People walk all the time, so doing a little more throughout your day doesn’t kill you and make you want to quit your new fitness regimen.  Plus, having the number staring up at you makes things a lot easier to track.  When you have small, measurable goals that you can easily track, it makes staying on target so much easier than the “I did 5 sets of 10 reps but I don’t see a difference” approach.  Personally, I love the weight room, but I can see how it’s not the best way for people to get in shape.  After all, strength training is more focused on building muscles than building a figure.

So in the following weeks, if you find yourself having trouble reaching your goals for the year, make a list of small actionable items to do, one at a time.  This goes for anything from health resolutions to general goals, like that book you’ve been meaning to read, that book you’ve been meaning to write, or the friend you’ve been meaning to catch up with.  Start with the basics – read a page, write a paragraph, send a text.  And of course, don’t forget to just keep walking!  You can build momentum step by step and soon enough you’ll climb your way up those mountains.

Now if only I could find my Pikachu pedometer… (story for another day, when I actually find it or determine it lost forever).

[update jan.12.2010]  Oh my gosh!  Panda showed me the link above and I was shocked to find this is something that was actually known (maybe even popular?) in the States!  Mine came from China, so I figured it was this obscure thing…

Sometimes when you just need a bit of peace, the most eclectic set of activities can be the ones that are soothing and therapeutic.  They all involve a certain amount of solitude, but have little else in common.  Some require heavy thinking whereas others let your mind wander; some are more physically demanding while others are more mentally-challenging.

Take gardening, for example.  It’s one of those activities that doesn’t require much thinking, but can be more physical as you forge a bond with nature.  You can escape from the harsh noises in our lives and get a little closer to the life around you.  It’s refreshing because it’s a change from the typical daily grind and it gives our eyes a rest from the artificial lights that tend to surround us.  Growing up in the Midwest, I particularly love wandering around gardens or getting a little dirty because of the connection I get with Mother Nature.  It’s fascinating to observe some of the plants that surround us, since most of us barely glance at them as we rush by.  Taking the time to breath in the fresh air being produced by the plants, discovering some of the insects that cohabit with them, and really getting to understand where we came from is a great way to de-stress.

Making things can be so satisfying.

Arts and crafts are also a great way to let yourself go mentally (for the most part).  Once you learn the basic pattern or technique to your chosen activity, you quickly learn to automate most of the process.  You are then free to express yourself creatively through the designs that you make on the surface of your choice, whether it’s a piece of cloth or a block of wood.  When your hands are busy, your mind is free to wander with fewer inhibitions and conversations can flow more readily.  Even when you’re not speaking, it’s not an awkward silence because everyone is focused on the task at hand.  What a lovely way to pass the time by with friends, family, or even complete strangers.

Another thing I find really comforting is studying in a library.  When you enter a place like that, there’s a certain level of silence with just whispers of sound coming from the movements of others studying alongside you.  It’s kind of nice to be in such an academic setting, with everyone around you working so hard that it helps you focus too.  I find that I need to be at peace to a certain extent before I have the patience to sit down and pore over my work diligently.  The good thing is, you can really get on a roll and get a lot done when your focus is just right!

On the opposite end, when you get into the right rhythm for a sport, it’s truly a marvelous feeling.  Runner’s high isn’t something restricted only to that sport; in fact, I’d venture to say each athlete can reach a point where the physical exertion of their body is in such peace and harmony that they’ve reached that state of flow.  When you’ve hit the ball just right, moved your body perfectly, and attained something you never had before, there’s not much that can beat that feeling.  The feeling that it’s just right.

See how fun it is?

Finally, I’ve always found grocery shopping to be a pleasing outing.  Food always makes me happy and it’s the one thing that I won’t fuss over prices for.  I like to buy what I want to eat when I want it.  So, purchasing food is great for me because it means I get to satisfy my taste buds and stomach with whatever catches my eye.  Since I don’t often go with a long list and usually only have an item or two I intend to get for sure, it’s a leisurely stroll through the aisles for me as I peruse the choices and reach out to whatever captures my fancy.

So, what’s the activity that gives you your peace of mind?

I just came back from watching a screening of No Impact Man tonight, which left me with a thought: it is important to have a sense of community.  One of the last things talked about was what Mr. NIM would recommend for people if they were to do just one thing to change their lives to be more environmentally-friendly.  His advice?  Volunteer for an environmental group because with that comes the community connection.

Typical Chinese meal: lots of dishes shared between everyone.

I find that to be a really good point – we’re not on this planet alone and we shouldn’t live and act like it (though oftentimes we do, especially in the American culture).  Much of the poor behavior that we’ve learned is because of this mentality.  Everyone wants a house to themselves, a car or two for their family, and their own share of everything.  The concept of sharing even extends to how our meals are eaten, with individual portions given out rather than some of everything that is shared amongst a group.  When we’re all too busy thinking about me, me, me, we do a lot of things that benefit us, but harm those around us, humans, animals/plants, and environment.  Plus, having that sense of community bond keeps us grounded and centered so we don’t lose sight of ourselves and fall into the throes of negative behavior (assuming your “community” is not a gang or drug cartel).

This point seemed particularly relevant for a poster I saw on the walk back.  It was advertising a young man who was struck by leukemia and was in the Intensive Care Unit at our local hospital.  He desperately needs a bone marrow match and as the poster said, he needs your help.  I thought of how when we as a population share our resources (which sometimes means donating blood or cells or the like), we are so much better off as a whole.  There are so many lives that could be saved if the healthy people in the world were willing to share some of that health with those less fortunate.

Typical American meal: individual portions of each dish.

I actually just made a friend with a young lady in a similar situation (she just doesn’t need to be in an ICU).  In her last video update, she said something that I feel is something more people should think about: if the person who got leukemia was your mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, aunt, uncle, etc., then how would you react?  Would you still be so reluctant to donate cells that your body easily reproduces to save a life?  We’re not even talking about organs that can’t be replaced or something that drastic.  Sometime it’s blood, bone marrow, or plasma, but it’s all things that you can make more of in the coming days, weeks, and months.

I really think that this wouldn’t be so much an issue if we were more connected to our communities and had a better sense of those around us.  Honestly, how could you continue to not offer what you can if you cared for the people around you?  Once people start realizing that they won’t need to undergo the scary spinal tap procedure they thought was what you need to donate bone marrow, I think they have no excuses.  It’s either just like giving blood or you’ll be under anesthesia anyway.  In this case, sharing is caring!

Similarly for the environment, if we just cared more about others, we’d be able to move away from the individual cars per household mentality to the public transportation mentality.  One reason people tout buying local so much is because it supports others’ businesses and prevents you from getting outrageous out-of-season foods that are harder to find during certain times of year.  (Local produce may not actually be better for the environment though, but that’s an issue for another day.)  Other ways to be environmental and help your “neighbors” (including those in other cities, countries, and continents) is to reuse things rather than creating more trash that will end up in somebody’s backyard.  Too many people are living in dumps and all because of our irresponsible consumerism.

So moral of the story?  Care more about your neighbors, local and global.  It’ll make things so much better for everyone.

photo credit: markterrybooks.com

At moments, my mind is clouded by a foggy haze.  Thoughts no longer come in lucidly and I can just imagine the transmissions in my brain slowing down.  It’s hard to focus when an invisible weight sets foot on your cranium and won’t dissolve, no matter how you try.  In fact, it’s almost like corn starch in water or a Chinese finger trap, where the harder you try, the more resistant it gets.  So I’ve given up fighting against the current and decided that it’s time to let my weary mind rest for the night.  I have no clue what has brought on this mental murkiness, but along with it I feel a sense of increased agitation and restlessness.

Snippets of thoughts run through my head – things to remember, things to do, things to… wait, what was I thinking again? A train of thought is lost just as easily as another takes its place and my mind jumps around lethargically in a way completely unlike the normal stream of thoughts that has me working at a quick pace.  I remember websites I meant to visit and read, but I’ve no patience to go through the words.  My left eye feels more strained than my right and that irks me.  I remember moments that I was harsh or irresponsible towards Panda and I get a pang of guilt.

Too many choices lay in my path and I can’t seem to rationalize my decisions.  Everything is a good path, so how do I choose just one?  I want to go to all these events, but I don’t have the time and shouldn’t use the resources to.  I’ve been craving ice cream all night long and never got around to getting some.  I’ve wasted way too much  time agonizing over when I’ll gain access to Google Wave, then researching Google Voice and MetroPCS instead.  Why?  Because I’m curious and wanted to learn about them.  But I feel at a standstill, unable to get what I want though I know what it is that I’d love so much.  A lot of that has to do with my job search.

I wouldn’t say I’ve found a dream job, but I’ve found one that fits my main specifications and sounds wonderful:

1. with UCLA

2. environment-related

3. decent pay with benefits

4. small work environment

But I haven’t heard back and it’s frustrating because I hate the whole job hunting process and I’d like to just get a job and settle a bit.  Much as I enjoy what I’m doing now, there’s huge pressure from my parents to find a job.  I don’t think they want anything else from me now, even if I win an award or get to do something prestigious.

I'd like some tranquility and a sense of accomplishment right about now. photo credit: healthyoga.com

My body feels out of sync and I’m getting more conscious of my unevenness.  I haven’t had a proper workout for ages because I’ve been telling myself that I’ll start up a routine once I get a job.  See, even I’m placing these restrictions on myself.  I just want to land that job, get an apartment, get that new car, and begin a routine.  Strange.  I’m not one for routines and doing the same thing over and over again.  But at the same time, I’d like a little more pattern in my life.  Living week to week is not sustainable.  So many things hinge on settling (and having money): starting to attend yoga classes, joining a massage clinic, picking up more hobbies, getting more creative with cooking, hitting up more restaurants, going to football/basketball games, getting alumni membership in Alpha Kappa Psi, reading books again…  I’m putting off everything requiring money or a steady time commitment.  After all, I don’t want to start something just to have to change when I do start working full-time.

photo credit: allellipticals.com

College students love to work out.  Go to the campus recreation center and you’ll find students engaging in a variety of activities.  Some of the most popular are running on the treadmill and “cycling” on the ellipticals (or whatever you call that motion).  All that energy exertion is great for those looking to burn calories and build endurance and slim down, but it’s lost in the power used to operate the machine.  So it’s not surprising that the students of Cal State San Bernadino are now a part of a new concept: using that energy to power a building.  After all, if they can make hamsters run around in wheels to generate electricity, why can’t humans pump ellipticals to do the same?

When I first heard of this idea, I remembered actually thinking a similar thought before.  I don’t know about the resources needed to set up the infrastructure so that the energy used is directed to a power grid, but if it’s not too much, this is certainly an interesting way of getting your electricity!  For the CSUSB students’ fitness center, equipment cost $15,000.  Not too bad.  There’s a one-to-one ratio of how many minutes a typical workout can power a laptop for – imagine that: you use your laptop for five hours a day and you have to work out for five hours to power it.  That would certainly teach you to conserve energy.  The same time will power a flourescent bulb for three times as long.  It really is hard work to create electricity, but the students at the CSUSB fitness center manage to provide that building’s power.

photo credit: thaisilvestre on flickr

This reminds me of a product I saw once, which was only a concept at the time.  You know those Chinese stress balls (baoding balls)?  They’re two stone or metal balls that you roll around in the palm of your hands.  It works muscles in your hand that don’t get used much and improve dexterity and flexibility of your fingers.  Well, one guy decided to fit batteries inside them, then using the kinetic energy created by moving them around, charge the batteries.  Not a bad idea, if it’s effective.  Then going for a bike ride could mean more than just exercise, but could potentially power the very light on it that blinks in the night.  Hula hooping would be more than child’s play or a test of skill and could charge batteries for your camera or alarm clock.  When you start to see the world in those terms, every form of kinetic energy becomes a potential way to convert it to stored energy.

The question is, is it effective?  Would making a bicycle that can power its own lights, and perhaps some batteries, be worth the extra cost in design and manufacturing?  I hope it is.  It’d be a great way to encourage a fattening population to stay active.  Something as simple as having one of those ab roller machine-type things that powers batteries can keep people moving by putting their feet on the handlebars and rolling it back and forth.  Talk about a lazy man’s workout.

My trusty scale.

I’ve been back for just about five days now and not worked out once.  Instead, I’ve gone to all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ, stuffed myself with a huge plateful of dumplings, scarfed down a gigantic serving of kimchi fried rice, and fed myself otherwise unhealthy amounts of food.  I’m still happily one jeans size smaller and ten pounds lighter then when I left for Singapore, but who knows how long that will last.  When I first discovered this weight loss, I couldn’t believe it.  I was at the doctor’s and using a kg scale and the conversion just didn’t seem right.  But since I’ve come back I’ve tried a handful of different scales and even tried on pants one size smaller to confirm.  Time and time again, I’ve been amazed that I weigh what I haven’t since my high school days.  Of course it’s not just about weight, but I do feel more sprightly now (though that may just be psychological, who knows).  Nonetheless, it feels good and I’m still a healthy weight.  So, to keep it that way, I’ve really got to buckle down and get myself to work out during the day at some point, but it’s just too easy to fall back into my lazy routine.

Oh yes, a most familiar scene.

Let me describe to you my life after college and before my stint in Singapore.  I’d wake up ridiculously late, anywhere from 2 or 3 in the afternoon to even 6 PM at times.  I’d casually drag myself out of bed in the heat and either go downstairs to pig out for a bit or go online and sit on the bed, typing away.  At some point I’d hop in the shower to wash away the grossness from lounging around all day.  I’d eat dinner around 8 PM and occasionally go for a nighttime stroll with my mother afterwards, as I promised my dad I would when he went back to China and couldn’t accompany her anymore.  We’d walk for about an hour in the brisk night, then I’d get back and hop straight back into bed, prop myself up, and go online for the remainder of the night.  I even set up a little snack station next to my bed, so a variety of food and drinks would be available within arms reach.  I’d stay up all night on my laptop and fall asleep sometime between 6-9 AM, when the world lit up again and everyone else around me was just starting their day.

It’s no wonder I didn’t lose any of the weight I’d gained in college, despite eating less overall.  Instead, my belly grew out a little and my thighs thickened, though of course I never noticed a thing, with such gradual changes.  I don’t want that to happen to me again, so I’m trying to spend less time working on the bed and go downstairs to the dining room table to go online.  I’ve also been keeping busy meeting up with people and hanging out in the places that I love.  Unfortunately, much of that involves food, and plenty of it!  It’s ok though, I just need to get off my butt and get my heart rate up to keep off any buildup.  Maybe I’ll dust off that bike in the garage, or maybe I’ll bring out my beloved longboard.  I do plan on learning how to surf once Ninja gets back from being Indiana Jones, so that should help with toning!

But for now, I have little motivation and all the reason to lounge around in bed all day.  I’ve really got to start looking for a job though.

It was a lovely day today and I had an equally lovely time going on an outing with Skim for the afternoon.  We met up at Bugis MRT and got on a bus that took us out to East Coast Park, where we were able to rent two bikes and take a nice ride.  A mere two minutes into our journey we nearly crashed into each other, as I tried to unsteadily pass my camera to her.  I never knew my right hand was so weak at maneuvering!  The opposite was for her, as she had trouble with her left hand, so there we were, a complete screaming disaster as we saved ourselves from near destruction.  I then switched to be on the left side and we managed to make the pass so she could take some pictures for me.  Why we couldn’t just stop our bikes like normal people I don’t know.  It’s far less exciting that way!

Doesn't that look like fun?

We went along the path and enjoyed cooling breezes from the ocean, quiet stretches in woodsy areas, and navigating around the sudden influx of people that would come upon us.  It was a lot of fun to be out in the sun and going through natural areas as we chatted about a variety of things, like our thoughts on careers and the type of work we do.  Along the way we stopped to watch some wakeboarders, parasailers, and windsailers having fun out on the water.  I don’t know if I’m fit enough to do that kind of thing, but I’d sure like to try someday!  First I want to learn how to surf though, which hopefully will be good for my sense of balance.  I’m really interested in water sports in general, so I hope I get around to trying all of them at some point.

The one thing that wasn’t so enjoyable about the ride was when our butts started to get sore about two hours in.  I kept shifting around in an attempt to put weight on different areas, but once we stopped for a quick snack, we both felt the soreness creeping us.  At first walking was a little strange and I wondered if this is how it feels to get off a horse after a long journey.  I’ve only ever been on horses for brief times, about an hour or so, so I never got the bow legs that others have.  We were right by the ocean at that point, so we went down to the water so I could at least say I touched the ocean water here.  It’s a lesson from my trip to Australia that I’ve never forgotten – going in the water is something so simple, yet it’s something I didn’t do in the Gold Coast, so I’ll never repeat that mistake again.

This time, I took some jumping shots and it looked so fun that Skim decided she’d get her feet wet for the sake of that.  Normally she wouldn’t want to touch that water because there’s a fair share of trash in it, but jumping over water is pretty awesome, so she just had to give it a try too.  What a fun day!