Posts Tagged ‘psychology’

What’s in your fridge?

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , ,
5

Much like finding out what is in your purse or your medicine cabinet, seeing what is in your fridge can be an interesting insight into your life. I know one thing that distinguishes our household’s fridge from most others in the modern world: the lack of alcohol. I’d imagine most homes have at least a wine or a beer chilling in there, but not us. My dad’s the only one who drinks alcohol at all and not all that much. In fact, I don’t think we ever had alcohol in our household until I was in college. Neither Panda nor I drink, so if you ever see alcohol in our fridge, it’s someone else’s (or we got it for them).

Well, what is in our fridge? Let’s take a look:

fridge door open with contents showing

Let’s start with the door, which has eggs, salad dressing, soda, marinated mushrooms, pickles, and peanut butter. I don’t think there’s ever a time that we are without eggs. They’re a great food item to eat in the mornings, throw in a soup or noodle soup to add protein, or boil and use as a snack. Definitely a staple in my household. Also very important are the mushrooms and pickles – I love love love just about anything brined, salted, preserved, etc. Usually this meas pickles and marinated mushrooms, but I also enjoy kimchi, preserved radishes, and more. This particular bottle of soda was actually free due to a promotion Pepsi is doing for their Pepsi Next product – usually I’d have real Coke or Dr. Pepper and Pepsi cans. The peanut butter is not mine… I’m not a fan.

Then you can see in the body of the fridge, it’s pretty empty. At this stage, Panda and I still eat out quite a bit so there are a bunch of takeout boxes from the leftovers we had at Olive Garden. We love their 2 for $25 deal! You get so much food to eat while there AND there’s plenty of leftovers for the next meal and the next next meal. I also have a bag of black pepper turkey from the deli section, since I don’t eat much meat and Panda thinks I should consume more. We’ve got a nice half of a watermelon left, plus some oranges at the bottom (you can see one peeking through). I don’t eat fruit nearly as much as I probably should and watermelon is just about the only fruit I can eat a ton of. We’re also not so great on the vegetable side of things, so the corn helps out. It’s so easy to gobble down one of them and feel good that you’ve eaten something vegetable-like (I mean, is corn actually a vegetable? Close enough!).

And now let’s peek into the freezer!

looking into open household freezer with contents showing

Ice cream is a must, no matter what the season. You never know when you might want some chilled goodness. Other than that, we like to fill up with various microwavable items that I can easily heat up for a snack or lunch. We recently stocked up on these and got some taquitos in addition to the Hot Pockets, pot pies, chicken kebabs, and (hidden) bowls of wonton noodles. When you’re lazy and not a very skilled cook, the microwave is your friend. I sure wouldn’t know what to do without it!

So what do you have in your fridge and freezer?

The strange human psyche

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
0

I am a strangely stubborn person.

Singapore National Day  <br>photo credit: Alec Ee, photo.net

Singapore National Day photo credit: Alec Ee, photo.net

This weekend, I called up my dad to talk about plans to travel, which my mom is not keen on.  He was open at first, telling me to cut back on the countries and he’d talk to her, but I was unsatisfied with the compromise.  For in cutting back on countries, I would also need to cut back on time and cutting back on time meant having to leave earlier, but leaving earlier meant missing National Day.  Now normally this would not be a big deal, after all, I’ve only ever heard of this celebration recently, but what is important to me is that the people I’ve been working with day in and day out wanted to share this experience with me.  When else would I get that opportunity?  I’m not even sure when the next time I can come back to this part of the world would be.

On the other side of things, I could just spend more time milling around Singapore, but in moving to the new place, we had agreed to a one-month period assuming I’d be gone for a month.  This would then add another week or two to that stay, which is far too much extra to ask for.  And in this situation, it’s not like they’d be able to chase me out, since they’d feel bad knowing that I have nowhere to go.  I guess it goes back to my age-old habit of trying to please everyone at the expense of myself (and, in turn, my parents).  So rather than miss out on the holiday and leaving early or asking for an extension to my living arrangement, my focus was on making both work out.

I wanted to be the ultimate tourist and find scenes like this!

I wanted to be the ultimate tourist and find scenes like this! photo credit: ishs.org

So though I knew that pushing for more would get me nowhere, I had defend my reasons.  Certainly other issues got in the way, mainly the different attitudes we have towards this period in my life.  My parents are waiting for me to get a stable job (which apparently means one with insurance) but I’m planning on spending these years exploring my options, interests, and capabilities.  At some point my stubbornness took over and it was no longer about what I wanted, but it became an issue of rebellion.  I stopped caring whether or not they’d help pay for some of my expenses and instead needed to express myself.  Perhaps I’m too adamant about getting an unconventional job (and preferably never a desk job again, or at least one that involves a lot of moving around), but for the coming months I’m not about to change my mind.

Now the most interesting thing to come of this was when my dad commented that with my psych background, I should know how to speak to him in such a way that would convince him of my desires so I could get what I want.  Well, I’m not out to use my knowledge to manipulate people.  Sure, I can work it to my advantage, but then I’d be treating others as fools, merely using them as pawns.  I’d much rather be the rebellious, stubborn daughter that I am than suppress that to get my way.  My dad said that I may have won the battle but not the war, but what he doesn’t get is that I’m not out to win.  I just want to make my position clear, which in the end puts me in a “losing” scenario, but I don’t feel the loss.  I’d rather scale down and pay my own way or go forth and find other ways to fund it than owe even more to my parents.  I’m only comfortable with owing them if they’re gladly willing to help, rather than reluctantly agreeing to.

photo credit: weber.edu

photo credit: weber.edu

No matter what happens, I know two things: 1. I will make the best of it and 2. I will never forget it (though I will not regret it either).  It’s a self-preservation mechanism that we all have: whatever happens, we will find a way to justify how that is better than the other options (otherwise we’ll sink into depression and perhaps end with suicide).  So, if I go to fewer places, I will justify that experience by focusing on the extra time I had at each place.  Even if somehow I end up not going anywhere at all, I’ll justify that by thinking of the money I saved or how it’ll be more fun to go with someone.  That’s just how the human psyche works.  Whenever something we don’t want happens, will find a way to make it seem not so bad or even good or else we’d drive ourselves crazy with regret.  As for not forgetting, I’ll always recall how much I wanted to travel in the fast-paced manner that I spent my time in Europe.  I may not yearn for it too much (after justifying why it didn’t happen and convincing myself why what ended up happening was better), but I will always remember how it could have been.  Sure I’ll get over it (in fact, I already have, since now I don’t have to spend as much effort planning and just thinking about the hectic pace makes me feel tired), but I will never forget these lavish dreams that I had.

Oh the nuances of the human mind.

Accents and self-deprecation

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
1

Nearly a month ago I came across a blog entry about speaking with accents (to me, there is no such thing as speaking without an accent – everyone’s got one).  Reading that led me to the blog post cited (written by Louis) and so many thoughts were triggered by these pieces.

Can't all speak like a news reporter!

Can't all speak like a news reporter! photo credit: lasplash.com

First, let me start by airing my main grievance: there is no such thing as NO accent!!!  Why don’t people get this?  Perhaps it is because Americans are so sheltered, so unworldly, so ignorant that they think they’re the center of the world.  Not having an accent does NOT mean having an American accent, yet you’ll find countless American writers acting as if that’s the case.  I’m sorry but since when did you get to act so haughty?  I’ll admit, I used to use the same terminology until I grew old enough to realize that it’s not that I don’t have an accent – it’s just that I have a thoroughly American accent.  So, to the people around me, sure I don’t have an accent – but what they mean by that is that I don’t have a different accent.

Secondly, and closely related to the first idea is that just because you have a “non-standard” accent (aka American/British/Australian accents found in mainstream media), you’re not as civilized or smart.  That is complete BS and everyone should know that.  Yet, I find the likes of commentators on Louis’s blog post acting as if this is the case!  In Singapore and Malaysia (and I’m sure many other countries as well), people will readjust and speak with more “proper” accents when they’re dealing with foreigners (namely white people).  Why?  Well, according to a commenter:

“Accent or no accent, i think its all about trying to prove and to impress. Humiliating as it is, we already have a bad impression on the foreigners and i guess speaking with a fake accent is somehow a try to change that impression…”

Excuse me?!  Are you SERIOUS?!!!  How much more could you put yourself down?  You’re the ones who have mastered multiple languages and can understand not only your local accents but American and British and whatever else ones out there.  Why can’t you think like that?  Why do you have to treat your own accent as if it’s not as good?  It’s just different!  This is after I had posted a comment saying that they’re able to do this because they’ve had exposure to foreign accents, so it’s a nice gesture for them to throw us a bone, so to say, and speak in a manner that is easier for us to understand.

You do, I do.  photo credit: eruptingmind.com

You do, I do. photo credit: eruptingmind.com

Honestly, switching accents should not be seen as some sort of a demoralizing act that makes the person changing accents feel like theirs is less worthy.  It’s completely natural for people to change their behavior to match the people they’re trying to communicate with.  There’s even a term for it: mirroring!  It happens on such a subconscious level sometimes that people may never notice.  Think about it – if someone is speaking to you and you two are building repertoire, you both want to be liked by each other.  How do you do that best?  Making each other comfortable through your body language, interactions, and conversation.  Well, the most basic of that boils down to speech patterns, movements, breathing, accent, attitude, diction, the list goes on…  Give it a try next time you’re talking to someone – lean forward, lean backward, slouch, stand up, cross your arms, start talking faster and watch what happens.  More than likely the person you’re conversing with will follow suit unknowingly.

So really, the change in accent should be more about clear and comfortable communication with the other party rather than consciously doing it to try to impress them.  It’s unfortunate that so many people seem to take it the wrong way and there’s a huge mentality change needed to accept this as a purely normal interaction between two people.  This type of interaction is no different from the expat who starts to use local slang, the immigrant who picks up certain parts of the accent he’s surrounded with, or (for a more extreme example) even the multilingual who uses a language that will allow her to be understood.  In the end it’s really just a simple case of making communication easier and more clear.  That whole “my accent is not good enough because it’s not what you hear on TV” idea?  It’s all in your head, or at least it doesn’t need to be true.  I wish people didn’t think it was true.

Spirituality and atheism

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , ,
2

I came across this NPR program today on the science of spirituality (go read all parts!), which I found fascinating, as I generally do with anything dealing with spirituality (which I consider separate from religion, but often intertwined).  Let me get right into it, since there’s a lot I want to say!  (Note: I’ll try to be as non-offensive as possible, but this is coming from an agnostic leaning atheist point of view.  I’m quite the skeptic when it comes to religion.)

brain

To start with, I was tickled by the quote: “neurologists suspect some of the religious giants were epileptics” because I often thought, wouldn’t it be funny (in a bit of a sad way) if religion was borne of some random guy hallucinating?  Turns out that the visions that prophets had are quite likely caused by epileptic seizures or hallucinations.  So was there a burning bush?  Were they touched by a divine being?  Perhaps it was all in their head.  However, I’m not a big fan of this idea that “whether those encounters actually happened — or whether they were all in your head” are two separate possibilities.  After all, everything we feel is processed by our brains or else we don’t recognize it as a feeling we had, no?  As Michael Persinger put it, “all experience is generated by brain function.”  So yes, it was all in their heads.  But to them it was very real because it was in their heads.

Thus, to me there is no other being or “god” that is omniscient, but rather, God/the gods are within us because we thought them up.  They are products of our minds, our thoughts, our feelings.  And all those feelings we get of being touched by the divine?  It comes from our own imaginations, taking experiences and interpreting them in our own mental framework.  There’s certainly no harm in attributing it to an outside source if it makes you feel more peaceful, happy, and healthy because of it.  Belief can give people hope and I think the positive emotions from faith is actually what does “magical” healing for people, though they’ll choose to attribute it to their spirituality.  Do their beliefs actually create visible, measurable changes?  Certainly!  Any thoughts you have can do so.

“The more you focus on something — whether that’s math or auto racing or football or God — the more that becomes your reality, the more it becomes written into the neural connections of your brain.”

~ Dr. Andrew Newberg, neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania

photo credit: greenspine.ca

photo credit: greenspine.ca

You literally are rewiring your brain with every experience you have, including the very one right now of reading thing (and for me, writing it).  I don’t have anything against religion in its best form, but I don’t like when people use it as a scapegoat or security blanket and never take responsibility for their actions, good or bad.  Of course, I’m also not a fan of zealots who take things too far and harm others “in the name of God.”  That’s just stupid and irresponsible.

No matter what, I feel the debate will rage on because spirituality, like love and your thoughts, is something intangible.  And anything that is intangible cannot ever really be proven or disproven.  It just depends on if people choose to believe in them or not.  When it comes down to it, how do you know you’re in love?

“Everything starts from a thought, and then the thought creates a reaction.”

~Sheri Kaplan, HIV positive but “defiantly healthy” with no medication

Sure, your brain reacts a certain way and releases certain chemicals, but in the end it’s really how you interpret what you feel and experience.  And if you want to fall in love, that is how you will interpret the chemical changes you feel happening.  Otherwise, you may just blame your libido or the weather.  There are plenty of people who look back after a nasty breakup and claim they weren’t really in love or they’ll fall in love with someone new and say that they didn’t really know what love was until this person came along.  It is what you say it is (for you, at least).  The power of spirituality comes in the flexibility in how we choose to understand our thoughts and emotions, but none of that can be physically tracked.

“I think we’re wired for the supernatural,” says Scott McDermott, a Methodist pastor.

I think so too, because we need to be able to believe in things and have hope, or else life can really get us down.  We need to have the capacity to believe that there is more, there is better.  That’s also what drives us to pursue excellence – a hope for a better life, a better world.  What it comes down to, then, is that immeasurables are too subjective to be objectively measured.  And that’s the problem here – we’re trying to use science that is based in objectivity to measure spirituality, which is steeped with subjectivity.  A conundrum, certainly, and probably one that will last as long as time.*

Synergy ball.    photo credit: sculptors.com

Synergy ball. photo credit: sculptors.com

For me, spirituality comes down to believing there are forces in this world that we can’t explain.  For example, how do you explain consciousness?  Is that not but an inexplicable result of our web of neurons interacting?  I consider myself spiritual in that sense and in the pure sense of believing in a spirit within us.  To me, the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.  I believe in synergy.  Two people working together can create things that they could not have done had they worked alone and then put it together.  Likewise, those billions of neurons in our brains get together and create more than what just a random pile of neurons could.  That extra bit that produces all these thoughts we have is what we consider our spirit.  From my point of view though, that’s where it ends.  Without the brain, there cannot be a spirit, though with a brain there may not necessarily be a spirit either.  Nature’s not always fair like that.  So, though the idea of an afterlife and our spirit continuing after we die is a nice one, it’s not one I buy into.  However, our deaths aren’t meaningless and can infect other people’s spirits to make them feel like ours has continued on, by touching their hearts and minds and rejuvenating their own spirits.

Also, it seems that people are brought closer to spirituality when their senses shut down.  From meditation and other forms of intense focus that take away from the ability to process senses to near-death experiences that rob the brain of oxygen to psychedelic episodes from hallucinagenics, people feel the closest to their spirituality when our brains are not functioning fully in reality.

“The brain function of many of these people who have undergone a near-death experience is altered,” Woerlee says. “That’s correct. It is altered. Extreme oxygen starvation does change brain function — because it causes brain damage to the larger cells in the brain.”

It’s brain chemistry, he says, not a trip to heaven.

You take a step away and see things from an angle you never did before because your brain is in an altered state.  The same thing happens with age; as we grow older, our brain structure and chemistry changes, so we experience the world differently as time passes.  Maturity and wisdom are actually changes in our brains that are reflected in our behavior, but really, what are they?  They’re just more examples of intangibles that can never be fully and satisfactorily measured.

Another thing, spirituality is NOT religion!  Religion is a form of spirituality, but I do not believe that all forms of spirituality result in a form of religion.

When it comes to the brain, Newberg says, spiritual experience is spiritual experience.  “There is no Christian, there is no Jewish, there is no Muslim, it’s just all one,” Newberg says.

<i>photo credit: pro.corbis.com</i>

photo credit: pro.corbis.com

Everyone can experience a connection with the world, but in different ways, like the athlete who feels their body move in just the right way at the right time.  As a swimmer, you get that when you dive and make the most wonderful entrance into the water.  Everything just falls into place and it all feels right.  Same thing with skating – there comes a moment when you become an extention of the board and you are in control.  It’s a sort of zen, even.  The most common one talked about is probably runner’s high, when you get into the groove and the world seems to fall away.  Really spirituality is intense focus on what you’re doing.  So much so that you don’t have room for your other senses to send their feedback to you, so all you know is the here and now and what you’re doing.  I believe that’s the “oneness” people who meditate feel.

“When people lose their sense of self, feel a sense of oneness, a blurring of the boundary between self and other, we have found decreases in activity in [the pareital lobes, where sensory information is taken in].”

You get so entrenched in your own mind, your own thoughts, and not paying attention to anything your body might be telling you that you start to feel more in tune with the world, as you do in a perfect dive, a glorious ride, or a unparalleled running rhythm.  It’s not just a mental thing; physically the part of your brain that processes your senses shuts down, presumably to allow the frontal lobes (where concentration happens) to work harder.

*Do note that this is different from things like wind, where you can feel it but not see it, because inner feelings are something that not everyone can agree upon.  When there’s wind, the person next to me can confirm that they feel it too.  You may not see it, but you feel it in a tactile way.  Similarly, air is even harder to sense, but once again, everyone can agree that they sense something and we have chosen to call it air.  But when you’re feeling from an emotional point of view, it’s completely internal and nobody else around you has to be sharing in such a feeling.  We’re all experiencing the same world more or less, but in very different ways mostly because of our minds.  Since everyone experiences their own feelings in different ways at different times, how do you come to an agreement?  Simply put, you can’t.

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