Posts Tagged ‘relationships’

Love in midair… the ups and downs of Valentine’s Day

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships,Tags: , , , , ,
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In the spirit of sharing, I thought I’d include a cute thing Panda and I came across today as we were wandering the windy roads of Bel Air and driving up and down Mulholland Drive trying to find the best scenic overlooks.  The plane continued on to spell something like Mio, but we lost sight of it, so I never did figure it out.

As for my post-Valentine’s Day report, all in all it was a most splendid day, starting at the painfully early hour of 8 and lasting until midnight.  We got a delicious dim sum brunch before wandering the roads and discovering some random places.  We hung out for a bit before heading out to Santa Monica, where we were going to have dinner.  At first we tried Benihana’s, but the wait was two hours!  -___-  So, we went over to Buddha’s Belly instead, where they told us it was a 45-minute wait, but we got seating in no more than 20.

I love that place because of its chocolate fondue dessert platter.  The food is always interesting and has a fresh taste I’m not used to, since it’s an Asian fusion type of place.  They have the coolest plates and bowls too (and I, ever so easy to entertain, am immensely amused by this fact).  Following that, it was getting late, so we headed back towards campus to hang out some more.

In the morning, Panda had given me a card that I wanted to read when we had peace and quiet alone to enjoy.  So, sitting together at night, I opened the card and he read it to me.  It was seriously the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.  He had managed to find a card with a really long quote that described his feelings for me wonderfully.  Then, his message was so eloquent and heartfelt it made me cry (with joy, of course).  It was the best end to a spectacular day.

Now that I look at this picture, I realize I should have taken a panoramic picture to share the immensity of this valley.  This is the view from the Bel Air Presbyterian Church, looking out on the San Fernando Valley.

When I got home, I found an e-mail from Katana, outlining her contrasting experience: after painstakingly preparing gifts for her boyfriend to present today, she got the ultimate letdown when he didn’t even remember the occasion.  It’s a sad thing when one person cares so much and the other puts in no effort.  For such a memorable day, my Valentine’s was nearly just as dismal.

You see, last weekend when I was visiting Panda, I tried casually asking him what he was doing this Saturday – he was headed home for the long weekend.  Crushed, we then spent the next hour or so talking about why I was upset with him.  It’s not so much that I need to celebrate the holiday, but I did want to see him and it hurt when it seemed like he didn’t even bother to think about it.  Had I not asked, I may very well have been alone today, moping at home.

So, though I had a fabulous time, it didn’t come without a fight.  I often need to give Panda a little push (or big shove) in the right direction for him to get a clue as to what he’s supposed to do.  No, I don’t ask for gifts from him and yes, I pay for my own meals.  I’m not into material things; I much prefer his time and attention.  Then there are things like these where the consideration should at least be discussed, but he just doesn’t seem to understand that it’s important to me.  I mean, it is an internationally recognized holiday after all, whether you like to celebrate it or not.  Doesn’t that at least deserve a mention?  Sometimes it amazes me how thick-headed guys can be.

I suppose this is something I should get used to, always throwing out clues and hinting about what he should be doing and resorting to outright telling him when he doesn’t pick up on the signals.  Successful relationships need good communication and it seems that extra effort is needed when it comes to this particular area.  It just would be nice if he could figure it out on his own and surprise me (like he did with that card) a little more often.  Perhaps he’ll learn with time…  When it comes down to it though, it’s like he said – we will work together and work to understand each other.

Marriage: a broken institution?

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships,Tags: , , ,
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I’ve gotten the feeling that Millenials are jaded by the idea of marriage.  Or, at least, have such high standards and low expectations that they’re rather pessimistic about the whole idea.  Call it realism if you want.  Or it may just be cynicism.

This issue seems to stem from our generation growing up hearing the sad statistics of high divorce rates.  Of course, many also grew up in such households, having to live a life in single-parent homes, bouncing between parents, and dealing with step-parents and siblings.  Perhaps that is why this generation seems so much more against marrying (especially at a young age).

Too many of our parents rushed into marriage and it either failed or they are unhappy together.  Now, I used to be deathly afraid of commitment despite no family history of bad relationships (only one relative has gotten divorced and it didn’t seem nasty), but when I found Panda, it worked.  This whole relationship thing wasn’t as terrible as I imagined it to be.  Likewise, for marriage, I think that it comes down to the right feeling.

If it feels right, why avoid it? Sometimes you’re just ready to make that leap of faith.  And that is what any relationship is – faith in yourself, faith in your partner, and faith in your union.  You need to trust yourself and your significant other to make it work.  Sure, you may be too young and inexperienced for that judgment call, but if you’ve thought long and hard, if you’ve both talked about it, and you both feel comfortable, it can be a beautiful thing.

You can never be fully prepared for marriage and all the complications that it entails.  I don’t judge people based on what age they choose to get married.  For some, it works.  Statistically, younger couples are more likely to separate, but that tends to be an issue of maturity.  If you don’t know yourself well enough and you don’t understand your partner, it’s not going to work no matter what other factors there are.

Sadly, there are a lot of practical reasons that drive couples to the altar: finances, convenience, right of kin, etc.  Some marriages are carried out due to necessity or pressure, but you shouldn’t get hitched for such mundane reasons.  After all, marriage should be a celebration of love and devotion.

So why does it seem that getting married actually tears many couples apart?  Stability.  Though it’s great to have in our lives, if that’s all you have in a relationship, it stagnates.  So many couples feel their relationship diminish over the years, if only because they know they have each other to depend on, through thick and thin.  So they stop trying.

It shouldn’t be so easy though.  Relationships should constantly be evolving and changing as the individuals do.  The moment you stop working on it, you have doomed it.  Think of it as a process rather than a goal to be reached.

Marriage as an institution needs a major makeover if it is to survive.  Though, perhaps it doesn’t need to be saved and Gen Z can come to age in a society where couples get legal civil unions.  I wouldn’t mind a secular institution that allows gay unions as well.

Fresh outlook

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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Well, with a new year, I thought I’d start something new.  Recently I’ve been inspired by my best friend “Katana” to do more blogging.  Since she moved out to Kansas I haven’t gotten to see her much, so reading her blogs are a great way to stay in touch (and entertained!).  She’s made a career out of life in the blogosphere and while my hopes are not exactly along those lines, I’d also like to write more like she does.  Granted, I still have my personal handwritten journal to take care of (and that I’ve neglected for a long time), but there’s nothing quite like blogging to capture the small things in life.  I find it’s a great place to explore my thoughts in a more immediate way.

Though I kept another LiveJournal a few years back, I think it’s time to use a different domain for this new chapter in my life.  Maybe I can track my progress as a recent graduate, looking for a job and figuring out where to lead my life.  I know where I think my life is going to go is going to change a lot before it settles anywhere and I’m ready to explore what there is out there for me to do.  I can also follow the development of my relationship (the first!) and how my hopes and expectations evolve over time.

Ok, so… where am I in my life?  I just graduated from UCLA with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Psychology and Economics.  I’m looking for jobs nearby (preferably in Westwood, otherwise in Los Angeles somewhere) in marketing or administrative work.  I want to work for two or three years before going to business school for my MBA.  After that I’d like to get into upper level management, get the experience to see what it takes to run a company before branching off and getting into entrepreneurial work.  The first thing I want to do at that point is start an environmental consulting firm focused on conservation and recycling.  I’ve also toyed with the idea of a vocational school for athletes and a craft/party store complete with classes.  But that will be on the back burner for many more years to come.

Well, at least that was my 10-20 year plan.  More recently I’ve been considering an opportunity to start up a branch of a Singaporean company (Caelan & Sage) here in California with my Singaporean “twin” – let’s call her Marylin.  However, there’s a lot of research, preparation, and information I need to look into before I go forth with this.  It would be lovely to get a head start on my dreams of entrepreneurial success though.  I have high hopes and dreams, though I’m trying to stay grounded and be practical about this.  However, I am fresh out of uni and ready to conquer the world!  Ultimately I just want to learn and grow, then take that to inspire and motivate people, as well as create happy work environments.

As for my personal life, it’s the first time in my life that I am happily seeing someone.  I’ll refer to him as Panda.  He is an amazing person and I’m really lucky to have met him.  I’m still grappling with this concept: someone likes me and is good to me?!  I’ve made some poor decisions in the past, leading to some unfortunate experiences, which makes me appreciate this all the more.  My other best friend, “Elle,” bluntly showed her shock when she heard I’d found someone who treated me well.  She’s happy for me, of course, but she’s seen me go through some less than savory characters and never really get into a relationship.  I’ve also been known to run from any guy who shows interest in me, so she’s glad that I still like this one!

The world has a lot to offer and I have my fair share to contribute.  Onward!

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