Posts Tagged ‘self image’

Outward appearances

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,

I often forget I am an Asian-American woman. Does it affect how people perceive my abilities? I’m starting to wonder.

For the most part, I go about my days without a second thought to differences in gender, ethnicity, age, or other factors. Everyone I work with is a different personality type in my mind, but I don’t consciously associate that with any other qualities. And likewise, I don’t think they treat me any specific way because I’m female or Asian. But then I read books about the Asian-American experience (particularly Asian-American women) and it gets me thinking if the way I’m treated is not just about my personality and behavior, but also largely affected by my appearance.

happy girl smiling taking a selfie with snow falling around her

Just a happy-go-lucky gal who loves the simple things.

Do I not get the respect I thought I would because of my gender, ethnicity, or age? Or do I not because I’m silly and goof off so people don’t always take me seriously? Do certain people pay me a little more attention because of how I look or do they just like my bubbly excitement over little things? Would I even be able to parse out that information? Does it ultimately matter? At the moment, it does because it’s creating a psychological barrier for me. I suddenly lost confidence in myself and my abilities and the doubt I have is related to my gender and ethnicity. If I were a man, would it be different? Would I have more confidence in myself even as I failed? If I weren’t Asian, would it be easier to express myself and stand up for my ideas?

I’m working to set myself up for success again and focus on attainable goals. It’s all too easy to be harsh on myself and judge everything I do as not good enough.

Double eyelids

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,

I’m sure any of you who have looked carefully at a Chinese face have noticed that our eyes are shaped vastly differently from our Caucasian counterparts.  We have these crazy eyelids that kind of fold into themselves from the eyelash area when we open our eyes, whereas Caucasians have a crease at the top of their eyelid where the skin folds in.  Sometimes we’ll get this crease in the middle of our eyelid, toward the bottom and our eyes will start to fold in from there.  Well, in Chinese culture, it is considered attractive to have that look, which is called “double eyelids” because now it looks like there are two parts, separated by the flap.

closed eyesI naturally do not have double eyelids, merely single ones, but as a child, if I rubbed my eyes a lot, sometimes I could get a temporary crease.  When I went back to China after high school, I took some glamor shots at a studio, where they taped little clear crescents onto my eyelids to simulate the look.  It was fascinating to me that they would do that and I’ve always wondered if it really does look better.  It certainly gives my eyes a little more dimension and now eyeliner applied along the top layer of lashes wouldn’t get buried in the depths of my eye when I opened them.  It makes for more “Western” eyes, which, perhaps, is the point?  It feels weird though, to have this crease in my eye, with skin folding up around it and sometimes I wonder if it’s one of those things like a displaced joint that needs a little boost to get back into place.  There’s certainly a kind of pressure there and opening my eyes larger makes that feeling even more pronounced.

open eyesSometime while I was in Singapore (and I didn’t notice at all), I somehow developed a double eyelid.  That’s right, just one.  So now my eyes are uneven (much like everything else in my body) and I wonder if one eye looks bigger because of this incongruency.  It’s kind of cool and it has been pretty permanent, but I wonder how long this will last.  Will the other eye change too?  Will this one go back?  Or am I stuck with one single eyelid and one double eyelid?  Since I have no idea how I got the first one to begin with, I have no idea how to make my other eyelid like that, or undo this one.  I guess it’s fun though, to observe the differences side by side and feel the differences when I open my eyes.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...