Today on my drive home, I saw a car get pulled over about a mile behind me.  It made me think about how often I see cars pulled over at the Magic Mountain exit of the 5 North.  From the moment you get over the hump into the Santa Clarita Valley, the 5 becomes a fast ride.  It’s hard not to get carried away with all the speeding cars around you and I always have to be extra careful that I don’t drive too fast.  I wonder if I passed that very same highway patrol who caught that car I saw in my rearview mirror.  I assume that I had, and of course didn’t even notice.  Good thing I was driving the speed limit, unlike a lot of my neighbors on the road.

Just as I was thinking about all the cops I’d seen along Magic Mountain Parkway or Tourney road, I turned off the exit to that very spot and lo and behold, there were two cop cars there.  This time it was just because of an SUV that had to be towed, but usually it’s because someone got caught along the speed trap the 5 becomes at that point.  From Stevenson Ranch all the way up to Castaic, it’s a huge stretch of light traffic (most of the time) and motorists get too reckless.

I remember my dad telling me about another small speed trap area – that part of Magic Mountain Pkwy leading into Valencia.  The road is wide, there isn’t much around you, and you got used to freeway speeds, so when you get there, it’s easy to get back up to 60 or more.  There’s plenty of space on the shoulder to allow a cop to lie in wait and while I haven’t seen anyone pulled over, I do catch myself going over the 50 MPH sometimes.  It’s harder to recognize how fast you’re going when the road is so wide and empty.  You don’t have that much around you to gauge your speed either.  It definitely takes some vigilance to stay within the limit.

I’ve always wanted to be in a cop car when they slow down traffic like that. Too bad this time I got caught behind him and my dad was just in front of him, in the Budget truck! Almost lost track of him on moving day to my new apt last month.

December 29th, 10 PM. My dad and have been waiting at JFK for two hours, wondering if we can get on the last flight to LA that night. The recent blizzard that swept through the area left many passengers stuck in the airport for days. Thankfully, we were lucky enough to get seats so I wouldn’t have to spend my birthday in the airport!

JFK has a lounge sort of area with lots of iPads for people to play games on. Pretty nifty.

With tons of people stranded in the airport, there were some cots laid out for people to use.

The snow was piling a good 10 feet high as they cleared the runways!

It snowed at least two feet right there. I sort of miss this weather.

Today was my dad’s birthday and the first one where my parents and I have been united in awhile.  To celebrate, we went out to an Asian buffet, which we discovered actually offers you a free meal for your birthday!  Even better.  :)  It was nice to spend a quiet weekend with them and spend some time just hanging out at home.  Days like that are few and far between now.  Though we don’t really do much, it’s comforting just to have them sitting in the next room.  And there’s something about being in the house that makes me want to move around, which is great for my health!

Branching off from my description of generational gaps in my family…

For my parents in particular, my maternal grandmother heard of my dad through the wife of a professor at the local university, which is where my parents both went to school.  My maternal grandfather was also a professor at the school and his professor buddy had my dad as a student.  Through the women talking, my grandmother learned that this young man was the professor’s star student and first in his class.  My parents were introduced to each other and my grandfather approved without ever meeting the young man.  All he had to know was that he was a hard worker and an excellent student.  My grandmother, on the other hand, wanted to meet and get to know this potential suitor.  As the legend goes, she sat him down for an interview (probably mostly asking about academics and his professional future) and liked him as well.  My mom decided that of the guys she’d been introduced to, she liked this one the most, and so they were married.  Or something like that.

It turned out to be a great decision, since my dad was smart enough to be allowed to leave China, which was a bit of a mess back in those years.  The country had been in lock down and it was extremely hard to get out.  My dad got into a PhD program at Penn State, which is what took him abroad.  About six months before I was born, he left for the land of the free and began his studies.  A year later, when I was a few months old, my mom followed suit, going to Penn State for her Master’s.  I was left with relatives in China and I believe my paternal grandmother was mostly in charge of raising me those years.  By the time I was three and a half, my parents had saved up enough money to fly me over.

I don’t remember much from those years, but I did have one strong memory from the plane ride, about the lady who escorted me from my family in China to my parents in America.  I have also been told by my mother that when I first arrived, I refused to let my dad sleep in the bed.  After all, it really was like meeting them for the first time – my dad had never seen me before and my mom had only been with me for about half a year.  My mom attributes this behavior to a child’s need to cling to one adult they trust.  Apparently between my parents, I chose my mother.  So I clung to her and slept with her, but initially wouldn’t allow my dad to share the space.  Poor guy must have had a couple of rough nights camping out on the couch or something.

And so that is how I spent the first couple of years of my life.  Most of it’s a blur and photography was too expensive back then to have many pictures capturing my toddler years.  The few I do have are quite amusing, with me all bundled up in winter clothes with a red dot on my forehead, or hanging out in a crib with my cousins standing around me.  Perhaps I’ll dig those up someday and share them too.

Panda and one of my coworkers seem to love the idea of life being like a musical.  Whenever we walk, Panda will start singing a little tune he makes up to go with the rhythm of our footsteps.  My coworker always is talking about breaking out into song and dance (and apparently he’s sizing up everyone to see who he’d want to be near if this did happen, so he could be next to the better dancers).  Yeah, I’m surrounded by strange people.

When I was younger, I used to sing a lot too.  I think for me it stemmed in my upbringing.  My parents would sing old Chinese songs for no real reason as I was growing up.  In the car, we’d pop in a cassette or CD and sing along (that actually served a purpose: keeping my dad awake and alert while driving).  Around the house, they would do so without any accompaniment.  And there’s something really harmonious about singing or humming while gardening, which is something my mother loved to do.  I never saw any shame in singing in public and only in later years did I learn to tone it down.

This unconscious behavior got suppressed over the years as people always looked at me funny or asked me why I would burst into song.  Perhaps my voice is not that great, but I didn’t care.  It felt good and it felt right.  But nowadays, that doesn’t really happen and I wonder if that feedback affected me over the years until I got to this point, where I laugh and shake my head at people who sing randomly (or would like to).  It’s a pity, because I see nothing wrong with it.  I’d like to get in touch with that part of my behavior again.

What is so wrong or strange about singing in public anyway?  I find it to be a great way of expression, and usually a positive outlet.  Though I listen to certain types of songs when I am down and want to get sadness out of my system by having a bit of a cathartic release, I can’t ever recall wanting to sing a melancholy tone to express myself.  I can imagine a sad song being sung at organized events and the like, but not really by a lone person walking the streets.  Instead, I’m always inspired by happy, positive, upbeat feelings – and  it brings a smile to almost everyone’s faces, whether or not they actually like my singing.  The spontaneous desire to sing tends to go hand-in-hand with smiling and skipping.

It would be really cool if life were a musical and people burst out into song and dance more often.  It’d certainly make my world a happier place.  For now, I’ll just settle for the bit of singing Panda and I do from time to time, usually without realizing it’s happening.  There must be something deep down that drives us to do it and why should we deny ourselves that sort of innate joy?  It’s a beautiful thing, really.

Things have been very different for each generation of my family, especially on the marriage front.  I thought it’d be interesting to outline how it has changed from thoroughly Chinese and traditional to (eventually) entirely American and modern.  I’m counting from my great-grandparents’ generation through to my future children’s (and possibly even my grandchildren’s).  I guess five-six generations is what it takes to make the ultimate transition in terms of how the family will progress.

Starting off with my great-grandparents back in Communist China in the early years of last century, marriage was something that your elders decided.  Romantic love wasn’t really a familiar concept and whether you liked it or not, your future spouse was chosen for you by your parents.  In a way, being match-made was easier, since you didn’t have to find someone for yourself.  Plus, with the wisdom of their years, parents would generally match you up pretty well according to personality and wealth.  Think eHarmony, except substitute wealth for education in that case.

So one day your parents would strike a deal with his or her parents and a fortuitous date would be set.  Nothing with 4s and preferably with 8s.  You’d probably get really curious and nervous leading up to the wedding, wondering what your partner would be like, look like, act like.  Then the day would come and you would first lay eyes on this mysterious person you were destined to spend the rest of your life with.  After all the ceremonious duties were done, you’d spend your first night together, getting to know each other.  Over the years you would grow to love each other, or at least tolerate each other.  And you would propagate and continue the cycle for your children too.

Then came my grandparents’ generation, where things were starting to get a little less traditional.  Though your parents still chose your spouse, the two of you were allowed to meet before getting married and get to know each other a little.  Call it a supervised courtship of sorts.  As your parents did, you learn to love each other and build a life together.  By the time your offspring grow of age, rules have gotten lax and you let your children decide from a number of suitors you present to them.  With each, they get to know each other and court a bit before deciding if they like each other enough to commit their lives to each other.  The pressure of making the right choice started to become an issue, with this generation having the power to decide their own fates (within certain choices presented to them).  Now the concept of romantic love began to spread as young couples tried to figure out if they could love this person for the remainder of their years.

For my parents in particular, my maternal grandmother heard of my dad through the wife of a professor at the local university, which is where my parents both went to school.  My maternal grandfather was also a professor at the school and his professor buddy had my dad as a student.  Through the women talking, my grandmother learned that this young man was the professor’s star student and first in his class.  My parents were introduced to each other and my grandfather approved without ever meeting the man.  All he had to know was that he was a hard worker and an excellent student.  My grandmother, on the other hand, wanted to meet and get to know this potential suitor.  As the legend goes, she sat him down for an interview (probably mostly asking about academics and his professional future) and liked him as well.  My mom decided that of the guys she’d been introduced to, she liked this one the most, and so they were married.  Or something like that.

(More on my parents’ (and my) story in this future post.  Look for it in the following days.)

As for my generation, we’d moved to the US when I was young and I was brought up in a very Asian-American household.  I’d say my split was probably 60% Chinese, 40% American in my younger years, and now it has transitioned to 70% American, 30% Chinese.  It gives you a rough estimate anyway.  So for me, choosing a future spouse is mostly up to me, though my mom has certainly tried to introduce me to the sons of her friends and former classmates.  I get to pick him, but I still seek my parents’ approval and blessing.  If they don’t like him, I don’t know if I could go through with it.  Thankfully, they seemed to have liked Panda plenty at their first meeting.  :)  Also, at this point, love is very much an issue and the real thing driving my motivation.  Whereas before people learned to love, now I am looking for love.  Completely different priorities!

I anticipate that my children’s generation will do whatever they want without much, if any, say from me.  They’ll probably go chasing after their own fantasies and desires with little regard for my wishes.  But then again, I’d probably let them do their own thing and not try to interfere.  As for the generation after that, well, who knows how the world will be!  Maybe having a family will be so overrated that they chose not to procreate.  It certainly seems like more and more people I know are choosing to delay a family or throw that concept out entirely.  What’s important to us has shifted beyond recognition and I’m sure my great-grandparents would be utterly confused at the state of the world today.

And so, in five generations we went from no choice to complete choice.  In six we can go to no children, no seventh generation!  Yikes!  But hey, perhaps family values will make a comeback and the opposite will happen.  You never know.

Today was my 24th birthday and I got to spend it with Panda and my parents.  :)

I couldn't drive off without a picture first!

I got up early in the morning, surprising my parents, since  I love to sleep in.  Well, I had a date to catch!  Since Panda does not have his own transportation, I went out to pick him up so we could have lunch with my parents.  I was allowed a day of joyriding in my new car for my birthday, after which the car will be stored away until I get myself a job.  Call it sort of reward and encouragement at the same time.  I got a chance to set up the Bluetooth connection and made my first call with it to Panda.  He couldn’t even hear a difference!  Excellent.  Now I’ll never miss a phone call in the car since my music will automatically be muted for incoming calls.

Isn't that the smallest cone you've ever seen?

So we drove back to my neighborhood and I called up my parents to direct them to the local Souplantation.  I can’t believe we never knew about it before!  But you know, now that I think of it, it looks awfully familiar and I think it’s been there for a long time, but we just never knew about it.  So lunch was nice, with my dad and Panda doing most of the talking.  My parents really enjoyed Panda’s choice of restaurant and it was quite healthy and filling.  Plus, they had the cutest little ice cream cones!  By and by, it was time to part and for me to head off with Panda for the rest of the day.  We did a little strolling around the area before heading over to the dealership, since we’d noticed that the floor mats in my car were missing.

Look what we came across on our stroll!

With the paper mats in the way, we didn't notice at first that the actual mats were missing!

This fish must have been very hungry, since it spent the night trying to eat rocks.

The rest of the day was very chill as we hung out and enjoyed each other’s company.  For dinner, I had a hard time choosing, so we found something on Yelp that was near his home and headed that way.  Unfortunately, the place was closed for some reason, but thankfully, he had just gone to a nice Japanese place just down the street the day before.  We went there and had a nice time eating and watching the fish doing silly fish things in the tank in front of us.  Nice place and nice food.  To round out the night, we made a pit stop at cha for tea, my all-time favorite boba place.  They offer games there for people to play as they hang out, drink tea and boba, and munch on some food.  We’ve got a little tradition of playing Connect 4 there, so we sat down to a showdown.

All too soon we had finished our drinks, played many a round, and realized it was time to head back for the night.  I dropped him off and drove on home, enjoying the feel of the Corolla one last time.  I came back to dozens of birthday well wishes from friends on Facebook and a steadily growing number of votes coming in to help me towards winning a job interview for January 4th!  It’s great to have support and it’s been a fun way for me to earn my foot in the door for an exciting job.  With just one day left, I’ll do one final push and hope for the best.  I do believe I can stay in the Top 5 and earn an interview, but just in case I’m still working hard to ensure it’s taken care of.

In honor of the “numbers game” that my parents keep saying job searching can be, I thought I’d play around with some numbers myself…

1 lifetime:

2 parents

3 cats

4 countries lived in

5 states of residence

6 cars our family has owned

7 major relocations

8 cousins (and a step-cousin) I don’t get to see enough

9 jobs where I’ve earned money (3 internships without)

10 years old when I started documenting my life like the packrat I am

11 (and a half) places I’ve called home

12 grandparents, aunts, and uncles living in Asia (plus a step-grandparent)

13 years of keeping a daily journal

14 schools attended from pre-school through college (some simultaneously)

15 European countries traveled over a 5-week spring break

16, an eventful age: took driving lessons, attended Leadership Academy, went to Australia & Hawai’i, and moved to California from New York

17 (and a quarter) years’ worth of education thus far

18, the last landmark birthday (21 doesn’t count since I don’t drink)

19 affiliations with UCLA organizations throughout my college career

20 (intermittent) years in this country

21 major cities traveled to over that 5-week spring break

22 countries traveled to overall (not counting the 4 I’ve lived in for some period of time)

23 airports I’ve been through

culminating in 24 years of rich experiences!

I’ve certainly got a lot of stories.  As always, things in my life tend to be more exception than rule, so these numbers may be slightly off, depending on your criteria.  You get the idea though.

I saw David Copperfield with my parents on Christmas Eve and though the show was good, it was not magical to me.  Perhaps it is because I have come to an age where I understand some of the logic behind the tricks he does or perhaps it was because I found him to be rather arrogant, cuing us to applaud every little thing he did.  Ultimately, he isn’t a magician, so I suppose I shouldn’t expect a magical experience.  After all, he’s an illusionist and that part he did quite well, playing with our minds so that it was hard to fathom just how he pulled off his stunts.

I was also very distracted by his odd sense of humor and all-too-confident demeanor.  I went looking for cool tricks that I just couldn’t explain, but he tried to mix in too much comedy for my taste.  Certain things also appeared too staged, like the husband who slapped his wife’s butt when they were on stage because her knit dress was showing her undergarments.  When David asked if anyone had any questions, it was way too obvious that the guy shouting, “Do it again!  Do it slower!” was part of the show.  It didn’t help that those aren’t even questions.

That's my daddy in the front row with the sweater on!

Nevertheless, there were some entertaining moments and he certainly is skilled at his crazy illusions.  The night ended on a high note when my dad was one of the audience members who go to go on stage and be vanished into thin air.  He eagerly went up and when the show was over, came out laughing heartily after having been a part of the show.  That was definitely worth it and we got an autographed picture for his troubles.  So in the end, it turned out to be a fun time, but I do believe we could have used a little more disbelief to enjoy it more.

I’m frustrated.

This bad economy has made it very difficult for me to find a job and I’m starting to get impatient.  Here I am, at 5 (well, now nearly 8 that I’m posting this…) in the morning, still not sleeping because I’m so angst-filled I can’t.  I can only stare at job listings for so many hours a day, day in and day out, before it all becomes a blur and what I want becomes too similar to what’s out there.  Let’s not even get into the pain of sorting through the legitimate stuff and the sketchy postings.  My parents keep telling me to just get a job first and then worry about getting one I actually want.  However, I just can’t do that.  I can loosen my desired fields and responsibilities, but I am not going apply for every single job I am close to qualified for.  I’d just end up doing something I won’t care about to want to get up in the morning.  Plus, no matter how temporary, it’d be a job I’d have to stick with for a couple of months at the least.

I have this terrible fear that if I get started in a position that is too whatever-focused, I’m going to end up doing that for far too long for me to be happy.  Not that I need to be happy all the time, of course.  Right now the thought of the whole job hunt makes me cringe, but I do it because I need to support myself.  I’d love a job that’s a little bit of this and that, touching on many of my interests.  I don’t want to get restricted to just one area.  Am I being too short-sighted?  I’d love to get into some of the areas I’ve worked in, but I also don’t want to drown in them.  Also, it’d be great to work for a non-profit, but I will need to learn how a for-profit works.  Everything I do now I’d hope would be useful for me in the future as an entrepreneur.  And sure, all of the above would be great for that, but what I really want is something in the green space and/or at UCLA.  (That’s not all that I’m applying for, of course.)

I don’t really know why I am so stubborn, however I have applied for plenty of jobs that may not fit the bill of what I want perfectly, but would be something I care about enough to work hard at and have enough experience in to make a real contribution.  Unfortunately, I’m not exactly hearing back yet.  I have experience in a lot of areas, but not extensive in any particular area.  I wonder if that’s hurting me.  It’s also extremely difficult to figure what exactly is an entry-level job!  The job I really wanted I lost out to someone who’s been working for 3-5 years, I believe.  With all these people who have anywhere from 1 to 5 years edge on me, how do I leverage myself?  The competition these days is harsh and I am always up against people with more/better experience.

On the bright side, I’m going to speak with the boss at my internship next week to go over what I want to learn while I’m there and what I want to do in terms of work.  Perhaps she’ll have some useful suggestions in mind.  I just wish she could have leads too.  I had an evaluation with my manager before she left last week and she gave me great feedback.  I also hear a lot of good words from the boss.  All of that’s great, but I need it to work for me in terms of landing a full-time position somewhere.  I can only work for free for so long.  In fact, it’s already been too long and I am itching to have benefits so I can finally get my teeth checked, buy new contacts, and perhaps even get a physical.  I also can’t wait to not have to ask my parents to help me out.  I’m ready to be fully self-sufficient!

But of course, all this comes at the price of finding a job I can enjoy (at least most of the time), be qualified for, and contribute to in a meaningful way.  It’s not fair to a company to pretend I love the position to land the job only to leave them as soon as I can get another one I truly want.  I just worry that there are too many positions I’ve dismissed because I couldn’t imagine myself doing those tasks for 40 hours a week.  Maybe it wouldn’t be as bad I imagine to focus on something that is not my strongest interest.  Guess we’ll see as I continue this (seemingly) endless struggle.