Today, Panda and I discussed our future living situation and it’s a good thing that’s far down the road! Though everything else we differ in opinion on can be compromised more readily (like the cat I really want I can "adopt" by going to a local shelter to volunteer with the cats there), where to live is something that is much harder to agree on. Though I think I would like to end up living in LA, I also can’t imagine not finally getting around to living in a few of the places I’ve been thinking about: Houston, Denver, somewhere in England again… I’ve never lived in any city for longer than 4 years and I can’t stand thinking about being caged up to one city for the rest of my life. I move a lot, I experience a lot, and I change a lot. Ironically though, even though I’m used to change, I don’t like the change of having no more change. Change is what I’m used to and that is what I’m comfortable with. Ilike a new kind of scenery, a purging of my life here and there, and plenty of chances to learn from a wide demographic!
On the other hand, Panda is born and bred Californian. Not only has he never left the country, he’s hardly left the state. He knows LA and he loves LA. It’s hard for him to imagine living anywhere else, ever. He grew up with the same people pretty much in the same school district his entire life. He hasn’t moved since he was just an infant (other than going to college). Even the college he chose is close to home and right in the middle of LA. He’s comfortable in that city and doesn’t want to leave. Though he’s willing to take trips to visit places around the world, he’s just not interested in settling down anywhere else, for any length of time. His life has been stable, consistent, and reliable. So why would he want to take a chance and change all that? It’s far easier to keep on doing what he’s doing and get a job in the area, raise a family there, and grow old there. Very predictable.
I have known this about him and it has worried me a bit as I imagined our future together. It’s good that we still have time to change ourselves and perhaps change our minds, but what if we don’t? How do you reconcile two opposite demands? Just vacationing is not good enough for me. I want to immerse myself in a new place, which can only be done with lots of time. So, I was thinking, maybe I could spend a few months of each year in another city and switch the city every few years. However, I don’t like being away from him and I certainly would not want to start a family like that. Panda suggested that we can try to have two houses, one in the greater Los Angeles area, and one in whatever other city I’m interested in. That’s a good idea in theory, but when would he have the time to join me there? Being an engineer, I’m sure his work days will be long and hard and the vacation time will be minimal.
Then I was thinking, maybe the company he works for would have offices in the places I’m interested in, so he can request a transfer for a year or two. After a few of those, we could end up in LA again and settle down then. Of course, that is banking a lot on the possibility of an office where I want to go and available space. The type of work I’m doing now seems to (and hopefully is) propelling me towards a life of entrepreneurism and various ventures, which would make my schedule more flexible. So perhaps I could just wait until he finds a good position and then we relocate. Granted, this is assuming he’d be willing to go through all that trouble for a couple of years.
As a kid, I got sent on a lot of camps and trips, from annual summer visits to China to swim camps and boot camps (no, I was not a bad child, it was for my JROTC unit and I elected to go). I like being exposed to different things all the time. From my upbringing, I tend to get bored of things easily, unless it is always making me see and do things in a different way. I am afraid that that is going to happen with LA. I just need some time away, to get out all the dreams I’ve had before I can feel good about settling down in one place. Unfortunately, that "time away" can take anywhere from 5-15 years. Who really knows how things will turn out? I’m trying not to worry about it right now, since it’s still far away, as are deeper commitments with each other. But, here I am, just about seven and a half weeks into my time in Singapore and I can’t stand a day without him. And much as I appreciate my experience here, I dream of the day that I get to hold his hand again. How could I ever leave him in LA again and again for years?
For me, when it gets to the point where I know a city inside and out, it loses a lot of its appeal. It is no longer mysterious, no longer exciting, but suddenly a solved puzzle. But for him, Los Angeles is his home. Literally and figuratively. He’s familiar with its areas, its weather, its people. He knows just where to go to get the food he wants to eat or the things he needs to buy. At the same time, Los Angeles is a sprawling metropolis with so much to explore and see! From the famous landmarks to visit to the beautiful places to see, it offers up a whole bunch of options. I can totally see him staying there forever and never getting bored. I admit, there is still plenty for me to go see and do, but I’ve hit up most of the important areas (multiple times) and I’m ready to try something new in a few years. I still want to go back and establish something there first, but after that… who knows.
As for now, we’ll both just have to see if we can break out of the barriers we grew up learning and find some sort of a compromise down the road.
