8 ways my cat is like my fiancé

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Have you ever marveled at how similar a person and an animal have been? I often wonder if Smokey is just Panda (my fiancé) in feline form. They’re so similar in their personalities and preferences that they’re perfect for each other. So much for me getting a pet cat! More like them finding soul mates in each other. Curious what I mean? Here’s a round-up of ways “my” cat is like my fiancé…

1. They’re both kinda awkward. Panda’s an engineer who often fits that stereotype. He’s a bit gangly, not always socially appropriate, and just kind of off in his own world at times. Smokey can stare into space and get lost in her little head. She doesn’t always respond the way you’d expect and she runs kind of crooked. Both very silly, but totally adorable nonetheless.

2. They’re both bad communicators. I am always working with Panda on how he expresses himself (like how he used “veer” when he meant “leer”) and how he misinterprets the meaning of phrases. He doesn’t always use the English language to its full advantage. Meanwhile, Smokey will meow at us as if she wants something, but never follows through. My other cats make it clear when they meow if they want attention or food or something. Smokey just meows and then appears to have no purpose. I wonder if that’s because…

3. They both have poor memories. Panda never seems to remember things I bring up and Smokey seems to forget something happened as soon as she turns around. Perhaps their confusing communication efforts are due to these memory lapses?

4. They both eat and sleep a lot. You’d never know it looking at Panda, but he eats a ton (and never puts on weight). He can certainly chow down and Smokey does the same. She goes through bowls of food like nobody’s business! And when they’re done eating, they can both sleep up a storm. Whereas I usually wake up after 7 or 8 hours, they’ll go on for 10, 12 hours easily.

cat sleeping soundly against soft blanket and pillow

Big sleepers in this family.

5. They both love to play. Panda is always enjoying games and toys, like his little Lego people and even happy meal toys. Smokey will bat around anything she can find, from bottle caps to wads of paper. She’s a huge fan of chasing around a laser dot and playing with her squeaking mouse toy. Lucky for her, Panda is more than happy to play with her. 🙂

6. They both like to pet people. Panda will come around and pet my head like I’m a cat sometimes, which is a funny goofy thing he does. Little did I know that Smokey would like to “pet” us in her own way… by putting her paw on our faces (claws out, ouch!). Maybe they just like to put their hands on things.

7. They’re both scaredy cats. I’m the brave one in the family, staying calm for most things. Panda gets super nervous/worried/scared about things and stresses himself out. He gets startled whenever Smokey is feeling playful and decides to pounce on his feet. He’s intimidated by bugs. And Smokey? Every little noise or movement could cause her to jump alert and/or run off in fear.

8. They both stretch strangely. I often find Panda in a strange position on his side with his knee stretched up and his arm extending through his bent leg. Apparently he finds this comfortable. Smokey is more about stretching completely long, which I’ve never seen a cat do before!

cat laying on carpet with legs stretched out straight behind her

So you see, they were really made for each other. Wouldn’t you agree?

Would you rather: career vs. family

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I just watched the feature on Barbara Walters now that she’s retiring and something she said struck me – how people don’t look back and regret spending too much time at the office, but they do regret not spending enough time with their families. However, I don’t think it’s as simple as that. That’s coming from a career woman’s perspective, but what about the flip side? What about someone who spent their whole lives dedicated to their families? Do they have no regrets? My greatest fear of potentially deciding to stay at home and being a homemaker is that I’ll regret not living up to my potential in a career. So what’s worse – feeling like you wasted too much of your life working away and not being a good family member or feeling like you wasted too much of your time focusing on family and not contributing your skill sets to the labor force?

As it is, it’s tough enough staying home to take care of the family. But then people often think that the home life is just full of daytime strolls and shopping sprees and other fun things. They don’t seem to respect homemakers they way they probably would if they truly understood the challenges (not that I do, but I certainly have seen a glimpse of it and it’s not something I’m confident I can pull off). How would you feel if you worked your butt off for days on end only to have people think you’re lazy? Even worse than that for me is the thought of people thinking you’re somehow less intelligent because you’re not working on some career path. Just because you choose not to be employed doesn’t mean you’re unemployable and neither does it give any indication of your capabilities. Yet inevitably, it comes into question… Did you stay home because you’re not good enough? After all those years away from the workforce, are you somehow less intelligent or hardworking?

So I’ve got to say, at this stage, much as I want to not focus on work so much, I do because I’d rather look back and wish I had taken more time away than wish I had accomplished more in my life. I still grapple with the decision to stay in the workforce and how long I plan on being here. It feels wonderful to be good at a job, be productive, and contribute towards some greater goal. I don’t know if I’d feel as rewarded in terms of my self-esteem when it comes to family life. I can certainly see myself feeling great about raising good kids, helping Panda advance his own career with less stress because of my presence at home, and other less tangible results that have a less direct connection to my contributions. Ultimately, I think I’d want to settle on a part-time opportunity that would give me even greater flexibility in my schedule. For now, since home life is pretty simple without any kids, I’ll stay concentrated on my work.

Would you rather focus on your family if you could give up your job? Have you chosen that path? Or are you determined to pursue a long career?

The best cat toys you already own

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box with paper scraps, packing peanut, q-tip, pen cap, bottle cap, and toilet paper tube that make great free cat toysAny cat owner (servant) will know that it doesn’t take much to amuse those cute little creatures. In fact, you pretty much never need to buy toys for them to play with, because basic household items are more than enough to keep them entertained. Smokey loves all the little knick knacks around the house and we often find her batting something across the floor. Check out some of the things she’s been playing with: a box (of course, even when she only fits her front half in it), scraps of paper, packing peanuts, q-tips, pen caps, bottle caps, and even a toilet paper roll tube. Most of these items were headed for the trash or are otherwise useless to us… but for Smokey, they make amazing little toys.

I’m pretty sure any cat toys we do buy are really more for us humans than for the cats. I’ve certainly purchased things I thought looked fun, cute, or somehow worthwhile, only to find it was a complete waste of money. Why even bother when all it takes is random things you probably didn’t even mean to drop on the floor? Smokey is particularly good at getting what she wants and she tears right into my subscription boxes with their fun strips of packing paper or peanuts. I never have to worry about her not having something to play with.

So what do your cats find to be the best toys in your house?

Personification

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We’ve always had a tumultuous relationship, he and I. I grew up loving him and spending as much time as I could with him (though getting his attention could be quite the conundrum). Over the years, I got to see him less and less as other priorities took over. High school and college were the most challenging for us. I couldn’t get enough of him yet I couldn’t spare my time for him. And so it was a battle, day in and day out. How much of my life would I devote to him? How much could I?

During college, when I found some time, I’d sneak little breaks in the day for him. I even missed out on some classes because of him. What a thorough distraction he is. An addiction that always pulls me in, demanding my time. There are few relationships in my life that are quite as consuming as this one. I will never completely leave him, nor would I want to, but there are times when I (would like to) need him less. I wish it could remain like that for longer, but then there I am, back in his grasp again.

There have been times I’ve been able to step away more effectively than usual (age has helped). I even began to think I didn’t love him anymore; I thought I could do without. But we are intrinsically linked, with so much history and a rich past that can’t be put aside. For awhile, it seemed to go well… then inevitably his presence crept back into my life. His influence over my mind is undeniable. Without him, I can’t focus, can’t think, can’t be a productive part of society.

I’ll always crawl back into his arms. I may not want to stay as long as I do, but oftentimes it’s for the better. Like tonight, I should go join him soon if I’m to have any hope of a good tomorrow. Mornings are always the hardest for me, if I’ve been with him (if I haven’t all night it’s easier to keep avoiding him a little longer). As the day starts, I find it near impossible to drag myself away and feel good about it. It’s all the stranger when Panda is coming home from work to join him as I’m leaving. I get a little bit jealous. When I return from work, I just want to crawl into bed with them both and join the party.

Oh, but he’s a greedy one – whenever I’m with him, he wants to keep me for hours at a time. I need to pick my times wisely, lest he take over my life in an unhealthy fashion. Then other days he eludes me and I close my eyes hoping to catch him. Eventually I succumb to him, but often after agonizing minutes of waiting, wanting. He’s certainly the boss of me, much as I try to control him. I never know how things will pan out; only he does.

Funny how he can be such a fickle mistress.

 

…Can you guess what I am personifying here?

cat laying on side of bed in deep sleep

Here’s a clue.

Fear and bravery

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Fear. The thing that holds us back so often.

As open as I am, my deepest secrets I hold dearly. I want to trust others with them, but I haven’t been able to. So I fantasize about writing fiction and hiding in my stories. After all, who’s to say how much is real and how much is fabricated there? Even then I’m hesitant, though. What if those who knew the situations I speak of see my thoughts? What if people just assume it’s all true? (And maybe it is.)

Bravery to be vulnerable. To share those feelings, no matter how painful or silly or uncomfortable it feels. Like songwriters pouring out their souls in their lyrics. I want to be like that too. I want to express myself without censorship. But this is going to take time… maybe I’ll adopt a pen name. Sometimes it’s easier to be an illusion.

It’s a conflict of interest though – am I not sharing myself to connect with others? How can I truly do that if I’m hiding behind a facade? How much honesty is too much? I’m definitely grappling with that. Right now I recognize this weakness and I accept that I don’t know how to deal with it. I’m hoping I’ll get to the point where I’ll embrace it. Will it be liberating when I do? I sure hope so.

Off-kilter

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What do you do when you drive home with an insane headache? Why, crash in bed as soon as possible, of course.

Somewhere between being tired and having a mild headache, I found myself with a pain in my head that is rather inexplicable. It’s not your normal headache. It was a pain in my head that hurt without feeling like a headache. I think the pain starts near my eyes and radiates out my temples. I’m not really sure, but I drove home pretty much like a zombie (and the freakin’ traffic took a 25-30 min drive and made it an hour, oh joy). When I got home, Panda was still in bed since he’s working the night shift. I joined him and before I knew it, I crashed into oblivion.

It was just what I needed, that nap. The thunder started rumbling right before I drifted off and the gentle pitter patter of the rain sang me to sleep. Two hours later, Panda was getting ready to leave for work and I woke up far more clear-headed than when I arrived home. I’ve had some dinner and I’m ready to see if I can get right back to sleep again after that. I’ve been having trouble focusing and I get bouts of exhaustion that I can’t explain. I mean, I spent the whole weekend recouping! Why am I still strangely out of it?

Here’s to hoping extra rest is the answer.

Vegetate

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What a draining week it’s been! I feel like it’s been two weeks and I barely have enough brain power left to operate. In fact, I’m pretty much out of juice to do much more than free-write. No capacity to paint the nails on my other hand. No strength to eat despite being insanely hungry (so much so it makes me nauseous thinking of eating). No memory reserves to keep track of all I meant to do.

I filmed some videos this weekend that I was supposed to upload to a shared account so we can get the Yuzen summer box video up. Even that became too hard. Last night after washing my face I meant to put on lotion, but completely spaced out even as I held the bottle in my hand. Thank goodness Panda isn’t traveling again or I might just be neglecting to feed the cat and clean her litter box.

All I want is to lay here and vegetate. Listen to the rain outside. Zone out as my mind tries to unscramble itself. I found myself having trouble with speech this evening. Words got stuck in my head but didn’t come out right. My ears feel like I’m in some high pressure area. And then on my drive home I realized I had some more work to do. Bleh. But now I am done and contemplating between sleeping earlier and zoning out to a show.

Is this week over yet?

So tired. Tonight we had a launch party for the co-working space and had a good showing despite the awful weather. There were times I looked outside and it was completely white from the heavy rain. Couldn’t see a single building or tree out there. But still the people flocked in and it was nice to take a break from work to meet some new people. Wish I could have actually joined in the festivities, but alas, duty called. I’m going to be so glad when I don’t have to stare at these spreadsheets anymore!!

The perfect storm

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Exhaustion. That state in which you start breaking down.

Not just the body. The mind. The soul.

I didn’t think I was all that drained. It overcame me before I even realized it. Didn’t help that I was freezing and starving too. Could there be a more uncomfortable combination?

Oh, and suddenly I found myself overworked. So for no reason, I felt like crying. Must have been the droopy eyes I got from all the stress.

It’s strange, I don’t feel overtly stressed, just… worn. Yet, not physically tired the way I’ve been before, from lack of sleep or too much strenuous activity. Perhaps it is my essence itself that is tired.

I was lightheaded, woozy, easily bordering into delirious territory. Funny how it happened so quickly. It’s only the second day back from my vacation! I don’t seem to fare well when I don’t have enough snacks and the office is chilly.

In times like these, a warm bed full of blankets has never felt more welcoming.

Good Friday

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Last night was the first time in a long while that I actually fell asleep unintentionally. I woke up at 2 something in the morning to find the lights still on, my laptop running, and the cat dozing away. I thought about getting in a blog post, but that required too much effort to wake up from a fog, so I turned off the lights and settled back to sleep. I’m pretty sure I had a dream in a world that I’d dreamed of before. It was like a hybrid of SF and Georgetown and (much like last time) parts of it were flooded. I even recall a house that I’d admired last time. This time I decided to sneak in with Panda and another friend (I think it might have been Ninja) to check it out.

Such was my exhausted state of mind last night, so I’m very glad that we get today off. I’ve got to say, I’ve never had Good Friday off (nor have I had Earth Day, which I also get this year). It’s quite nice and I hadn’t realized how much I was trying to cram in before my long weekend (I’m taking Monday since Earth Day is Tuesday, so I get 5 days!). I guess it all caught up to me last night as I finally got a chance to decompress from it all. It’s also the perfect time for me to be able to go pick up my volunteer badge for the Smithsonian. Their security office is only open weekdays so I haven’t had time to go all the way out to DC to get my badge.

I’m also looking forward to swinging by a macaroon shop that closed before Panda and I could go buy anything last time. I might just get some Georgetown Cupcakes or Sprinkles too.

Similar songs

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Have you ever been humming a song only to find that you get it mixed up with another one? I found myself doing this quite a bit with the song “Red” by Taylor Swift – it’d start off just fine and then during one of the “lovin’ you”s I’d veer off into “Let Her Go” by Passenger. Listen to the first three notes of “Let Her Go” and then compare with this part of “Red.” Maybe I’m just a horrible singer, but those notes start off so similarly that I lose track of which tune I’m singing.

Just when I thought it was an anomaly, one of my coworkers shared this video of “The Man” by Aloe Blacc… I thought it was a joke when I first heard the opening lyric. Why? Well, have you ever watched Moulin Rouge? If not, check out this part of “Your Song” from that movie. The resemblance is uncanny, not only in the sound, by in the lyrics. This time I can’t be just imagining it, right?

Now far less clear is why this section of that new JT song “Not A Bad Thing” reminds me of TLC’s “Waterfalls.” Nothing specific here tying the songs in how they sound, but it’s more of a feeling. The first time I ever heard the JT song on the radio, I was brought back to middle school, when I was still trying to grasp the lyrics of “Waterfalls.” I hadn’t thought of TLC in ages, but the groove that “Not A Bad Thing” gets into has elements that I find similar to “Waterfalls.” Would you agree?

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