Holiday traditions Asian-American style

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
25 December 2013
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Merry Christmas to those who celebrate!

My family has sort of stopped, but the holiday season is a time to celebrate in general and that we do, in our own little ways. While the rest of the country was scrambling to get gifts for their loved ones around this time of year, I was sitting back and only had to figure out what to bring to the company white elephant last week. Other than that, I really didn’t have any gifts to get. Since I ended up putting together items I had at home (champagne, cookies, and a hangover drink) for the white elephant, I haven’t had to buy a single gift for the season. This actually seems to be pretty common among many Asian American households, so I doubt we’re that unique.

christmas tree in living room decorated with poinsettias and ornaments

The last time we broke out the tree was 2006 I think.

When I was a kid, my parents adopted the American holiday traditions as you often see them advertised. We had Christmas lights and a tree and gifts. One year, I wrote a little letter to Santa and left some cookies and milk, even though I didn’t quite believe it would work. Still, for the sake of participating in a tradition, I gave it a shot. Since my birthday happens to coincide with all the celebrating that occurs between Christmas and New Year’s, I wanted to make sure we celebrated it all lest my birthday get lost in the shuffle. Being an only child, my mom indulged me and even let me dictate that I would get 25 (or was it 30?) gifts one year. Of course, when pencils and socks count, it’s not too hard to get that count. Still, I grew up pretty spoiled and always well-taken care of. While I never got the video games I begged for for years, I did get plenty of other items ranging from clothing to books to toys.

Sometime around high school, I began to really notice how impractical it was to wait til the end of the year just to get a camera or some article of clothing that I could have been enjoying long before. One time when I asked my mom for a particular item only halfway through the year, we decided that it would count as one of my holiday/birthday presents. From that point on, it made more sense to get what I wanted/needed when the timing was right and then we’d just do some small thing at the end of the year more as a gesture than anything else. Over the years, that transitioned into a family trip in the winter and no official gifts. We’d also make sure to get at least one meal together as a family. It’s more about the time and experiences now.

This year for Panda I asked what he wanted and he said much of the same. Time spent together now that we’re both back in LA. We’ll visit some of our favorite stomping grounds and also take some time to explore new ones. I’m finally going to get to a restaurant I’ve wanted to eat at for ages! And that’s how I see us celebrating my birthday in a few days – a whole lot of eating, driving, exploring, and picture-taking. Just the way I like it.

The commercial products? We’ll get them as we see fit, when we see fit.

Pilot communication styles

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , , ,
24 December 2013
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I like captains who give updates during the flight and today I experienced the best one yet! I don’t recall what he said prior to takeoff since I was absolutely exhausted and dozed off, but at various points throughout our cross-country journey, he shared little tidbits of information. I loved knowing when we’d reached cruising altitude, when we were flying over various places, and why it was taking longer than usual to get to the gate. This captain was so well-spoken that he really put me at ease and made our trip a lovely experience (of course getting that first class upgrade also helped! ;)).

Oftentimes, pilots will only check in briefly at the beginning and end of the trip, divulging very little. I always wished they’d say a little more when some interesting mountain was visible or a particularly large city. It’s nice to get an idea of how much ground you’ve covered and what you’re actually looking at when you stare down at earth. Whenever I do international flights, I usually don’t bother with the movies offered, but keep my screen tuned to the flight stats screen. I love checking in on our altitude, ground speed, progress, and other facts.

I know some people may not care or want to be disturbed during their flight, but I’m a fan of more communication! I like when the pilot checks in every hour or two with a brief update. Usually it’s no longer than 20 seconds, so surely you could handle that interruption, no? For my inquisitive mind’s sake, I sure hope I get on more flights with captains who are as warm and informative as mine today. It totally enhanced my flying experience!

aerial view of sedona arizona red rock state park landscape

Our pilot let us know when we were passing over Sedona, Arizona and got a view of Red Rock State Park.

aerial view of big bear region with big bear lake in distance

Thanks to the captain, I can identify this area as Big Bear.

Journey of happiness

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
23 December 2013
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Would you rather be accomplished or happy?

I’m not saying these are mutually exclusive, but if you had to choose, which one is more important to you? I’ve found that in the quest for happiness, people often get caught up in accomplishments that don’t make them happy. Again and again you hear to do what you love – the success will follow. Yet, time after time, you see people putting job titles and salaries ahead of their personal fulfillment. Rather than choosing the roles that would bring them the most satisfaction, they choose the ones with higher prestige, larger paychecks. It’s quite the phenomenon.

girl at outdoor piano smiling with gleeful expression of joy

Some things bring me pure joy.

I’ve got to say, I don’t quite subscribe to this “follow your dreams” advice. I mean, the general concept makes sense, but when it comes to the nuances of real life, it’s a lot more complicated. It’s easy for people to take this idea and go wild, thinking that whatever they do they must love all of it. It’s too easy to say, “Oh I enjoy this but not that so maybe it’s not the right thing for me.” To me, it’s important to enjoy what you do more often than not, but you’ll never find a career that you love every aspect of. Maybe you’re loquacious and you get to talk a lot, but also need to handle paperwork to get deals closed. Maybe you’re extremely introverted and love doing research, but need to then present your findings at meetings. Doing only what you love can be a bit of a cop-out… it can encourage you to throw in the towel too soon, giving up on something because certain elements are challenging.

It’s something I struggle with all the time – how much do I enjoy my career path, my role? When I get to do what I’m best at and like doing, I’m in the zone. It feels fantastic and rewarding. When I have to do what I’m not strong in and struggle with, I’m at a loss. I try and I try but boy is it hard! My only solace is that when it’s finally over, that rush of relief can wash over me and provide some comfort. On my journey of happiness, I am constantly learning, growing, and evolving. Similarly, I’ve found that in my personal life I travel a parallel path. I’ve learned that finding happiness is not about getting to a destination – after all, what makes us happy is changing too. Rather, it’s about adapting along the way and enjoying the experiences. I’m trying to make the most of each experience and find something to smile about.

It’s funny how all this time I’ve been trying to “find myself” there’s been no “self” to find, really. I am who I am; I am how I am. As I tried to figure out what would make me happy I failed to realize that I was thinking too much about a future self that doesn’t exist yet (and may never exist, depending on what choices I make now). Am I brave enough to let go of all that worry and just live in the present? I crave a certain amount of stability and I feel like I have more control over the future if I make decisions based on how I think it will go. But really, you never know. So maybe I can explore this stage of my journey of happiness a bit more thoroughly while I’m here. I’m just afraid that acting without regard to that fuzzy future will make it become something far worse than I’d want.

Happiness now doesn’t guarantee happiness in the future. Oh, dilemmas… I still can’t quite let go of wanting to feel accomplished AND happy. I’ll try to tip the scales a bit more towards happy though. We’ll see how it goes. 🙂

Weary

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
18 December 2013
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Have you ever wanted to just give up?

Sometimes I really question myself. I put on my brave face and even fool myself for awhile, but then it resurfaces, that uncertainty. The child who often didn’t feel that connected with her peers. The girl who never really fit in. The woman who thought it’d be easier by now.

Why do I place such importance on the opinions of those who really don’t matter? Why can’t I revel in the love and appreciation I do have? We always want what we don’t have, don’t we? When I think about it, it’s silly, really. Wasting all this time and effort and heartbreak on the unimportant things. Expending so much energy worrying and forcing those closest to me to suffer the pouty moods. Why do I let it get to me so? Why can’t I stop caring?

I am worn, I am weary. I don’t want to trudge along like this. I used to be so happy; I used to be so carefree… and I wish I knew how to shake off the sadness and return to that place. So I write. I write and I write and I write. Then I read a little. And I sit and think until my brain protests. So I spill it all out as drafts of posts I may never share, or I put pen to paper and smell that intoxicating scent of ink. Maybe I can purge my mind that way. Maybe.

I just want to have fun again.

Inspirational

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
16 December 2013
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when i think of you
i think of that smile
your resilient spirit shining through

when i think of you
i wish we had met in person
so i could hug you and hear you laugh

when i think of you
i can’t help but shed a tear
as i remember the day i found out

found out the cancer had taken you

i always believed you’d beat it
you were so strong, so brave
you had the kindest heart

you made such an impact on so many lives
inspiring them, encouraging them
and bringing awareness to the need for asian donors

who else deserved to live more than you?

oh janet, how i wish it didn’t
didn’t have to end
end like that, end so soon

how i wish you were still here
sharing your beautiful soul

janet liang potrait with quote

A tribute to you, Janet, over a year after your passing. Thinking about you.

Please put yourself into the donor registry, no matter who you are. You could save a life. Learn more at Asian American Donor Program (not just for Asians) and get registered to be a donor.

To be a bird

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
09 December 2013
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Ah, to be a bird

Where air is my element

And I flit about nay a care in the world

Light as a feather, nimble as a mouse

Free to go up, down, all around

 

I could put it all behind me

Escape to another world

If I please, if I please…

 

And if I tire, I’d find a perch

Gaze down at the world so far away

Noticing every detail with my razor-sharp vision

Letting myself be free

Free to be me

 

Oh how glorious it would be.

 

I didn’t set out to write prose that resembles a poem, but I guess that’s how my thoughts sort of gathered themselves. It’s funny that I began writing this last night and then this afternoon, a hawk glided along to a stop near me, right on a rock on the ground. It’s not often you see these birds of prey so low to the ground, calmly sitting. It watched as I walked around to get a picture of it and let me take one. Before I could get a better position and zoom in more, it was off again, sailing ever so gracefully into the sky. I’m so inspired by these great birds – in fact, I’ll be writing about them again for today’s 365great.

hawk sitting on rocks in snowy icy terrain behind iced over branches

Can you spot the hawk hiding behind the branches near the top of the rocks?

I’ve long admired these creatures, not only because they are so powerful and elegant all in one, but because they get to fly. I wish my body could allow me to go airborne whenever I want. It’s so beautiful up in the air and everything is so crisp and clear. They represent empowerment and freedom to me, which are things that I value deeply. Beyond that, I’d love to spread my wings and take myself away from this place sometimes. Wouldn’t it be nice to retreat from the world for awhile and find your peace? Get lost in your own thoughts and not worry about the rest of the world.

Oh, to be a bird…

A sense of impermanence

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
05 December 2013
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panoramic shot of newly built condo

Hello future home.

Ever since I moved here I haven’t quite felt settled. There’s not much space for me, I barely brought along any stuff, and I didn’t know anyone other than Panda. Now I’ve got a job and (soon) a condo, so I can finally feel like this place is my home. I don’t think of myself as a Virginian yet and I don’t know how long it will take, but if I stay long enough it’s bound to happen. Going back to LA for Thanksgiving was a chance for me to bring over more things and the upcoming move to the condo is a chance for me to claim some space of my own. I’m looking forward to making 2014 the year in which I get to embrace life out here.

For now, I still feel like an outsider. Everything is an adjustment – I’m not used to the weather, the change of pace in lifestyle, even the people… at times I wish I could just retreat back to my parents’ home in LA, lounge around, and not have to worry about being all grown up. So much seems so out of place in my life right now. It’s a feeling I can’t quite put my finger on – a little bit of melancholy, a little bit of confusion, a little bit of yearning. I’ve dived into songs to try to express feelings I can’t place, but I think I just need to write about it. I’ve pondered putting together a fictional story to try to capture my thoughts and funny enough, my best friend recently reached out to me about her own writing. Perhaps reading her stories will help me collect my ideas for mine.

It’ll be nice when I have the move to focus on, so I can shift my efforts to building my new life.

Catdoration

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
30 November 2013
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Can I take a moment to gush about my cat?

cat and person snuggling in bed

I love cozying up to her.

This is Missy. I’ve talked about her plenty, but I still can’t shut up about her. I mean, I love her in ways I can’t even describe sometimes. Is that crazy? Maybe. Will I become a crazy cat lady? Only if I suffer some major trauma in my life. For now, I think I’m safe. It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t get enough of her though. Ever since I first picked her from the shelter and brought her home, I’ve been super attached. It all started when she happily took a nap in my lap at the shelter – that’s when I knew that I couldn’t let this one go. Over the months and years since, she and I have only gotten closer. We now have a variety of rituals:

Every night when she’s ready for bed around 9 or 10, she’ll come find me and hop on up. I’m usually sitting in bed on the computer, so she’ll snuggle next to my legs. She won’t just lay down and sleep though. Oh no, she’s got to do her purring massaging routine. Whether it’s a clump of blanket or Rupert her boyfriend or a pillow, she has to find something to knead. Then she’ll purr and stick her nose in whatever she massages as her paws press one at a time, claws coming out to grab at it. If I’m already close to sleeping myself, she’ll sometimes come knead me (often my bare arm or leg – ouch!), especially if she crawls under the covers between my legs. As long as it’s something squishy, it’s fair game (and my inner thighs and armpits seem to qualify every time). After a good 10-15 minutes of this, she’ll finally decide she’s done her work for the night and plops her butt down to rest.

If she ever wants to be fed (generally around sundown), she’ll come meow and meow at me with her little crackly voice until I get up. I try to placate her by meowing back and talking to her, but she’ll have none of that! She keeps trying to lead me out of the room and when she sees me finally start to move, she bounds down the hallway to show me where to go. At the end of the hall, she’ll look back and if I’m not close behind, she’ll come get me and run off again. Then she’ll practically float down the stairs, skipping three steps at a time. As I get out a can to feed her and Molly, she’ll impatiently pace back and forth on the kitchen counter until I start serving. At that point, she knows not to try to eat on the counter and she jumps down to sniff Molly and wait for the plates to be put on the ground.

After eating a hearty meal, she’ll generally find me sitting eating my own dinner. At that point, she’s full and content, so she jumps up to my lap and spins around until she finds the perfect spot to settle in. I usually put one arm down for her to lean against, since my legs aren’t wide enough for her to spread out without falling. When I finish my meal, I can’t bear to move her in her slumber, so I sit… for hours until my butt falls asleep or I need to go to the restroom, I wait there with her and enjoy her company. For whatever reason, when I try to carry her up to bed to continue sleeping, she always gets up. I’ve learned that her dinner nap is sacred and if I don’t appreciate it, she’ll leave me to spend her time elsewhere. The only way to get her to stay in bed is after a play period following the dinner nap!

I happen to be an excellent scratcher, with nails that are just long enough to give a nice deep scratch. Missy loves it when I scratch her neck, back, ears, and face. The look of pure joy on her face is freakin’ amazing. I tried to capture it at Thanksgiving dinner, but it’s usually an even more pleased look. She closes her eyes, tilts back her head, and puts her weight into it to get the best results. She’ll purr gently and push her head against my hand if I stop before she’s ready.

We have a special bond that nobody else has with me or with her. I could spend an entire day just lounging around with her, letting the hours melt away. In fact, I’ve done that before. I really wish I could bring her back east with me, but I don’t feel settled enough for that yet. Plus, snow might freak her out… she can get scared of her own shadow sometimes. For now I’m milking every moment with her and I look forward to a time when I can raise her in my new home.

Meet & greet

laelene Posted in general blog, lifestyle glimpses，Tags: , , , , ,
29 November 2013
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Today’s a pretty momentous day in the history of my life. For most people it’s just another Black Friday, but in my world it’s also my mom’s birthday and the first time my parents and Panda’s parents met.

cat sleeping with arms stretched out straightIt started off as a nice lazy day – I woke up around 9 and lay in bed playing games on my phone for a good two hours. Missy came to find me at one point and napped by my side as I enjoyed lounging in bed. Eventually, my mom came up to discuss stuff for a bank account I’m opening and I wished her a happy birthday. She’d forgotten it was today, as usual. For the past couple of years, she probably wouldn’t have known when her birthday was if I didn’t remind her. 😛 I went through the mail that was waiting for me from my time away and went downstairs to join everyone for lunch.

rainbow seen by freeway while driving

Saw a rainbow on our drive!

After sitting around for a bit to chat with my mom and catch random bits of the show my dad was watching, I decided it was time to head off to Chase, where I was going to open a savings account. That turned out to be a bit of a disaster (offer had expired but I called in weeks ago to make sure to lock it in… and they had no record of it) and an hour later, I only kind of sorted it out. Oh well, I did the best I could and I might still get the offer. Sometimes I really hate large organizations. How do I ever get to the person who can actually help me? Bleh. From there, I had hoped to swing by the stores for a quick look around at the Black Friday deals, but it was time to go home to get ready for our trip out to Panda’s parents’ place. My parents, cousin, and cousin’s friend all came along for the festivities. 🙂

giant pile of crab legs and chilled shrimp at chinese buffet

I made sure to get crab and shrimp!

At Panda’s, his parents and brother were there with him to meet us. My cousin had met his family before and we’d both met each others’ parents, but the parents had not met each other. Back when Panda was graduating with his Master’s degree, my parents had hoped to attend but were ultimately unable to. Little did I know that would be the very day we got engaged! Too bad my parents weren’t there for that. Since then, this was the first time we got a chance to all gather. We sat in the living room and the adults chatted about a variety of things, including their histories and us kids. After nearly an hour, we did a tour of the house and headed off to dinner.

large tub of hot and sour soup with a ton of mushrooms

The hot & sour soup was a mushroom-lovers dream! NOM

Throughout the night, the parents seemed to have plenty to talk about. They got along quite well and had many common threads, including the immigrant experience, being engineers, and of course being Chinese. I got a chance to catch up with Panda’s brother, who is working down in San Diego now. We had all sorts of filling food and stayed for nearly 3 hours! It went so much better than I could have hoped for and I think we all had a great time. Now his parents aren’t some mysterious phantoms that my parents need to imagine and both sides have a sense of what the other family is like. I think the way I describe his family doesn’t do them justice, so my parents had a skewed view of what they might be like. Now they can see for themselves and it was encouraging that we all enjoyed each others’ company. We are very different, yet share enough culturally and experience-wise that it’s wonderful.

The buildup

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
26 November 2013
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You know when time after time, things happen to make you feel a certain way until you can’t take it anymore?

That happened to me when I wrote about how I don’t quite fit in earlier this month and I’m feeling it again (for other reasons). Depending on how you feel, you might explode in a fit of rage, burst into a round of tears (like I did), or channel that energy into some sort of activity. I thought that going to my yoga and meditation class tonight would help me find peace (and it did, temporarily), but when I came home I found myself pouring my heart out to Panda. It’s been a long time coming and I still wish I had a close girlfriend I could share my feelings with, but Panda does a pretty good job.

One of my strengths and greatest weaknesses is that I care. I care a lot; I care too much. I also tend to overthink. So when people don’t give me the time of day or say something insensitive off-hand, I can sometimes take it too personally. It’s not so much what they do as what I interpret to be the reason they do it – like when they don’t give me the time of day when I’m asking for a little bit of help. It’s not that they didn’t really help me… I understand that there are situations where they are busy with their own work, don’t know how to help, etc. What makes me sad is when I get the impression that they just don’t want to hear what I have to say. I wish I felt more respected instead of disregarded, even ridiculed.

I don’t know why I’m letting the sad moments get to me when they are far outweighed by the good. I just can’t help dwelling on those interactions and wondering what I could do to improve the situation. My mood is sort of mirroring the weather outside – dreary, drizzly, and damp. I think I just need to let it all out and let it pass. It’s going to be so nice to go back home to my dear family, my sweet cats, my lovely home, and that beautiful weather. I just need to hang in there one more day.

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