Helping strangers

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , ,
03 November 2013
1
box of leftover bacon and potato frittata with pieces of fruit

All he wanted were these leftovers.

Panda and I went out to Adams Morgan this afternoon for a late brunch and as we were walking back to the car, we were approached by a homeless man who asked us for our leftovers. My initial reaction was “why not?” but before I could say anything, Panda was shaking his head no and we were rushing off. I was pretty upset by that encounter, both because Panda is so ready to say no and because I was too slow to assert my own opinion. By the time I did, the man was getting further away and I felt strange chasing after him. I probably should have anyway. :-/ This is not the first time we’ve come across this situation; back in Scotland, two ladies approached us asking for directions in Mandarin and I felt whisked away before I could stop to help. Both these times, my reaction time was delayed enough that the opportunity was missed. I could have helped them, but instead we kept going our way.

Panda was brought up a very careful and cautious type of person. I don’t think he even registered what was being asked of him when he immediately refused. My mom tried to instill a similar apprehension in me when I was young and because she found me to be too trusting and helpful, she kept me in public school to try to give me a chance to learn some street smarts. Apparently she’d considered private school here and there, but figured I’d be even more sheltered than I already was. It’s always been in my nature to want to help (and often go out of my way to do so). So naturally, I wanted to help in these situations too, especially since it would be so easy to lend a hand! It bothers me that I didn’t and I’ve warned Panda to not let this happen again. Why must we approach the world with such a negative perspective?

When opportunities to help land into our laps like this, I really think we should embrace them and do what we can. I’m going to have to practice standing up for my opinions faster and more assertively. Next time, I’m not just going to let it slide. I just don’t believe it’s right. This kind of reminds me of a recent story I saw on the news, where a bus driver pulled over to talk a lady down from jumping off a bridge. At least two other people had passed by her, either not noticing she was on the wrong side of the railing or not caring enough to intervene. I would hope there are more people out there who would stop to show some compassion. What made the bus driver even more awesome was that he got the woman to safety and then sat down to talk to her and calm her down. How amazing is that? Kudos to him. We could use more of him in this world and I hope I’d be one of those rather than the one who ducks their head and keeps going.

What type of person are you? Would you have helped in these situations or would you have rushed on by?

Not your ordinary

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
02 November 2013
1

I often don’t quite fit in. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or my personality that shaped me to be this way, but I just can’t seem to connect with people when it comes to pop culture. This has come up quite a few times recently, as I’m getting to know my coworkers and our conversations inevitably turn towards movies or music or drinking. I’m not into many of those things that others get really passionate about and it can be alienating. How did it get this way?

I grew up very shy and rather introverted, so I dove into books. I’d read upwards of 30-35 a week – so much that my mom made me a special bag so I could carry them all when I left the library. The first movie I ever saw in a theater was Titanic when I was eleven (and I went with my dad). That was also the time I started to listen to music. Television kind of entered the picture, but there was no single show that I kept up with. I was far more involved with writing in my journal and reading til my eyes went bad. My parents wanted me to focus on school, so they didn’t get me video games or too many distractions. Since they had no cultural background in this country, I didn’t learn very much beyond what little I was exposed to.

In school, it was a lot easier to connect with people because of the activities we got involved in. I had friends who were interested in academics, JROTC, band, swimming, and track & field depending on which group we were in together. We were normally too busy doing what we were doing together to get distracted talking about random things. When I first started working full-time, I figured being the odd one out was normal since I was in Singapore, which had a completely new culture to me. Then I returned to the states and I started to notice that there were people who were cool to work with, but not the kind I’d call up to hang out with. Things were a lot easier when people were perfectly fine with my complete lack of knowledge when it came to a lot of what they talked about.

Lately, I’ve encountered quite a few situations where people go off on tangents related to entertainment or drinking and I have no clue what’s going on. I’m just not that into movies or TV shows and I don’t drink. I’ve never really minded what sets me apart, but I’ve gotten a lot of flak about it more recently and that makes me sad. Just because I don’t share the same interests and passions doesn’t mean that I’m a complete aberration; I’m different, that’s all! And why is being different so wrong that people need to judge me? It gets tiring after awhile, constantly fielding questions to the tone of “You don’t like [insert something you love]? You’ve never [insert your favorite activity here]?! What’s wrong with you??” Nothing is wrong with me. I’m just not you.

It’s hard enough trying to connect when I’m not interested in the topics being brought up. But I don’t go around imposing my opinions on other people and I wish they’d do the same. I know they don’t mean to be so insensitive, but when everyone treats me that way, it makes me feel like an outcast. I thought I’d grown a hard shell after a lifetime of not fitting in… unfortunately it seems it still hurts. While I’m perfectly fine with being a little “out there” now that I’ve outgrown my shyness, I still want to be accepted. Maybe I need to go find more social groups with interests aligned with mine. Yoga and cat shelters, here I come!

Animals in the road

laelene Posted in general blog，
28 October 2013
0

two deer standing in field next to roadway

These deer stayed far away from traffic. 🙂

Ever since I started commuting to work out here in Virginia, I’ve been encountering a lot more animal life along the road. In California, I might see a bunny as I pulled into my residential neighborhood, but otherwise there was pretty much nothing near the roadways. Meanwhile, here I’ve had two harrowing encounters where I thought I might be contributing to the roadkill on the streets. The first was as I was cruising along and I noticed a squirrel running across the road. It seemed confused and disoriented as it jumped back and forth, not quite sure if it should go forwards or backwards. I slowed down significantly to give it the space to figure out how to get off the road. As I passed, I kept an eye on it in my rear view mirror and watched it continue that dance for a bit. Luckily, it seemed to finally figure it out and get out of harm’s way. Then just a few days later, I was on my way in to work and a bird dropped out of the sky. I think it fell from a power line since it landed smack in the middle of the road. Fortunately, it was right along the divider line so I was able to avoid it and so was the car next to me. I was super worried that it would flop around and end up getting crushed by another vehicle, but I never saw roadkill in that part of the road so I’m going to go with the happy ending.

It’s always so sad when I see roadkill along my route. This weekend, I saw a beautiful deer on the shoulder, looking so pristine it could have just been sleeping. Unfortunately that was not the case and it made me sad to wonder what happened and why it got on the road. Over the course of the past month, I’ve seen a variety of animals including raccoons, skunks, and squirrels crushed by the side of the road. I love all creatures and I cringe whenever I come across those depressing scenes. It’s been so many years that I’d sort of forgotten about this part of roadways out here. The last time I lived on this side of the country was back in 2002 and I was just barely learning how to drive. That’s one thing I haven’t missed about life in these parts.

Speaking of all this, I’m reminded of a friend back in my high school in New York who was learning about taxidermy. As part of a research project, she needed a squirrel specimen that she could dissect and stuff. Due to certain regulations, she had to basically look for roadkill that wasn’t too smashed up. It was definitely a strange thing, to be driving around on the lookout for a dead squirrel in near-perfect condition. Lucky for her, she found one just in time to do her project. Certainly not how I wanted to spend my high school days!

Physically aging

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
23 October 2013
1

bending backwards on ground with head touching feetI hadn’t realized how much more stiff my body’s gotten. Back in the day, my back was so flexible it was really hard for me to keep a straight back when I did pushups. I could practically touch my hands and feet together when I did the bridge and I easily touched my heels to my forehead when I leaned back while laying on my belly (similar to the picture shown). Up until high school, I did these types of back-bending exercises often. Then in college it didn’t really come up and over the years I sort of forgot about it. I tried to do it again a few nights ago and uh… yeah, let’s just say my back wouldn’t cooperate.

Some things I still can do, like touch my elbows behind my back and bring my heels all the way in when doing the butterfly stretch. But this? If I point my toes I can get them to touch my head, but it’s not quite the same. I did strain my back a few times since college, which must have tightened my muscles more than I realized. I wonder if I can still do the limbo like I used to too. I was always awesome at that, but I doubt I could get very low nowadays. I think it’s time to get back into yoga so I can regain some of that flexibility while building strength. Now if only I could get around to finding a good studio…

The quiet of the night

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
21 October 2013
0

My favorite time of day for myself is in the middle of the night. As the world around me sleeps, I can get lost in my thoughts. It’s very peaceful and I love escaping into my own little world, where I play out a variety of scenarios to work out my thoughts. My mind is always racing a mile a minute and it’s hard to gather myself when there’s so much going around me. But at night, I can shut out all that and concentrate on what’s going on in my head. There’s something about being pensive that feeds my soul.

sitting in bed working on laptop in dark with glow of computer screen lighting up surrounding areaI tend to over-analyze and over-think. I can’t help it! I see the pros and cons and all the little details in between. Sometimes it drives me crazy, so I need time to process it all quietly. I totally did this when I was waiting to hear back about my job. How long should it be before I hear back? Was this a good sign? Was that? Should I keep waiting? Should I apply elsewhere? My head was spinning in circles by the time I got my offer letter and I was so thrilled I grinned uncontrollably. Actually, I’m still struggling to not think too hard about everything I do. Nowadays I wonder if I’m getting to work early enough, if I’m working fast enough, if I’m taking too many breaks, if I’m leaving too early… and at night is when I can reign in those swirling thoughts, calm myself down, and reason that I’m doing ok.

You see why I need time to process? I’m trying not to get overwhelmed by the stimuli of the world, even as my thoughts about them nearly suffocate me. It’s a tough life. 😛

Plumbing problems

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
19 October 2013
4
sink with dirty water and grains settled at bottom

Ew.

When I finally decided to roll out of bed today, I went to go take a bath. Around the time the tub was halfway full, I noticed that the water was turning a yellowish brown. I called Panda over to inspect what was going on and he thought it might be my bath salts… yeah, no. I quickly got out of there as Panda tested the sink water and found the hot water was what was giving us problems. We called up the apartment management people and they’re sending someone but I feel so icky now. Few things are worse than getting ready to wash clean only to have to wait out the day unable to. I’m going to be on edge until they get this resolved.

What a way to start the weekend. My Bruins better beat Stanford tonight or I’m gonna be majorly bummed.

Like ships passing in the night

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
17 October 2013
0

It’s been a long week. Panda started his night shifts Sunday night and I’d head off to work before he got home. Then, when it came time for me to go home, he was already on his way back to his next shift. We’ve been even worse than ships passing in the night, missing each other by so much that there was no seeing and just a few text messages in the precious two or three hours we were both awake and he wasn’t working. By Wednesday morning, I was thrilled to find he was heading back early – I actually got to see him and catch up for about 15 minutes! It made me later for work than usual, but that was totally worth it. The nights have been lonely this week and I’m glad to have company again. Of course, it also means I’m more distracted, so I’ll keep it brief tonight. Off to write my 365great of the day!

Women in tech (and how they’re treated)

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
16 October 2013
0

mini boot camp platoon formation with drill instructor yelling

Just me and all the guys.


Gosh, where do I start? It’s the strangest thing how timing works… my morning already included a lot of reflection on how men have treated me over the years, and then I saw that our CEO sent out a message to the company about being respectful to the ladies in the office. While no single incident triggered it, I think it came at just the right time, now that there are 5 gals in our particular office (and like 20+ guys). It’s not like I’ve felt discriminated against, but I have noticed certain things being said or done that are insensitive to women. I’m used to that, having come from a company of a dozen guys outnumbering little old me and joining a co-ed fraternity before that and participating in ROTC and JROTC even before that. I spent most of my life surrounded by guys and I loved it – they’re a whole lot less complicated, more chill, and pretty drama-free overall. Still, I’ve been mistreated by more than a few.

I’m glad that the CEO preemptively brought up this issue before it really became an issue and I hope the guys take it to heart. At the same time, I don’t want them to feel like they have to tiptoe around us for fear of offending us and causing an HR nightmare. Certainly none of the girls in our office are the type to create problems and overreact to something. I also don’t want the gender issue to really be an issue. Unfortunately, we’re still different enough that it can’t entirely be avoided, but I’d rather focus on personality and skills and effort. In fact, most of the time I forget that I’m any different from the guys (except that I’m more social, but that could totally be a personality trait unrelated to gender). I think that with this door open, it does allow more room for dialogue if I do feel harassed or that a line has been crossed. The sad thing is that it seems that without a man bringing up the subject, if one of the women were to voice a complaint, it could easily be perceived as whiny.

I absolutely believe in standing up for yourself though. There were so many times where I let a guy push too far and pretty much abuse me – mentally, physically, emotionally. I didn’t want to create drama and I hoped it wouldn’t escalate, but perhaps guys are just too used to getting their way. I still struggle with being firm, but now I look back on all those times I wasn’t and how things happened that I never wanted to. I certainly don’t want to relive them, for they were hard lessons learned. For the most part I just shrug or laugh off these encounters, like when a guy I was talking to for work hit on me or when guys say suggestive or vulgar things. If they don’t push it and keep pursuing that line of thought, then it’s just another case of life as a female to me. But sometimes, it’s much more than that.

Getting that email really struck a chord with me. It’s often too easy for men to abuse women, whether intentionally or not. I mean, when 1 in 5 women from a survey report being sexually assaulted, it makes me worry. Maybe I’m that one out of the five in our office, or maybe there are more. I don’t want to dwell on the past, but it comes to haunt me at times. I can’t yet put away the melancholy I feel so I’ll just have to work through it. As I’ve been learning over the years, it seems these memories will never quite go away.

Baking: the lazy solution

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
14 October 2013
0
baking tray of cauliflower in oven

You can make everything from amazing desserts like cheesecake or brownies to full-on dinners like lasagna or my new favorite – cauliflower!

I love baking the most because I’ve found it to be the least effort for the most reward. All you have to do is prep some ingredients, shove it in a hot box, set a timer, and sit back. This easy-to-do mix and bake routine cuts out a whole lot of complication. Most other ways of cooking involve much more maintenance along the way – stirring, flipping, and otherwise moving the food around. You can’t really leave the kitchen for more than a few minutes at a time. Plus, since you tend to use oil, it gets messy as you put cold items into the hot oil. So when it comes to less messy and less work, baking is my answer. I mean, I’m all about simplicity and low-maintenance in my routines.

September Favorites 2013

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
12 October 2013
2

collage of september 2013 favorites including kia optima car, kashi hummus crisps, mascara and eyelash curler, edinburgh castle, teavana perfectea tea brewer, sherpa blanket, dunkin donuts iced tea, bathtub with bath salts, biba purse clutch purse, walking trail, and sugar scrub

1. Kia Optima – I love my new car. Every time I go to drive it, I smile a little. The dual moonroof, the heated steering wheel and seats, the keyless entry, and the maneuverability are just some of the features that make it a pleasure to drive. I love the little touches too, like when the lights turn on inside when I get close to it at night. It’s like a nice little greeting, welcoming me back to the car and making me feel safer by showing me the inside is a-okay. I’m having a lot of fun with my car and I know I’ll be enjoying it for many years to come.

2. Kashi hummus crisps – This bag shown was sent to me for free by BzzAgent. I also got smaller ones of a different flavor from Goodies and I’ve gobbled all of them up. I like how they’re so crisp and light – none of that greasiness from normal chips, but still the same kind of crunchy satisfaction. I enjoy the flavor a lot too, which is mild and makes me keep eating more. It also feels like a healthier snack in general, so there’s less of a guilt component to chomping on them.

3. mascara & eyelash curler – I started to use a bit of mascara when I started to work since I want to look presentable and not like I just rolled out of bed. It’s been fun to do a little more than wash my face and put on lotion or BB cream. At first I was trying the Pixi mascara from the August Ipsy bag, but it’d leave me with darker under-eyes by the end of the day. I needed something that could withstand the heavy rubbing I tend to do without realizing. I’m used to touching my face and not worrying about stuff coming off or getting things dirty, so using makeup is not my forte. It’ll usually end up smeared all over the place over the course of the day, which is no bueno. Then came the September Ipsy bag, which had an It’s So Big mascara that I tested and found to be much better! It stuck to my eyelashes like it grew there naturally so now I don’t have to remember to not touch my eyes.

4. UK trip – Our trip abroad was so much fun! Pictured here is Edinburgh Castle, one of the many places we checked out in the four cities we visited on our 10-day vacation. Panda and I both liked various aspects of what we saw, experienced, tasted, and bought. I’m so glad we were able to do that trip and I look forward to all the places we’ll go in the future. For me, it was great to go back to the UK after 5 or 6 years, and for Panda, it was fascinating to leave the country for the first time. I’m glad we got to do it together and I know we’ll be returning.

5. Perfectea brewer – At the office are these two PerfecTea brewers from Teavana. They really do brew a perfect cup/mug of tea and I love using them! It’s always so cold in the office that I am constantly drinking tea – something like 8 mugs a day. That excludes any soda or water I might have around lunch time, so you can imagine how much I’m chugging all the time. It’s so easy to brew my tea with this contraption and I never have to worry about tea leaves getting in the way. Amazing.

6. sherpa blanket – I’ve snuggled up in this blanket every night and enjoyed the coziness oh so much. It’s instantly warm and soothing. In fact, it’s so good at putting me to sleep that I must beware if I crawl in the covers after a shower – I’m sure to fall right to sleep! I really wish I could bring this to work to curl up in, but would be a bit too much. Plus, if I was that snug I might not get much work done. I’m trying to convince Panda to get one more for us (me) to use. Maybe when we move to the new place.

7. Dunkin Donuts free drink Mondays – Starting 9/9 through 10/14, Dunkin Donuts in the metro DC area are offering a free iced tea or coffee drink! I’ve taken advantage of this every Monday that I’ve been working so far and I’m sad that there’s only one more left. I always get the peach iced tea, no ice, half sweet. Yum. Sometimes if they still have powered Munchkins or chocolate glazed ones, I’ll get some, but lately I’ve gone after work and by 7 pm they’re out of most Munchkins.

8. baths – It’s been years since I took a bath, but since I’ve gotten so much bath stuff in boxes over the past couple of months, I decided I would start using them. I liked it so much that I’m doing one bath a week now. It’s such a wonderful way to relax, clear your mind, take care of your body, and enjoy some peace. Each time I try a different bath salt, bubble bath, or bath soak. It’s been a ton of fun and my skin is loving the extra attention!

9. Biba purse – I got this cool purse in the UK on our trip and it’s been my daily bag ever since. I love the design and the quality of it. I do wish it had hooks for a shoulder strap, so I might try modifying it since I happen to have a strap that matches it pretty well. I don’t want to ruin it though, so we’ll have to see. For now I just hold it between my arm and body and for the most part it’s not inconvenient.

10. walking to lunch – The majority of lunches at work have involved us walking to the Reston Town Center and choosing whatever sounded good at the time. I like that it gets us moving and out in the fresh air for at least half an hour a day. Certainly better than driving somewhere, though I am going to start wanting some more options after a few weeks of that selection. Whenever someone wants to go get Starbucks or a dessert, I try to go so I can stretch my legs and catch up with them. Now that the weather’s cooling, it might not happen as much.

11. sugar scrub – Related to the bath thing, I’ve been using the sugar scrub that I made with Brandy of MommySplurge and it’s fabulous. After soaking in a bath, I rub it in until the sugar granules melt and I’m left with super-soft skin enveloped in a layer of coconut oil. I don’t even need to lotion after drying off! I’m all about keeping my routine as simple as possible – while I love trying products I generally am too rushed to go through a 273521-step skincare routine. So one product that will exfoliate and hydrate my skin in one fell swoop gets an A+ in my books.

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