What is home?

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Comfortable enough in America, Chinatown, and even Hong Kong or Taiwan, we seem to belong everywhere.  And because of this, we might also belong nowhere.  “Home,” it seems, ends up being a mixed-up notion that must be redefined if it is to have meaning for many of us.

~Phoebe Eng, Warrior Lessons

When I was in Chinese school in New York, author Phoebe Eng came by for a book signing at my school.  My parents bought me her book, Warrior Lessons, while I was in class and had her sign it for me.  When I received the book, I read through it to learn more about the Asian-American woman’s experience.  I remember reading through it every couple of years since then, and now it’s time to read it again.  She speaks of a variety of experiences by Asian-American women from around the country, much of which we can relate to.

The quote above is particularly pertinent to my life.  Not only did I grow up between the US and China, I also moved from the East Coast to the Midwest and ended up on the West Coast.  I can fit in and live comfortably just about anywhere, yet not belong anywhere.  It’s the story of my life.  And so, whenever people ask me where I’m from, my answer varies each time.

Where am I from?  A little bit of everywhere, I’d sometimes reply, then explain the moves I’ve made.  When I’m not in the mood to delve too deeply, I’ll just simply say the current place I am living.  In China, I’m from America.  In America, I’m from Asia.  In Europe, I choose.  This can sometimes be beneficial and I can choose sides as needed, but of course much of the time I just end up being an outsider.  But I’ve never really had a problem with that.  In fact, I quite enjoying being “the other” – Eastern to the Westerners, Western to the Easterners, and just plain foreign to foreign countrymen.

The idea of home is also distorted by my multiple moves, which leaves me with no single hometown, no single childhood home, and no single concept of home.  Home is sometimes a house, or a town, or wherever my parents are.  Home is sometimes where I have been living as of late and home is sometimes the place I am currently most fond of staying at.  In a broad sense, home is the United States, where I am most comfortable culturally and linguistically.  Yet in a deeper sense, home is China, where my roots are and all of my family still resides.  As I like to tell people, it’s complicated.  That’s ok though, I don’t mind!

I am perfectly content going to a foreign country like Hong Kong and having people speak to me in Cantonese, assuming I would understand (unfortunately, I only know Mandarin).  I am also very happy to be able to hop between my two countries of origin without any major language barriers.  And while my notion of home changes almost as much as my physical addresses have changed, I understand that the way we see life and our lives will change over time.  So what’s so wrong about having a fluid definition of what makes a home?

Male manners (or lack thereof)

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I work in an office with only one other female and I have found this really impacts my experience in the restroom.  We have three: men’s, women’s, and handicapped.  You would think this would be enough for the 20 or so people who are in the office space.  Yet, somehow, I still go to the women’s restroom to find the seat cover up and urine stains on the rim.  It really baffles me because the restroom is clearly labeled “women” and there are clearly women in the office to use it.  So what could possibly motivate a guy to use the supposed women’s restroom?

There are two others and with less than two dozen people sharing them, it’s pretty uncommon for both to be taken when a third needs to use one.  Even if that was the case, it’s just a matter of waiting a few seconds for one of them to clear out.  Despite that, I consistently go into the restroom to find the toilet seat up, which also happens to reveal even more of the stains left behind.  That is just repulsive and I’ve tried putting up Post-It signs to request these two things do not happen, but to no avail.

It’s gotten to the point where I am tempted to track everyone who goes to the restroom to see who dares violate my space.  I’m the one who has to sit on that!  I’ve also thought about getting the key to it and restricting use to just us two women.  I find this behavior offensive (but mostly unhygienic); unfortunately, my coworkers don’t all seem to share that sentiment.  Alas, the downside to being so outnumbered.

Speed limits

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Oh, the wanderings of a curious mind.  As I was driving down a street a couple of days ago, I noticed that the speed limit was listed as 40 MPH.  I had this recollection that the speed limit was 35 on that road, when I was driving along the other side earlier in the day.  So suddenly I had this epiphany that maybe, just maybe, the speed limits on the two sides of the road were different?

A bit further down the road, the speed limit did go down to 35, so I figured that when I was driving up the opposite side, I probably just hadn’t noticed the change from 35 to 40.  However, it did get me thinking about this issue – do roads ever have different speed limits on opposing sides of the street?  Is there a requirement that they are the same?  I know that as humans we love congruency and symmetry, but is there a practical purpose to it?

As long as the speed limits do not vary greatly, I don’t see why they can’t be slightly different to account for differences in curvature and width of the road.  After all, sometimes one side allows for parked cars along the curb (and therefore should have a lower limit) whereas the other side may just have a wide shoulder not quite enough for a car (and therefore should have a higher limit).  When you’re winding up the side of a mountain on the inner lanes, the turns are much tighter than outer lanes.  Or even on freeways, perhaps there should be a 55 limit on the far right lane so it’s easier for cars to merge in and trucks can casually push on.  Then again, in a place like Los Angeles, who really follows those speed limits anyway?  :-/

Strong ties

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Today two of my fraternity brothers came to attend the Opportunity Green conference today and they asked me why I came back to volunteer.  I hadn’t actually thought about it – I just found out they did need extra support and asked for days off from work so I could help.  In fact, a lot of people had done the same, even flying in from NorCal and the East Coast just to help out for these two or three days.  It’s astonishing the level of dedication we get from our core team of staff (mostly interns).  We’ve got people going on two or three hours of sleep at night for days on end just to get everything in order.  Both Tuesday and Wednesday night I was at the venue until about 1 AM along with a small group of other volunteers, working on a variety of logistical tasks.  We got to bed around 2 only to get up at 5 or so to get back and crackin’ again.

When I did think about it some, I think it’s the strong bonds that we’ve developed through pulling crazy all-nighters together and spending so much time and effort laboring towards these two and a half days that actually comprise the conference.  Everyone who pulled their weight continues to do so above and beyond most people’s capacity, which then motivates the rest of us to continue to toil away as well.  It’s a self-reinforcing cycle where dedicated people continuously drive each other on by example.  We also have a sense of teamwork that allows for us to stay long past our expected departure time to support other teammates.  And we’re led by two fearless leaders who sacrifice even more of their sleep to insure this conference is a smashing success time after time.

These tight connections made it really exciting for me today when a bunch of old interns from last year (like me) returned to volunteer.  It was thoroughly uplifting to see them again and remember the times last year when we worked so hard as a team to pull of a conference of such a scale.  Out of about fifteen or so core volunteers from last year, something like twelve or thirteen returned!  That is a pretty awesome retention rate.  I’m proud of us for being so supportive even after our lives have moved on.  We made time for the conference and most of us took days off work to be here.  It’s a great feeling to be a part of something that means that much to that many people.

Lettuce wrap obsession

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As of late I have developed a strong affinity towards lettuce wraps.  They are a great combination of refreshing and light, yet tasty and filling.  I love that the inside is warm, savory, and generally very fulfilling.  Then the outside is great for balancing out the heavier, oily inside that it wraps around.  The high water content in the leaves is great for a refreshing crunch as you bite in.  The cool exterior and warm interior is a pleasing contrast.  Plus it makes for a great surface to hold without getting your hands greasy.  Granted, once you take a bite you’ll probably get juice dripping out that gets on your hands, but that is easier to avoid.

There are the standard lettuce wraps where you scoop in minced meat and use the lettuce as the “skin” of an egg roll (at least that’s the shape I wrap them in).  I’ve had them at both PF Chang’s and California Pizza Kitchen and they usually come with some crisp white fried rice puffs, as well as some water chestnuts.  I’ve also had egg rolls wrapped in lettuce at pho places and Rock Sugar.  They are dipped in a delectable sauce, which is also appealing and offsets the savoriness with some sweetness.

The things are not cheap as appetizers, but I find I have been getting them whenever I see them on the menu, because they are such a wonderfully balanced dish.  It’s like having your salad, entree, and dessert all in one dish.

Scenic, peaceful drive

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I’ve been driving the 210 freeway in LA a lot more lately because that is how to get from my house to Panda’s.  Now that he is living from home, I go out to his town when I have time and I’ve found that the drive is quite pleasurable.  The roads are clear with only light traffic when you get to the Pasadena area and you drive along the rolling hills, getting peeks of great views.  There is a lot of greenery surrounding the roads and it’s very peaceful.

Usually PCH is known for its scenic drive, but I think that the 210 should be recognized for its scenic route as well.  Sure, it doesn’t give you spectacular views of the ocean, but it also doesn’t wind around hills and force you to drive in one lane.  You get lots of space, lots of nature, and a certain tranquility that you can only get if you park your car along PCH.  Driving it is a whole other story.  More adventurous and energetic, whereas the northern hills of the Valley are more zen and calming.

Being a light drive, you don’t have crazy drivers who cut you off or ride up on you until you speed up or move out of the lane.  It’s a great time to clear your mind and enjoy the weather.  No need to brake and go all the time, or try to get around that one slow car clogging up traffic.  There’s plenty of space to maneuver around cars (or be maneuvered around) without getting in people’s space and igniting short tempers.  I wish battling the 5 and 405 was half as easy.  That would make my commute an absolute joy!

Pickups don’t pick me up

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I have found that I’m not a big fan of pickup trucks.  Most of the ones on the road are a waste of space, since the owners rarely make sure of the truck bed.  Meanwhile, over half the length is the truck bed, so you might as well be driving a raised Smartcar for all the seating space you get.  Plus, a lot of them are open air, which is not aerodynamic and definitely doesn’t help with gas mileage.  Trucks aren’t that fuel efficient to begin with anyway, so it’s certainly not helping the case.

Of course, for certain professions, they are the perfect vehicle and can be very useful.  However, I see far more personal ones than commercial ones.  It’s not even like you can put people back there when you have a big group.  That truck bed is not a very versatile space – all it can really be is a trunk and people don’t need that much space in their daily routine.  I feel it would be much more sensible to drive a car that can fit at least 7 people if you’re going to be taking up that much space.  Perhaps they should make that part detachable!  Think of how much clearer the highways would be if all trucks without loads could just get rid of that tail portion.

Then again, the type of people who buy pickups probably aren’t the type who would want to drive around a tiny head portion of the car when they’re not transporting large items.  In the land of excess, it’s hard to get people to think more conservatively (in the environmental sense).  Oh well, it’s a thought, isn’t it?  I think either that or only having pickups sold for commercial use would be a good solution.  People who want to use one for moving can then rent them from a local leaser.  Now that would be a nice thing to see.

Some thoughts on marriage

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I’m not sure how I feel about marriage.

On the one hand, I absolutely plan on getting married and all that jazz.  However, I have a lot of problems with it.  First, most people (in the US anyway) take it to be a religious ceremony.  I am not comfortable with that idea, being a non-religious person.  I certainly would not want to get married in a church by a priest or minister, or whatever they’re supposed to be.  Second, because of this strong tie to religion, many people believe that marriage is only to be between people of the opposite sex.  I don’t feel that love and dedication to another human being can be restricted in such a way.  It makes me uneasy to be a part of something that same-sex couples do not have the privilege of enjoying as well.

I suppose it comes down to this whole idea being extremely outdated.  Back in the day people thought that only men and women should get married to each other.  Back in the day people thought something about God and marriages and a holy union.  And unfortunately because of that, much of our legal system has developed to favor marriage.  You get taxed less for being married.  You get rights to each other’s property and many benefits when the other died.  None of that is afforded couples who are just as committed, but have not gone through this ritual of getting married.  Nowadays, those “back in the days” are long gone and I feel we should really re-examine the institution of marriage.

With divorce rates so high and sham marriages abound, it’s no wonder I think marriage is a mess.  It’s more about the rings and the legal benefits than the love and commitment.  Why can’t we do away with marriage, so weary and shackled to tradition, and replace it with something simpler and modern?  I’d like to see unions of couples in a secular manner, joining together their lives and committing to a future together.  I do like the idea of a ceremony because it helps solidify the commitment and is a way to share the union with loved ones.  And I think a meal and party afterwards is a great way to celebrate.  So these are the traditions that I like.  But doing so in a church?  Not my cup of tea.

(And what is up with this whole engagement ring and wedding band thing?  I am really confused by the complexities of that particular tradition, but let’s leave that for another day.)

It’s not easy being “green”

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I like to do what I can to be environmentally-friendly and lessen my impact on the planet.  Unfortunately, I have found that much of this behavior is considered unusual and people often seem to judge me because of it.  Not for being environmental, but for other reasons.  Take plastic bags, for example.  When I go to a grocery store, I have to very loudly and assertively ask to not have my food bagged (except in Whole Foods).  Otherwise, a bagger will come over and immediately start dumping my food into more bags than is necessary, sometimes even double bagging.  Each one used makes me cringe.  Where will that end up?  Will some poor bird try to eat it one day?  It’s hard to say.

When I make that request, I often get looks and people ask me if I’m sure.  Of course I’m sure!  Gosh, why do you think you’re selling reusable cloth bags but to reduce use of these stupid plastic ones?  It’s slightly annoying that they are so incredulous that I may actually want to inconvenience myself a bit with carrying the items separately than to stuff it into a bag.  I guess I should start bringing my bag just so they won’t wonder why I chose to carry those five items in my arms.  Not that that is such a difficult task anyway, but it seems people don’t understand why you wouldn’t even bag one item nowadays.  It’s a mentality that needs to be broken before our disposable habits trash the world even worse than it already has.

Then there is my habit of bringing my own set of utensils to use.  The first thing people think is that I do so because of hygiene issues.  But no, my handy dandy To-Go Ware is purely for a conservation purpose.  The less disposable utensils I use, the better, since fewer will be thrown out later.  Having a bamboo set solves all my problems.  I have my very own fork, knife, spoon, and chopsticks for any food I might encounter.  I also intend on getting my own reusable straws to bring around.  Until then, I refuse to use straws.  They are, after all, completely useless except for sucking up boba.  Sometimes I get looks then, but really, can your glass be much dirtier than the plate you eat on?  Please.  Don’t think it’s unhygienic to drink directly from a cup when you eat directly off a plate.

And finally, another consistent thing I do is not use paper towels.  What’s wrong with air drying?  I also bring around a little People Towel in my purse most of the time, which is great for wiping your hands.  Although having wet/damp hands after each wash is a bit of an inconvenience, people seem to find it a bit gross.  Perhaps because you never know if that’s water or something else… but that isn’t an issue that people should be worried about, unless you’re dealing with a young child.  Yet nonetheless, I am on the receiving end of looks all the time, for these little habits I have that aren’t the norm.  Alas, it ain’t easy living a green life!

Soreness and aches

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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I’ve been driving a lot more lately and my legs have been really sore from it all. My right butt cheek has gotten quite the workout from pushing the gas and brake pedals all day long, since much of the time I’m stuck in traffic. I try to use cruise control where I can, but it’s hard to find patches of freed-up traffic appropriate for it. I’ve even begun to stretch more so my muscles can feel better, but it’s hard to stretch just the right spot. I wish there was a left-footed driving option, so I could give the right leg a break and use my left leg more. I hate being uneven!

Also, something about the way I sit in my seat makes my back sore as well. I guess sitting for so long just isn’t a good feeling and I often need to stretch, but don’t want to stop to get out of the car. Instead I tough it out and by the time I reach my destination, I am so relieved to be done that I forget to give my back a good stretch until I’m back in the car, aching again. I really need to find the optimal position to sit at! With much more driving on the horizon, I just hope my right leg won’t get much larger than my left. 😛

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