The LDR

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships,Tags: , , , , , ,
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I came across some bloggers who are in long distance relationships, writing about the challenges of it. It got me thinking about my own LDR.

sitting on plane in window seat at night with earbuds in ears

We spend a lot of time flying back and forth.

Usually it’s not in my conscious mind that I’m actually in a long distance relationship. Perhaps I’ve just been doing it for so long? The way my life is now, well, it’s all pretty normal to me (but it’s certainly not what I want long-term). Panda and I are coming on 5 years and at least half of that time has been apart, whether just a city or two away or an entirely different side of the world. Just months into our relationship, I decided to take an opportunity to work in Singapore. I was gone for about half a year and it was hard. Our relationship was actually fine the whole time – we got to chat on Skype and write long emails to each other to share our days. The strain was more in other aspects of my life, brought on in part due to the fact that I missed him so much. When I came back, we had some precious months together.

About a year later, he had moved home after graduating college and was preparing to start his working life. For another half a year or so, I only got to see him fleetingly whenever I could visit him at his house on weekends or days off work. And then, since March of 2011, he has been living out on the east coast. At first, I got to see him about one week a month. As that first year was ending, I was seeing him less and less (not as much travel for work) so I made a bold decision to quit my job and try out entrepreneurial endeavors. This gave me a chance to stay with him more frequently – a few months out of the year – and that’s where we’re at now.

I’m on the cusp of my next change: finding a job in his area so I can move there. Is it possible that our long distance days might finally be over? I dare not believe it yet. Not until I’ve secured a job and moved in and settled for a bit. It’s one of those dreams that has been following me for quite some time now and I’m really looking forward to making it come true. It’s been a long time coming and I want nothing more than a nice little home life with my beau. Oh, and I guess I want a house too. 😉

I think the greatest challenge in my LDR is the communication. It’s a lot harder when the sound quality on phone calls and video calls aren’t always that great (and things lag). It’s also hard trying to type it all since you often miss tone and true meaning. Panda and I will sit on Skype for hours at a time, both of us going about our days but being able to check in visually when we want, so we can feel like we’re almost in the same space. My favorite time with him is really the simple stuff in life – being able to sit next to each other as we do our own work, being able to go grocery shopping together, being able to take a stroll outside together… many plans have been put on hold just because we are not cohabiting and cannot do them just yet. Within the next year I plan on putting our LDR to rest! I’m sure it will pop up again over the years, but hopefully it will be less often (and certainly a minority of our time).

Are you in a long distance relationship too? What challenges do you find and how do you cope?

The Hotel Maya, a Doubletree by Hilton review

laelene Posted in lifestyle glimpses, reviews,Tags: , , , , ,
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Panda and I get a chance to stay at a bunch of different hotels throughout the year, so I thought I’d share some of the experiences a bit more thoroughly than I could in a travel review site. I’ve broken it down into a few sections: Location (including parking info & nearby businesses), Rooms (including wifi info & toiletries), Service (including check in/out times & front desk service), and Amenities (including breakfast info & pool/gym details). Finally, I sum up with a Pros & Cons comparison if you’re short on time. Click on any of those to jump straight to the section you want!

sign for the hotel maya a doubletree by hilton in long beach

entrance of the hotel maya a doubletree by hilton in long beach

Location

hotel maya parking boxThe Hotel Maya is down in Long Beach, facing part of the harbor and not too far from the Queen Mary (you’ll hear the foghorn sound a few times throughout the day). It is being run as a Doubletree, so you can expect the same services and amenities (such as complimentary cookies). The location can be a little confusing to get to since the roads are long and windy and as soon as you cross the Queens Way bridge, you exit on the right and it looks like you’re getting onto a freeway but then you get right off. From there, you do a complete 180 and basically backtrack along your route on the side road, passing by a Residence Inn and curving around underneath the bridge to get over to the hotel. If you’re like me and missed the exit, then you end up reaching the end of the bridge and having to pull a u-turn and loop around from the opposite direction. Confused yet? Yeah, it can be a bit challenging reaching the hotel the first time but take a look at the maps I linked for you to see what I’m talking about. There aren’t really many businesses nearby, so you’ll probably have to drive back across the Queens Way bridge to access the more densely-packed area where there are restaurants and bars and stores.

giant brown rotating door at entrance of hotel mayaWhen you arrive, you will get a ticket from the parking machine that will let you in. If you’re in the lot just dropping off someone, don’t worry – you have a grace period of (I believe) 20 minutes that you can stay without being charged. If you’re staying as a guest, you will have to pay the fee of $19 per night. You’ll just use your room key as the entry and exit card whenever you want to drive out somewhere. When you enter, you’ll find this giant door, which you push on the left side to enter. It will rotate to open like some sort of secret passageway entrance. Or, you can opt for the “normal” door on the left side, which is that glass panel with the metal bar handle. The front desk is just to the left once you enter. If you were to go straight up the ramp in front of you, you’d find the restaurant up the stairs on the right and some meeting rooms in the back. From the front desk, off to the left is the open computer area, couches, and more meeting space.

Rooms

hotel maya room high ceilingsThe hotel actually consists of multiple small buildings clustered together. It feels rather like an apartment complex and there are only a few rooms per floor. Each room has its own little balcony or porch, with chairs and a small table so you can sit and enjoy the weather and/or view (if you have one). If you happen to get a top floor room, it will likely have very high ceilings as shown. Overall the feel is very airy and spacious, which is appropriate for being by the ocean. The beds are typical ones, not too firm or soft and the bedding might be a bit light if you’re sensitive to the cold like me. We had to use the heater at night and it is an older type that is mounted in the window, so it rattles a bit and isn’t the quietest thing.

two yellow porch chairs and a wooden table on porch of room at hotel mayaYou’ll get to enjoy free wifi, yay! To ensure a lot of light can enter the room, the entire window area also houses glass sliding doors that lead to the porch. The porch doesn’t have railing like a fence, but instead is composed of something like plexiglass so you can enjoy the best possible view from the porch, with nothing obstructing the way. It’s also nice for helping to block some of the cool ocean breeze you might get as you sit outside. I really enjoyed the furnishings in our room, from the wicker seat by the mirror that was great for stacking our stuff on to the glass top desk by the porch to the nice sturdy coffee table next to the couch. Check out these photos of the room – you can click on them to enlarge.

view of hotel maya room from doorway

view of hotel maya room from inside

hotel maya bathroomIn the restroom you’ll find Crabtree & Evelyn toiletry products in Citron Honey & Coriander. The wallpaper is Mayan-themed and the floor and shower area have a nice marble. I did not like that the toilet paper holder was on the wall behind the toilet, so you had to reach back blindly or twist to try to reach it. I did like the sink, which had a nice water flow and a cool rectangular design. There are bars beneath the sink so you can keep hand and face towels within each reach, but the small little metal nub on the wall for hanging towels could have been bigger. If you didn’t place the towel just right, it could easily slide right off.

Service

hotel maya event spaceCheck-in time is at 3 PM and checkout time is at 12 PM, but of course this is always negotiable if you ask and are courteous to the staff. The hotel is a non-smoking property, so don’t expect to find ashtrays or get a smoking room. I found the staff to always be helpful, whether we needed some disposable utensils or wanted an extra cookie. They even held a bake sale while I was there, raising funds for the Ronald McDonald House. You could easily hold events here as well, ranging from weddings to business conferences. They offer a nice outdoor area pictured there, which was set up for various events during my stay. They also have some large rooms you can use for meetings, presentations, and the like.

Amenities

hotel maya poolAs you’d expect, the Hotel Maya has a pool (complete with lovely “floating” cabanas) and hot tub, as well as a variety of seating options to enjoy the sun, the pool, the harbor, or just the air. There is a gym with giant glass windows just across from the lobby area – a good place to get drinking water if you have some bottles you want to fill up. There is a small business center in the hallway region off to the side of the front desk, with two computers for you to use if you need to hop online or print something. The little snack shop on the side of the front desk offers not only food like a s’mores kit, but clothing and magnets to remember your visit to Long Beach by. You can also use the microwave there to heat up any food that might need microwaving to eat.

hotel maya hot breakfastA free continental breakfast is available in the in-house restaurant (Fuego Restaurant) to Hilton Gold members and above. One of my mornings, I was told the hot buffet was available to me as well, but I’m not sure if that’s usually the case or if you have to pay an additional fee. Anyone is welcome to purchase meals there throughout their working hours. They offer a great view of the harbor. Just outside and down the stairs, you’ll find the Aquabus, which only runs in summer months. It takes you across the harbor to the more main area of Long Beach, where you can go to the convention center, check out a park, or grab some food. There’s also a bus you can catch from the front of the hotel area, which can take you into town as well.

There are also a ton of great spaces to enjoy that make this property feel somewhat like its own little town. You can stroll along the harbor, play tennis or beach volleyball or bocce ball, hang out in a variety of cabanas and lawn chairs, enjoy firepits and the small “beach” that they built, and so much more. Check out my gallery of pictures below for even more looks at what the Hotel Maya has to offer!

Pros: cool vibe, great views, resort-like property, tons of windows to enjoy the most sunlight, good food, great furnishings, very relaxing

Cons: location slightly out of the way for most activities, paid parking, small inconveniences in restroom, loud air conditioning unit

Overall? I’d totally stay here again whenever I’m looking for a chill atmosphere and some relaxation – as long as I have a car I can use at night. I mean, I wouldn’t mind trying Fuego for dinner but I doubt it’s in the price range I prefer.

First (Chinese) wedding

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships
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My cousin just got married and I got to experience my first wedding in China.  The only other time I attended a wedding was when I was too young to remember anything.  I believe it was in Pennsylvania?  Anyway, it was pretty exciting to see what a Chinese wedding is like, from the early morning pick-up of the bride to the touring of their new place to the ceremony and meal.

Our day started around 4-4:30, when we got up to get dressed.  By 5:30, we on the groom’s side were outside putting festive bows on the cars that would be caravaning to the bride’s.  All sewage access points were covered with red paper and routes were chosen so the couple wouldn’t have to retrace their path (both traditions to ensure an auspicious day).  We then headed over to the bride’s, where her bridesmaids had set up some obstacles for the groom to get to her, including agreeing to treat her well and take care of most chores.  He also had to call her 10 terms of endearment and pick from a handful of ribbons, each tied to something.  When he passed those tests, he shared a stack of hong bao (red envelopes) with everyone and was allowed to join his bride in her room.

From there, tons of traditions ensued, ranging from sharing a bowl of noodles for longevity in their marriage to officially addressing his new parents and receiving red envelopes from them.  A lot of pictures were taken before they went downstairs and the groom carried the bride through the threshold into the waiting car adorned with flowers.  Confetti was popped and glittered all about them to celebrate the event, and then we were off to their new home.

At the new place, guests explored the rooms and admired the dozens of pictures laid out from their engagement photo shoot.  Once again, another round of pictures were taken and this time I got one in with our other cousin in attendance.  After that, it was over to the hotel, where the ballroom on the third floor was reserved for our ceremony, slated to start at 9:58.  A video played on the large screen, showcasing my cousin and new cousin-in-law in ancient Chinese times, destined for each other.  After that, the couple made a quick appearance and then we saw another video, this time about how their relationship developed.

At that time, the bride and her parents were outside the ballroom and my cousin was inside on the podium, ready to receive her.  Her father walked her in, handed her to my cousin, and they held a kiss as the podium rose and spun them around.  Flowergirls and pageboys showered petals down the walkway and the newlyweds walked to the stage, where the host asked them some questions about their relationship history.  An officiator was invited on stage to pronounce them husband and wife and another gentleman gave a speech wishing them the best.

Next up, the parents of the bride and groom made their way from the podium down the aisle to the stage to join the couple.  Both fathers spoke to the guests and sent their well-wishes to the couple.  I believe at this point, a video of a ring spinning played on screen and then my cousin picked up the two rings from the screen.  They put the rings on each other and to wrap up, the groom made some drinks for himself and his new wife, which they drank with intertwined arms.  Then it was time for lunch!  While the guests ate, the newlyweds went around to everyone, accepting red envelopes and offering them cigarettes.  Oh, and all the guests were given keychain coinpurses as a gift.

And that wraps up my experience at a Chinese wedding.  Quite different from the American version you see on TV, but still with its similiarities.  At the end of the year I’ll be attending an American wedding, so we’ll see how that one goes.

Constant communication

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships,Tags: , ,
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It’s been nearly a year since Panda left to work on the east coast and we’ve been very fortunate to be able to see each other almost monthly.  I always knew our relationship would be fine despite the distance and I’m glad that it wasn’t as hard as I feared it might be.  Still, it’s challenging and I’m looking forward to the day when I don’t have to wish we lived together.

For now, we keep all lines of communication open, ranging from text messages and IMs to phone calls and Skype video messaging.  I think that video chatting is a critical piece to making a long-distance relationship work.  Being able to see and hear each other when you can’t be near each other is invaluable.  It’s so much easier to express yourself and bond that way.  Even something as simple as showing each other what we’re eating becomes a rewarding experience.

In fact, Panda and I often get on Skype and don’t talk to each other.  We don’t need to!  Just being able to look over and see what the other person is doing is comforting.  We’ve both got our separate things to do, but that doesn’t mean we can’t share our time as well.  A lot of people don’t seem to understand that and have been perplexed by our decision to sit on Skype without actively talking most of the time.  I think they’ve just got to try it!

Of course, nothing beats being there in person, so still we wait for the day when that is the norm…

Another step towards an MBA

laelene Posted in mba,Tags: , ,
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I finally got my GMAT over with!  That’s the first big hurdle in the process and I did alright with a 710.  It’s not as good as I had hoped I could do, but right on par with how I had been performing on practice tests.  It’s also a good enough score that it won’t hurt me in my application, though I was shocked to find I only scored in the 76th percentile on the quantitative section, even with a scaled score of 47 (which I thought was decently high).  In the verbal section I got a scaled score of 41 and that put me in the 92nd percentile, which was also the overall percentile I ended up in with my 710.  Curious – do many people do that well in math but poorly in English?  Am I competing against a lot of foreign test-takers or something?

With that off my back, tomorrow I’m heading off on a site visit to check out both Berkeley and Stanford’s MBA programs.  I’m hoping to make some friends with my fellow travelers, all of whom either took a class with my GMAT teacher or know someone who did.  Hopefully we’ll all end up at our dream schools!  I’m looking forward to seeing the Stanford campus again and maybe even learning something I didn’t know that will help me with my application.  Once I get back from that, it’ll be time to buckle down with my application essays!  At least I’ve gotten the recommendations underway, with all of my recommenders aware of the questions and deadlines.

I have just over a month to complete my applications and I’m really hoping I can put together a strong profile that will get me in.  I don’t have as much work experience as most of the other applicants, but my experience has been a super-condensed rollercoaster ride that has taught me a lot.  That should make up for a lack of years worked.  That’s the great thing for working for a small company!  You end up learning and growing so much more than you might have at a large corporation, espeically with all the hats you have to wear.  I’ve even been adopted into the engineering team more recently, since I’ve been working with our CTO on some things that he used to take care of.

It feels good to have time to dedicate to my applications now, but those essays are daunting.  I really want to present myself in such a way that they can’t help but take me.  That will be the hard part!

Another step closer

laelene Posted in mba,Tags: , , , ,
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I did it!  I finally scheduled my GMAT exam, which brings me one step closer to getting my applications ready for b-school.  It’s in just under two weeks, so I’ll definitely need to do some final prep work over the long weekend.  After that, I will transfer all my energy towards applications and pump them out in a month.  It all sounds daunting, but a little bit of pressure usually gives me the motivation I need to take care of business!

I’m optimistic that I can put together a profile making me a strong candidate, but the reality is that only 5-10% of applicants get in and I’m definitely on the lower end of the scale when it comes to work experience.  Hopefully I can make up for that and state a good case for my qualifications.  The good thing is, it wouldn’t kill me to get another year under my belt and I’m not in a huge rush to get an MBA right away, so even if I don’t get in to Harvard or Stanford (the only two I’m applying to this year), I’ll just try again next year.

Of course I’m definitely hoping I do get in for the entering class of 2012, but at least I have the luxury of more time if I need it.  There is definitely a lot of experience I can still accrue with an additional year.  However, I feel there are a lot of opportunities at work out of my reach without an MBA to back me up.  Getting that degree would really help me over a hump in my career that otherwise may take two or three times as long to overcome.

I’m looking forward to getting the test out of the way so I can focus all my energy on my applications.  If I can, I’ll definitely want to make a classroom visit too!

Polygamy

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships,Tags: , ,
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I came across the show Sister Wives yesterday and decided to look into it tonight.  I’ve found it fascinating to watch their complex family dynamic and all the relationships in a delicate, precarious balance.  The show focuses on the ups and downs of the adults in the family, with the wives all in love with the husband and the husband in love with all the wives.  The husband is very careful to spend approximately even time with each wife, rotating where he sleeps each night and making sure to eat, pray, and speak with each of his dozen kids and three (soon to be four) wives as often as he can.

While their lifestyle is considered illegal, I find that I don’t quite understand the negativity that seems to surround their choices.  Each person chose to live this way and all are strong in their stance.  Who are we to judge whether it’s right or wrong when it’s between consenting adults well aware of their actions?  This kind of persecution is very similar to gay couples.  So why is it that gay couples have garnered a lot of public support for their lifestyle, when polygamists are still looked down upon?  I don’t understand it.  Fundamentally, it comes down to the same issue – what makes a family a family and who gets to decide what is and isn’t?

Personally, I feel that each person should choose how they want to build a family and what it is to them.  While I would not choose polygamy myself (one-on-one relationships are hard enough!), I don’t see the “wrong” that seems to offend people so much.  Though I suppose that in this case, the polygamy practiced is a one-way street so it can be offensive in a sexist sense.  The man may take on new wives, but the wives may not take on new husbands.  Still, it’s not like polygamy on the part of a woman would be accepted in society either.  Why can’t people just accept the choices that others make in their personal lives?

Polygamy seems like less of a crime than adultery.  At least here the wives enter into the marriage well aware that there will be others and the man (hopefully) is respectful enough to consult them on any additional wives.  There is no hiding of affairs and love children and all that crazy drama that seems to be in the news constantly.  The husband in this show loves and respects each of his wives, adores his children, and does his best for all of them.  Things could be much worse!

They don’t get it

laelene Posted in relationships,Tags: , , ,
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When some people found out that Panda and I will have Skype on as we go about our normal business, they didn’t understand it.  They asked me what the point is and they found it to be weird.  Obviously they don’t take the same comfort that I do in just having him around (in whatever form required).  I don’t believe that conversations should have to be staged for a certain period of time just because you are on a phone or meeting with each other.  That works for those you don’t get to see much.  But for someone you’re dating, it’s just not enough.  Plus, it’s much more natural to have spurts of conversation based on what is happening in real time, rather than condensing everything you want to share into a few minutes a day.

So what better than to sit on Skype, being able to check in on each other and see what the other is doing?  I mean, it’s as close to being in the same room as you can possibly get when you’re (thousands of) miles away.  And really, the best sort of interaction is in person, so I don’t see why more people wouldn’t want to sit around video chatting their loved ones.  I guess part of it is my inability to relate to their need to keep things from their significant other.  It’s a common theme among the talk I hear about relationships.  Why do people have so many secrets to keep?  While I understand you don’t always want to share everything, I certainly never feel the need to hide things and Panda actually errs on the side of sharing too much.

I love being able to look up from what I’m doing and see how he is when I am unable to actually be with him.  I like the freedom of being able to come and go and not have to continuously call him back or disrupt his routine.  Apparently other people just like to have their lives to themselves, but me?  I like to have Panda around as much as possible.  That’s why I keep my Skype on.

Not your average

laelene Posted in relationships,Tags: , ,
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Well, Panda and I have been going through some tough times so I wanted to take some time to celebrate what makes our relationship beautiful.  We’re not your average couple…  He is not afraid of domestic work and I am not afraid of manual labor (or bugs :-P).  I do not expect him to be the bread winner and he does not expect me to raise the kids mostly on my own.  We are not afraid to show emotions to each other and cry.  We are also completely comfortable with each other’s bodily functions, though we may tease each other about them at times.  I don’t see a reason to conform to society’s standards and censor myself with him.

Then again, I guess a lot of that is sort of the traditional sexist type of relationship.  Many modern relationships are not restricted quite like that, but still I find myself grateful for what we have when I hear about others’ views.  When the guys at work talk about their girlfriends/wives spending $400 on a purse, I gawk like they’re all insane (which they are).  I can’t fathom ever spending that kind of money on a purse, or shoes, or clothes.  Then there’s the engagement ring of $10k+.  What?!  At first the ones I liked were a few hundred.  Then I started to look at nicer ones in the $2000-5000 range and that’s where I’m at.  Why spend more?  It’s a waste.  Panda will never have to worry about saving up crazy amounts of money so I can spend it all away.

Another thing that struck me was when the guys were talking about going to events without their significant other and being able to enjoy themselves more that way.  I can’t think of a single event I don’t want Panda to come with me to.  In fact, many a time I’ve opted out because he didn’t want to come or was unable to.  The first thing I think about is how much fun I’d have if he could come.  Not how much fun I could have if he didn’t come.  That concept was foreign to me and the events I do go to alone, I am missing Panda the entire time.  Of course, I still do what I can to enjoy myself, but it would be infinitely better with him there to share the experience.

We are also perfectly honest with each other.  Cheating, abusing, breaking up – these are all things we’ve discussed before.  We will do everything in our powers to prevent these atrocities, but we recognize we’re human, we’re not perfect, and it’s possible it could happen.  Our open line of communication might sometimes be too open and feelings get hurt, people get offended.  Nevertheless, we accept what is the truth and work with it.  Things aren’t always peachy, but we aren’t giving up.

Perhaps the problem is actually that our type of relationship is NOT the standard.  I sure think it would help lower the divorce rate since you either wouldn’t get married in the first place, or work through your problems and stay together for it.  People can do with a lot more trying and a lot less giving up.

Alone

laelene Posted in relationships,Tags: , ,
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I spend much of my time alone with my thoughts, and to fill the air with something other than those thoughts floating around, I like to watch videos online (either TED.com ones or some TV show that isn’t airing) or play games.  But sometimes, the quiet of the night catches up with me and I begin to anticipate the day when Panda has to go to the east coast for work and I really will be alone.  Then I will no longer have someone to look forward to seeing at night or on the weekends.  It’ll just be me and whatever apartment I eventually end up living in.  Maybe I’ll start Facebooking again, or maybe I’ll spend more time on this blog.  Maybe I’ll even get around to reading more books.

By the time I get home from work, it’ll almost be time for him to hit the sack, so most of my nights will be void of his presence.  I suppose I could try sleeping earlier and working out to kill some of the time, but the rest of it… well, I wonder what I’ll do with myself.  The good thing, at least, is that I know that the anticipation of it is far worse than actually doing it.  After all, we’ve been through this before – and back then, we were still so fresh in our relationship.  Now we’ve solidified some things and really made room in our lives for each other.  And at least this time around the place he’s going isn’t as inaccessible as Singapore was.  There is no $1000+ plane ticket standing between us.  Just one for a couple hundred bucks, maybe even only in the double digits if we get a good deal.

It just sucks sometimes, having that sort of a void at night, when he’s busy doing something and I’m sitting there, bored of all the games I’ve been able to find and tired of watching video after video.  Then what do I do?  There is no Panda to share my day with and talk about random things with.  I hope I find a place with a gym, so I can fill my time with getting in shape.  I guess I’ll also start to figure out where the local library is.  Then again, I do have some books at home that I’ve been meaning to tackle for awhile now.  I hate when I get to thinking of what I’ll do when the time comes though.  That’s the hardest part.

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