There sure are a lot of ups and downs with trying to run your own gig.  Sometimes it’s super rewarding and fun and sometimes I take things too personally and get sad that things aren’t perfect.  Lately I’ve been going through a rough patch again, grappling with what to focus on, how to grow things, and where to develop my skills.  Between self-doubt and perceived doubt from others, it’s been tough going.  One of the hardest things about being an entrepreneur (besides trying to make it work) is the lack of understanding that you get.

Most people don’t quite get what it means when you don’t have a traditional job, work for yourself, or otherwise aren’t a part of the “normal” workforce.  They see you sitting at home all day, in front of the computer, and wonder if you’ve done anything at all.  For whatever reason, you apparently don’t amount to much if you’re not working 40 hours a week for a paycheck or going to school for certification or a degree.  At least that’s the impression I’ve gotten based on questions and feedback from some people lately.  While I don’t think they mean to judge, I feel judged – and that gives me pressure to get results, fast.

Unfortunately, that’s just not how it all works.  Here I am trying to build something, cultivate and grow it.  My little seed won’t magically become a beanstalk without a lot of love and care over time.  While it’s only been 8 months and in grand scheme of creating something, that’s chump change, it sure feels like a long time.  I think that’s partly due to all the change that has happened, which makes leaving my job feel like a lifetime ago.

It’s hard to stay patient, keep pushing, and not give up because there is no specific time frame at which I can determine whether this will or will not work.  Plus, for the time being I’m at it alone.  I don’t really have any support and nobody really knows what I’ve accomplished except for myself.  When I face a challenge, I don’t have coworkers to help me out or a manager to guide me.  While I’ve been seeking mentors for years, I just haven’t really found someone who has the expertise and time for me.  So how long do I keep trying?  There is no real answer; we’ll just have to see.  In the mean time, I’m trying to keep my spirits up and reinvigorate my enthusiasm.