This is a thought that comes up periodically in my life.  It’s not that I’m a nomad, but I have no true hometown to speak of.  I am not really “native” to anywhere.  Though I was born in China, I grew up in the United States.  Does that make me “native American” (as opposed to Native American)?  I don’t feel so.  Then do I feel Chinese?  Not enough, especially when I go back to visit and the very way I look and hold myself gives me away immediately.  Plus, my way of thought is greatly influenced by the American culture.

Being Chinese-American has always posed a slight problem for my identity.  I am equally both?  More one or the other?  I didn’t grow up questioning this, but it’s always tricky to answer that inevitable question: “So, where are you from?”  Where am I from originally?  Where am I from now?  Where is my parents’ home?  It’s complicated, so I usually try to answer with whatever it seems they were looking for.  But really, what am I?

I lived in China for three and a half years (split between Shenyang and Jieshou), Pennsylvania for two years, Kansas for three, back to China for one, Kansas for another one, Missouri for two and a half, New York for three and a half, California for four (split between Valencia for two years and Westwood for the other two), England for one, California for another year and a half, and now Singapore for six months.  So you tell me, which is my hometown?

Even if I were to claim American roots, where do I belong?  The East Coast?  The West Coast?  The Midwest?  I even almost moved to Texas (and would still like to for awhile).

All I know is that England and Singapore are out the running, since they were rather brief stints that didn’t occur until adulthood (not that I feel like an adult).  One was for studying abroad and now the other is for working abroad.  Since they are not permanent relocations, it’s easy to rule them out.  However, that still leaves the eight major areas I have lived in.

I don’t look American because I am Asian.  I don’t look Chinese because I have been out of the country for too long.  I don’t really fit in to either place like a native would.  I’ve stayed in places long enough to get to know the area, but not enough to leave a lasting imprint.  Most of my childhood friends would have been lost to me were it not for Facebook.  Yet, even after finding people I knew early on, things have changed so much that we don’t even know each other anymore.  Sure, they look similar to what I remember them to be, but watching them mature and go on their own paths… well, that is not something you can really predict from elementary school!

I am quite comfortable with all of this though.  I don’t mind being seen as an outsider sometimes.  I still feel at ease where I am and with who I am.  It’s just hard to explain to anyone.  I am a melting pot of East meets West, East Coast meets West Coast.  There are so many different factors that shaped my opinions, from my cultural background and upbringing to assimilating into a new culture and traveling the world to experience more.  So if you really want to know where I’m from and how I think, grab a seat, get some tea, and we’ll chat…