Have you ever looked back on your life and wondered, Did I really do that? Well, I have.  It’s the strangest thing, to have this sort of disconnect with my old life.  Perhaps it’s because things have changed so drastically with each stage and each move that it seems odd that I lived through that.  Whatever the case, sometimes I’ll be recounting things in my life and then I catch myself and marvel that that was really me, that was really my experience.  There are times when I am talking about my life, but it almost feels like I am telling the story of someone else’s life.  I think it also has to do with a feeling of being so fortunate – was I so lucky to actually be able to have done that?  In fact I was, but it’s hard to believe at times.

One of the main things I feel detached from these days is my childhood homes.  I’ll talk about how I was born in China and then lived in Pennsylvania, Kansas, Missouri, New York, and finally, California.  Then I’ll stop and think, how strange it was that I used to have half an acre of backyard to play with in Kansas.  Or that I went back to China for a year just for some cultural immersion.  With so many experiences that are so far-ranging, I guess it’s no wonder I feel like it was surreal at times.  Not many people get to go to Australia for two weeks or attend six boot camps or claim links to so many different places.  At times I marvel at the places I’ve had the chance to go to – it’s truly a blessing, though I’ll probably never have enough.  Travel is one of those things that doesn’t lose its charm as easily.  After all, there are just too many countries, too many cities, too many villages to go to!

Another aspect are the things I’ve been able to do.  They range from how I’ve kept a daily journal for thirteen years to working on a movie to visiting China annually in the summer.  Sometimes these things just seem too good to be true – did I really have that dedication?  Did I really rub elbows with Tom Waits?  Did my parents really spend that much money on me each year?  Even a basic part of my identity leaves me grateful – was I really fortunate enough that my parents were able to leave China?  It’s hard to live up to parents who are cream of the crop in intellect, but it’s a blessing what I’ve gotten because of that.  I can hardly imagine the disaster I’d be if I had grown up in China, being too masculine for my own good and not wanting to get stuck in a boring desk job.  Everything I’ve gotten to experience because of my American nationality is something that I may take for granted normally, but definitely not something I’ll ever forget was a gift to me from my hardworking parents.

At the same time, some of my own accomplishments amaze me too.  How did I balance 10 classes and two sports on three teams?  I was running around from 4 AM to 10 PM during my peak in high school, and then I had to do homework too.  Just thinking about that tires me out now, but I felt so good doing it then.  Similarly, the strenuous activities I did at the various boot camps I opted to attend make me wonder where all that energy came from (perhaps the MREs).  How were we able to march for so many miles and sleep so little?  How were we able to stay awake during classroom lectures (well, with the help of standing)?  When I stop to think of that it really takes to do that, it’s quite cool.

I’m sure everyone has something in their lives that if they stopped to really evaluate, they’d be proud of saying they did.  From my peers at UCLA who are attending a world class university to fellow ex-cadets who underwent the same boot camps, everyone makes themself worth something, somehow.  I think it doesn’t hurt to stop and consider how astonishing some of the things we’ve done are.  Maybe I’m just looking at everything through rosy glasses now, but I love thinking about all the cool things I’ve done.  Even the negative things I’ve experienced leave me in awe, wondering if I was really able to overcome that.  So to everyone who has done something extraordinary, whether it’s pay your way through college or excel at an art or sport, here’s to you!  May we all celebrate our accomplishments and learn to appreciate ourselves better.

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