Ok, I’m going to break a cardinal rule of mine and post a picture of others (I usually choose ones where you can’t tell who they are or I don’t post them at all – sorry PBs! Hope you don’t mind). I just got back from a mini reunion with my pledge bros for AKPsi and I wanted to share that. While it was only about a third of our class getting together, it was nice to at least see some familiar faces again after all this time. It’s been years since I’ve caught up with many of them and I feel so out of touch with their lives! Here we are 7 years later and so much has changed, yet they pretty much all look the same to me. That’s good, right? It’s nice to be able to reconnect with them briefly and revisit old memories. Oddly enough, we ended up eating at a place with great meaning for us completely unintentionally. What an appropriate setting for us to get together again. It’s great to see how they’re doing in their lives now and I hope to have more reunions for all those friends I’ve lost touch with.
Posts Tagged ‘akpsi’
365great Day 248: random acts of kindness
My fourth year of college, for Valentine’s Day, I was super surprised when I got a delivery. My fraternity was doing one of those fundraisers where you can send a flower and bear in a cute little package to anyone on campus. When one of them came to me, I was sooo confused. Who in the world would have gotten me something for Valentine’s? I didn’t have a boyfriend or even anyone I was seeing. Baffled, I took to the web and eventually got a message from a random friend who just thought it’d be nice to send me something, so he bought one for me to support the fundraiser. How sweet is that? Then when I was in the UK, I joined LoveSoc, a club that some students put together where they’d prompt you to do random acts of kindness, like giving hugs or leaving change. It’s those little surprises that can be so wonderful, especially when they’re completely out of the blue. I really should do more of those. As a kid I was very generous – probably even too generous – and I miss those days of bringing a smile to people’s faces. It’s one of the greatest feelings in the world.
Clouded
At moments, my mind is clouded by a foggy haze. Thoughts no longer come in lucidly and I can just imagine the transmissions in my brain slowing down. It’s hard to focus when an invisible weight sets foot on your cranium and won’t dissolve, no matter how you try. In fact, it’s almost like corn starch in water or a Chinese finger trap, where the harder you try, the more resistant it gets. So I’ve given up fighting against the current and decided that it’s time to let my weary mind rest for the night. I have no clue what has brought on this mental murkiness, but along with it I feel a sense of increased agitation and restlessness.
Snippets of thoughts run through my head – things to remember, things to do, things to… wait, what was I thinking again? A train of thought is lost just as easily as another takes its place and my mind jumps around lethargically in a way completely unlike the normal stream of thoughts that has me working at a quick pace. I remember websites I meant to visit and read, but I’ve no patience to go through the words. My left eye feels more strained than my right and that irks me. I remember moments that I was harsh or irresponsible towards Panda and I get a pang of guilt.
Too many choices lay in my path and I can’t seem to rationalize my decisions. Everything is a good path, so how do I choose just one? I want to go to all these events, but I don’t have the time and shouldn’t use the resources to. I’ve been craving ice cream all night long and never got around to getting some. I’ve wasted way too much time agonizing over when I’ll gain access to Google Wave, then researching Google Voice and MetroPCS instead. Why? Because I’m curious and wanted to learn about them. But I feel at a standstill, unable to get what I want though I know what it is that I’d love so much. A lot of that has to do with my job search.
I wouldn’t say I’ve found a dream job, but I’ve found one that fits my main specifications and sounds wonderful:
1. with UCLA
2. environment-related
3. decent pay with benefits
4. small work environment
But I haven’t heard back and it’s frustrating because I hate the whole job hunting process and I’d like to just get a job and settle a bit. Much as I enjoy what I’m doing now, there’s huge pressure from my parents to find a job. I don’t think they want anything else from me now, even if I win an award or get to do something prestigious.
My body feels out of sync and I’m getting more conscious of my unevenness. I haven’t had a proper workout for ages because I’ve been telling myself that I’ll start up a routine once I get a job. See, even I’m placing these restrictions on myself. I just want to land that job, get an apartment, get that new car, and begin a routine. Strange. I’m not one for routines and doing the same thing over and over again. But at the same time, I’d like a little more pattern in my life. Living week to week is not sustainable. So many things hinge on settling (and having money): starting to attend yoga classes, joining a massage clinic, picking up more hobbies, getting more creative with cooking, hitting up more restaurants, going to football/basketball games, getting alumni membership in Alpha Kappa Psi, reading books again… I’m putting off everything requiring money or a steady time commitment. After all, I don’t want to start something just to have to change when I do start working full-time.
Commencement
Well, it’s that time again and everyone at UCLA is done with finals and have been spending the past few days graduating. Today marks the final day of all the ceremonies, from commencements to departmental graduations to the ethnic-based ones. I’ve been getting e-mails on the AKPsi listserv of people talking about taking pictures together, attending their respective ceremonies, and otherwise celebrating the Class of 2009’s achievement. It’s really a festive time of year, as everyone has summer on their sights and just this one last hurdle before induction into the world of alumnihood. For just a moment, any worries about the future can be set aside as we focus on the here and now and rejoice in the completion of a degree.
All this hubbub reminds me of my own graduation last year, with the drama of the strikers, the excitement of the surrealness, and the hectic whirlwind surrounding finals and graduating. The summer of 2008’s kickoff will always be a bittersweet one for me, since some of my relatives were able to fly in from China to attend, but the strike drove away Bill Clinton and Ariana Huffington as commencement speakers. I still feel it would have been better for Clinton to come and talk to us about the strike, rather than avoid the issue completely and leave us all so bitter over that outcome. Overall, it was still a good time, to enter Pauley Pavilion and see so many of my peers filling the floor as their loved ones crowded the arena. The Deans of each segment of the College of Letters and Science introduced us with flair and I got to be represented in both the Life Sciences as well as the Social Sciences.
The following day I had both my Psychology and Economics departmental graduations, which my relatives split up to attend, with half coming for the morning Psych one and the others coming for the afternoon Econ one. It was a crazy day that started way too early and had me going far into the night as I ran around to get to places on time and find my family amongst the crowd. I still had some packing to do, which I needed to complete by the next day so I could go to the Asian/Pacific-Islander Graduation (APIG) in the afternoon and head back immediately thereafter to celebrate Father’s Day.
The APIG ceremony was truly special, since it was much smaller and was held outside in Dickson Court. I gathered together with a bunch of my fraternity brothers and we sat quite close to the front. Far East Movement and Wong Fu were there, with Far East performing customized lyrics and Phil Wang speaking to us about how the Asian-American community needs to unite. We had a local Asian-American leader as a guest speaker, but of course I’ve forgotten his name. All of the graduates even got t-shirts commemorating the event, with our names on the back! It was great that one of my fraternity brothers was actually organizing the event – I was so proud! Now he’s graduating as well. Amazing how a year can pass just like that.
Changing times
Every quarter, my fraternity (Alpha Kappa Psi), goes on a retreat. In the fall, I have no idea where we go since I believe I’ve actually missed those whenever they came up. In the winter, it’s up to Big Bear for a lovely tromp in the snow. Then in spring, it’s off to some beautiful beach house or someplace out in Palm Springs.
This winter’s retreat is my first as an alumna – no obligation to stay for whatever period of time or participate in whatever activities. Just me, my fraternity brothers, and making it whatever I want. And though there are treasured moments of bonding and fun, I find myself spending much time contemplating by myself and desperately trying to stay connected to the internet long enough to hold a decent conversation with my boyfriend. Ay. I didn’t even step out into the snow! Not that I was prepared at all, what with no thick clothes to speak of.
Maybe this whole adjusting to life outside of college thing isn’t as hard as I anticipated. It certainly would be nice to get that job though… I’ve been so used to earning income these past couple of years that I don’t even know what to do without it. My bank account is dwindling far too quickly for my comfort.