Posts Tagged ‘childhood’

Haircut

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
24 May 2009
0

I made my resolve to go get  a haircut today, after meaning to get a trim for a few weeks now.  Whenever I think of hair, I remember reading somewhere about how a girl got rid of her flowing locks and let go of so many of her burdens.  I feel like I’m starting a new phase in my life whenever I change my hair, especially when it becomes noticeably lighter.  It’s a powerful metaphor to me – that head of hair, which has been protecting and covering all your thoughts, filtering them, and no doubt catching many in their web, releases its hold and allows you to be free of your burdens.  Hair also moves around so much more freely when it’s lighter, allowing changes, occasionally getting caught up in a breeze and floating in ways it couldn’t when it was longer.  Kind of like my life now.  Similarly, my emotions can be filtered, with the negative ones falling to the floor as they are snipped off and the positive ones remain rooted to my head.

It was getting longer than it's been in a many years.

It was getting longer than it's been in a many years.

Maybe I’m taking the metaphor a bit far, but seriously, who doesn’t feel a bit liberated with each haircut?  Whether it’s guys who can once again feel the breeze against their scalp or girls who have happily gotten rid of those split ends, you feel lighter not only because you literally are, but also because there’s a certain mental lift that accompanies a good haircut.  It’s like when you first put in a new prescription for your contacts and suddenly the slightest rustle in the trees becomes obvious to you.  You’re more attuned to the world, noticing more, sensing more.  It’s enough to make the world look better.  At least that’s how I feel after each haircut, good or bad.  I’m not picky with how my hair looks as long as it’s not too short, so a haircut is always a positive experience for me and it really helps to imagine anything I’m not happy with being washed and snipped away.  Afterward, I’m ready to start anew.

I really like this idea of reshaping by cutting away the excess.  It’s a similar mentality for being green, which is definitely a prominent passion of mine that I have been developing more and more as of late.  I’ve also always loved to cut things, which is why paper cutting class at Chinese school was a great time for me.  I’m not hugely talented, but I can make some really nice flowers and snowflakes by snipping away randomly.  It’s intuitive to me and rewarding to share with others, who always admire my work.  I even won an art contest at Chinese school for it, despite all the paintings and sculptures that they went up against.  I wish I was as good at cutting hair, but the one thing I do like the way I approach my hair is that I’m not afraid to mess it up.  It’s been too many times that I’ve tried to give myself bangs only to have some awkward short hairs sticking out, refusing to be tamed.  But, it’s never much of a problem (the beauty of hair!) because it grows out soon enough, most people hardly even notice, and hair has this magical property of just falling into place to hide minor errors.  And that’s why I’m always ready for a new trim!

Chop chop chop.

Chop chop chop.

The past week or so has really been a turning point for me, as I try to change my behavior to be more vibrant, more proactive, more involved, and more active.  I talk more, asked for new work to do when I came to a lull, went out to meet some new people, and have started to plan my time better here in terms of how I will take advantage of the fact that I’m in Singapore!  I’m hoping inertia kicks in and that I will just keep on moving like this, because it’s refreshing.  I may not always be comfortable and I may want to revert to reflection and internalizing, so it will be a constant effort to not give in to that.  I’m looking forward to the new view I’m getting on things and really trying to figure what direction I can go in to pursue my passions, dreams, and fantasies.  To commemorate all this change and a look in a new direction, it’s only fitting to make a change with my hair.  It’s the fastest and easiest to make a semi-permanent change to your daily look.  I suppose I could get some new clothes, put on more makeup, or try colored contacts, but those changes are more transient and don’t reflect a new phase the way a haircut can.  In a way, this is my form of self-expression and I love it.

Anything but the “normal” job recruiting process!

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , ,
16 May 2009
1

From the way that I grew up, I now constantly need new stimulation, new faces, new situations.  For the first time in my life, I am sitting at a desk all day long, expected to do work for the most part of the day.  At first during K-12 schooling, I sat in a desk a lot, being talked at (and taking some notes from that).  Then in college I sat in any given class for no more than two hours at a time.  I also made an effort to schedule my classes in the afternoon, since I knew I wouldn’t make morning classes.  I’ve always been a night owl, feeling most calm and productive late at night, when the rest of my  community had gone to bed.  So one of the ways I retained my freedom was by staying up as I pleased.  In my housing segment, I was well-known for being up reliably late.  Queen of All-Nighters, even.

So back to constant new experiences.  Of the ten jobs I’ve held prior to this one, three required sitting, but for no more than 4 hours.  I don’t know if it’s because I’ve never had a conventional full-time job or what, but I certainly can’t sit at a desk and concentrate on my work for a full day.  I need breaks to move around, or rest, or do something else.  Anything else.  I’m not used to this office atmosphere, as casual and welcoming as it is.   That then begs the question: what type of work can I do?  Well, I need a lot of variety.  I need to go out and meet clients or visit sites.  I need to be able to write a proposal one day and do research the next day.  I’ve found I have trouble spending two days in a row doing the same thing if it requires a lot of energy.

Not only is my preference for how I work a bit… distracted, the way that I go about getting these jobs also tends to be rather unusual.  Let’s explore:

Job #1, waitress/bus boy at Home Bon Buffet: asked the manager if he needed anyone to work there when my parents and I were eating there one night.  Left my number and got a call a couple weeks later and started work.

Job #2, swim instructor at local YMCA: got stopped while swimming laps on April Fool’s 2002 and asked by manager if I wanted to work there.  Thought it was a joke, but he followed through and ended up teaching Polliwogs and Guppies.

Job #3, production intern (<–check out my IMDb listing!) for an independent film company (No Matter Productions): got an e-mail saying I was referred from another internship I had applied for that was already full.  Went in for interview and started working that day.

Job #4, textbook reader for blind students through UCLA Office for Students with Disabilities: saw the ad through classes I was enrolled in, e-mailed, can’t remember if there was an interview, and started to get work.

Job #5, financial intern at Smith Barney: found listing on myUCLA, e-mailed, interviewed, and arranged summer hours.  The most standard and normal as it gets, I guess (except not one of those with multiple interviews).

Job #6, product demonstrator for Natural Selection Promotions: bugged one of my fraternity brothers about taking a job I wanted that another brother had told us she was leaving.  He then told me his friend had a contact, so I e-mailed with resume and was soon told to arrange time for training to start.

Job #7, marketing intern for UCLA Live!: heard about it through a fraternity brother while studying abroad, forget if I e-interviewed or called on Skype.

Job #8, computer lab concierge for UCLA Office of Residential Life: another opportunity from a fraternity brother, though I was aware of it from my Resident Assistant the year before.  MSN interviewed while in England.

Job #9, “Scribe” (campus rep) for Livescribe: and still, something from my fraternity, happened upon their Scribe program when looking at their Facebook page.  Filled out form to apply, got phone interview.

Job #10, Orientation Counselor for UCLA Orientation Program: saw a flier, was reminded of a dream I had my entire undergraduate career, and applied.  Also rather normal, did one interview, a group interview, and a follow-up.

Job #11, Assistant Manager for Caelan & Sage: Marylin was working there and felt that I should too, so she proposed it to the boss and it was cool.  Had a Skype meet-up to solidify things and meet each other.

I don't mind corporate wear, but corporate culture? Not so much.

I don't mind corporate wear, but corporate culture? Not so much.

So generally, I didn’t go through the “normal” process of career fairs or online job listings and most of them, though requiring interviews, were quite simple and straightforward.  Of course, I simplified a lot of this and it was just like the jobs were handed to me.  Usually my resume spoke for itself and some other e-mail or phone interactions cemented things.  But overall, it was a whole lot less complicated than the convulted things you need to do these days… attend job/career fairs like mad and suck up to the recruiters, send follow-up e-mails and maintain a relationship, get an internship in hopes of being invited full-time when you graduate or apply and go in for behavioral interviews, one after another.  Me?  I have no patience for any of that.  I attended one career fair and hated it, so thereafter I swore I’d do things on my own terms.

I guess that’s why I want to be an entrepreneur and do consulting!  It offers much more interesting new work and opportunity to do things my way.

The inevitable Mother’s Day post

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
10 May 2009
0

I like to be strange, different, unusual.  So, it’s almost too cliche to write about my love for my mother on Mother’s Day.  Not that I don’t like the idea – I certainly appreciate my mom and enjoy celebrating her role in my life!  However, it seems all to predictable to be writing about motherhood on this day.  I’m sure a good majority of the world is doing so and the blogosphere is alight with posts of a similar sentiment.  Even on Twitter, the most trending term is “Happy Mother’s Day.”  But, filial piety and maternal love win out in the end and I concede to do something all too normal and expected.  That’s my tribute to my mom, I guess.

When I ran into Marylin’s mother outside in the living room today, I made a point to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and inquire about her plans.  I was vaguely aware of dinner plans she and Marylin had with family friends, but I wasn’t sure if it was just a normal gathering or if the holiday would be acknowledged.  I guess it was kind of just a random gathering also meant to celebrate a friend’s birthday.  So celebrate away!  Celebrate all there is to celebrate on this day.  What struck me the most though, was her initial reaction to my well wishes: “Oh, I’d forgotten all about that.”  It reminded me so much of my mother and I asked Panda if his mother is the same way too.

You see, my mom’s the type of person who doesn’t remember Mother’s Day or her birthday, or any other day out there that’s meant to celebrate her.  I have a theory that she only remembered her birthday long enough for me to be old enough to remember it for her and now it’s just a fleeting memory in her mind.  So, every year, it’s up to me to remind her that, this is your day and I’m taking you out to eat, as our family tradition goes.  Over the years we’ve ended up going to the same Asian buffet for every holiday that we celebrate together, whether it’s Mother’s or Father’s Day, Christmas, or one of our birthdays.  We don’t make a big fuss out of these things and they pass rather quietly, but I make a point of never forgetting.  It’s one of the most basic ways I can show that I care.

12-dsc01156

Well, it turns out that not all mothers are like this and Panda’s mom quite likes to be recognized, at least in comparison with my mom.  I think I’ll be the type who won’t bring it up in the hopes that I will be remembered.  I asked Panda if he’d remember all the important days to celebrate and though he was reluctant to promise at first, in case something comes up, he eventually agreed to extend that promise to me.  After all, I realize that life gets in the way and I’m really only asking for his word that he’ll try his best, which I know he will.

So back to my wonderful mother.  Currently she and my dad are in LA again, so I hope they go out to a nice place to eat.  As the truly dedicated mom that she is, she’s helping me with my taxes and finances.  She was always the one I turned to for all things money related.  Right now she’s in a stage in her life where she isn’t sure what to do.  Before I left for Singapore, I spent my time trying to give her the confidence and hope that she needs to perhaps take a leap and go for her dreams.  After all, they were put off because she chose to take care of me fully, rather than be distracted by a job.  So now that she’s back in the work force, doing environmental consulting work with my dad, she’s looking to do more of what interests her.  And that is something in the aerospace industry, preferably along the lines of designing planes.  She feels like she’s too old and there isn’t a foothold for her to grasp in the industry.  The unfortunate thing is that employers don’t even want to consider her because she’s not as young and fresh as college graduates and she took so many years off from practicing her engineering expertise.  They don’t trust her to be as sharp and capable as she used to be, even though she has been teaching herself programs like AutoCAD and attended some courses at our community college.  How do you get people to give you a chance though?

So for now, she’s helping my dad out in his company, building up her resume again as she tries to think of how to get into Boeing or Northrup or Lockheed and the likes of them.  I fully support her and hoep that she can achieve what she wants, after all those years she gave up for me.  She gave me a privileged life growing up, with a mom who could always drop off a project I forgot to take to school with me, or drive me to the various swim and track practices and meets, or pick me up from school after all my extracurricular activities were over.  I remember when I was young I won a competition for writing about why I have the world’s best mom and I still have that essay to this day.  When I read it, it doesn’t seem all that exciting since I wrote it when I was in fifth grade, but apparently it was good for my age!

I hope everything is well with her now and I wonder where she’ll be when I return to LA.  I’m keeping a lookout for her, in case I hear of any opportunities that she may want to look into.  For now though, all I can do is be a good daughter and call her periodically to check in.  I think I really surprised her when I did that like two weeks ago.  We’re not a family built around constant contact and communication.

With that, I hope that everyone has spent some time to think about their own mothers and remember all the things they should be appreciated for.

Self-taught

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
05 May 2009
2

There are many skills I have learned throughout my life and plenty of them have been acquired of my own volition.  One of these skills has been (basic) coding.   Back when I was in my “tweens,” I taught myself how to use HTML to create my own websites.  I spent hours upon hours in front of the computer, typing away with various <> tags, making all kinds of nonsense sites that I don’t remember anymore.  Those were the days of GeoCities, Angelfire, and the like and I doubt anything useful or interesting was ever posted.  I was just happy to be given a blank slate and a simple box to type up my HTML.  So off I went, happily coding away.  I remember I used to sit in front of the computer for hours at a time, even pulling some all-nighters, as I browsed the internet learning about hex codes and how scrolling doesn’t show up on all browsers.  I always had a gigantic bag of Chex Mix with me to snack on through the night and my blanket wrapped around me for warmth and comfort as I curled up on the chair.

My first LiveJournal.

My first LiveJournal.

As the years went by, such simplistic websites lost their charm and I eventually left them to the wayside.  A few years down the line, I picked up blogging, which hardly required more than centering, bolding, linking, and inserting pictures.  It was very easy to remember the few commands I needed to do everything I needed.  All the other stuff was taken care of for me.  As that picked up, I became more and more interested in customizing my blog for my own needs.  At first I could still plug and chug – many themes were customizable to a certain extent, allowing me to upload my own banner or change the font.  However, to really delve into the design elements that I wanted to control, I now needed to use CSS to create the look I wanted.  I have never quite learned that more sophisticated programming language, so I took it upon myself to discover its workings.  Instead of grabbing a book or reading a tutorial, I just took the codes that had been created as themes already and began tweaking them to fit my desires.  Initially that worked out just fine – all I wanted was a bit of a change in width here, a different look to my link there.  But of course, things don’t always stay so elementary.  My needs developed more and more and what I knew simply wasn’t enough.

The way that I have been learning and teaching myself requires a lot of trial and error.  It’s much like learning the vocabulary of a language similar to one you know already, but then not really understanding the more complicated grammar.  And to make the right effect, you need those complicated sentence structures!  So I’ve hit a bit of a rut where I should probably take the time and effort to start from the beginning and learn all the ins and outs of this language, but I don’t have the patience for it.  As frustrating as it is, I still much enjoy pounding away at the script I have currently, changing and refining things as I go.  My stubbornness keeps me doggedly pursuing this path, even if it’s not the most efficient.

The first theme I was working with.

The first theme I was working with.

To me, there’s a certain pleasure to be found in finally getting the right change accomplished this way.  When I get into the process, I really get into it and hours fly by as I try adjusting a number here or reconfiguring a command there.  It’s one of the few times I feel like I’m in a “zone” and truly wholeheartedly focused on something.  I’m the type of person who tends to like to dabble in a lot of things and jump around from project to project, getting a little done here, a little done there.  Every now and then, I find one of the few things that just grabs my attention and keeps me there.  Granted, it does depend on when my whims come and go, and how long this phase lasts, but while it’s here it’s strong and pervasive.  I put up my do not disturb face and go at it until my body is begging for a break or I have an obligation to fulfill.

Tonight, I hit one of those strides, where I just kept fiddling with one of the themes.  I’ve tried and considered a handful of themes so far, but I’m quite picky when it comes to how I want it to look: customizable banner, adjustable width, round and curvy font, two columns

What I'm settling on for now.

What I'm settling on for now.

only.  The color scheme has to be right as well and I tend not to like any of the extremely graphical backgrounds I’ve seen.  That narrows it down to pretty much no option, so I’ve had to make do with what I’ve found and figure out how to work with it.  I won’t ever be completely satisfied until I learn how to make a theme from scratch or I get someone who knows what they’re doing to create something with all my specifications.  Somewhere down the line I’ll be looking for a complete makeover of my blog interface.  I’ve got some friends who are good at this, so perhaps one of them will have the time to create something for me one day.  Until then… you may find that this theme will switch back and forth as I find ways to edit in what I do want and edit out what I don’t want from the templates I’m using.

Bookworm at heart

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
04 May 2009
0

I’ve been reading Emergenetics: Tap Into the New Science of Success lately and I’ve rediscovered the nerd inside.  Ever since I was a kid, I loved to read.  From when I first learned how to read until I was nearly 13, nothing else took up more of my time.  I’d wake up and read on the walk to the bus stop, read on the bus ride to school, read while walking to and from classes, read while eating my meals, and even attempted reading in the shower a few times (they always ended up as baths).  Every week my mom would drive me to the library

Ah, that's what it was! Book it!

Ah, that's what it was! Book it!

and I’d tote home about 30 books to read for that week.  In fifth grade, my teacher had us keep a log and the first time I turned it in, she stared at it in disbelief before calling my parents to have them verify that yes, I did nothing else with my life but read.  I remember I did very well for reading clubs back then – what was that Pizza Hut reward program again?  And of course, my favorite event of the year was when the Scholastic Book Fair would come rolling around.  It was the most exciting and anticipated thing for me – to be able to browse shelves of books, peruse tons of offers for monthly subscriptions (did anyone else order the Goosebumps series?), and check out all the random other items that came along (like those science kits, bookmarks, and journals!).  Ah, it was a dream come true for me.

Good old R.L. Stine and his crazy creations!

Good old R.L. Stine and his crazy creations!

It was at a book fair in 4th grade that I came across a light purple diary with an adorable grey kitten on it.  I begged my dad to get it for me (seeing as I had no money back then and my allowance was just whatever I needed).  He agreed, on the condition that I promise to write in it every day.  And thus began my long journey with keeping a journal.  As promised, I wrote in my journal every day, whether or not it was anything interesting.  I tried a variety of styles over the years, from using Chinese to titling each day in French to bullet-point lists.  Time and time again, my parents would find me holed away in my room, scribbling away at my journal and each time they’d ask me, “Oh you’re actually still doing that?”  Well, I made a promise!  As time wore on, I got busier and didn’t always have time to write every day, so I started to write notes for my journal and then catch up in it periodically.  This ranged from a few days to a few weeks.  Then, a couple of months ago (wow, nearly a year now), I got SO distracted with being an Orientation Counselor at UCLA that I haven’t been able to catch up since.  I am now months behind on writing and even a few weeks behind on my notes, but I have every intention of writing an entry for each of those days.  Thankfully, I am great at stalking myself (I like to think of it as being resourceful), so I can piece together most of the pieces through the IM conversations I had, the e-mails I sent, the text messages I used, and of course, the blog entries I wrote.

My love for all things “booky” didn’t stop there.  I love all sorts of office supplies, if you will, ranging from pens and notebooks to staples and superglue.  Of course, I love books and bookmarks, but really I can spend my life in a Staples and never get bored.  Highlighters,

I loved collecting these.

I loved collecting these.

erasers, rulers, protractors, you name it, I love it.  I’m an absolute junkie when it comes to that stuff.  I don’t know if it’s related to my insane bookworm tendencies from my childhood, but it seems correlated at the least.  So, throughout the years (and volumes upon volumes of journals now), I experimented with an assortment of pens, pencils, markers, and even Sharpies in filling up my journal pages.  I’ve settled for a certain format as of late, which I think started a few years ago.  I guess I’ve come to a point in my life where I’m comfortable with how I do it.  I still make small changes and tweak a little here and there, but overall it’s just about the same and exactly how I like it.

I’ve gotten to get back in touch with that old side of me that always had her nose buried in a book and it feels good.  I love to read, whether it’s books, magazines, blogs, e-mails, or online articles.  I have always done a lot of reading and writing, whether for pleasure or for school, and I’m sure my love of researching has to do with this obsession.  When I was in first or second grade, my neighbors gave me their set of encyclopedias and stacks of National Geographic Magazines, which totally made my day.  Although the medium has mostly changed from hard copies to soft copies, I’m still doing the same thing.  However, nothing can beat the beauty of a book.  The feel, the smell, the look – it’s all so attractive to me.  Plus, I can bring it around with me anywhere and read while sipping tea in a cafe or after I’ve climbed a tree perched on a mountain.  That’s also what I love about my journals.  I really enjoy going out alone, finding somewhere peaceful (which may or may not be a public spot), plopping myself down in a nice spot, and reading or writing the day away.  Oh the luxury of free time!

I’m glad I’m getting back into pleasure reading.  I barely did so in my years of high school and college, which totaled nearly a decade!  That is far too long to be away from my precious books.  My preference for content has changed from whimsical fiction stories to more popular science and things I can use in my life, so not only am I getting in touch with my past and particpating in a great hobby, I’m also learning and growing so much!  Not to say you don’t learn and grow from fiction, but sometimes the lessons and uses are less apparent and not immediately applicable the way that they are in the non-fiction genre.  So, onward with my current book!  Synopsis to come.

Reaching out

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships，Tags: , , ,
20 April 2009
0

I’ve never been one to ask for help.  Even though the people around me have been more than willing to do so, I grew up so used to doing things on my own that it doesn’t even occur to me to ask much of the time.  I have learned to be an extremely resourceful person and therefore, I love to share all the things I discover.  Yet rarely do I turn to my family and friends to ask them for their opinion or input on something.  Instead, I take the “I can do it” attitude a bit too far and miss out on the opportunity to bond with them and make them feel useful to me.

This is something I’m working on changing so I can allow myself to rely on others every now and then.  But it’s a hard thing to do, placing trust in someone else when you’d much rather just do it yourself.  It’s hard to resist the urge to hop online and find the answers I need on my own.  I realize I’ve missed out on a lot because of this, from time spent getting help on my homework so I wouldn’t waste so much time not getting it to relationships that didn’t deepen because I didn’t open up very much.  It’s a slow process to break this instinct to plow through piles of information to get my desired answer, rather than to interrupt a conversation or approach someone to ask them for their wealth of knowledge.

One great thing about my fraternity’s mailing list is that we can share with each other all sorts of information and ask for help if needed.  That is one of the few places I’ve ever reached out to ask for others’ opinions, thoughts, or knowledge.  Even then, I much prefer to help out whenever I can and share my experiences and expertise.  I think it’s wonderful to have a network like that that I can tap into whenever I want, it’s like having friends who never leave you, even if you hardly keep in touch.  I’m more used to maintaining relationships that are far less maintenance than traditional ones, where the closest people to me only talk to me periodically, typically monthly or less.

So, now with a boyfriend who I can’t go a day without talking to in one way or another, I’m starting to learn more about maintaining relationships.  Though it’s difficult to remain close to people when everyone is moving about all around the world, there are still plenty of ways to stay in touch and remain updated on each others’ lives.  I’m also trying to keep track of who is doing what, who is good at what, who likes what, etc. so I can tap into that in future, whether by asking for help or offering an opportunity.  I don’t know how quickly I can change an age-old habit of self-sufficiency, but to feel more in touch with people, I’ll try to make the effort.  Perhaps getting around to replying to all my facebook wall posts will be the start!

TV’s lack of appeal

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
19 April 2009
0

I can’t recall where our household TVs were in most of the places I grew up.  In fact, my first memory of really consistently watching TV was back in middle school, around 7th grade.  That was when we had moved to New York and I remember coming back from school to watch trash shows like Ricki Lake and then classics like Fresh Prince of Bel Air as I ate my way through a few bags of instant chicken ramen.  I never really cared for cartoons and other animated shows, so I pretty much just stuck towhatever was on when I got home from school.  Prior to that, I had always read books for fun.  I think the change began when I started to come out of my shell and be more sociable at school.  Coming out of my own world and integrating into the larger one introduced me to this phenomenon that seems inescapable in the American culture.

Well, by the time I left New York three and a half years later, I had given up TV other than whatever was on that my dad was watching during dinner, which was usually 60 Minutes or 20/20.  The internet was booming and I could entertain myself far more with that than any TV show could ever provide.  Plus, I had much more control over what I would be exposed to, versus being at the mercy of some channel’s scheduling choices.  I can’t even remember what I used to watch, other than Gilmore Girls and Charmed.  I never really got into the whole TV or movie thing.  I’m not sure why, but I guess it was something about how unenlightening they seem and how they tend to encourage vanity.

Unfortunately, it’s gotten worse, from what I know, what with shows like Damages that I’ve seen commercials for and Gossip Girls that I’ve heard about.  Why would you spend hours of your life watching people be terrible to each other?  I hope this doesn’t produce a pathological society intent on revenge, greed, and other traits that will pick at our morals.  Entertainment is widely influential and the messages being sent these days are often questionable.  I’m not sure I want to know how this is affecting the younger generation as they grow up with their role models watching that kind of junk.

At the same time, there are some shows cropping up that I don’t mind, such as House and Lie to Me.  Initially my obsession with House started when I was moving in my second year of college and my friend was watching the season one DVDs.  The abrasive humor, fast-paced discourse, and insightful tidbits into the human body and mind attracted me.  Enough for me to decide to buy the first four seasons on DVD when I joined Columbia House.  As I spent the tail end of last year watching episode after episode, I started to notice the trends and patterns and slowly my interest waned.  I am still fond of the show, despite all its peculiarities (or maybe because of them) and I find it interesting because Dr. House is just so odd.

As for Lie to Me, I saw bus stop ads for it all over Westwood in the early parts of this year, as I was enjoying life with no schedule.  I decided to go check it out online once the show started airing and found it to be quite intriguing.  The entire thing is based on research done on microexpressions and body language, and how they can tell us when people are lying.  I have heard of this type of thing before, and having studied psychology as one of my majors, I find this fascinating.  There were a lot of facts in the show about how it all works, plus audiences get to see how what our behavior tells you is just the what, but not the why.  A lot of unexpected motives for lying are unveiled throughout the episodes, which makes you think before you assume.

I am also glad that the newer reality shows I’ve seen are getting more positive, rather than taking the dramatic approach by throwing a bunch of strangers to live together just to watch them fight.  I mentioned beforewatching some of the episodes of The Biggest Loser, which encourages people to take charge of their lives and finally get around to losing the unhealthy weight they’ve been bearing for years.  It’s not that I don’t have gripes about certain details of the show, but overall they are trying to send a good message.  I also like this one show I saw five minutes of, which pairs up children with their dads in a competition.  Done right, it encourages the parent-child relationship to be stronger and allows them to outperform by doing teamwork activities.  Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? can be positive too, by making being smart look cooler.  What kid doesn’t want bragging rights to knowing the answer that the adult didn’t and "saving" them in the show?  Though the show makes some adults look like fools, it also encourages kids to do well in their academics.

Even the good shows out there have their flaws, but I guess that is expected, since they can’t be perfect or they’d be uninteresting.  The main problem with TV shows for me, however, is that I bore of them easily.  For both House and Gilmore Girls, which are the only two shows I own on DVD and the only two shows I have ever watched every episode for, there came a point when I started to tire of the plot or the characters.  When you see a pattern or things become predictable, it’s just not fun anymore.  I like to be challenged to never expect things at face value, to have to think about things that are going on in the plot.  Perhaps that is why I also quite enjoy watching CSI with Marylin on the weekends, whenever she has it on.  There’s always mysteries and twists to look out for.  Yet, whatever draws most of the population to their television sets each day baffles me, for I could live perfectly well without it.  Actually, I can’t even remember the last time I turned on a TV; in the past few years I’ve only ever turned them off after people around me have finished watching and I am still left sitting there.  To me, TV is just unappealing.

Credit scores and finances

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
18 April 2009
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I decided to go back to Mint.com today to check out how my finances are doing.  It’s really an amazing tool, putting all of my money in the same place for me to easily see.  It was always a chore for me to sign in to my bank accounts, then my various credit card accounts, all so I could see how much money I had, how much I owed, and how things were doing for me overall.  Now I just need Mint.com to keep track of it for me!  As I was filling out the information for my new retirement accounts (gosh, that is a strange thing to think about), I also completed the rest of my profile.  One of the questions they had for me was what my credit score is.  Well, I certainly don’t have a clue.  In fact, I’ve never known my credit score!  So, I decided it was time to find out.

It’s an interesting thing, these credit reports.  I spent ages filling out information at various sites, trying to find one that gives me my three credit scores (for free), period.  For some reason, whenever they ask me verification questions, I get a little nervous that I will answer incorrectly.  I should know my own activity and history with no problem, right?  And I do, but nonetheless, I have that little tinge of worry when I have to give a correct answer for authentication.  I guess it stems from my childhood fear of authority, where anyone with the power to affect my life can make me uncomfortable.  So in this case, it is their control over whether or not they believe I am me, which in turn determines whether or not they will allow me to access information I want, that scares me.

Well, it turns out my credit ratings aren’t half bad (all in the excellent range, yay), but I still have room for improvement.  Luckily, I’ve never been rejected credit and I tend to get way more than I need, but I still have a ways to go, once I start having a mortgage.  I don’t plan on having any loans, but who knows, maybe I will get a good financial adviser who can manage all that for me and actually make me better off by using loans.  I do believe my mom is a guru at that sort of thing.  I am also really pleased with Mint.com because they provide me the information I always was afraid I wouldn’t have once my mom can’t help me with finances anymore.  As of now, she’s always the one I go running to when I have a money issue (like not knowing what type of IRA to open up).  I feel more secure in being able to take care of my own money responsibly now.

I have been very lucky in my life, with parents who have always had the foresight to save money for things we needed/really wanted.  I never had to pay a cent for college, or take out a student loan.  It’s an amazing gift to start offmy career with no debt hanging over my head.  I don’t think I can fully appreciate it since I don’t know what it’s like to be in debt, but nonetheless, I am grateful.  At the same time, I tried not to exploit this privilege and got a scholarship that helped pay some of my way.  Also, we’ve never not had the money to purchase things when we really needed them.  Granted, that has a lot to do with our concept of what we actually need.  We’re not a very materialistic family, so all the nice things we get we get only when we more than have the means to get it.  I have learned some very good spending habits from my parents and I hope that I can retain that, and not live beyond my means.

My mom has always told me that too many Americans get trapped into spending more than they’re earning and borrowing a lot, which leaves little room for error.  On the contrary, our family only takes out loans we know we can pay back, only buy cars that are within our means, and only get houses that have mortgages we can handle.  I admire how well my mom handles money and I wish I had a knack for that myself, but if it were up to me, we’d all just live with cash and never worry about credit cards throwing you into debt or losing money on investments.  Ironic, I guess, since I studied finances quite intently during my undergrad career, but it’s not a topic I really care for.  It certainly is very useful though and it’s a pity I don’t know more.  But, with the booming internet, I can always look up what I need to so it won’t be too bad.

So, though I may not know the best ways to handle my money, at least I’ll make good choices with what I do know so far and just keep educating myself on what else there is.  Ultimately I’m hoping I can make enough to hire a financial adviser to do all that for me.  I’m not much of a risk-taker though, so I don’t know how I’d feel about my money being put into the volatile markets.  It seems lame to keep it all in a savings account though.  Which, by the way, has been disappointing me with the economic downturn.  Supposedly my interest rates are still higher than market rates and rather competitive, but it has been sliced to at least less than half of what it used to be!  It’s so unfulfilling to see your money growing so slowly.  With the magic of compound interest though, I just need to wait it out and see better results later down the line.

Breaking the ice

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
15 April 2009
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I spent the last two days manning a table at the SHRI HR Congress to promote Right Impact Training, the training and education part of Caelan & Sage.  At first, Marylin handled the people who came to our booth as I listened to what she said, how she said it, what she was asked, and how she responded.  Soon enough, I was at it on my own, engaging people who came by to check us out or stood looking at us curiously.  This was reminiscent of my training day for Natural Selection Promotions, where I met with one of the demo-ers and she showed me the ropes.  As I observed how she did it, I began to lure more customers over to try the product and after a bit, I was quite well-versed in why it was a great thing to eat.  So, as I do, I sat back and watched until I was ready to try it out on my own.  For the most part it went decently, with just a few people who were less than receptive and left without leaving any contact info.  Occasionally, I’d get a question that I didn’t really know, so Marylin would jump in and provide more details.

I have found that I can be quite comfortable working off a table, where anyone who comes by and looks at us long enough should know that they are just asking to be talked to.  They are the ones who make themselves available and open to some pitching, so they tend to be interested inhearing more.  However, one thing I wanted to work on was going out into the crowd of delegates and striking up a conversation that would lead to another networking opportunity.  Unfortunately, this is definitely one of my weaknesses, unless I am in a high-energy environment like a camp or organized icebreaker activity.  Since this was very much professional and all about business, I didn’t know how to approach the people as they were munching on food or sipping on drinks.  My innate shyness always finds a way to kick my butt at these gatherings.  When I was a child, I was so quiet and reserved with strangers that I couldn’t even look them in the eye and I would flush a bright red in the stress.  Since then, I’ve improved a lot, but in situations that I am uncomfortable in, I tend to revert back to some of those old ways.

Now it’s not so much a problem of approaching strangers, but it’s more of what context I am doing it in.  I went around to all the exhibitors located in the other room and was perfectly happy with going up to each of them, chatting them up on who they are and what they do, then in turn sharing who I am and what C&S is all about.  Based on that information, many a business card were exchanged, with promises of e-mail correspondence to come.  There were some possible collaborations and a few potential clients, which was very promising.  That was much easier for me because everyone knew that the people at those tables were there to spread the word on their company, so we had a pretense to start with.  Then, upon telling me their story, they were curious about mine (I think especially with my American accent), which opened up a chance for me to share with them without imposing on them.  Everything seemed unpretentious and we built up a good rapport that way.

My difficulty with approaching the delegates at the congress was due to the fact that every time they were in our area, they were getting a meal to eat or having a tea break.  So to start off with, they are more in the relaxing type of mentality.  Granted, they realize that these types of professional conferences are a breeding ground for making new connections, but I feel intrusive walking up to them with an agenda.  I could try one of our teammates, Napper’s, tactic and just chat them up on how they found the congress so far and whatnot, but that is not quite my selling style.  Marylin has a very aggressive approach and Napper has a very laid-back approach; I am somewhere in between, but closer to Marylin’s style.  Perhaps I need to change my frame of mind and not take this type of event as a sales event, but more as a networking event.  In part my impatience is because I want them to see the intrinsic value of our services right away and look into hiring us or working with us.

The next time I get a chance to go to something like this, or when I go to the next forum or sharing session, I will remind myself that I am just there to meet new people, whether or not they will be useful business contacts.  I have been pressuring myself too much lately, always thinking very critically about how each interaction could turn into an opportunity for us.  I remember I used to love to chat people up for no good reason but to talk to them.  We’ll see if that mentality will improve my fear of approaching strangers…

Beautiful Los Angeles

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
12 April 2009
0

I was watching a video with clips of an interview conducted overlooking the San Fernando Valley today and it brought up so many memories, particularly of Valentine’s Day, when Panda and I had a similar view.  Seeing that, with the California sun and telltale smog, made me miss LA so much.  Not just the memories and experiences from there, but the greater Los Angeles area in general.  From the landscape to the opportunities to the people, there is so much to love.  Between two cities in LA County, I have spent the greater part of the last six years living in Southern California.  I have certainly grown to the love place, despite the hours I spent travelling up and down the 5 and 405, stuck in traffic.  Of course, there is also a slew of terrific memories of all the wonderful things I got to experience there.  Most recently, there was the drive up and down Mulholland Drive that brought about some great new views of familiar territory.  Then earliest on, I had been introduced to many of the main attractions in the area, from Santa Monica Pier to the Hollywood Bowl.

I remember when I first moved out to California, I hated the place.  I was heartbroken from being torn from my high school friends, teachers, classes, and organizations with such little notice (everything happened within a period of two weeks).  I never got a chance to tell people I was leaving, but for a handful of close friends who I saw briefly days before flying away.  Everyone else just started school that year to find me on the other side of the country.  Between having to adjust to a new social life and academic challenges, it was frustrating to also be annoyed on a daily basis by small nusances like the dry weather.  I had to start showering in the mornings and pin my hair up to prevent it from getting too staticy and itching my skin.  It was also irritating to have to slathe on lotion day in and day out, just so my skin wouldn’t crack painfully, retricting my activity.  It took my body two full years to finally adjust to the arid SoCal weather.

Once I started college at UCLA, things began to look up as I started to discover myself more and more.  No longer worried about brittle hair or dry skin, I could go out and enjoy myself so much more.  It’s amazing how basic physical comfort can contribute so much to quality of life.  College life also brought about so many opportunities, explorations, and new experiences.  Although I had always grown up independent, this offered a different level of freedom, where I could sleep in on days I didn’t have class in the mornings or stay up all night hanging out with friends just because.  I also began to learn how to take care of myself, from doing laundry to making sure I ate and slept a decent amount.  Let’s not forget that students are offered so many great deals, from the countless groups to get involved in to the plentiful discounts exclusively for them.  Through that, I got a taste of the wide variety of attractions that LA has to offer, from the beaches and mountains to the entertainment centers and museums.  Food from all over the world is more or less offered there as well, though to differing degrees of Americanization.  Overall, it was truly unparalleled exposure.

Even though I’m used to never staying put in one city for too long, I can see myself staying in this one for years to come.  I have always strongly believed that I can make a living in any city, as I have always done.  But, at the same time, there’s something nice about claiming a city as my own.  As the one that I know in and out.  As the one I came of age in.  As the one where I found myself.  There’s a certain romantic notion about devoting so much to a city and absorbing yourself in that culture.  And of all the cities I’ve been to, I can’t think of another one better suited for my wants and needs.  The only thing I wish was different would be the quality of air.  Every time I see that layer of smog, I can’t help but think of how many years of my life I could be taking off just by breathing that in.  In the long run, I can see this being a city I would want to settle in.  However, at the same time, I am still interested in living in other places while I can still move around.  I don’t know how Panda feels about that one though.  Perhaps I will just have to take business trips and vacations to the other places I’ve wanted stay in.

I miss my home.  Not just the house we have, but the friends who are still there and the familiarity of the place.  I feel safe there, surrounded by everything I know and understand.  It has become my element, where I can effortlessly navigate life there.  Plus, I left my heart there.  I can’t wait to go back, if only to be able to hug Panda again and return to a place that is mine.

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