Posts Tagged ‘experiences’

Helping strangers

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , ,
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box of leftover bacon and potato frittata with pieces of fruit

All he wanted were these leftovers.

Panda and I went out to Adams Morgan this afternoon for a late brunch and as we were walking back to the car, we were approached by a homeless man who asked us for our leftovers. My initial reaction was “why not?” but before I could say anything, Panda was shaking his head no and we were rushing off. I was pretty upset by that encounter, both because Panda is so ready to say no and because I was too slow to assert my own opinion. By the time I did, the man was getting further away and I felt strange chasing after him. I probably should have anyway. :-/ This is not the first time we’ve come across this situation; back in Scotland, two ladies approached us asking for directions in Mandarin and I felt whisked away before I could stop to help. Both these times, my reaction time was delayed enough that the opportunity was missed. I could have helped them, but instead we kept going our way.

Panda was brought up a very careful and cautious type of person. I don’t think he even registered what was being asked of him when he immediately refused. My mom tried to instill a similar apprehension in me when I was young and because she found me to be too trusting and helpful, she kept me in public school to try to give me a chance to learn some street smarts. Apparently she’d considered private school here and there, but figured I’d be even more sheltered than I already was. It’s always been in my nature to want to help (and often go out of my way to do so). So naturally, I wanted to help in these situations too, especially since it would be so easy to lend a hand! It bothers me that I didn’t and I’ve warned Panda to not let this happen again. Why must we approach the world with such a negative perspective?

When opportunities to help land into our laps like this, I really think we should embrace them and do what we can. I’m going to have to practice standing up for my opinions faster and more assertively. Next time, I’m not just going to let it slide. I just don’t believe it’s right. This kind of reminds me of a recent story I saw on the news, where a bus driver pulled over to talk a lady down from jumping off a bridge. At least two other people had passed by her, either not noticing she was on the wrong side of the railing or not caring enough to intervene. I would hope there are more people out there who would stop to show some compassion. What made the bus driver even more awesome was that he got the woman to safety and then sat down to talk to her and calm her down. How amazing is that? Kudos to him. We could use more of him in this world and I hope I’d be one of those rather than the one who ducks their head and keeps going.

What type of person are you? Would you have helped in these situations or would you have rushed on by?

Not your ordinary

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,
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I often don’t quite fit in. I don’t know if it’s my upbringing or my personality that shaped me to be this way, but I just can’t seem to connect with people when it comes to pop culture. This has come up quite a few times recently, as I’m getting to know my coworkers and our conversations inevitably turn towards movies or music or drinking. I’m not into many of those things that others get really passionate about and it can be alienating. How did it get this way?

I grew up very shy and rather introverted, so I dove into books. I’d read upwards of 30-35 a week – so much that my mom made me a special bag so I could carry them all when I left the library. The first movie I ever saw in a theater was Titanic when I was eleven (and I went with my dad). That was also the time I started to listen to music. Television kind of entered the picture, but there was no single show that I kept up with. I was far more involved with writing in my journal and reading til my eyes went bad. My parents wanted me to focus on school, so they didn’t get me video games or too many distractions. Since they had no cultural background in this country, I didn’t learn very much beyond what little I was exposed to.

In school, it was a lot easier to connect with people because of the activities we got involved in. I had friends who were interested in academics, JROTC, band, swimming, and track & field depending on which group we were in together. We were normally too busy doing what we were doing together to get distracted talking about random things. When I first started working full-time, I figured being the odd one out was normal since I was in Singapore, which had a completely new culture to me. Then I returned to the states and I started to notice that there were people who were cool to work with, but not the kind I’d call up to hang out with. Things were a lot easier when people were perfectly fine with my complete lack of knowledge when it came to a lot of what they talked about.

Lately, I’ve encountered quite a few situations where people go off on tangents related to entertainment or drinking and I have no clue what’s going on. I’m just not that into movies or TV shows and I don’t drink. I’ve never really minded what sets me apart, but I’ve gotten a lot of flak about it more recently and that makes me sad. Just because I don’t share the same interests and passions doesn’t mean that I’m a complete aberration; I’m different, that’s all! And why is being different so wrong that people need to judge me? It gets tiring after awhile, constantly fielding questions to the tone of “You don’t like [insert something you love]? You’ve never [insert your favorite activity here]?! What’s wrong with you??” Nothing is wrong with me. I’m just not you.

It’s hard enough trying to connect when I’m not interested in the topics being brought up. But I don’t go around imposing my opinions on other people and I wish they’d do the same. I know they don’t mean to be so insensitive, but when everyone treats me that way, it makes me feel like an outcast. I thought I’d grown a hard shell after a lifetime of not fitting in… unfortunately it seems it still hurts. While I’m perfectly fine with being a little “out there” now that I’ve outgrown my shyness, I still want to be accepted. Maybe I need to go find more social groups with interests aligned with mine. Yoga and cat shelters, here I come!

UK Vacation Day 5 Recap

laelene Posted in lifestyle glimpses, photo blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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By day 5 of our trip, Panda and I had made it up to my old stomping grounds of York. I went over some of this in my post in honor of York, but here’s another look at it. We walked around town before meeting up with Philosopher and reminiscing about old days with him as we returned to the Uni of York campus. We took a break for lunch at one of my fav sandwich shops, then checked out the rest of the university. Later in the day we wandered back into town and explored a bunch of shops before ending up at York Minster. From there, it was time to grab dinner and hang out with Philosopher a bit more before sending him off… til next time!

[If you missed out on the others, here are Day 1, Day 2, Day 3, and Day 4 recaps.]

hampton inn by hilton in york uk

We stayed at the Hampton Inn right by the train station, which was quite modern and new.

city of york council courtyard

We were right next to the City of York Council, which had a nice courtyard with a quote by WH Auden, who was born in York.

pathway in york with red brick buildings and black metal fence

Off we go to the more busy side of town!

akbar's restaurant in york

I remember eating the largest naan ever here… it was at least the size of my torso and came hanging from a giant hook.

river ouse in york

The River Ouse running through town.

red brick buildings in york with york dungeon and gallery night club

Good old York Dungeon, which I’ve never been in, and Gallery, which was my go-to club.

sunny british street with people walking

Met up with Philosopher and started our stroll to the Uni of York campus.

sunny with dark clouds in sky

The day couldn’t decide if it’d be sunny or cloudy, which made for some cool skyscapes.

foot with knuckle portion rubbed raw and red

I thought my flats would be fine for walking but my feet got rubbed raw.

university of york alcuin college m block flats building

We used to live here in M Block!

staring up at brown's of heslington deli sign

For lunch we went over to Brown’s in the little town of Heslington.

brown's of heslington sandwich, tyrrell's potato crisps, and ribena drink

Brown’s sandwiches are yuuummy!!

collage of university of york buildings

After lunch we went on a little tour of the main campus area.

chasing and trying to catch university of york bird

On our way back towards town, we came across a bird that the guys tried to corner.

edible york mini garden area with plants growing

Love the green initiatives popping up.

clifford's tower up on hill with stairs

We’d never actually been to Clifford’s Tower so we decided it was time to take a look.

view from top of stairs at clifford's tower

Got up to the top of the stairs for a great view, but didn’t feel like paying to enter so we left.

large map of york

Back in town and where to go?

native american street performer playing music

We came across street performers doing Native American music, which was quite good.

pink silicone ice cube tray in cat shape with cat-shaped cubes

I never knew we had a cat store in town! And check out the ice cube tray I knew I had to have.

spider living inside mug in gift store

Browsing a store, I found an unwanted resident in one of the mugs for sale.

view of york minster from side angle

We then approached York Minster and went inside just in time to catch the evensong performance.

interior of gert & henry's restaurant cottage

For dinner, it was Gert & Henry’s for their Sunday roast.

collage of gert & henry's food including lemonade and sunday roast

A delicious meal to warm up to.

365great Day 222: sunshine

laelene Posted in 365great,Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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365great challenge day 222: sunshineToday I found myself noticeably more alert and energetic when the sun came out in the afternoon. It hadn’t struck me before, but I think I might have a mild case of SAD (seasonal affective disorder). Perhaps I’ve lived in the gorgeous Southern California sun for too many years now. While I’ve certainly missed having weather patterns like precipitation and experiencing true seasons, it hasn’t been all that easy readjusting to east coast life. When the weather is dreary (and often it is), all I want to do is snuggle up with a hot drink and relax with some mindless activities. It’s tough to get work done when I can’t feel my toes, my fingers are stiff, and I feel like I’m on the verge of being under the weather. I’ve been downing hot water these days – a good 8-10 mugs a day – and that helps at times, but it’s only a temporary solution. Maybe I’m going to want to move back to SoCal sooner than I thought… I mean, with sunshine nearly every day, it’s always great to be there.

Carrabbas Fire Finished First Tastes

laelene Posted in reviews,Tags: , , , ,
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carrabbas fire finished first tastes event sampling menu with reserved sign on table

Tonight, Panda and I went to Carrabbas for a special event they were holding. They’ve got their Fire Finished dishes available seasonally and they were offering samplers for free at their Fire Finished First Tastes event for those who signed up. We arrived around 6 and took up spots at the reserved tables set up near the bar. After sipping on drinks for a bit, the food started coming out. First up was the Fire-Roasted Mushrooms with sausage, peppers, fennel, onion, breadcrumbs, artichoke, and cheese:

carrabbas fire-roasted mushrooms appetizer sample

I enjoyed this dish a lot because I’m a huge fan of stuffed mushrooms. The taste was fabulous and the tomato-y sauce was a great touch. Panda loved it so much he cleared the plate. I’d definitely order this next time we’re here! Then we got the bread to share:

carrabbas bread and olive oil with cracked pepper

There was something a little bitter about it, but I did like how soft it was. After we chowed down on that, we got the Bistecca Ardente, a USDA sirloin with roasted tomatoes, blue cheese, and basil:

carrabbas bistecca ardente sirloin with roasted tomatoes sample

I’m not really into steaks but I did enjoy this taste. It might be the first time I’ve eaten a pinkish sirloin. I like that they topped it with tomatoes. I wouldn’t normally get this, but it was enjoyable. Up next was the Rigatoni Al Forno pasta with sausage and various cheeses:

carrabbas rigatoni al forno pasta dish with sausage and cheese

This was a solid pasta dish, though the cheese was a bit strong for me. I like the sausage and pasta – a pretty classic dish. After that came the Cedar Plank-Fired Salmon with jumbo lump crabmeat and lemon butter sauce:

carrabbas cedar plank-fired salmon with jumbo lump crabmeat samples

I loved the concept of this dish, though I would have liked to taste the crab a bit more. I think it got a bit overcooked since the pieces are smaller than you’d usually get when you order the dish. I’ve eaten a lot of salmon lately so I need a bit of a break, but this was good and I’d try it again. The last savory dish to come out was the Nonna Testa’s Baked Pasta with penne in pesto cream sauce and pine nuts, spinach, zucchini, and cheese:

carrabbas nonna testa's baked pasta sample dish

By this time I was so full I could hardly eat any of this. I liked the flavor and I would love to try this again another day when I can start with an empty stomach. Panda loves the pine nuts and I like their use of spinach and zucchini. And then to round it all off, we had creme brulee for dessert!

carrabbas creme brulee sample

Yum!! This is a fantastic dessert with amazing crispy bits and a rich creaminess that is oh so smooth. It was almost too rich for me to finish, but I did anyway. 🙂 I wish there was more of the caramelized part! After all this, two glasses of Coke and a glass and a half of water, I was stuffed. We stuck around to thank the manager, chef, and waiters and I left a tip for the both of us before heading out.

The quiet of the night

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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My favorite time of day for myself is in the middle of the night. As the world around me sleeps, I can get lost in my thoughts. It’s very peaceful and I love escaping into my own little world, where I play out a variety of scenarios to work out my thoughts. My mind is always racing a mile a minute and it’s hard to gather myself when there’s so much going around me. But at night, I can shut out all that and concentrate on what’s going on in my head. There’s something about being pensive that feeds my soul.

sitting in bed working on laptop in dark with glow of computer screen lighting up surrounding areaI tend to over-analyze and over-think. I can’t help it! I see the pros and cons and all the little details in between. Sometimes it drives me crazy, so I need time to process it all quietly. I totally did this when I was waiting to hear back about my job. How long should it be before I hear back? Was this a good sign? Was that? Should I keep waiting? Should I apply elsewhere? My head was spinning in circles by the time I got my offer letter and I was so thrilled I grinned uncontrollably. Actually, I’m still struggling to not think too hard about everything I do. Nowadays I wonder if I’m getting to work early enough, if I’m working fast enough, if I’m taking too many breaks, if I’m leaving too early… and at night is when I can reign in those swirling thoughts, calm myself down, and reason that I’m doing ok.

You see why I need time to process? I’m trying not to get overwhelmed by the stimuli of the world, even as my thoughts about them nearly suffocate me. It’s a tough life. 😛

Plumbing problems

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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sink with dirty water and grains settled at bottom

Ew.

When I finally decided to roll out of bed today, I went to go take a bath. Around the time the tub was halfway full, I noticed that the water was turning a yellowish brown. I called Panda over to inspect what was going on and he thought it might be my bath salts… yeah, no. I quickly got out of there as Panda tested the sink water and found the hot water was what was giving us problems. We called up the apartment management people and they’re sending someone but I feel so icky now. Few things are worse than getting ready to wash clean only to have to wait out the day unable to. I’m going to be on edge until they get this resolved.

What a way to start the weekend. My Bruins better beat Stanford tonight or I’m gonna be majorly bummed.

The “Sk8er Girl” inside

laelene Posted in stories,Tags: , , , , ,
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smiling girl in hoodie sitting on skateboard going down hillI’m not your average “skater girl,” whatever you think that may be.  At the least I can guarantee that when people picture a skater, they’d never come up with me.  I don’t resemble Avril Lavigne, I don’t wear skater shoes, and I skate just fine in flip flops and a dress.  To me, skating is a really fun way of getting around and improving your balance.  I don’t do it to try fancy tricks and I can’t say that I know much about the subculture.  All I know is that there’s a certain pleasure in having a board under your feet. It looks and feels really cool too.

My favorite is when I’m breezing along, picking up some speed from a slight decline in my path, but nothing too crazy. I can go down steep hills if I foot-brake along the way, but that does a number on my thighs. When you’re cruising, it’s the best feeling in the world. There’s a gentle breeze as you roll on by enjoying the scenery along the way. I once did spent a Saturday afternoon going from Malibu to Venice and back (about 6 miles each way I think). It was amazing – beautiful weather, easy boarding, and great company. I even got to practice balancing on one foot and streamlining closer to the ground.

showing off bloody hip injury from skateboard fallWhile I did manage to get pretty good (well, better than people probably expected), I never handled hills too well. I’m not brave enough to do what it takes to carve down a hill effectively. The one time I tried going down a hill with a friend, he held my hand to steady me, but we both ended up flying from our boards and “Supermanning” down the road on our hips. That scar finally faded after a good four or five years. I may never do the more crazy stuff with my board, but I can certainly hold my own when it comes to the basics. I have a Loaded Board that I absolutely love, partly because you can bounce up and down on it and it will not break. That sort of flexibility offers better maneuverability, though it does present a challenge every time you kick off and might veer more than usual. Still, it’s totally worth it and I wish I had more of a chance to use it these days.

I made sure to take advantage of the opportunity to ride around when I was doing Orientation at UCLA. In fact, I was awarded the Avril Lavigne award:

top half of certificate for the avril lavigne skater girl award

That’s me, just the skater girl cruising around campus with my fabulous board.

standing with brand new loaded boards bamboo skateboard

Like ships passing in the night

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , ,
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It’s been a long week. Panda started his night shifts Sunday night and I’d head off to work before he got home. Then, when it came time for me to go home, he was already on his way back to his next shift. We’ve been even worse than ships passing in the night, missing each other by so much that there was no seeing and just a few text messages in the precious two or three hours we were both awake and he wasn’t working. By Wednesday morning, I was thrilled to find he was heading back early – I actually got to see him and catch up for about 15 minutes! It made me later for work than usual, but that was totally worth it. The nights have been lonely this week and I’m glad to have company again. Of course, it also means I’m more distracted, so I’ll keep it brief tonight. Off to write my 365great of the day!

Women in tech (and how they’re treated)

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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mini boot camp platoon formation with drill instructor yelling

Just me and all the guys.


Gosh, where do I start? It’s the strangest thing how timing works… my morning already included a lot of reflection on how men have treated me over the years, and then I saw that our CEO sent out a message to the company about being respectful to the ladies in the office. While no single incident triggered it, I think it came at just the right time, now that there are 5 gals in our particular office (and like 20+ guys). It’s not like I’ve felt discriminated against, but I have noticed certain things being said or done that are insensitive to women. I’m used to that, having come from a company of a dozen guys outnumbering little old me and joining a co-ed fraternity before that and participating in ROTC and JROTC even before that. I spent most of my life surrounded by guys and I loved it – they’re a whole lot less complicated, more chill, and pretty drama-free overall. Still, I’ve been mistreated by more than a few.

I’m glad that the CEO preemptively brought up this issue before it really became an issue and I hope the guys take it to heart. At the same time, I don’t want them to feel like they have to tiptoe around us for fear of offending us and causing an HR nightmare. Certainly none of the girls in our office are the type to create problems and overreact to something. I also don’t want the gender issue to really be an issue. Unfortunately, we’re still different enough that it can’t entirely be avoided, but I’d rather focus on personality and skills and effort. In fact, most of the time I forget that I’m any different from the guys (except that I’m more social, but that could totally be a personality trait unrelated to gender). I think that with this door open, it does allow more room for dialogue if I do feel harassed or that a line has been crossed. The sad thing is that it seems that without a man bringing up the subject, if one of the women were to voice a complaint, it could easily be perceived as whiny.

I absolutely believe in standing up for yourself though. There were so many times where I let a guy push too far and pretty much abuse me – mentally, physically, emotionally. I didn’t want to create drama and I hoped it wouldn’t escalate, but perhaps guys are just too used to getting their way. I still struggle with being firm, but now I look back on all those times I wasn’t and how things happened that I never wanted to. I certainly don’t want to relive them, for they were hard lessons learned. For the most part I just shrug or laugh off these encounters, like when a guy I was talking to for work hit on me or when guys say suggestive or vulgar things. If they don’t push it and keep pursuing that line of thought, then it’s just another case of life as a female to me. But sometimes, it’s much more than that.

Getting that email really struck a chord with me. It’s often too easy for men to abuse women, whether intentionally or not. I mean, when 1 in 5 women from a survey report being sexually assaulted, it makes me worry. Maybe I’m that one out of the five in our office, or maybe there are more. I don’t want to dwell on the past, but it comes to haunt me at times. I can’t yet put away the melancholy I feel so I’ll just have to work through it. As I’ve been learning over the years, it seems these memories will never quite go away.

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