The past two nights, I’ve been playing out my fears subconsciously in my dreams.  Two nights ago, I had a nightmare that I cheated on Panda by kissing another guy, who then tried to get me to leave Panda.  I told him that I had made a mistake and I wasn’t going to be with him, but I was horrified by what I had done.  I woke up vaguely remembering what I had dreamed and feeling miserable, but relieved that it wasn’t real.

Then last night I dreamed that Philosopher and I were in a parking garage.  For some reason he had gone up to the second level and came back down telling me I had been rejected.  Confused, we went upstairs where a blue car resembling the one that my parents had owned many years ago was parked with a letter under the windshield wiper and a huge playing card (a jack) on the ground in front of it.  The card was something like three feet tall by two feet wide and seemed to be a play on the word “jacked” because that was certainly a way to describe the way I felt.  The letter was a rejection one from the job I had applied to.  I was absolutely devastated when I woke up in the split second before I realized it was just another nightmare.

I suppose I have been more stressed than I realized and now I’m being bombarded by the things I dread most.  I just hope that both have “happened” already so they won’t in reality.  After all, I never want to do anything to hurt Panda and I REALLY want that job.  So let’s just hope that both those events turn out the way I want them to!