I’ve been in and out of a funk lately. For a time, I was focusing on a new project, but ever since I got back to the West Coast I haven’t really been able to concentrate on it. Instead, I found myself getting into my blogging again, with a big bout of inspiration. Also, I picked up a hobby obsession with entering (and winning!) sweepstakes/giveaways. Oh, and I’ve started to carve out a little piece of the reviewing world for myself, getting some products for free in exchange for feedback for those brands/companies.

While all this is good and well, it’s not exactly a career unless I get a mad following or something. I’ve been working on promoting my blog more and I’ve seen improvement, but still, it’s tough to make a good living as a blogger and few people can rely on it solely. I’m enjoying myself and doing what I like, but I can’t help but feel that others are judging me for my lack of career at this point. It makes me wonder if I should be more eager to get back into the work force and earn a more steady income.

I’m a stubborn one, so the more people try to push me towards “normalcy” the more I want to buck against it. But I do see the benefits – I mean, I don’t want to have financial difficulties in my life. I’ve been fortunate to never have been in debt or had anything I couldn’t pay back and I never plan on experiencing that. Perhaps it’s unfair to assume the “housewife” role and stay at home doing what I can online as Panda goes out to work each day.

Still, I can’t help but wonder why I need to join all those Americans who work too hard, stress themselves out, and don’t even have fun along the way. What’s the point of earning a ton of money if you’re risking your health and happiness? Why is it that career success is often seen as more important than personal success (like within the home)? Perhaps that’s what’s wrong with this society. There’s so much glamour in earning a big paycheck, driving a fancy car, owning a large home, and otherwise living the “high life.”

Meanwhile, the quality of life and your personal well-being is completely ignored. Is a crazy high income worth never being home? Is a super busy schedule worth the shortcuts you take for your health? Maybe I’ve been taking it easy for too long (a year), but I sure do enjoy this ability to sleep in or stay up as I feel and manage my time freely. Are you only “good enough” if you’re sleep-deprived, too busy for socializing or relaxing, and soaring in your career? It sure seems that way, what with people bragging about how crazy their lives are.

It’s sad really, that I almost feel ashamed that I’m not overworked. In fact, it’s just guilt that maybe I’m not being ambitious enough with my earning potential that is causing me this stress right now. I’m perfectly happy otherwise – I get time with family, I get work done, I get rest, and I am pretty well-balanced with the areas of my life. But I bet there are those who would look down on me and my situation and think that they’re better off because they have a nice paycheck. It’s not that I don’t want to earn money – I’ve just seen how big the trade-off is and I’m no longer sure that all that insanity is worth it.

I’ll probably still end up getting into the grind, working at that rat race that never seems to end. Yes, even entrepreneurs who don’t enter the traditional rat race find themselves in one of their own. Anybody with a job in the US isn’t truly immune to the intense competition, no matter what your industry or role. All because our society has developed in such a way that we aren’t deemed “successful” otherwise. And gosh darn it, I’m not about to disappoint my family. If they see failure in no high-power career, then I guess I’ll try to build that nice little career. But I’ll probably still languish around from time to time since I can’t quite say that it’s what I truly want. However, I don’t want to be dead weight and/or a burden either. So I guess it’s time to suck it up and get back in touch with my work-related ambitions.