Posts Tagged ‘journals’

For the sake of it

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
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photo credit: puttputtproductions.com

photo credit: puttputtproductions.com

I was born in the Year of the Ox and the month of the Capricorn.  Both are known to be stubborn creatures, which is something that I’ve most definitely inherited, for better or for worse.  Many of the things I chose to do in my life have been out of pure stubbornness – first to be able to say that I did it and second just to be different.  Of course, the more people try to get me to change my behavior, the more determined I get to stick to my principles, morals, and priorities.  I think I like the satisfaction of claiming that I don’t do this or that or that I have done something for this long.  Especially when it’s something most of the population would like to claim as well, I feel all the better about being able to stake my claim.

The three most prominent examples of this are what I will or will not ingest, my frequency of relocations and moves, and my persistence with my journal.  For each, though it may not always make sense for me to stick to my guns so strictly, I do so to preserve the idea that it’s always been that way.  I don’t like to compromise in any of these areas and it’s quite rare for me to do so, though I’ve been working on that lately, since some of what I do is truly unfounded or limiting.  At the same time, certain aspects I don’t plan on ever changing and that can be seen as a good or bad thing.  Ok, let me clarify what I mean by each of these examples then.

Lychee flavor!

Lychee flavor!

First off are my peculiar food and drink preferences.  As many know, I do not drink alcohol, coffee, or energy drinks.  I also refuse to eat rubbery things like calamari, squid, and other such odd creatures.  I stay away from burgers, steak, lobster, and caviar.  I am especially strict with alcohol, also avoiding food cooked in it, chocolates with liqueur, and the like.  Even fermented food is a big no-no in my books, though some of these things have been unavoidably tasted at least once.  The more people try to pressure me to drink, the more resistant I am, even if it’s just a taste or small portion of wine.  I often get the “you know that it can actually be good for you, right?” and pay no heed – the costs far outweigh the benefits in my eyes.  I do, however, like to collect a few mini bottles here and there because they’re rather cute (plus, why would you ever drink it?  They’re too pretty!).

However, last year I did become curious and exasperated enough to try some beer (at age 22) and it was just as nasty as I thought it’d be, plus some.  So that experience only solidified my resolve to avoid alcohol.  I’m sure people will now focus on how I didn’t try wine or something lighter, fruitier, or whatever.  Perhaps one day I will sip some wine just to get them to leave me alone, but as of now I’ll just ignore their pleads that it can be good for my health.  In fact, I cherish an article I read recently about how the link that people draw between moderate drinking and good health may not be a causal effect, but actually be discounting many other possible factors that affect people’s drinking.  Even if there was solid proof, I’m not about to just follow suit.  I can eat blueberries and pomegranates for antioxidants and have fish oil and avocados for cardiovascular health.  No alcohol needed.

I avoid coffee and energy drinks for the caffeine, which I don’t want or need, plus coffee smells disgusting to me.  I like to do things naturally and without artificial aids whenever possible, so if I’m tired I take a nap.  If I’m pulling an all-nighter, I drink lots of water or tea.  I don’t need these extreme stimulants to affect my body in strange ways.

As for rubbery things, I’m not a fan of having to overwork my jaw or swallow large chunks of food.  The texture doesn’t appeal to me, so I stick to crab, shrimp, and scallops, which is seafood that I do like to eat.  This is not for health reasons, so I did try these “dong dong” shells in Singapore, since it’s a local thing.  Now, I’m not quite sure why I don’t like burgers – I think it stems from a gross one I saw in the cafeteria in my childhood.  I’ve stayed away ever since, though I have broken that to have about five in the past 15 years.

photo credit: artvoice.com

This doesn’t look appetizing to me at all. photo credit: artvoice.com

Steak is just too thick for me and I hate how it usually comes at least somewhat pink.  I don’t really like meat that much, unless it’s very thinly sliced.  Lobster is something my mom and I have disagreed on for ages – she says I ate it as a kid and I refuse to believe that.  The only time I recall having it was in a dip, where the chunks were minimal.  I’m not interested in ever eating a full one.  And caviar has the same problem that rubbery things have in that I don’t like the texture.  I also stubbornly don’t like food that is high class and expensive (though it’s a coincidence that my taste buds prefer cheaper foods).

Secondly, I am persistent in my desire to move around because that’s how my life has always been.  I like being able to say I’ve never lived in the same city for more than 3 and 1/2 years consecutively.  I like having so many old homes and schools and jobs that I have to keep a list or else I’d forget.  I’m not the type of person to stay put and I enjoy that.  My friends are never really too surprised to hear of my escapades because I’m on the go far more than they usually are.  If for that reason alone, I want to keep moving around and not settle quite yet.  Of course, it also has to do with just being used to that lifestyle.

My most recent journal.

My most recent journal.

Finally, how many people can say they have kept a journal for 14 years?  I want to be able to, but I’m at 13 now and a year behind in catching up on entries.  Most people I tell say they tried to keep a journal, but that only lasted a week, a month, a year… I’ve yet to meet someone who’s managed for as long as I have.  And if only for the sake of being able to say that I have, I want to continue with it, whether or not it may be worth my while.  Ultimately I think it’ll be a great thing to draw from later on if I decide to write an autobiography (or if people want to look back on my life, though it’d certainly be a bit tedious – I’m already reaching 50 volumes and that’s A LOT of reading).

So you see, much of my motivations for these areas is because of my stubbornness to continue to do it like I always have (or at least since my childhood).  Generally, people respect my choices and think it’s good that I don’t drink and don’t rely on coffee or energy drinks for a boost.  They also think it’s crazy that I move so frequently, but respect my ability to do that as well.  And of course, everyone wishes they were able to keep the journal they always meant to have.  I like being the one who does.  The one who is able to stay away from alcohol, coffee, and energy drinks.  The one who doesn’t need or want to spend exorbitant amounts on steak, lobster, and caviar.  The one who has lived everywhere.  The one who has kept a journal for years.  The one who can, who has, and who will.

Timeless dilemma

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
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Truly like a ninja.

Truly like a ninja.

I have a friend, Ninja, who lives his life in such a way that it should be worthy of being made into a movie.  In everything he does, that’s how he’ll treat things.  It’s quite fitting that everyone sees him as a ninja, prowling around doing all kinds of cool moves and getting into spectacular “fights.”  I’m sure everyone would love to have his approach to life.  It’s really quite cool, because then he’s always having exciting adventures.  It helps that he’s extremely athletic, so he can escape situations if needed.  One of the examples was when he went to the midnight showing of Indiana Jones (whichever one just came out in the past year or so) dressed in a leather jacket, leather hat/fedora thing, and (real) bullwhip.  After the show ended, he stood up on the balcony and cracked his whip to cheers and whistles until security approached.  He then made a run for it and got out unscathed.  Now how awesome is that?!

Having too much fun to write about it!

Having too much fun to write about it!

Well, the thing is, if you’re out having such a fantastic time all the time, you never have time to record it for others to enjoy or for it to be passed down in the books.  This is a dilemma that I face all the time as I ponder how worthwhile it is for me to maintain a daily journal.  It started back in 4th grade, when I wanted a diary from the Scholastic Fair, but my dad would only allow me to buy it if I promised to write in it every day.  I did, and he got me the diary, but never again asked about it.  It was only in the months and years following, when my parents would find me scribbling away at yet another volume of my journal, that they realized I was serious.  Maybe they didn’t hold me accountable for my promise, but I did.  They used to scold me that I was wasting my time writing so much and it was just a liu shui zhang, or ‘running water account’.  Basically, it meant that my writing was as useless as a bank account where all the funds were drained, or something to that extent.

Nonetheless, I pursued until about a year ago, when I truly started to get behind on my writing.  When I can’t find the time to write an entry each day (which has been the case for many years), I’ll keep bullet point notes to remind me of what to write about when I do have time to catch up.  I used to be able to catch up on a weekly basis, which then evolved to a monthly basis and now… yearly?  I still have tons of notes for all the days I’ve missed, though even those I’m behind on now.  I’m not too worried though, since with the brilliance of the internet, I can just check my Facebook, blog, texts, and IMs from a particular day to piece together what happened.  Not the best way to keep track of my life, but it works.

Have fun playing with friends or chill out writing alone?

Have fun playing with friends or chill out writing alone?

My constant struggle with keeping a journal was that when I had a lot to write about, I had no time to write about it and when I had plenty of time to write, I had nothing to write about.  After all, if you’re too busy out doing fun and interesting things, you won’t have time to stop and spend some time writing about it.  Conversely, if you’ve got plenty of time sitting around, you aren’t really doing much exciting stuff to mention.  So I always question the existence of my journal and whether or not I should maintain it.  Even now, being so far behind, I fully intend to catch up on it eventually.  But is it worth the time?  Should I be doing something more notable instead?  I used to write when I couldn’t really do anything else, like when I was on planes or in a waiting room, but that doesn’t happen much anymore, so most of my time I can spend doing something else.  I’d like to live a storybook life, but I’d like to document it as well.  So where is my balance?  I don’t know if I’ll ever find one, but I will certainly always be striving towards one.

In the mood

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , ,
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[edit: It seems what I’m referring to here is often called flow.]

When it comes to writing, I really need to right conditions to work.  If ever I’m not “in the mood” to be writing, whether it’s for a paper, my blog, or my journal, I get a bit antsy trying to work through it.  However, if I am in the mood, I can go on and on without sleeping or eating.  That’s how I was with reading when I was a kid – it was my number one priority and the only time other things got in the way was when it started to prevent me from reading (like getting too hungry to concentrate).  The good thing is usually I’m at least mildly in the mood, so it’s not too bad to make myself get something done.

photo credit: teensygreen.com

photo credit: teensygreen.com

There are times when I really get focused and in the zone.  Take right now, for example.  Suddenly all the ideas for blog entries are starting to flow and I’ve written one draft after another (mostly all centered around the idea of my journal, since that’s been on my mind lately).  It’s refreshing, since it’ll probably come in useful next week as I head off to my travels and won’t really get time to write.  At least then I’ll have a nice back stock to choose from, which can easily be published with a quick edit.  Plus, these extra entries that are not time-sensitive are great for when I just don’t know what to talk about for a particular day.  You can always be so inspired, after all.  I also keep a running list of topics to cover that I may think of at any point, whether I’m out walking around or just surfing websites.

It’s also when I’m in the mood like this that I’m tempted to catch up in my journal, but I’m also afraid that I’ll get so into it I stay up into the wee hours of the morning.  As of now I don’t have the luxury to lose out on sleep like that, so I’m putting it off, much to my dismay, in the hopes that I’ll fit it into my schedule when I’m job searching starting next month.  I just hope my fun-loving self doesn’t get too wrapped up in going out and having fun all the time (though that isn’t so bad now, is it?).  There’s so much that I want to do when I get back though, so it will hard to resist going out all the time.  Unfortunately, my notes for my journal are now electronic, so it’s far more difficult to use them to write my entries as compared to when I used to have them in a handy little notebook.  Oh, perhaps I can find a way to transfer them to my iPod!

I just tried it and it worked!  This is excellent, now I just hope I won’t be too tired to write when I’m traveling the next two weeks.  Flights are only an hour to three hours long, so I don’t know how well I can focus, but at least there’s hope now!  I’m also super anal about how I write – there are designated sets of pens and markers and I must use each in the right order, so that’s a bit of a drag to haul around.  Nonetheless, my purse is big enough to handle it, so I’m excited at the prospect of finally starting to catch up again!

Detailing experiences

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , ,
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I feel (and have often felt) like I should write more like I am storytelling, relaying the details of my life.  From the feelings to the specifics of names of places, these are all things that I tend to leave out.  I usually write what I did, plain and simple, in my daily journal.  I’ve been making an effort to include more of what I think and feel for a couple years now.  It’s getting a lot better, but there’s still a lot more to be done.  Then on the blogging side, I tend to only write about what I think, but not really related to a certain event.  Granted, an event may have triggered my idea, but it’s usually something that I’ve been thinking about for awhile or have at least considered before.

Part of the problem is the trade-off between the time spent in using so much detail and the time I could be spending out, living a life to write about!  This is a very familiar tug-of-war for me, after thirteen years of keeping a personal journal.  I’m afraid that I am slowly drifting away from maintaining it, just because the quality that I want to have takes far too much time to fit into my life.  Yet, I still can’t quite put it down.  After all, I’ve been faithful for a good twelve years and some with little faltering!

This struck me as I was replying to an e-mail from one of my pledge brothers, asking for advice from anyone who had traveled to Europe before.  I can still recall all the places I went and most of things I saw, but what was that website I used to book my hostels?  What airline were those cheap flights taken on?  These are all details that have started to escape me.  Thankfully, a quick search and refresher took me back to the information I wanted, but can things always work out so well?  I’d much rather have solid entries I can refer to from that time, with all those details in there for me.

I don’t have a very good memory and those are one of the most precious things to me, so it’s sad to realize what I have forgotten.  It’s the very reason why I stubbornly continue to document my life, despite the time that it takes.  Between all the things that I have recorded, I think I have a good database of my life.  I want to be able to look back on my life and actually know what happened.  I don’t just have trouble throwing away physical things – memories and knowledge are the same for me!  I hate that my French and Chinese language skills have deteriorated so much over the years and that I probably can’t remember the way to get from my house to the local library back in Topeka.

So, I love to have all this information.  Plus, it will all be very useful for writing my autobiography!  😛  I’m going to have to get the nearly 50 volumes of handwritten journals to be transcribed.  The benefit of electronic copies is the searchability and accessibility they offer.  Though most of my entries aren’t very exciting, there are definitely some jewels hidden in there that could be really great material.  I’d also need my thousands of pictures and videos to be consolidated and put into some sort of a timeline corresponding to my written entries and life events and experiences.  How cool would that be?  Then I could virtually relive my life (to some extent)!

For now though, I will take to my friend Ninja’s philosophy: live a life worth writing about!  (Or, in his case, worth making a movie about.)

Cute journals

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: ,
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I was browsing Brushdance journals and came across these two that made me smile.  Just thought I’d share.  (Click images to go check them out at the site.)

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