Posts Tagged ‘memories’

20 years

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
11 September 2021
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9/11 doesn’t feel like 20 years ago. Somehow the memory feels less distant, as if it was closer to 10 years ago. Long enough that so much has changed, but not long enough for the pain to belong to another era. I think that’s a good thing, because it hasn’t faded too quickly. I believe it’s important to keep it in our hearts, to honor those who were indelibly affected.

20 years ago, I was a 15-year-old sophomore in high school, about an hour north of NYC. It was either the 2nd or 3rd period of class at Brewster High and I had a math class with a young teacher with strawberry blonde hair. One of the school leadership came into class and quietly said some things to her; I can’t remember if it was the principal but I think it was. The shock on her face didn’t make sense to us.

At some point, we got moved to another classroom, which I don’t recall being one I normally went to. If my math class was on the eastern side of the school, then this one was in the northwest. I remember one of my classmates, Craig, seemed to get news that his aunt might have died. I don’t remember what exactly we had been told at that point, but not long after, we were sent home.

Back at home, the news channels had nothing but horror to share with us. Did I get home before the second plane hit? Or did I watch that unfold in front of us? My mom was home and my dad was on a business trip near the Pentagon (which I didn’t know at the time). I later learned that my mom had nearly taken a job either in one of the towers or right across the street. She could have been right there. My dad was at a hotel and heard the plane fly overhead before it struck the Pentagon. Thankfully, that’s as close as we got to being affected by 9/11.

Home in New York state

A year later, we had moved to California after nearly relocating to Texas. I felt so alone on this side of the country, with brand new friends in a state that I (at that point) hated and nobody who understood what it was like to be a New Yorker on 9/11. For years, I would quietly remember the day and mourn.

Since then, I went to college, studied abroad, worked abroad, fell in love, got married, moved to Virginia, returned to California for business school, got divorced, bought a house and have now settled in southern OC. I think I’ve only been back once since leaving, back in 2013. I got a chance to visit the memorial to pay my respects and it gave me a solemn, haunting feeling very much like Holocaust memorial I visited in Berlin.

This year, I almost didn’t realize what date it was until yesterday; I still can’t believe it’s September. Today I woke up and began to read articles. There were many beautifully-written, poignant stories about the bravery and tragedy witnessed on that day. For over three hours, I let myself be consumed by articles. It’s a strangely quiet and peaceful day, with a gorgeous view of the coast. I feel like I should do something special to commemorate the day, but I’m also perfectly content to stay at home with the cats and chow down on the samosas I just made.

USC Marshall iTrek 2017: Purim & Western Wall

laelene Posted in mba，Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
15 April 2017
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Spring break was AMAZING. Magical, even. I got a chance to go to Israel with 19 other classmates and I really can’t imagine doing anything better during that week (I can’t believe it has already been a month since, wow). Our schedule was jam packed with activities giving us a wide range of experiences all around the country and we were all raving about it when we got back.

I’m breaking down the trip into multiple posts since there is just so much to share. Let’s start off with the first two days! Friday night I boarded a plane to Istanbul and met five of the others on our trip. We had a short 1 hour layover before flying off to Tel Aviv and arriving at night in time to catch Purim (it’s like Halloween!).

The next day, we bused over to Jerusalem and toured the Western Wall tunnels and Machane Yehuda market. At night, it was Purim time again, since apparently they stagger celebrations and it was Jerusalem’s turn to party. The market by day became an outdoor club by night!

art display in tom bradley terminal of lax

This was my first time being in Tom Bradley since they renovated! This piece of art hung overhead as we lined up for security.

turkish airlines lunch on plane

On the plane, I opted for chicken as my first meal.

turkish airlines breakfast on plane

After about 12 hours on the plane, we ate breakfast prior to landing in Istanbul for a layover.

entertainment screen showing plane path from los angeles to istanbul

My remote didn’t work so I couldn’t watch any shows, but I did watch the map for a long time.

turkish airlines snack on plane

On the Istanbul to Tel Aviv leg, we all got a quick snack.

view of tel aviv coast from plane at night

First glimpse of Tel Aviv from the air!!

view of tel aviv city from plane at night

As we got closer to the airport, we saw more of Tel Aviv upon descent.

electronic display at hotel showing usc group meeting in alon hall

At the Metropolitan Hotel, the rest of our party was busy pre-partying before heading out for Purim!

food at tel aviv hotel

We got in late so there wasn’t much food left.

usc marshall purim party on the streets of tel aviv

Out we went to party on the streets (mainly Rothschild)! We even brought our sign. 😉
Photo cred: “Mr. Photogenic”

late night pizza after purim party with v for vendetta mask

I borrowed a friend’s V for Vendetta mask for a bit as we got pizza on the way back to the hotel.

tel aviv beach and ocean

The next morning, we got our first glimpse of the beach before leaving Tel Aviv for Jerusalem.

towns on the hill of israel

There were all these towns on hills that I barely captured on the right here.

entrance area to western wall in jerusalem

Our day tour for the day was the Western Wall tunnels. Check out the giant cemetery in the distance.

western wall tunnel under construction with empty bath

Underneath the tunnels were arches that are veeeery old. This used to be a bath.

western wall tunnel with restored bath

This is where they uncovered a bath and water mysteriously filled it up! Our tour guide Shani was there for the excavation. (He’s awesome btw!!)

After all that time underground, it was nice to come back out to the daylight.

western wall women's crowded side

We then took some time to visit the wall and write our wishes to stuff in the cracks.

western wall large men's side

The men’s side was disproportionately larger for some reason… ahem.

western wall bushes and birds

Up against the wall, you’ll hear plenty of chirping from the birds that are chilling on the plants and cracks.

walking back to bus

After the Western Wall, it was back on the bus to go over to Machane Yehuda for lunch and browsing.

signs in jerusalem on the way to machane yehuda market

On our way to the market! Who knew that later tonight it would be a raging Purim party?

facebook post on streets of jerusalem

They turned this post into a FB icon.

tuna tartare dish at mona restaurant jerusalem

Dinner that night was at a nice fancy place, Mona Restaurant.

tough pose with israeli security guard

Check out our awesome security guard for the day! He may have had a gun, but he was the sweetest (and who could resist that crown?). 🙂

purim party at machane yehuda jerusalem

Back to the market that night for some dancing!

israelis dancing on bus stop awning for purim

These crazies got on top of the bus stop awning and I was so scared it would break.

mary poppins costume for purim party jerusalem

I spotted Mary Poppins! Her costume was SO GOOD.

And that wrapped up the first full day of being in Israel. It was only the start to something truly special. I’ll try to get the other posts up quickly…

For the record

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
13 July 2016
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I get my sentimentally from my paternal grandfather. This has become clear to me in recent visits, as he gets older and it presents itself more.

A visit to his room and you’ll see pictures of his children and grandchildren plastered all over the walls and dressers. I hadn’t noted it much before, but it’s his way of preserving memories of his burgeoning family. It’s a nice way to see what family members were like, like a little collection of time capsules. I might just be the same when I’m old and proud of my progeny.

When he was in his mid-eighties (86, perhaps), he wrote a log of our family history. My aunt carefully helped me read through it and I learned of his origins, my dad’s and ultimately mine. I had not known that my dad had another brother in his youth – a child who drowned when he was just 12. Apparently a few more of my distant relatives had also perished this way. (And there I was an avid swimmer in middle and high school… irony? Fate? An anomaly?)

For someone fascinated with family trees, this was a gold mine. He gave me a copy to keep and I cherished the gift of knowledge. I’ve been interested in my ancestry but looking at online sites wouldn’t be very useful since Chinese records aren’t as readily available. I don’t think I even have a birth certificate.

Last time I was there, in early 2014 (which may have been that same trip – I can’t recall), he gave me two photo books of pictures when I was small. There were some I hadn’t seen before and others that were a reminder of my childhood. It felt like he was passing them on to me, a sort of memory inheritance. This time, I received another one, with pictures ranging from when I first arrived in the US to when I was around 9, growing up in Kansas.

This visit, I was also told that there’s a new, updated version of our family history. My family members chuckled and sort of brushed it off as the silliness of an old man, but I appreciate his efforts. He even took a formal portrait and had copies given to each branch of the family. My sentimentality smiles at these gestures and I see myself in him. Now I know where this behavior comes from. How did I miss it all these years?

Three decades

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , ,
30 December 2015
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1985 – The year I was born. My dad had left China to go to grad school at Penn State. Not much else happened since it was quickly a new year!

1986 – The year my mom left to join my dad at Penn State.

1987 – The year I was raised by my grandparents and extended family. Of course I have little recollection of this, except for a vague memory of my grandma chasing me around the sandbox trying to feed me rice.

1988 – The year my future husband was born! Little did I know that there was this boy on the other side of the world.

1989 – The year I immigrated to reunite with my parents, who were basically strangers to me at that point.

1990 – The year I was studied by education grad students at Penn State as part of my child care. My mom even clipped an article about the research with a picture of me in it. I remember they had really awesome ice cream for a special event each year and I thought the minerals display was magical because the stones all seemed to glow in the dark.

1991 – The year we moved to Kansas and I started kindergarten. I learned that I was really good at memorizing the Peter Rabbit play. I believe this was also the year that my mom made me an awesome lion mane from yarn, so I could be a lion in a play.

1992 – The year we moved from a townhouse to a house house and I changed schools. This was just the beginning of being the new kid at many places!

1993 – The year I made my first best friend, who was a year younger than me. I loved going to her house to do something crafty like those baked art things. I believe this was also the year my dad got in a really bad car accident and I drew him a picture of us and our pet snapping turtle, which he had caught fishing at the lake.

1994 – The year my parents sent me back to China to stay with my other grandma for a year. I went to class with my cousin, who’s a year older than me, and was basically lost in most topics except for English (where I was far too advanced). I ended up never going to third grade in either China or the US. My language skills improved immensely according to my parents, though I feel I’ve always been pretty good! 😛

1995 – The year I returned to Kansas and went on to fourth grade as if I never left the school district. I had a special tutor who taught me cursive because that was really the one thing I missed in third grade. So I’m really good with cursive (if you can tell the difference between the Q and Z then you probably are too), yet who even uses it? I journaled in cursive for awhile just to keep practicing. Speaking of, this is the year I started my daily journal because I reeeeally wanted a diary that was being sold at the Scholastic Book Fair and my dad made me promise to write in it every day. Little did he know I’d keep doing that for 13 years, even when he and my mom would figuratively roll their eyes and question why I spent so much time doing it.

1996 – The year we moved to Missouri because my dad decided to leave his local government job and move to the private sector. I was doing well in school, so I was chosen to be a traffic monitor for the kindergarteners and I got to miss part of class each day to walk the kids to the buses. I think I still have the silver badge and orange belt I wore. I played a Native American in a school play about Lewis & Clark. Around this time I got my first cat Tom/Mimi in Kansas and then Jerriey in Missouri.

1997 – The year I had a pseudo boyfriend over the summer (this guy I had a major crush on who I told on the bus the last day of school – was started calling each other and I walked to his house to take walks with him and his bouncy ball). I started middle school that fall (and maybe this is TMI but I got my period after two years wondering when this whole puberty thing would hit). I think this is when we found a Chinese school for me to start attending on the weekends. Or maybe it was the following year?

1998 – The year I moved during winter break and the only time my education was split in the winter rather than the summer. My first half of seventh grade was in Missouri and my second half was in New York. This led to some incongruency in the classes I was taking and what I learned. At this point, I had chosen French for my foreign language after testing out Japanese, Spanish, and I think German. My school in Missouri had us learn all four language options in 6th grade so we could better choose one to continue with in 7th.

1999 – The year I settled in New York, found friends with a group of girls, and decided to join track & field. This was the stage when I decided that of my three career options, I most liked businesswoman. The other two options were doctor or engineer. I don’t know if my parents said this to me or I inferred that they’d want one of those. Well, this is when my dream to get an MBA was born! We got Jerriey a friend, my third cat Simon.

2000 – The year we all thought Y2K would shut down the world, so my parents and I went to Times Square for NYE to watch what would happen… and of course nothing did. Alas, it was still historic! I started high school and joined the founding swim team as well as NJROTC.

2001 – The year I took 11 classes – one on Monday nights, two alternated days, and the other either were during the remaining 8 class periods in the day. I did not have a lunch period (is that still legal?) so I’d grab something right before ROTC class. Usually a sandwich or Gatorade and Rice Krispies. Yeah, I’ve always had a penchant for junk food. One Tuesday morning, I was in math when the principal came in and said something to our teacher. I remember she was young and a strawberry blonde type. The shock on her face as she told us about the Twin Towers did not help me grasp the situation. I think she cried. We were all so stunned and in the next class, we just huddled and watched the TV looping awful footage. One of my classmates found out his aunt had died and many others weren’t sure of their impact. One of the planes must have flown right over our area just an hour earlier. I was grateful my mom was home and my dad was on business. We waited as the buses came to take us all home and then we sat glued to the TV, watching the same horrific scenes. I later learned that my mom felt she got lucky because she had nearly taken a job in one of the towers. Meanwhile, my dad had heard the plane flying way too low over his hotel on its way to the Pentagon. Closer calls than I ever expected, but thankfully still plenty out of the way for us all.

2002 – The year my parents and I moved from New York to California and I felt miserable. I did not like this new state at all and I was forced to choose between track and swimming. Swimming won out because my dad’s coworker had a daughter on the team. I also had to switch to AFJROTC because there was no Navy unit in the area. Luckily, I got to keep all my ribbons so I ended up having more than anyone else!

2003 – The year I learned that I was deterred by guys who showed interest in me. When my crush asked me to winter formal, I balked and never liked him again. I felt awful, but we reconciled and now he’s married to one of my best friend’s sister. I also had a foray into Christianity, but it turns out my “faith” was a feeling I couldn’t figure out and it was actually my feelings for said crush. Simon got lost while out playing and we never saw him again. 🙁

2004 – The year I graduated high school and started college at UCLA! I had the longest summer since we were the last school to start and I ended up joining Facebook to get a head start on making friends.

2005 – The year I interned on a movie, Wristcutters. I mean, it’s LA. I did enjoy it, but didn’t feel the need to make a career of it.

2006 – The year I pledged AKPsi and then interned at Smith Barney for the summer before moving to the UK to study abroad.

2007 – The year I absolutely loved being abroad, making international friends and living such a different lifestyle. I returned after a year and attended Monster DLP before interning at UCLA Live! and working as a product demonstrator (more about those jobs if you like).

2008 – The year I met Panda, became an Orientation Counselor, and graduated from UCLA. <3 Jerriey had been moved to Beijing with my parents and he died while we were on vacation in Cancun. </3

2009 – The year I moved to Singapore for a stint out there that was my first job out of college. When I returned in the fall, I interned for Opportunity Green and really got into sustainability.

2010 – The year I got my first “real” full-time, salaried job. I stayed with Panda in his apartment by UCLA most of the time and got to stay close to Bruin life.

2011 – The year I moved close to work and began to take yoga. Panda moved out to the greater DC area, though he was able to visit almost once a month. I got Missy and Molly!

2012 – The year I quit my job and decided to strike out on my own. I didn’t have much opportunity for growth at work, so they had kind of seen it coming. I was also struggling with not being able to see Panda as much anymore (he was traveling less) and I had long wanted to be an entrepreneur.

2013 – The year I transitioned from self-employment back to working at a company and officially moved out east. I learned that my entrepreneurial bug is something best satisfied with a co-founder. Solo work is so very lonely and not the type of environment I find invigorating. Panda got his Master’s degree and proposed to me on commencement day! We then found our dream condo and got the keys in December.

2014 – The year Panda and I got married with a simple ceremony at the courthouse with my parents, his parents, and his brother as witnesses. We’re not much for hoo ha. Early in the year, we moved into our first home and got Smokey from the shelter.

2015 – The year Panda and I had our 1-year anniversary “wedding” celebration with some extended family: my aunt and cousins and his uncle, aunt, and cousin. In January, I flew Missy from LA so she could live with us and Smokey would have a fur sister.

And that brings me to my 30th! This is the only time in my life when the dates match my age: on the 29th, I was 29 and on the 30th, I was 30. Fun, huh? Or am I just a numbers nerd? Whatever the case, I hear the 30’s are a time when you get into a rhythm of life and become more in tune with who you are. I certainly hope that I make good progress towards my goals and better understanding myself. I plan on making 2016 the year I went off to start my MBA. And there will be so much awesomeness to follow. 🙂

The one I didn’t know

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
11 March 2014
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It came as quite a shock to me.

My grandmother had given me a stack of photos to share with my mom and as I flipped through the oldest ones, I found myself staring face to face with a joyous man. Earlier pictures had shown him as a young man in black and white, but this picture… it was thirty years later, just months after I was born. And suddenly it struck me that this was my grandfather, the grandfather I had one vague (possibly fake) memory of. The one who saw me off when I was three and a half, headed to a great new world to join my parents in Pennsylvania, and never saw me again.

grandmother holding granddaughter and grandfather holding on to grandson

Hi gramps. That’s grandma holding me and grandpa holding onto my cousin.

I sat there absorbing the shock as I realized… I never really knew what he looked like. Here I am 28 years old; how did I get to this age without ever knowing his face? Of course I must have known him briefly when I was a baby, but I have no memories of that. The one fleeting memory I think I have was when I was leaving. He sent down a basket from the second floor, I think with something we had forgotten. He was alive when I was born and still alive when I left China for America as a toddler. Maybe I could have known him then. Now that I think of it, was the reason that my grandmother was the only one who came to visit us at Penn State because he had already died? I had no impression of time back then. I vaguely remember watching my parents receiving the news when I was around 5 or 6. Phone calls to and from China were a rare commodity. We couldn’t afford long distance, so it was a pretty big deal. The news wasn’t good – a heart attack. And just like that, any hope of knowing grandpa was gone.

What happened after that? It’s all a blur to me. All I know is that when I was almost too young to remember, my grandfather passed away and I never got a chance to really build memories with him. It was about four years later that I first returned to China again, long after he was gone. In my family, we don’t really talk about the past, so I never asked about him. I didn’t even know who to talk to and I figured I’d learn more over time. Many years ago, my mother took me to his grave. I remember taking a bus far away from the city, to a neat cemetery lined with headstones. I don’t know how my mom made her way to his headstone through the long rows, but I think she had a map. Since then, I haven’t been back. Next time I’m taking notes so I can find it again (though I think that year I actually wrote down some notes in my journal, if I can dig it up).

black and white photograph of young chinese couple

My maternal grandparents in 1956, probably soon after they got married.

Now that I actually think of it, it’s so very sad that I let all this time go by without trying to know him. I had no idea there were any pictures of him. We don’t have many pictures from the 80’s and earlier, so I thought I’d seen them all. But now that these have surfaced, I’m realizing that I could have known his face all this time. This smiling man who looks so kind, so amicable. I wish I knew what his personality was like, what he sounded like. I know that he was an excellent student and accomplished professional, but what about home life? Was he a good cook? Did he enjoy playing chess? Did he love animals too? I wonder if I got my smile from him, and perhaps my penchant for reading as a child. Now that I have a face to put with this fuzzy idea of my grandfather, his death seems so much more real. I’ll have to figure out when the 30th anniversary of his death is, so I can make it out to see him.

 

365great Day 296: boba

laelene Posted in 365great，Tags: , , , , , ,
04 January 2014
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365great challenge day 296: bobaI started drinking boba drinks sometime in junior year of high school, I think. There was a place at the food court in the mall that sold them and I remember going there to get black tea smoothies with boba. I loved how the iciness of the drink froze them up just so – so they were a little bit chewy, a little bit crunchy. They’re nice and sweet without being overwhelming and they add a fun element to your drink. I try to get them whenever I can and it’s always been a fun time to hang out with friends over boba drinks. Sometimes I go for the milk tea and sometimes I got for the fruity tea. I used to get a wonderfully light white tea but it’s no longer being offered. 🙁 Still, I love just about any boba drink, hot or cold, and I love how they provide a great way to spend time with friends.

365great Day 294: childhood blankets

laelene Posted in 365great，Tags: , , , ,
02 January 2014
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365great challenge day 294: childhood blanketsThis blanket has been with me ever since I can remember. Over the years, its pattern has faded and the stuffing is all out of place, but it is oh so soft and comforting. While I’ve tried a multitude of other blankets, they can never replace this one and I hope I have it forever. I remember snuggling up with it when I was sick, playing fortress with it when I wanted to escape into my own world, and falling asleep with it enveloping me. I’ve wondered about the girls on it many a time and come up with stories about what is going on in the scene. Whenever I am home with my parents, I use this blanket and just pile on whatever else on top when it’s not warm enough. I’ve loved the smell of it freshly laundered and buried my face in it to capture my tears and wrapped my cats in it like it was swaddling cloth. It may be worn and old, but that is exactly what makes it great, for it holds a power to make me feel cared for.

365great Day 289: reunions

laelene Posted in 365great，Tags: , , , , ,
28 December 2013
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365great challenge day 289: reunionsOk, I’m going to break a cardinal rule of mine and post a picture of others (I usually choose ones where you can’t tell who they are or I don’t post them at all – sorry PBs! Hope you don’t mind). I just got back from a mini reunion with my pledge bros for AKPsi and I wanted to share that. While it was only about a third of our class getting together, it was nice to at least see some familiar faces again after all this time. It’s been years since I’ve caught up with many of them and I feel so out of touch with their lives! Here we are 7 years later and so much has changed, yet they pretty much all look the same to me. That’s good, right? It’s nice to be able to reconnect with them briefly and revisit old memories. Oddly enough, we ended up eating at a place with great meaning for us completely unintentionally. What an appropriate setting for us to get together again. It’s great to see how they’re doing in their lives now and I hope to have more reunions for all those friends I’ve lost touch with.

365great Day 287: LoveSacs

laelene Posted in 365great，Tags: , , , , , , ,
26 December 2013
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365great challenge day 287: lovesacsBack in high school, I first discovered the LoveSac store in the mall with my best friend, Katana. We’d go hang out there on those amazing bags and dream of one day owning one. They’re so cush and fun to lounge around on. In college, they went away and I was so bummed… but then near graduation, I saw a friend wearing their t-shirt and I was SO thrilled to hear they were back in business! When I’d been working for a little while, I decided it was finally time to make that wish come true. I got a PillowSac, which is a square-ish version of the original LoveSacs. Funny enough, I then had a friend lend me his LoveSac (which had been sitting in the office unused). We took this picture the day he came to reclaim his property once he had space for it again. Today I went to check out their Sactionals, which I was considering for our new condo. The price point is beyond what I’m willing to pay at this point, so they shall have to wait. I sure hope I can get them eventually! They’d make a great addition to our home.

365great Day 257: Marines

laelene Posted in 365great，Tags: , , , , , ,
26 November 2013
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365great challenge day 257: marinesThese are the Marines I first fell in love with. They trained my JROTC unit in New York and taught me so much about drilling, discipline, and determination. They were fun yet serious and crazy fit. They barked out orders in those gravelly voices and shaped us into strong cadets. I only spent a few days with them, but I have never forgotten them. Ever since then, I’ve had immense respect for the Marine Corps and all its members. I even wanted to join at one point, before I decided that my path didn’t quite belong that way. Still, it’s one of those dreams I’ll always carry – to have served as a proud Marine. I still hold out hope that I get to work with Marines somewhere down the line. All the ones who have trained and drilled with me have been amazing; truly great people.



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