I’m generally one to avoid saying things that feel contrived*, which to me is just about any situation (often a holiday or celebration) where you’re expected to say the same things. Case in point:

Happy Thanksgiving! I’m so thankful for you.

Happy Veterans’ Day! Thank you for your service.

It’s not that I’m not grateful, but it feels so forced and fake when you all have to say the same thing at the same time. I know that this can make me seem like a grinch but I really hate insincere things and when I feel obligated to say it, then it’s not exactly wholehearted.

I much prefer when things come naturally – something happens that reminds you of why you care for someone or are grateful for something, and you express it. Why wait for a certain time to year to do that?

I understand that it’s a reminder to think of things like that, but in that case the holiday probably doesn’t come often enough. Shouldn’t we apply thoughtfulness, reflection, and appreciation in our lives more often? I really struggle with a set time that everybody says the same things but who knows how much they actually mean it.

It’s a similar vein of thought that leads me away from gifts for birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays. It started sometime in my teens, when my parents and I came to an agreement that there was no need to wait until my birthday each year for them to get me certain presents that I could start making use of sooner. So instead of gifts on those days, it’s more about spending time together and doing things together. Meanwhile, throughout the year we are cognizant of gifting as appropriate based on various other factors (need/desire, sales/deals, etc.). While it’s nice to take advantage of holiday sales, the timing doesn’t always make for a practical decision.

I really struggle to do enough to satisfy common courtesy so people don’t think I’m being rude, yet not spouting out fakeness that makes me uncomfortable and feel fake. I hope it comes off ok.

*Also, side note that in writing this I almost wrote “contrite” a few times before I caught myself, which led me down a tiny rabbit hole comparing contrived, contrite, and trite:
1. contrived = not natural/spontaneous, but created or artificial
2. contrite = remorseful, feeling guilty
3. trite = overused, unoriginal