I’ve found that one of the easiest ways to tell someone’s character is by how they treat those they don’t particularly like and don’t (think they’ll) need.

So often, people focus their attention on those they want or need something from and neglect all others. They may be nice to their family because of the intrinsic tie, to bosses because of their influence, or simply to people they like because they enjoy the company. But it’s easy to be good when you want to get something out of it.

What would you do when you ran into someone you did not get along with? Would you duck your head and go another way? Would you grit your teeth and try to be cordial? Would you sneer a bit and let them know how you feel? Or would you attempt to make a friend or at least acquaintance of them?

I’ve met some people who really rubbed me the wrong way. I remember one girl who had a good heart, but she was just so needy with attention that she went out of her way to get it. She’d bake you a cake or buy you something to try to win your affection. Some people were wooed by that, but it grated on me because it felt so fake. I mostly tolerated her, but every now and then when it got extremely excessive, I honestly shared my opinions with her. Admittedly, I’m not a very patient person and if our social lives did not intersect, I would have steered clear. I find it better to avoid conflict like that.

A few folks I’ve known weren’t quite so nice. There was one girl who would target me whenever she had a complaint about my friends and I, as if I was the only person causing the problem. I think it was because I was the only name she knew. I found it very rude the way that she haughtily came to ask us to change our behavior, like she’d never had a day of fun in her whole life. In fact, I’m not sure she ever smiled and she had the worst resting face I’ve seen. It always looked like she was fuming or glaring at you. When she finally moved on to somewhere else, she never even told any of us that she was leaving. You can tell she didn’t bother with making any friends there.

Another one in particular was rude, disrespectful, and outright mean at times. I don’t know where all that hate came from, but I can’t stand that sort of thing. What really bothered me was the fact that she was two-faced, putting on a smile for people she liked, respected, or needed to get along with. Me? I had no impact on her life and she did not like me, so she held little back. Normally I’d keep my distance as much as possible and not waste time thinking about her awful personality, but sometimes our paths inevitably intersect and I can’t help but wish that more people would see through her facade.

This then begs the question: would you rather be ignored and not noticed or ridiculed when noticed? Which is the lesser evil here? In a sense, if you’re being bullied, you’re being noticed. What if you mattered so little to people that they didn’t even pay attention to your existence? What scenario would make you feel more inferior?

I personally would prefer to be ignored. At least then you’re not subjected to cruelty. It may make you feel small to not be noticed at all, but it’s easier to deal with. With bullying, try as you might to convince yourself that you’re being targeted because of an innate security from the bully, or even jealousy, it’s hard to accept that mindset. What do you think?

I’m trying hard to not let negativity like that into my life. It’s sad that they are so lacking in positive emotions and healthy relationships, but I can’t help but mull over it more than I ever should. I always wonder if there’s something I could do to make things different. Ultimately, it’s up to them to stop perpetuating that negativity and it’s up to me to keep those influences out. If I have to, I might need to remove myself from the situation that keeps me tied to these poisonous people. I’d rather be happier somewhere else.