Posts Tagged ‘singapore’

eBay: trustworthy?

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
19 May 2009
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photo credit: quickshipelectronics

Earlier today I claimed myself an iPod Touch online through eBay, which I’m immensely excited to have.  I’ve been watching some of their sales on the site for a few days to see the average price they go for and decided that it was well worth it.  I just hope I’m in the 99.8% positive review side of things, or else it can get complicated and ugly dealing with it overseas.  Thankfully, I have my mom to handle things on the home front, so she can help check the item before sending it to me.  In doing this whole transaction (only the second time I’ve used the site), I found that people I told all asked me the same questions, having the same concerns.

First of all, they asked about price.  Was the difference in price enough to justify the purchase versus buying it from a store?  Well, it’s a $100 difference, which in the Apple store also means the difference between a 16GB and a 32GB.  Plus, they would wonder… is it new?  Well, no, it’s refurbished, but it would only have minor scuffs and I’m willing to compromise that for the money saved.  If it’s extremely worn or dysfunctional, I can always send it in to be exchanged.

Then they would ask, is it safe?  Is it reliable?  And that launched me into an explanation about how yes, there is the off chance that I get screwed, but 1. being governed by American law, they can’t get too crazy and send me rocks like some cases in other countries, 2. they have sold over 57,000 electronic items and people would have reported them a long time ago, and 3. not only were they not reported, but they have a 99.8% positive feedback rate, which is quite high considering the bulk of sales.  I read reviews where people talking about their item that was faulty or incorrect and they got the issue resolved, so at worst it may be a bit of a hassle, but I can track down a suitable item.

ebayFinally, they would start to settle their worries and would then wonder… uhhh how are you going to get it?  Well, that’s the beauty of a mother in the right country.  😛  She helped me bid on it as I slept and she’ll help me mail it out when it arrives.  I’m quite pleased, since any Apple product sold internationally is dead expensive (in Singapore the 32GB goes for about 468 USD, whereas in the states it’s a cool $399)!  I may not have gotten the absolute best price, but it was close and still saved me tons for what I wanted.  Plus, I got it pretty much the day I decided I was going to go for it.  But it made me wonder: do people feel wary of using eBay?

Entertainment and the internet’s disadvantages outside the states

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , ,
15 May 2009
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Can you read it? It says: "Catch Bones as early as 24 hours after the USA telecast."

Being one who never really paid attention to TV shows or movies, I didn’t know about the glaring disparity between when shows were available in the US and when they became available internationally. It wasn’t until I studied abroad in England that it started to be more apparent. When I first arrived in Scotland on my way to my school, I saw an ad for a movie that had been advertised back home three months earlier and was already old news. It was then that I started to learn about the time delay in getting things abroad.  It seems that since Hollywood is the hub for entertainment, most shows produced are in the states, done according to our laws.  Once it is something that needs to be prepped for an international audience though, it takes time for licensing, screening, and of course, translated subtitles or voice-overs.  I guess it really surprised me that that’s how it is in the UK because there’s no need for all the translation worries, so it really just comes down to legal issues.

Another thing I was surprised by was how what was legal to watch in the states was not legal outside of it.  So, I was promptly blocked from sites like Hulu once they detected my IP to be outside the allowed territories.  This I can understand, since American laws can only have jurisdiction over Americans and does not extend to foreigners in other countries.  Their own local companies would have to come up with some sort of agreement with the TV stations themselves.  Ok, I can accept that.  I’ll have to find more local sites to offer me these perks.

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago, when Marylin was going through her “CSI Supreme Sunday” fix, watching hours of the various versions of the show all day.  One of the episodes was a two-part series to be continued the following week and of course, not wanting to wait, I went online to search for it.  It turns out that episode originally aired around a year old!  Shocked, I was reminded of that very first encounter I had with this idea of delayed entertainment and a filtering process that blocks people in other countries from seeing things as soon as Americans generally get to.  Of course, films that were created by non-Americans are exceptions, but nearly all American-made productions experience this red tape or whatever it is.

Today, however, I was surprised to find that Angels and Demons is released worldwide at pretty much the same time in most countries.  I don’t know if movies are more likely to get through international barriers or if this is a sign of changing times and a cohesion developing around the globe.  Maybe this movie is merely an exception to the rule, seeking out all international approval before deciding to release it anywhere.  Whatever the case, I think more shows should opt for this (what’s the point in making other audiences wait?).  I can see that potentially a lot of traffic is driven to online sites that offer free viewings of these productions.  I’m sure broadcasting and theater companies would prefer to have them seen on the big screen and on TV instead!

Slightly off-topic, but still related is websites that don’t allow access outside the US, like the Opt Out Prescreen site, the free annual credit report site, and US-only retailers.  The Opt Out Prescreen to reduce junk mail and credit card offers I can understand because if you’re not in the states you can’t possibly be receiving junk mail now.  The one thing I can see is if you are having your mail held while you’re away and don’t want to come back to find piles of outdated junk offers.  However, I feel like the free credit report that we are allowed by law each year should not be limited to being seen to only when you are in the country.  After all, I’m still using my US-based credit cards for all charges, which is affecting my credit, is it not?  So why can I not check up on that if I’m temporarily living out of the country?

Even worse are the retailers that do not let you even look at their site because they serve only on American soil, like cowboom.com.  I was so confused about why they blocked me that I even sent them an e-mail explaining the various scenarios in which I should be able to access their site (and how they’re losing out on potential customers):

1. I am a foreigner who wants to buy a gift for someone I know in the states and have it shipped to them directly

2. I am a citizen who is just out of the country for awhile and I want to buy a gift for someone back home while I’m away (or this period could be more extended)

3. I am a citizen who is currently out of the country, but wanted to buy something to have by the time I got back (which was the case for me)

Honestly, what are you thinking?  If you didn’t track my IP address, I’d look like any of your other customers, using an American credit card mailing to an American address.  Well, good for them, they’ve lost my business.  And unless I get an e-mail back from them apologizing and undoing this, I’m certainly never going to use them, even when I’m back and have full access again.

Growing up in the states we are often so sheltered and privileged.  It’s not just this, but many deeply important ways as well, from the freedoms we have to the things we take for granted and never knew others don’t get.  If only for that reason, I think Americans should get out and not just visit, but immerse themselves in other countries and cultures, especially the ones that are more dissimilar to ours.  Otherwise, you may never know about these differences in seemingly given things that complicate the rest of the world.

The inevitable Mother’s Day post

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
10 May 2009
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I like to be strange, different, unusual.  So, it’s almost too cliche to write about my love for my mother on Mother’s Day.  Not that I don’t like the idea – I certainly appreciate my mom and enjoy celebrating her role in my life!  However, it seems all to predictable to be writing about motherhood on this day.  I’m sure a good majority of the world is doing so and the blogosphere is alight with posts of a similar sentiment.  Even on Twitter, the most trending term is “Happy Mother’s Day.”  But, filial piety and maternal love win out in the end and I concede to do something all too normal and expected.  That’s my tribute to my mom, I guess.

When I ran into Marylin’s mother outside in the living room today, I made a point to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day and inquire about her plans.  I was vaguely aware of dinner plans she and Marylin had with family friends, but I wasn’t sure if it was just a normal gathering or if the holiday would be acknowledged.  I guess it was kind of just a random gathering also meant to celebrate a friend’s birthday.  So celebrate away!  Celebrate all there is to celebrate on this day.  What struck me the most though, was her initial reaction to my well wishes: “Oh, I’d forgotten all about that.”  It reminded me so much of my mother and I asked Panda if his mother is the same way too.

You see, my mom’s the type of person who doesn’t remember Mother’s Day or her birthday, or any other day out there that’s meant to celebrate her.  I have a theory that she only remembered her birthday long enough for me to be old enough to remember it for her and now it’s just a fleeting memory in her mind.  So, every year, it’s up to me to remind her that, this is your day and I’m taking you out to eat, as our family tradition goes.  Over the years we’ve ended up going to the same Asian buffet for every holiday that we celebrate together, whether it’s Mother’s or Father’s Day, Christmas, or one of our birthdays.  We don’t make a big fuss out of these things and they pass rather quietly, but I make a point of never forgetting.  It’s one of the most basic ways I can show that I care.

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Well, it turns out that not all mothers are like this and Panda’s mom quite likes to be recognized, at least in comparison with my mom.  I think I’ll be the type who won’t bring it up in the hopes that I will be remembered.  I asked Panda if he’d remember all the important days to celebrate and though he was reluctant to promise at first, in case something comes up, he eventually agreed to extend that promise to me.  After all, I realize that life gets in the way and I’m really only asking for his word that he’ll try his best, which I know he will.

So back to my wonderful mother.  Currently she and my dad are in LA again, so I hope they go out to a nice place to eat.  As the truly dedicated mom that she is, she’s helping me with my taxes and finances.  She was always the one I turned to for all things money related.  Right now she’s in a stage in her life where she isn’t sure what to do.  Before I left for Singapore, I spent my time trying to give her the confidence and hope that she needs to perhaps take a leap and go for her dreams.  After all, they were put off because she chose to take care of me fully, rather than be distracted by a job.  So now that she’s back in the work force, doing environmental consulting work with my dad, she’s looking to do more of what interests her.  And that is something in the aerospace industry, preferably along the lines of designing planes.  She feels like she’s too old and there isn’t a foothold for her to grasp in the industry.  The unfortunate thing is that employers don’t even want to consider her because she’s not as young and fresh as college graduates and she took so many years off from practicing her engineering expertise.  They don’t trust her to be as sharp and capable as she used to be, even though she has been teaching herself programs like AutoCAD and attended some courses at our community college.  How do you get people to give you a chance though?

So for now, she’s helping my dad out in his company, building up her resume again as she tries to think of how to get into Boeing or Northrup or Lockheed and the likes of them.  I fully support her and hoep that she can achieve what she wants, after all those years she gave up for me.  She gave me a privileged life growing up, with a mom who could always drop off a project I forgot to take to school with me, or drive me to the various swim and track practices and meets, or pick me up from school after all my extracurricular activities were over.  I remember when I was young I won a competition for writing about why I have the world’s best mom and I still have that essay to this day.  When I read it, it doesn’t seem all that exciting since I wrote it when I was in fifth grade, but apparently it was good for my age!

I hope everything is well with her now and I wonder where she’ll be when I return to LA.  I’m keeping a lookout for her, in case I hear of any opportunities that she may want to look into.  For now though, all I can do is be a good daughter and call her periodically to check in.  I think I really surprised her when I did that like two weeks ago.  We’re not a family built around constant contact and communication.

With that, I hope that everyone has spent some time to think about their own mothers and remember all the things they should be appreciated for.

Retreating to nature

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
01 May 2009
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I spent the day off exploring the Singapore Botanic Gardens, getting a chance to escape from the city for a few hours.  When I first entered, it looked like a public park of sorts, with fields dotted with trees and an asphalt path for people to walk, run, or rollerblade along.  Following the path deeper into the grounds took me to Swan Lake, where there were a couple of swans swimming around languidly.  A few were being fed various bread and cracker type substances, surrounded by hungry koi and curious turtles.  It was the cutest thing I’ve seen – three different species all swimming around each other peacefully.  I made my way around the entire pond before continuing along the path.  On the side with the grassy knoll and speckling of trees, dozens of families and friends were having picnics and otherwise enjoying the pleasant day.

Turtle in the top left area, fish in the bottom area, and the swan you can't miss.

Turtle in the top left area, fish in the bottom area, and the swan you can't miss.

That fish was not shy.

That fish was not shy.

I followed the signs to the Ginger Garden, where there was this cool waterfall with a little cave area behind that people could pass through.  I saw a family taking pictures of themselves behind the waterfall and wanted to do the same, but alas, I didn’t want to elicit outside help.  I also imaged taking a fun jumping shot in front of it, but that’s something I’d do if I was with a friend.  Not everyone can get the timing right and I don’t know how strangers would feel about trying to capture such a shot.  So, in my mind’s eye I took a note of how I would do things if only I had Panda with me and moseyed along.  I then reached the National Orchid Garden, where I got myself a ticket to enter.  I spent the next hour wandering up and down, in an out of their paths.  I don’t know how many species of orchids I saw, but some were curious-looking, some were gorgeous, some had strange patterns, some were plain, some were large, some were small, and all were cool to look at.

Some of the interesting things I saw…
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pale pink orchids
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If only I could find some Venus flytraps too!

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And so many more! Look out for a photo album on Facebook.

I took countless photos and rediscovered some things that I want – Venus flytraps (though I couldn’t find any, there were plenty of pitcher plants that reminded me of my desire for a certain carnivorous plant!), tadpoles (I had one once, but dropped it and when I went to pick it up I squished it 🙁 – oops), and a water fountain (there was this cool one that looked like a cluster of plants).  On my way out, I wandered around the gift shop, contemplating things I might want to buy and ended up deciding to just get these small little rings.  I can’t figure out what material they are made from, but a lot of Chinese bracelets resemble this.  These, of course, are merely cheap imitations.  I have a bracelet that’s legit though and it’s quite cool – it’s made of some sort of stone and metal.

If only I could find some Venus flytraps too!

If only I could find some Venus flytraps too!

I was sooo tempted to try to bring some with me. :(

I was sooo tempted to try to bring some with me. 🙁

Plant? Nope, water fountain!

Plant? Nope, water fountain!

And finally, the rings.

And finally, the rings.

From there, is was then power walking for the next two hours, going through the patch of rainforest, Evolution Garden, Eco Garden, checking out Au Jardin (a French restaurant, as it turned out), and heading back to the waaay other end of gardens to exit again.  I got a bit disoriented a few times and made a few detours to some of the other attractions on my way back, including a gazebo, some desert plants, and lily ponds.  It was around 8 PM by then and I was ravenous, so all I could think about was getting to food.  I quickly made my escape and hopped on a bus to Orchard Road, but I tried to find this Din Tai Fung that I could see in my mind’s eye, but for the life of me couldn’t find in real life.  The front desk at Takashimaya shopping center was useless, so I wandered around, through a fashion show and a drummer circle.  Eventually I ended up at the bus stop that would take me back, so I got on and stopped along the way at Holland Village to have dinner at the Crystal Jade there.

What a day out!  I was drained from all the brisk walking, but it was so nice to see so much greenery, so many beautiful flowers, and so many creatures!  I really do love to retreat to nature whenever I can.  It clears my mind and calms me down.

Sheer exhaustion

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , ,
29 April 2009
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This is the first time that I did not post my entry prior to going to bed, since I began posting every day.  I like to get it out of the way earlier in the wee hours of the day so when I get busy/distracted later on, I won’t have to worry and I would still have the entire rest of the day to do it.  However, yesterday when I got back last night, a wave of exhaustion just took over me and I curled up on the bed with my body pillow.  It was so warm and cozy and Panda was taking a nap on his end, so I just drifted off.  The next thing I knew, I was waking up to find my computer turned off.  Disoriented, I deliriously turned my computer back on to find Panda again, but fell asleep again soon after.  I can’t recall if I ever did sign back on again or what happened from there, but I didn’t wake up again until the morning, as a storm was rolling in.

I’m not sure why I was so tired – perhaps it’s a combination of lack of sleep, long days, and not enough nutrition.  I don’t feel like I have been overworked or underfed though, so I really don’t know.  In fact, there are times where I am doing background reading and research that feels like my typical internet activity.  It has made me want to get more into social media or business psychology consulting, since I love to read article upon article about those topics.  So that’s all well and good, but I guess sometimes everything in your life just catches up with you and your body shuts down.  I think all the things that were bearing down on me just caught up with me.  I’ve been getting a lot of intense piercing pains and headaches this past month; I’ve never suffered through this kind of cranial pain before.  It’s not quite a migraine – the symptoms for that are far more intense – but it’s definitely not a pleasant experience.  I don’t know why I get them or what I can do about them (I’m not one to take painkillers unless I’m desperate, which happens like once every few months).

Emotionally I have been rather drained as of late.  I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to recover from being away from Panda.  I don’t miss him any less now than I did before.  I spend a lot of time wanting to go back just to see him, but at the same time I really value my time and experience here.  Still, it’s hard to get up and go out on the weekends when I can stay online and talk to him.  I don’t know why it’s so hard for me.  It also hasn’t been easy to find my own way here.  I’ve been trying to do more things on my own, which is good, but I’m doing it all alone.  There isn’t really anyone for me to hang out with or spend time with.  Not that I dislike anyone here, but I’m used to a lot of different social groups, all with different interests and preferences for activities.

And of course, there’s always the feeling that I don’t have a home to go to and crash at.  There is no space here that is exclusively mine, which is something I’m not used to.  It’s the exact opposite of how I grew up – with rooms to myself for most of the day and often the whole house to myself as my parents traveled around.  Even in college, when I shared my room with another girl, half of that room was mine.  I could do whatever I wanted and often had time alone in the room.  Plus, I could always go home home on the weekends.  So maybe it’s just caged bird syndrome that’s got me down.  It seems that I need to stop viewing myself so much as an outsider and guest here.  It’s hard to break away from that though, since most people I speak to outside of the office don’t seem to be able to understand me.  I feel so out of place when I’m not in the office or just alone and it’s a bit disheartening.

Marylin and I talked recently about how I don’t really interact with her parents, which is mostly why I still feel like a guest here.  I’m used to holing up in my room all day, doing my own things, so it doesn’t even occur to me to go out to the living room to talk to them, or something along those lines.  I’ve tried to greet them here and there, but I tend to be quiet when I do that and it gets lost in Marylin’s own greeting and consequent chatting with them.  So, I just keep walking and go to the room to give them time together.  After all, they hardly get to see each other, much less talk and hang out.  But it seems that my policy of "stay out of their way" is just alienating me and making them… not quite uncomfortable, but you get the idea.  It doesn’t help that I am hugely awkward with parents (or anyone I view in an authoritative position).  It took me a good 10-12 years to get myself to even be able to look them in the eye.

So, I need to work on putting myself out there more, even if it terrifies me.  I just don’t like to stand there awkwardly and not know what to do or say.  Before I left, my mom told me to offer to help with household chores, but that is taken care of the maid, so the most I do is clear the table after eating.  Starfish advised that I just ask them how their days were and I don’t know if I’m just not seeing opportunities to, but I feel like I haven’t really had a chance to say anything to them.  Either they’re watching TV or they’re not around.  Marylin’s mom will pop in on the weekends to offer me food, but by the time I go out to eat it, she’s retreated to her room or is out already.  There was one time she left it on the bed for me, so I just ate it in the room.  I usually don’t even see her dad around, but for when he’s watching a game or tournament.

And maybe it’s just me, but if I’m watching something, I don’t want to be disturbed.  On the weekends when Marylin’s going through her CSI Supreme Sunday fix, she tends to switch channels during commercials, which is something I never do.  If I’m watching something, I’m focused on it and I don’t want to miss out on any of it.  If it’s streaming live and I can’t pause it, I don’t do anything to disrupt that.  When it comes down to it, I just don’t know how to handle those situations.  When is it appropriate to say something?  What should I say?  How do I know if they’re talking just because they don’t want to be rude or if they actually don’t mind?  Sigh, I hate being awkward with older generations.  I’m not a "bring her home" type of friend.  I can’t even call them by their first names – the first time I called someone other than my peer by their first name was when I was 19.  Why am I so stiff?

Maybe this chronic exhaustion is due to too much processing for my brain.  From the work I’m doing and all that I’m learning to the struggles I’m undergoing, it’s a lot to handle.  I worry a lot because I think and analyze a lot.  I don’t like to share any of my stress though, so I’m hard-pressed to find an outlet.  I don’t like to complain and I don’t like to ask for help.  Meanwhile, Marylin will let out a sigh or talk about her frustrations with some of the work she’s trying to deal with.  Since I’m not used to expressions like that, it stresses me out to hear and see that too, especially when she taps her fingers impatiently.  For some reason, just hearing that speeds up my heart rate and makes me more anxious.  I tend to notice small details like that, which then makes things that aren’t a big deal out to be much bigger than usual.  I am a people-pleaser, but it seems that my approach in keeping to myself is not pleasing at all.  Then there are all the things I miss and want to do when I get back, but I’m trying to make myself focus on being here now and doing new exciting things.  It’s hard to be here and focused when my heart is not with me.  Whoever knew I could be such a homebody?

Gosh, I’ve got a lot to work on.

The comforts of home

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
25 April 2009
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I miss the amenities of home – being able to go and buy my own food, make my own food, come and go as I please, and just feel in charge of my life.  I had a dream the other night that my grandma was living here; I was elated to discover this because it meant I could move in with her and take care of myself again.  Staying at Marylin’s is something I wouldn’t say that I’m struggling with per se, but I certainly am having some trouble with it.  There’s a sense of freedom in being responsible for taking care of myself.  I’m used to doing most household chores myself and now and it’s weird to have food cooked for me, my clothes washed for me, and my things cleaned for me.  It makes me feel too much like a guest.

Today was refreshing because I took it upon myself to wash some items, but I still feel strange whenever I’m in the kitchen, so I’m certainly not about to pull out a pan to cook myself something.  Instead, I bought myself some salad and fruit to eat, but since I spend most of my time at the office, I’m keeping them there.  My eating habits don’t match up with any traditional method or what people tend to do (however many meals a day) – I like to snack throughout the day and have one or two larger meals, but mostly just be munching every hour.  That’s a lot harder to do when the food is offered up and then it’s expected to be cleared away after a certain period.

I also like to wander around outside or drive around, which is not exactly an option for me here.  I suppose I could always go downstairs for a stroll or a swim (I wonder if I need a special key for entry?), but I feel bad making someone open the door for me whenever I get back.  It’s difficult to find a good balance between doing what I want to and also not getting in the way or being an inconvenience.  I tend to think everything I do is disruptive except for staying in the room, out of everyone’s way.  And so that is what I do for pretty much 90% of the time that I am here.

It’s an unfortunate combination of factors working here.  For one, it’s not worth it to move to my own place – I’d end up paying to be here and I don’t want to dig into my savings (or my parents’ generosity).  Yet, staying with her poses a myriad of conundrums.  I’m very grateful that Marylin and her family have so generously taken me in, but I feel like I have to tiptoe around everything.  I don’t want to use too much of their resources.  I feel guilty every time her mom so kindly buys me lunch that is ready for me when I wake up on the weekends.  I feel awkward asking their maid to do anything, so I try to do it myself, but then I feel like I’m breaching her territory.  I try to stay away from the living room in case that makes them feel like they can’t use that space.  I don’t talk to her parents very much because I don’t want to disturb them.

All these things are nobody’s fault, but just unfortunate byproducts of the situation.  I’d much rather be on the other end, offering my home and resources to others.  In fact, I often imagine how things could be when I get back and after we’ve found a way to get Marylin over there too (and possibly others!).  Of course, everything else I miss about home doesn’t help things either.  I’ve been getting a lot of invites to events occurring on campus and I wish I could be there to attend, as an alumna now.  This weekend is the Festival of Books and it will be the second year that Livescribe has a booth there.  Last year I was there, working the booth as a campus rep, so I wish them another successful weekend!

I’m going to compile a list of all the things I want/should do in Singapore (and maybe nearby countries, if I can make it) and start figuring out when I’ll have time to get around to doing them all.  That’ll help get me out of the house, see more of Singapore, andkeep me entertained.  I shouldn’t spend my weekends lying around all day, drinking water incessantly and doing who knows what online.  Sometimes I amaze myself with how I distract myself.  I hope that before I know it, I’ll be headed home (though a bit nostalgic and sad to be leaving here).

A future unknown

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , ,
23 April 2009
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Today, Panda and I discussed our future living situation and it’s a good thing that’s far down the road!  Though everything else we differ in opinion on can be compromised more readily (like the cat I really want I can "adopt" by going to a local shelter to volunteer with the cats there), where to live is something that is much harder to agree on.  Though I think I would like to end up living in LA, I also can’t imagine not finally getting around to living in a few of the places I’ve been thinking about: Houston, Denver, somewhere in England again…  I’ve never lived in any city for longer than 4 years and I can’t stand thinking about being caged up to one city for the rest of my life.  I move a lot, I experience a lot, and I change a lot.  Ironically though, even though I’m used to change, I don’t like the change of having no more change.  Change is what I’m used to and that is what I’m comfortable with.  Ilike a new kind of scenery, a purging of my life here and there, and plenty of chances to learn from a wide demographic!

On the other hand, Panda is born and bred Californian.  Not only has he never left the country, he’s hardly left the state.  He knows LA and he loves LA.  It’s hard for him to imagine living anywhere else, ever.  He grew up with the same people pretty much in the same school district his entire life.  He hasn’t moved since he was just an infant (other than going to college).  Even the college he chose is close to home and right in the middle of LA.  He’s comfortable in that city and doesn’t want to leave.  Though he’s willing to take trips to visit places around the world, he’s just not interested in settling down anywhere else, for any length of time.  His life has been stable, consistent, and reliable.  So why would he want to take a chance and change all that?  It’s far easier to keep on doing what he’s doing and get a job in the area, raise a family there, and grow old there.  Very predictable.

I have known this about him and it has worried me a bit as I imagined our future together.  It’s good that we still have time to change ourselves and perhaps change our minds, but what if we don’t?  How do you reconcile two opposite demands?  Just vacationing is not good enough for me.  I want to immerse myself in a new place, which can only be done with lots of time.  So, I was thinking, maybe I could spend a few months of each year in another city and switch the city every few years.  However, I don’t like being away from him and I certainly would not want to start a family like that.  Panda suggested that we can try to have two houses, one in the greater Los Angeles area, and one in whatever other city I’m interested in.  That’s a good idea in theory, but when would he have the time to join me there?  Being an engineer, I’m sure his work days will be long and hard and the vacation time will be minimal.

Then I was thinking, maybe the company he works for would have offices in the places I’m interested in, so he can request a transfer for a year or two.  After a few of those, we could end up in LA again and settle down then.  Of course, that is banking a lot on the possibility of an office where I want to go and available space.  The type of work I’m doing now seems to (and hopefully is) propelling me towards a life of entrepreneurism and various ventures, which would make my schedule more flexible.  So perhaps I could just wait until he finds a good position and then we relocate.  Granted, this is assuming he’d be willing to go through all that trouble for a couple of years.

As a kid, I got sent on a lot of camps and trips, from annual summer visits to China to swim camps and boot camps (no, I was not a bad child, it was for my JROTC unit and I elected to go).  I like being exposed to different things all the time.  From my upbringing, I tend to get bored of things easily, unless it is always making me see and do things in a different way.  I am afraid that that is going to happen with LA.  I just need some time away, to get out all the dreams I’ve had before I can feel good about settling down in one place.  Unfortunately, that "time away" can take anywhere from 5-15 years.  Who really knows how things will turn out?  I’m trying not to worry about it right now, since it’s still far away, as are deeper commitments with each other.  But, here I am, just about seven and a half weeks into my time in Singapore and I can’t stand a day without him.  And much as I appreciate my experience here, I dream of the day that I get to hold his hand again.  How could I ever leave him in LA again and again for years?

For me, when it gets to the point where I know a city inside and out, it loses a lot of its appeal.  It is no longer mysterious, no longer exciting, but suddenly a solved puzzle.  But for him, Los Angeles is his home.  Literally and figuratively.  He’s familiar with its areas, its weather, its people.  He knows just where to go to get the food he wants to eat or the things he needs to buy.  At the same time, Los Angeles is a sprawling metropolis with so much to explore and see!  From the famous landmarks to visit to the beautiful places to see, it offers up a whole bunch of options.  I can totally see him staying there forever and never getting bored.  I admit, there is still plenty for me to go see and do, but I’ve hit up most of the important areas (multiple times) and I’m ready to try something new in a few years.  I still want to go back and establish something there first, but after that… who knows.

As for now, we’ll both just have to see if we can break out of the barriers we grew up learning and find some sort of a compromise down the road.

Sports academy

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
11 April 2009
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I attended yet another forum today, this time on the topic of whether Singapore is ready to be a sporty nation.  In other words, they don’t have a very strong sports culture at the moment, but it is growing stronger and there are those who are interested in bringing it to the forefront.  They want to develop a following for uni level sports like in the states, where college teams are closely followed, or produce athletes like in Russia, which is a powerhouse for certain sports.  Well, those are just models to look at anyway.  Generally, they just want Singaporeans to embrace an active lifestyle, whether by playing sports themselves or supporting and rooting for those who do (especially if they represent the country in international meets).

First though, people need to realize that excellence in athletics and excellence in academics or other areas of life don’t necessarily have to be a trade-off.  Of course, there will be those who choose to sacrifice all others in the pursuit of elite athleticism, but you don’t need to be that hardcore to still make a living for yourself and be successful in your own right.  It seems that the main concern people have for sports is that it takes away from academics.  This need not be the case.  In fact, in my experience, the better someone is at their sport, the more they tendto excel in school as well.  It’s a matter of the discipline, focus, and dedication they learn from their sport that carries over to other aspects of their lives.  There are a lot of other valuable life skills that can be developed from learning a sport too, whether it’s teamwork, sportsmanship, or self-motivation.  All of these can be directly useful life skills that positively affect the athletes’ lives.

Secondly, I feel that people need a more open mind to what the sports culture is all about.  It’s not always about being the athlete.  Even if you choose to practice the sport yourself, you don’t have to be the best (or even that close) to do well for yourself.  A lot of how well you do and how much money you can earn has to do with how you present yourself.  Personal branding is crucial for creating the right image and smart marketing of yourself to sponsors can earn you a lot.  For those who are world-class, but not quite on the radar for their performance, it then comes down to how you approach things.  At that level, you already have a lot of experience that people are dying to learn from.  You can become a public speaker, start your own club and teach your own classes, write a book, or a number of other things to impart your wisdom.  The top elite athletes are too busy to do that, so you can get into that before they start to slow down and look into those options.

Finally, success is measured differently for everyone and there are so many other paths you can pursue within each sport.  There are a great number of satellite opportunities in the fields of coaching, sports management, sports medicine, physical therapy, sports psychology, etc.  Why limit yourself to the hours upon hours of physical exertion and training?  You can love a sport and be involved in it without being the one setting records and straining your body.  For some, interests and strengths may lie more in promoting those who do perform like none other, protecting their bodies and minds, or in providing them with the tools and resources they need to reach the level they want.  I think that the only universal thing is that people want to be happy and not too financially strapped.  So, in doing something they love, but also finding a way to pay the bills through a steady job, plenty of people can contribute to the sports industry and help it grow.

Talking about the issues that come with this territory, such as changing people’s mindsets so they can see this as a viable career option, reminded my of my own aspiration in this arena.  I even wrote it down when I first created this blog – see goal #2 here.  I came up with this as a concrete idea during one of my random enlightening sessions chatting with Philosopher, one of my closest friends in York.  Together we dreamed up a vocational school for athletes that would not only allow them to train and compete at national and international levels, but would also arm them with the necessary skills to be self-sufficient long after their bodies gave out on them.  The curriculum would involve physiological science, biology, diet and exercise, a history of their sport, sportsmanship, media relations, coaching, negotiation for deals and sponsorships, personal branding, and other such knowledge that would be useful for athletes to know in an academic sense.  Ultimately, graduates would be prepared for years of competitive involvement if they so chose, or they could bypass that and continue on straight to the peripheral jobs.  It’s all about empowering people who are traditionally seen as less intelligent with the ability to take care of themselves.

This plan has been on the backburner for a long time now, since it would take immense resources, connections, and organization to get it all together.  In hearing about a new degree offered at a uni here, I started to think that maybe a way to get started is to start implementing sports management majors, alongside the growing options for degrees in other sports related disciplines.  From there, a set of professors and experts can be drawn to start a new organization that solely focuses on the student athletes.  Even that will take a long, long time though, so for now, I’m just going to sit on it.  Then maybe someday, I can finally make this dream come true.

Singapore Kindness Movement

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: ,
04 April 2009
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April is, apparently, now deemed Kindness Month and thus the Singapore Kindness Movement was launched today, the first weekend day of the month.  If nothing else, just being at event about kindness really makes you much more aware of it.  I definitely was much more conscious of how my actions could be interpreted and affect others.  I made sure I walked around with a soft expression on my face, if not an outright smile.  I made sure I was courteous to others, saying sorry if I bumped into them and thank you when they were nice to me.  I even asked for some napkins to help clean off some chairs that had gotten stuff on them and made sure the people sitting in them were aware of the gooey drips of cotton candy that had gotten stuck on their seats before they sat down and dirtied their pants.

I was also much more aware of how the people around me were or were not polite to each other.  We all glanced over to hush these old women in the row behind us when they showed up late and loudly greeted their friends as the minister present was giving a speech.  I sighed when the children in the surrounding area were screaming and shouting in the background, oblivious to the racket they were causing those trying to listen to the speeches.  I noted the celebrity there, who graciously and patiently signed autographs for, took pictures with, and chit-chatted and joked with his fans, young and old.

Sometimes it seems that these types of campaigns are worth it if only to bring light to a problem.  I don’t think it is that human nature is bad at all; I think it is just that we just need gentle reminders of things as we get overwhelmed with the details of life.  Or, sometimes is it just the ignorance and lack of exposure we get to certain issues.  After all, we can’t all know about and be experts at everything.  So, every now and then we just need to be informed and other times we just need to be reminded.  Plus, we can get people to look at an old issue a new way and give them the support and encouragement they need to go do something about it.  And that is exactly what this month is all about – reminding everyone how a little positive gesture can go so far, showing them things they may not have considered to be outright kindness before, and encouraging them to go forth and spread the joy.

So go!  Be a nice person, hold a door open, say thank you, smile.  Be humble, be grateful, be KIND!

The business of cards

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
25 March 2009
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Namecards, or business cards, are one of those things that are really helpful in the business world.  Though you can come up with various creative designs to try to stand out, what ultimately matters is a clean look with key (mostly contact) information.  It’s pretty much a standard to hand someone a business card when you make a contact or find someone interested in learning more about what you or your company can do for them.  While you want to get your name out there and encourage follow-ups, you also don’t want to throw cards at anyone you come across, especially if you haven’t even spent a few minutes to talk to them.

Currently, Marylin and I are anxiously awaiting our business cards that will be printed with the updated address and phone numbers for our new office.  It’s a lot more difficult to network when you need to create makeshift "cards" to hand out to people.  If they can’t read our handwriting or mistake the slip of paper for junk later, we could very easily lose a valuable contact.  Plus, having that sturdy little piece of cardstock makes us look legit and oh so official.  I mean, not that we don’t look like seasoned pros already, what with our lovely attire and attitudes.  😉

We’ve been to two networking events this week and I have noticed that card-trading etiquette is quite different here!  All cards are presented and accepted with two hands and are usually accompanied by a bow or otherwise lowering of the head.  When I received my first two and took them with one hand, I noticed that it wasn’t quite right.  I wonder if other people noticed it and felt offended.  I certainly hope not!  However, it is a ritual that I have duly noted and will be careful to observe from now on.  These are the little cultural nuances that I am going to need to continue to pick up as I learn my way around here and this business world.

So you see, something as basic as trading business cards can be rather different depending on the people you are dealing with.  Nothing’s ever quite so simple, is it?

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