You know when time after time, things happen to make you feel a certain way until you can’t take it anymore?

That happened to me when I wrote about how I don’t quite fit in earlier this month and I’m feeling it again (for other reasons). Depending on how you feel, you might explode in a fit of rage, burst into a round of tears (like I did), or channel that energy into some sort of activity. I thought that going to my yoga and meditation class tonight would help me find peace (and it did, temporarily), but when I came home I found myself pouring my heart out to Panda. It’s been a long time coming and I still wish I had a close girlfriend I could share my feelings with, but Panda does a pretty good job.

One of my strengths and greatest weaknesses is that I care. I care a lot; I care too much. I also tend to overthink. So when people don’t give me the time of day or say something insensitive off-hand, I can sometimes take it too personally. It’s not so much what they do as what I interpret to be the reason they do it – like when they don’t give me the time of day when I’m asking for a little bit of help. It’s not that they didn’t really help me… I understand that there are situations where they are busy with their own work, don’t know how to help, etc. What makes me sad is when I get the impression that they just don’t want to hear what I have to say. I wish I felt more respected instead of disregarded, even ridiculed.

I don’t know why I’m letting the sad moments get to me when they are far outweighed by the good. I just can’t help dwelling on those interactions and wondering what I could do to improve the situation. My mood is sort of mirroring the weather outside – dreary, drizzly, and damp. I think I just need to let it all out and let it pass. It’s going to be so nice to go back home to my dear family, my sweet cats, my lovely home, and that beautiful weather. I just need to hang in there one more day.