Motherly affection and devotion

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
15 March 2009
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You know when your mother loves you when she is willing to fly to a country she has never been to to live with you to help you with your language skills.  o.O  And you know she really sacrifices for you when she’s willing to make time outside of a full-time job to help you translate things.  Sometimes, it still amazes me how much my mom has and would give up for me.

It all started pretty much from birth.  My dad had to leave for the US 6 months before I was born, so she bore the pregnancy herself.  Then, 6 months after that, she had to leave to join my father in Pennsylvania.  She and my father had to work as Research Assistants (and my dad was also a Teaching Assistant) to save up the money to bring me over three years later and support us from there.

From then on, she supported my dad in every move we made, from PA to Kansas to Missouri to New York to California to China again.  Sometime in Kansas she decided that to provide the sort of flexibility in mobility that we would need, she would stop working and be a stay at home mom.  That meant that growing up, I was rather spoiled with the ease of having my forgotten homework delivered to me during the day, being driven to all kinds of activities (mostly sports meets), and having my mother on call for all of my wants and needs.

Starting the day she started staying home, other than the years she went back to China working on a business she started with my dad, I never had to go home to an empty house.  She’d wake up at 4 in the morning to drive me to swim practice, she’d sit around waiting in the car for me every day after school that I had to stay late (back before we had cell phones), she’d trek out to school in the middle of the day to drop off something I needed, and she even came back from China to live with me after I graduated UCLA to keep me company until I started working.

Throughout those years, she has also spent her time managing our finances, making sure we were saving up and investing wisely, laboring over the pains of day trading (thank goodness she gave that up), anticipating my dad and my own needs, finding a balance between giving me what I wanted and what I needed, always supporting my dad with what he needed, cooking, cleaning, and tirelessly devoting herself to being a great mother and an amazing woman.  She did so much behind the scenes that I may never know about, but one of the things I learned a few years ago was that she always carefully planned trips to either be the whole family traveling together, or she and my dad splitting up.  That way, it decreased the odds of both of them getting killed in an accident, leaving me an orphan.

Beyond that, she had great potential to be a highly successful engineer (and potentially, manager) in her own right, but she gave that up to be the cornerstone to her husband and daughter’s success.  Even now she is extraordinarily gifted in that area and could be a great engineer for an aerospace company (which is her dream), but being out of the work force for so long has hindered her aspirations.  She has never complained about what she has given up for us and happily shifted her life to fit our needs.

Now we are all in different countries, though she is based in Beijing with my dad, and she is willing to come to Singapore to stay with me!  I was explaining to her how it seems that people here seem to assume that I know so much of the background for Chinese language and culture just because I have a very standard accent and sound quite like a native, but I essentially grew up American, so much of that knowledge is lost on me.  I am concerned about my reading and writing skills in Mandarin that I may need to use for an upcoming project, so she suggested she come so she can be here with me and help me.  Of course, she’s still got her own work to do, so that would be a lot of time out of her day to help me improve my Chinese.

To her it may seem like a small gesture, but to me it really speaks volumes for her deep commitment to me, my future, and my success.  It really meant a lot to me.  I’m learning to appreciate her more and more.  A few years ago, I probably would have thought it was normal and nothing special.  That’s just how much she has conditioned me to her support.  So I hope she doesn’t feel under appreciated, because she isn’t.

Divergence

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: ,
14 March 2009
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I just talked to Elle and she got the Teach for America offer!  Now it’s time to spend the next week deciding if she wants to go for it.  Though she worked really hard for it and is leaning towards that path, you never with these things.  It is a big decision for her life, after all, since it will take over the next two years of her life and take her out to Louisiana.

At this point in our lives, a lot of what we’re going through is all about growing apart.  If she chooses to go through with this, my best friends and I will be spread out between states in the Midwest, South, and West Coast.  Even if she doesn’t go for this, she is interested in moving to D.C., so we’d still be in three very different regions of the country.  This is also assuming that I will make it back to the states by then!

Today I went to a workshop on facilitation and how the International Association of Facilitators emphasizes process-driven versus content-driven facilitation.  Basically what that means that going in as a facilitator, you are not a consultant who provides advice.  Instead you stay neutral and just ask the right questions to get people in the group to talk about the right things for the purposes of that discussion.

The issue of divergence was brought up as a concept for how these sessions work; first you brainstorm and get the contributions from individuals, which is the diverging component.  After you all those little pieces, you parse through and converge again at a point where the group reaches a consensus on the answer or solution they were looking for.  I found this an interesting way of wording it that I had not encountered before.

Oh the parallels in life.

Self-improvement

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
13 March 2009
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Instead of looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow, I will be getting up even earlier than I do for work to go to a facilitation seminar of sorts.  I’m not exactly sure what it is about, but that’s why I’m going!  (To learn about what facilitation is and how I can add it to my list of skills.)  It’s a part of this whole idea of "relentless self-improvement" and learning.  I feel like I should take advantage of all the resources available to me, as long as I’m even remotely interested in them.  If it doesn’t get in the way of work or something else that really matters to me, why not?  I can sacrifice a little sleep to gain some extra knowledge.

In addition to this, there are a variety of new things to be learned that hopefully HR will be setting up for us soon, like lessons in ASL!  I am looking forward to these chances to enhance my personal repertoire.  After all, you shouldn’t ever stop learning and growing.  There are just too many interesting things out there to know and do to settle for one thing.  I have always been a sampler platter type of person; I love to try out all kinds of things.  Most I will probably never be completely proficient at or an expert in, but at least I have a basic understanding of what it is and how it works.

So, in the spirit of being good to myself, I am going to keep this short so I can get to sleep soon!  We’ll see what interesting things tomorrow will unveil.

Amethyst: my gemstone of choice

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: ,
12 March 2009
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I am often inspired to write my personal opinion or a follow-up to what Katana has been writing.  I follow her feminist fitness blog, professional blog, and Associated Content material closely and as of late, she’s been a superstar in posting for AC!  Awhile back, she posted an entry about an engagement ring and today Lin and I were talking about such things, so I felt it was appropriate to delve into it a little more.

Katana’s article was about her how fiance wants to get an emerald on her engagement ring, partly because of his Irish heritage, but also partly because of their rarity and value.  It was fascinating for me to learn more about this gemstone, so I did my own follow-up research online to read more about it.  I was inevitably led to links for a variety of gemstones and one of them caught my eye: amethyst.  As far as I remember, it has been my favorite gemstone ever since I learned it existed.  Previously I was interested in blue sapphires, but purple is my favorite color, so that was quickly booted upon my new knowledge.

Now, it may not be a very precious gemstone, but I have never been one for expensive taste.  What I do like, as I have mentioned time and time again, is the sentiments and meaning behind things.  So, naturally, I started to do some research on what amethyst is known for and why it is valued.  I came across some very interesting information that coincides well with my preferences, so of course now I’m all the more convinced that if I were ever to get a nice fancy ring, it would feature amethyst.

For one, “amethyst is unique with its coloring,” which appeals greatly to me and my personal taste for all things purple.  I do prefer darker, more blueish purples than the redder type, but I pretty much like all shades.  “If you get the right amethyst stone you can get a very deep and beautiful purple color that you cannot get with any other gemstone.”  Other things I learned from this site I am referencing are that amethyst is less costly because of its availability and easiness to cut.  It has a lot of historical significance and monarchs and popes have been known to wear them.  Purple is the “royal color,” after all.

According to the Wikipedia article, the Greeks and Romans used amethyst to ward off intoxication, which tickles my fancy because that can play off of how I don’t drink.  There are various stories surrounding it in Greek mythology, which I am fascinated with (both the stories and the mythology).  I even took a course in Greek mythology for fun!  Also, it is relatively hard, scoring a 7 on Mohs Scale, so it’s good for wear and tear.

The best color grade for it is called Deep Siberian/Russian (depends on the source what it’s called).  Doesn’t that just sound so cool?  Plus, it used to be one of (what is now) the cardinal four: diamond, sapphire, ruby, and emerald.  However, since it is now much more accessible after more deposits were discovered, they aren’t valued as much anymore.  I also love that it is the birthstone for February, zodiac stone for Pisces, and that I once went to Fowler with Panda and we came across some.  I even taught him how to pronounce it, haha.  A little bit of personal history adds so much meaning.

“It is a symbol of heavenly understanding, and of the pioneer in thought and action on the philosophical, religious, spiritual, and material planes.”  Now though I am not striving for heavenly understanding, I certainly am working for more understanding all the time.  As for being a pioneer in thought and action, I’m all for that!  It could be a symbol and reminder of my goals to be a leader and inspiration.

So with all this talk about precious gemstones, I couldn’t help but look into engagement/wedding rings, since that’s what triggered this whole research endeavor.  That led me to this fun list of anniversary presents!  So cute and a totally fun, cheesy thing I’m into.

Cut off from the world

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
11 March 2009
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Even though it has only been three days at the office with no internet, it feels like much longer.  I don’t know if I should be more amazed that we are so dependent on technology or the fact that we could still function and get work done without.  I have been rather disconnected during the day and never feel like taking care of business when I get back for the night, so getting it back will certainly boost my productivity.  It will be nice to have the resources I need to get work done properly now.

Today both Marylin and I got to a point where we were just like, ok we’ve gotten our work done… now what?  There’s more we need to do, but we just can’t because it requires internet access!  This has been an interesting period, what with the move and all.  I really like how the new office has come together so nicely!  Amazing what getting some furniture can do for a place.  I feel so professional now.

Dealing with the challenges of a move and a new space in this case was merged with my overall adjustment, so I’m quite comfortable with it all.  I think everyone else is happy and excited about it too, though the old place was nice in its coziness and forced proximity.  Not that we’re suddenly all ignoring each other, but it’s easier to get absorbed in our own worlds of work now that we’ve got our own space to crowd up.  But I digress.

I am looking forward to having our "connection to the world" again, starting sometime tomorrow.  Otherwise I feel like I’m in this little microcosm that doesn’t interact much with the outside world.  I am very much about interactions and people (lots of people), so that will be nice.  The internet is at once a great resource and tool, but also a great distraction (if you let it be)!  A mixed blessing, I suppose, as was the lack of it for a few days.  Not having such easy access to things forces to reevaluate how you do things.

In this globalizing world, it’s hard not to stay so highly connected to everyone and everything.  I’ve been avoiding getting a phone with internet just so I won’t constantly be online and tied down to the digital world.  I’ve not doubt it will happen someday though.  This progression blurs the lines and boundaries start to disappear, or at least become rather fuzzy.  Personal life and work life can merge, home and office can become one, and countries that may take hours to get to are very accessible via the web.  I’m sure the Type As out there are pleased (and probably more stressed).  Now they can work all the time!

Alright, that’s all from me for now, it’s time to get some rest.

Broken identity (a follow-up)

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
10 March 2009
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Had a long day at work, so I’m pulling from a back-up stash of entries for when I just don’t have the time.

I mentioned before that I have a very complex self identity.  Part of that was all the moving around while growing up, but another part was that initial move.  Since I was only three and a half when I immigrated from China, I could be first or second generation American, depending on how you want to look at it.  That is probably why I always called myself the 1.5 generation (not knowing that it is actually a recognized term!).

I could be first generation if you feel that anyone who personally immigrated is the first generation, or the children of those immigrants are the first generation.  I could be second generation if you feel that the children of the immigrants are the second generation.  However, children of immigrants are typically assumed to be born in the US rather than brought over at a young age.  So, I don’t fit very neatly into any of the more traditional ways of viewing immigrant generations.  It’s all very confusing.

I always grew up thinking that first generation meant that you were the first to enter the country.  However, that would put my parents and I on an even field, which didn’t make sense.  Hence, the one and a half generation – because I was born abroad, but grew up here.  There are plenty of others who did the same and they may be equally confused as to what generation they are considered.

So I never knew if I was an immigrant because I had an alien card or if I was American because I became a naturalized citizen?  Well, as it turns out, these things never have easy answers and I just accept being a little of both.  Neither one really, yet both at the same time.  This is how I imagine it would be to be a biracial or multiracial person.  You are at once all of your parts, but none of them individually, and the sum of your parts does not equal an even whole, but more than that, with the interaction of the parts.

Rather than be confused or upset by this, I find it rather amusing and fun.  It certainly makes for a lively conversation if the topic comes up.  Self identity is such a complex issue; it can’t really be simple for anyone.  So, I like to think of its nuances from time to time, but I never really worry myself about it.  We’ve all got to find our way in life and this is only part of the discovery.  Then there’s figuring out what we to define our lives by, in terms of our hobbies, abilities, lifestyle, and occupation.

This issue is only the tip of the iceberg!  There’s a lot we can identify ourselves with, which changes over time too.  So you know what, I’m not about to have an identity crisis.  It’s cool.  Who am I?  Well, you’ll just have to see.

Change at the drop of a dime

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
09 March 2009
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It never ceases to amaze me how my life has taken some very unexpected turns in the past couple of months.  Somehow I went from my ten year plan to flying out to Singapore to work with one of my closest friends and "British" twin of sorts.  Now I’m in a foreign country in a region of the world that has always been a mystery to me and I’m trying to come to terms with how it at once reminds me very much of my Chinese roots and British immersion, yet still doesn’t resemble either of those countries.

Does that even make sense?  I feel like I’m connecting with Chinese culture through the references and occasional Mandarin spoken here.  Along with that, the British-sounding English accents I hear when I’m conversing in English is reminiscent of my time in York.  Yet, somehow the food is unique though it is similar to what I had in China.  The language is still different and unique to this country.  My mind is all a jumble.  Things are so different, yet so many little things remind me of this or that.

Well, to add to all that sensory excitement, Marylin and I had our first weekly meeting/debriefing with "the bosses" today and some more new exciting opportunities came up.  I’m very open to all the possibilities we have available to us, so I was definitely interested and excited, but I’m also a relatively cautious person, or I at least need to mull things over and really digest it.  I love to analyze things from every angle (so I can usually sympathize with people of all opinions) and it takes time to process things.

So what did we discuss?  A chance to take on a project set to take place in a year in China.  It’s a huge event that will be great experience, exposure, and networking for us.  It will also put our Mandarin skills into practice and teach us more about another Asian country.  Since it will be held in Beijing, I can also be near my parents (if only for a few days) and back in my home country.  So, in theory it sounds great, right?

Well, that was my first impression too.  But later on the analytical filter started to grind and it finally started to hit me – this would mean potentially staying in Singapore for a good year and a half, two years.  Yikes!  With that kind of prolonged stay, Marylin and I would have to look into finding our own place to live, since it would not be nice to impose on her parents for too long.  I’d also have to figure out how to extend my visa, look into getting a bank account, perhaps sign up for a contract phone, etc… you can see there’s a lot of things involved in a semi-permanent relocation.

But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  There are also so many things to consider first, before I even decide I want to go forth with this!  Marylin and I need to meet with a very important person first, to see if we are suitable for this job and how we get along with him.  I’d need to talk to Panda and my parents to see how they react to the idea.  It’s also rather early on and I don’t know how well I will assimilate into this culture.  The people are great and I’m being fed well, but it’s not stuff I’m used to and I don’t know if I will get homesick once things start to settle down more.

This first week has just been hectic with all the information overload I’ve been experiencing.  Today was the first time that I was sitting there, getting work done and really feeling like part of the team.  Up until now I’ve largely been observing and shadowing, which I will still do a lot of as I try to find my place within this group and carve my own spot.  So really what I’d like to do is work on this project until September, then go back to LA and work from there for a period of time.  After that, I can either return here to continue my work or head over to China to work from there until the event is over.  Of course, that is just ideal, so I’ll be flexible with what I’m willing to do.

One thing I do know is that I won’t deal with being away from Panda as well as Marylin has dealt with being away from her boyfriend.  Currently it’s also more of a strain because there is no internet connected in the new office just yet and with my long days, the only time I can catch Panda online is my afternoons.  I haven’t properly chatted with him since I’ve gotten here and though a week doesn’t sound that long, it has felt like a month.  I’m a bit needy when it comes to talking to him.  It’s too easy to miss him.

So, time and time again I have found myself at these crazy crossroads, with so many paths branching in so many directions I start to get confused.  It will take a little time to sort it all out (and by then the next confusing choice will be upon me, haha).  Such is life.

Close proximity

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
08 March 2009
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One thing I am really enjoying about living and working with Marylin is all the great conversations we’ve been having.  From work related musings to discussions about life’s various issues, there’s an endless array of topics for us to cover.  We have similar enough interests to have a lot to talk about, but we’re not clones, so we do have differing opinions to share.  Sometimes I am still amazed at how similar we are (yet how slightly different we can be too).  I honestly feel like she and I were twins separated at birth, naturally inclined to the same things, but taught and raised differently and thus diverging in certain opinions.  It makes me wonder if having a sibling near your age who you are close to feels like this, but somewhat opposite, with natural inclinations differing, but the common upbringing bridging the gap.  Whatever it is like, I appreciate the time we’ve had together and the discourse we’ve shared.

It’s refreshing to be around someone so much and really get to know about them.  We’ve both joked about how we are going to get sick of each other, which has yet to come, but I’m glad we acknowledge that we may drive each other crazy sometimes.  I’m getting a great feel for how she prefers to do things and how I prefer to do things and how we can compliment each other as a team.  This will be important for our future plans as partners!  That way we can play off our strengths and weaknesses to our maximum benefit.  We have agreed it’s important to keep the lines of communication open and really learn to work with each other, providing feedback as needed.  I definitely believe that honesty (tactfully expressed) will prevent a lot of conflict and keep things going smoothly.

Even though we may physically be around each other all the time, I still get a lot of time to interact with the others in the office and be in my own little world when I’m on the computer.  It’s nice to have this time to grow on my own, separate from her, but also have her right there in case I need to discuss something or bring something up.  It will definitely get more challenging as I get more work to do and we’re both working hard to get things done.  I’d like to branch off a little and work on projects that she is not on so we can expand our knowledge base.  The more areas we can gain experience in the better it will prepare us for striking out on our own in LA someday.  Plus, that way I get a sense of individuality beyond that of just being the American version of her.  😛

For now though, I will be her shadow professionally and socially, since I don’t know my way around the country, don’t really know any people, don’t fully understand the culture, and don’t even have a phone to use so I can’t wander off on my own!  It’s a running joke between us that I can’t hurt or offend her or else I won’t have a place to stay, haha.  But hey, I could just take her place…  😉  At the moment it’s taking so much energy to absorb everything that I haven’t exhibited much of my wacky self.  I wonder if I’m even still that crazy anymore, after Panda’s calming influence on me.  Well, at the least I’m still really quirky and odd, which can be entertaining in its own right, whether or not I’m as verbose and expressive as I used to be.

Singlish

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
07 March 2009
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Part of the acclimation here is getting used to the language patterns.  The good thing is that people in Singapore primarily speak English and some Chinese, both of which I am fluent in.  However, as it is with any country, it takes time to get used to the accent, language patterns, and slang.  This takes me back to my first night in my flat in England, gathered around the kitchen table with my neighbors, freaking out to myself because I could not understand a word of what they were saying.

Sometimes, when they are speaking very quickly or not facing me, I find it rather difficult to follow what they are saying.  Plus, throw in all the cultural references, inside jokes, and other communication barriers and you’ve got a huge jumble in your mind.  It’s taking me some time to sort things out, remembering all the background information for historical and cultural references, what certain phrases mean, and also catching up on what the lingo is like around here.

I grew up learning very standard English and Chinese, so it’s a challenge to understand the accents and local jargon that gets used.  Grammatically things are very different too, which poses a mild block in my mind that slows down my processing.  Plus, I’m used to being very compartmentalized with my languages, rarely switching between them, but now everyone is transitioning around a lot more than I’m used to.  The Chinglish I speak at home hardly uses English phrases and is about 90% Chinese, so I’m thinking and reacting in Chinese for the most part.

I’ve learned a lot since my arrival and I continue to try to keep up with all the background information that I need to try to pick up when trying to adjust to a new culture’s style of communication.  The cadence of speech is very different as well and it certainly has been interesting learning to get used to it.  It’s not that I haven’t heard this type of speech before, but more of the overwhelmed senses I have, struggling to figure out all of this very new information.

I’ve been exhausted lately, crashing to bed without a second thought and happily sleeping through the night.  Gone are my insomniac days, which is good, since I no longer lie in bed thinking about what to do.  However, I have already fallen asleep half a dozen times just writing this post.  So, for now, I’ll let my subconscious brain process all the information from this week.

Relocation

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: ,
06 March 2009
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After dinner today everyone made a mass effort to start moving things from the old office over to the new space.  Stuck wearing heels, exhausted from the day, and left without insurance, I wasn’t much use.  Plus, the boss kindly remembered my strained back and didn’t want me to exert myself too heavily.  So, I did a lot of hobbling back and forth carrying light items, as well as more of the thinking work, like figuring out where things would go and what we still needed to get for the place.

It’s amazing how much stuff there was in the little space we had been working from, which was only 220 square feet plus a loft area of about 80 sq ft.  Now the entryway to the new place is cluttered with various boxes and knickknacks that will need to be put away this weekend.  We’ve got a lot more space now, which will provide a different dynamic at work, since we’ll all have our own space to work at and there won’t be as much crowding around a table together.  There’s a separate meeting room area too, in case I ever need to get away from distractions and really focus on work.

I’m glad I came at this time, to catch a glimpse of how things used to work in the office and watch how it develops now.  It’ll be an adjustment to have everyone on the same floor so we can see each other.  Space was generally more communal with a huge table and benches that most of us shared, but now we’re going to have smaller tables and more consistent seating.  I kind of liked the old way, being crammed there with everyone living like a family.  Now it’s going to be a lot easier to operate more independently and I probably won’t even need anyone to pass me the snacks or help me get a cup of water so I don’t have to try to navigate around them.

This change is all at once exciting and bittersweet and I look forward to seeing how things develop from here.  This weekend will be spent settling in so we can do business as usual from the new place starting Monday morning.  I’m afraid I’m going to spend a lot of time being confused as to what goes where and how I can help, since I don’t really know how things are organized and I have nothing of my own to arrange and organize.  Perhaps I will bring my Joe Bruin bear to spruce up the desk space, if we end up with designated spots.  I can see us just setting up a bunch of tables in that area and people moving around still.  That’d actually be quite fun and nice – still reminiscent of how things operated before.

Time to put on my working clothes and get ready to get down and dirty all weekend!  It’ll be a fun time to work together with these people on something other than the projects.

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