Posts Tagged ‘beliefs’

Second fiddle

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , ,
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The type of work that I’m good at leans towards internal support – I usually do research for our business development.  It’s the stuff that fades to the background and gets lost among the crowd of client accounts we’re handling.  It’s what tends to be ignored or forgotten, and is hardly ever recognized.  Yet, it’s critical to any organization, as it is for ours, since we need to stay up-to-date with developments in the field and have articles to reference to create new programs.  I’m used to being in the background unseen, like stage crew in their black outfits to blend in with the darkness.  Unfortunately, when you aren’t seen, sometimes your effects are not felt or understood very well and this can create a sense of mystery about what work you do.  If people don’t know what you’re working on, they’ll often draw the conclusion that you’re not really doing anything – after all, where are the results?

It can get pretty overwhelming.  photo credit: awriterinthedesert.wordpress.com

It can get pretty overwhelming. photo credit: awriterinthedesert.wordpress.com

Well, in the field of research, a lot of time is spent searching and filtering through information with little result to show.  So though a lot of time and effort goes into producing just one little thing, all others see is that one thing you did produce.  Nobody knows how many different ways you had to look and all the reading you scoured to get to the end result; after all, it’s only what you find that is relevant that matters.  And to them, this looks like it could be easily accomplished, so your work tends to get discounted in the process.  There’s a lot of room for misunderstandings and certainly a lot will occur.  So, in an effort to curtail this, I’ve decided to take a more proactive approach.  Whereas before I would just report that I’m doing research as I always do, with nothing exciting to update, now I’ve chosen to mention more specifically what I’m doing.

In a way, it’s just to save my own butt – after all, all the stuff we’re doing for clients gets recorded, but the internal stuff doesn’t.  I don’t want people to look back and wonder what in the world was going on for business development efforts.  I want them to see all the areas we were exploring and see the contributions that I made.  This is something I’ve known intuitively for a long time.  After I started here, I kept a running list of things that I had worked on so I could look back and appreciate what I’ve done and what I learned from that.  This way I have solid proof and examples to use when I look back on my experience and I can at least vaguely measure how I grew professionally.  For this line of work, you either need to stand up for yourself or just allow yourself to be used as a stepping stone for the other work.  There won’t be anyone to look out for you and make sure that your efforts are recognized, save for the leader who notices and appreciates (like Starfish, who made a point to thank Skim and I for our work).

First chair recognizing the rest of the orchestra.  photo credit: merinospace.com

First chair recognizing the rest of the orchestra. photo credit: merinospace.com

I think it’s something important for any leader to look out for.  When you don’t neglect those who often are, it means a lot to them.  In any team, you will need people to be front runners and, in musical terms, first chair.  However, it’s equally important that you have a strong “second fiddle” and entire orchestra to truly play wonderful music.  Without those to harmonize, you’re left with a solo act that can have its own benefits, but will never compare to an entire symphony.  Only by taking care of all your people can the engine of the business run smoothly.  It’s a good lesson for my future intentions to start my own firm.  The problem is, I’m going to need to be more of a first chair to be able to start a company.  I could try to find a business partner to be my counterpart, but being second fiddle doesn’t mean I don’t want to be recognized.  It just means that with my skills, I’m better at producing a different type of sound to complement that of first chair.  I guess the question is: Do I have the willpower to take on both roles?

Habits die hard

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
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Habits are these persistent still suckers that get ingrained in your very subconscious, affecting how you behave often in ways that you can’t help.  Since you’re so used to doing things that way, it takes a lot of conscious effort to change how you do it.  Even a lot of effort may not always be effective, though with time they can slowly take effect.  I’ve been having trouble with this for awhile now, with a very silly behavior.  You see, I’m a fidgety person – I like to move around.  Well, one of my fidgets is clapping the palm of one hand on the loose fist of the other hand.  Can you imagine what that looks like?  Turns out it’s considered an insult in Singaporean culture.  -___-  Hence, I will not take a picture to show you what it’s like.  I’ll leave that to your imagination.

I think this is a pretty safe universal sign.  photo credit: wpclipart.com

I think this is a pretty safe universal sign. photo credit: wpclipart.com

It seems that I like to do it for the very reason it is considered rude – there’s a nice echo and a sort of popping noise you can make by slapping your hands together like that.  I also snap my fingers and crack my knuckles because of this desire to make small movements and create a little bit of sound.  It breaks both the monotony of staying still and being quiet at the same time (which usually make me feel antsy).  Unfortunately for me, I was caught doing this by a very shocked Starfish, who immediately gasped at my gesture and frantically asked me what I was doing.  It was also brought up once when I was out with Mizu and some friends.  Throughout the rest of that night, I found myself catching myself right after doing it, then hiding my hands or trying to keep them from moving around so much.  But time and time again, my hands would find their way from under my legs or untangle themselves from an interlocked clasp to do that action again!  It really is difficult to adjust behavior.

This reminds me of my first few weeks in Singapore, when Mizu was overcoming a tendency to overuse “actually” with the help of Starfish and Marylin.  Whenever we caught him using it when it wasn’t necessary, someone would be there to clear their throat and ask, “Actually?”  Whether he was speaking to us, on the phone, or presenting, Starfish and Marylin kept a close ear on what he was saying.  With that sort of persistent watch kept over him, Mizu quickly learned to stop using it and it’s been a long time since he’s used that sentence more than once in a sentence.  (Because, actually, when do you actually need to actually use it so many times in a sentence, actually?)  😛

photo credit: weightlosswiththefabulousfatties.wordpress.com

photo credit: weightlosswiththefabulousfatties.wordpress.com

The good thing about behavior is that you don’t need to spend too much time thinking about doing it because it’s rather automatic.  However, for that same reason, it can come kick you in the butt because you may automatically do something that you don’t want to or shouldn’t.  It’s a trade-off between having more brain resources that can be directed to other thoughts and doing things that you may regret and will have trouble not doing.  According to popular knowledge and based on research, it takes 21 days to break a habit.  I think I’m nearing that mark…  Ultimately, it really is important to develop good habits at a young age, so you don’t have to work so hard to try to adjust your behavior when you’re older.

Take right now, for example.  I’ve made a lot of typos because I’m training myself to type with my left thumb and keep my right thumb off the spacebar.  Since I’m not used to that sort of coordination, I make the strangest typos without even realizing at times, because my brain sent the right signal, but my fingers didn’t execute properly.  Similarly, everyone has certain typos that they tend to make frequently (and often this doesn’t get corrected because of autocorrect) because of how they learned to type.  I know I always stumble on certain words and almost never get them right on the first try.  I remember I noticed that Katana used to do that a lot with “the,” which always came out as “teh.”  Such things are natural when you start typing quickly, but it’s still interesting to compare what I mess up on versus someone else.  Old dogs are slow to learn new tricks, aren’t they?

Parenthood

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,
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Yesterday afternoon, unbeknownst to us, Typea became an uncle when his sister Chuckles gave birth to a little baby girl!  We found out much later that night and now I will just refer to him as Uncle, haha.  I’ve gotten a chance to chat with Chuckles a few times and she showed me some of the stuff they got for the baby, including a small bathtub, soft wrap thing, camera, and video camera.  I’ve always had this sort of fear and aversion of pregnant women, but somehow I felt nothing of the sort with her.  Perhaps it is because she held herself so well and dressed in ways that did not look awkward.  I saw a pregnant woman at the mall just recently and I definitely did not like her ‘belly half peeking out’ look.

A few months ago I also came across some pictures of an old high school classmate who had given birth to a boy and looked at some of her pictures.  Just yesterday I came across more shots and the boy has grown quite a bit!  It also struck me how strange it was to tell Panda that the baby was not even 24 hours old yet when I informed him.  That made me think of how quickly babies change in the first days, weeks, months, and years of their lives.  After a certain point, noticeable change occurs much less frequently and days become a little less meaningful and sometimes lost among the hubbub of activities.  So it’s quite cool to have the prospect of seeing a baby only days old soon.

photo credit: centralutahpublichealth.com

photo credit: centralutahpublichealth.com


It also makes me wonder about a lot of things that you normally wouldn’t think of (or at least that I’ve never really thought of), like what contractions feel like and how newborn feels and how the body looks immediately after birth – do you just deflate, in a way?  A few weeks ago we got a visit from a couple who brought their newborn and I remember the mother saying that the baby was too young to be fussy yet, since she was taking in so much of the environment.  Then last night Chatty was telling me how you’ve gotta understand that the baby went from a warm environment so safe and cushy to a completely new one, with light and sounds and probably air conditioning too.  I never really thought of the transition for the baby, from everything provided by the mother to fending for itself (in a sense).  But it totally makes sense that they cry and sleep a lot, since there’s so much to adapt to and so much to learn and process.

When it’s my turn, I don’t think I want to rely on books and advice from strangers.  As Chatty said, it’s from their own experience, but you must spend the time to get to know your own baby.  Why is she crying?  Is she cold?  Is she hungry?  What does she like?  These are all things that you learn with experience and I want to do it the old-fashioned way, without guidelines that I fall upon, but instead using some common sense and trial and error.  Maybe that sounds terrible to some (why ignore all the resources?), but other than practicing how to hold an infant and learning about some basic skills, I don’t plan on seeking tips from outside sources.

After all, I don’t want to raise a kid like everyone else, especially with the way I see the younger generation turning out.  I’ve got my own values and philosophy in terms of how to raise a kid and I’m sure much of it will be adjusted to fit with how we want our family to be.  So really, it’s a discovery journey for us to embark on and not a beaten path for us to follow.  I also don’t want to become dependent on a manual, flipping through each time the baby cries to figure out what might be wrong.  I just don’t want there to be a tradeoff in effort to learn on my part because there are piles of books available to do the dirty work for me.  Babies aren’t plug and play toys and shouldn’t be treated as such.

The strange human psyche

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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I am a strangely stubborn person.

Singapore National Day  <br>photo credit: Alec Ee, photo.net

Singapore National Day photo credit: Alec Ee, photo.net

This weekend, I called up my dad to talk about plans to travel, which my mom is not keen on.  He was open at first, telling me to cut back on the countries and he’d talk to her, but I was unsatisfied with the compromise.  For in cutting back on countries, I would also need to cut back on time and cutting back on time meant having to leave earlier, but leaving earlier meant missing National Day.  Now normally this would not be a big deal, after all, I’ve only ever heard of this celebration recently, but what is important to me is that the people I’ve been working with day in and day out wanted to share this experience with me.  When else would I get that opportunity?  I’m not even sure when the next time I can come back to this part of the world would be.

On the other side of things, I could just spend more time milling around Singapore, but in moving to the new place, we had agreed to a one-month period assuming I’d be gone for a month.  This would then add another week or two to that stay, which is far too much extra to ask for.  And in this situation, it’s not like they’d be able to chase me out, since they’d feel bad knowing that I have nowhere to go.  I guess it goes back to my age-old habit of trying to please everyone at the expense of myself (and, in turn, my parents).  So rather than miss out on the holiday and leaving early or asking for an extension to my living arrangement, my focus was on making both work out.

I wanted to be the ultimate tourist and find scenes like this!

I wanted to be the ultimate tourist and find scenes like this! photo credit: ishs.org

So though I knew that pushing for more would get me nowhere, I had defend my reasons.  Certainly other issues got in the way, mainly the different attitudes we have towards this period in my life.  My parents are waiting for me to get a stable job (which apparently means one with insurance) but I’m planning on spending these years exploring my options, interests, and capabilities.  At some point my stubbornness took over and it was no longer about what I wanted, but it became an issue of rebellion.  I stopped caring whether or not they’d help pay for some of my expenses and instead needed to express myself.  Perhaps I’m too adamant about getting an unconventional job (and preferably never a desk job again, or at least one that involves a lot of moving around), but for the coming months I’m not about to change my mind.

Now the most interesting thing to come of this was when my dad commented that with my psych background, I should know how to speak to him in such a way that would convince him of my desires so I could get what I want.  Well, I’m not out to use my knowledge to manipulate people.  Sure, I can work it to my advantage, but then I’d be treating others as fools, merely using them as pawns.  I’d much rather be the rebellious, stubborn daughter that I am than suppress that to get my way.  My dad said that I may have won the battle but not the war, but what he doesn’t get is that I’m not out to win.  I just want to make my position clear, which in the end puts me in a “losing” scenario, but I don’t feel the loss.  I’d rather scale down and pay my own way or go forth and find other ways to fund it than owe even more to my parents.  I’m only comfortable with owing them if they’re gladly willing to help, rather than reluctantly agreeing to.

photo credit: weber.edu

photo credit: weber.edu

No matter what happens, I know two things: 1. I will make the best of it and 2. I will never forget it (though I will not regret it either).  It’s a self-preservation mechanism that we all have: whatever happens, we will find a way to justify how that is better than the other options (otherwise we’ll sink into depression and perhaps end with suicide).  So, if I go to fewer places, I will justify that experience by focusing on the extra time I had at each place.  Even if somehow I end up not going anywhere at all, I’ll justify that by thinking of the money I saved or how it’ll be more fun to go with someone.  That’s just how the human psyche works.  Whenever something we don’t want happens, will find a way to make it seem not so bad or even good or else we’d drive ourselves crazy with regret.  As for not forgetting, I’ll always recall how much I wanted to travel in the fast-paced manner that I spent my time in Europe.  I may not yearn for it too much (after justifying why it didn’t happen and convincing myself why what ended up happening was better), but I will always remember how it could have been.  Sure I’ll get over it (in fact, I already have, since now I don’t have to spend as much effort planning and just thinking about the hectic pace makes me feel tired), but I will never forget these lavish dreams that I had.

Oh the nuances of the human mind.

An irony of life

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , ,
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photo credit: Daily Bruin

photo credit: Daily Bruin

I came across an article in the Daily Bruin earlier this week talking about a first-year student who is battling cancer.  He’s not only going through various procedures to fight against the disease, he’s excelling academically and professionally.  It’s just another reminder that sometimes the worse off someone seems to be, the better off they can be.  Often experiencing a traumatic or otherwise negative life-altering event can show people the light and make them appreciate what they had and what they have.  Of course, there are also those who struggle in the face of adversity and fall to the wayside.  When you get stuck in a deep pothole, it’s either two extremes – you choose to look out at the light and work towards it, or you choose to look down at the darkness surrounding you and give up hope.

So really, the pressure of extreme circumstances can bring out the best and the worst.  This also reminds me of how people who tend to excel at something tend to excel at pretty much everything they do.  It’s a way of life, a certain discipline that drives them to do well, no matter what they’re doing.  Similarly, people who go through a tragedy or near-death experience are then infused with the drive to pursue excellence.  After all, many take it as an all or nothing issue, especially if they’re dying (faster than normal, that is).  I always thought this was an interesting phenomenon and I’ve wondered how I would take a terrible blow in my life.  I would hope that I would be the type who would turn things around and even do better than I had been, with a newfound zest for the life I almost lost sight of.

It’s always encouraging to hear stories like this, where people stop worrying about what will happen to them and how or how long they’ll live it out, but start to focus on what they can do in the mean time to make the best of it.  Crazy isn’t it?  Sometimes it takes a brush with death to truly live, or at least live a more rich life than before.  I think to a certain extent it is a desire to show people that not only are they going to defy the odds, they’re going to beat them and thrive.  And thus out of tragedy is born excellence.  Like they say, a diamond is only created under high pressure.  What better pressure is there than a threat to your life as you know it?

Accents and self-deprecation

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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Nearly a month ago I came across a blog entry about speaking with accents (to me, there is no such thing as speaking without an accent – everyone’s got one).  Reading that led me to the blog post cited (written by Louis) and so many thoughts were triggered by these pieces.

Can't all speak like a news reporter!

Can't all speak like a news reporter! photo credit: lasplash.com

First, let me start by airing my main grievance: there is no such thing as NO accent!!!  Why don’t people get this?  Perhaps it is because Americans are so sheltered, so unworldly, so ignorant that they think they’re the center of the world.  Not having an accent does NOT mean having an American accent, yet you’ll find countless American writers acting as if that’s the case.  I’m sorry but since when did you get to act so haughty?  I’ll admit, I used to use the same terminology until I grew old enough to realize that it’s not that I don’t have an accent – it’s just that I have a thoroughly American accent.  So, to the people around me, sure I don’t have an accent – but what they mean by that is that I don’t have a different accent.

Secondly, and closely related to the first idea is that just because you have a “non-standard” accent (aka American/British/Australian accents found in mainstream media), you’re not as civilized or smart.  That is complete BS and everyone should know that.  Yet, I find the likes of commentators on Louis’s blog post acting as if this is the case!  In Singapore and Malaysia (and I’m sure many other countries as well), people will readjust and speak with more “proper” accents when they’re dealing with foreigners (namely white people).  Why?  Well, according to a commenter:

“Accent or no accent, i think its all about trying to prove and to impress. Humiliating as it is, we already have a bad impression on the foreigners and i guess speaking with a fake accent is somehow a try to change that impression…”

Excuse me?!  Are you SERIOUS?!!!  How much more could you put yourself down?  You’re the ones who have mastered multiple languages and can understand not only your local accents but American and British and whatever else ones out there.  Why can’t you think like that?  Why do you have to treat your own accent as if it’s not as good?  It’s just different!  This is after I had posted a comment saying that they’re able to do this because they’ve had exposure to foreign accents, so it’s a nice gesture for them to throw us a bone, so to say, and speak in a manner that is easier for us to understand.

You do, I do.  photo credit: eruptingmind.com

You do, I do. photo credit: eruptingmind.com

Honestly, switching accents should not be seen as some sort of a demoralizing act that makes the person changing accents feel like theirs is less worthy.  It’s completely natural for people to change their behavior to match the people they’re trying to communicate with.  There’s even a term for it: mirroring!  It happens on such a subconscious level sometimes that people may never notice.  Think about it – if someone is speaking to you and you two are building repertoire, you both want to be liked by each other.  How do you do that best?  Making each other comfortable through your body language, interactions, and conversation.  Well, the most basic of that boils down to speech patterns, movements, breathing, accent, attitude, diction, the list goes on…  Give it a try next time you’re talking to someone – lean forward, lean backward, slouch, stand up, cross your arms, start talking faster and watch what happens.  More than likely the person you’re conversing with will follow suit unknowingly.

So really, the change in accent should be more about clear and comfortable communication with the other party rather than consciously doing it to try to impress them.  It’s unfortunate that so many people seem to take it the wrong way and there’s a huge mentality change needed to accept this as a purely normal interaction between two people.  This type of interaction is no different from the expat who starts to use local slang, the immigrant who picks up certain parts of the accent he’s surrounded with, or (for a more extreme example) even the multilingual who uses a language that will allow her to be understood.  In the end it’s really just a simple case of making communication easier and more clear.  That whole “my accent is not good enough because it’s not what you hear on TV” idea?  It’s all in your head, or at least it doesn’t need to be true.  I wish people didn’t think it was true.

Spirituality and atheism

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , ,
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I came across this NPR program today on the science of spirituality (go read all parts!), which I found fascinating, as I generally do with anything dealing with spirituality (which I consider separate from religion, but often intertwined).  Let me get right into it, since there’s a lot I want to say!  (Note: I’ll try to be as non-offensive as possible, but this is coming from an agnostic leaning atheist point of view.  I’m quite the skeptic when it comes to religion.)

brain

To start with, I was tickled by the quote: “neurologists suspect some of the religious giants were epileptics” because I often thought, wouldn’t it be funny (in a bit of a sad way) if religion was borne of some random guy hallucinating?  Turns out that the visions that prophets had are quite likely caused by epileptic seizures or hallucinations.  So was there a burning bush?  Were they touched by a divine being?  Perhaps it was all in their head.  However, I’m not a big fan of this idea that “whether those encounters actually happened — or whether they were all in your head” are two separate possibilities.  After all, everything we feel is processed by our brains or else we don’t recognize it as a feeling we had, no?  As Michael Persinger put it, “all experience is generated by brain function.”  So yes, it was all in their heads.  But to them it was very real because it was in their heads.

Thus, to me there is no other being or “god” that is omniscient, but rather, God/the gods are within us because we thought them up.  They are products of our minds, our thoughts, our feelings.  And all those feelings we get of being touched by the divine?  It comes from our own imaginations, taking experiences and interpreting them in our own mental framework.  There’s certainly no harm in attributing it to an outside source if it makes you feel more peaceful, happy, and healthy because of it.  Belief can give people hope and I think the positive emotions from faith is actually what does “magical” healing for people, though they’ll choose to attribute it to their spirituality.  Do their beliefs actually create visible, measurable changes?  Certainly!  Any thoughts you have can do so.

“The more you focus on something — whether that’s math or auto racing or football or God — the more that becomes your reality, the more it becomes written into the neural connections of your brain.”

~ Dr. Andrew Newberg, neuroscientist at the University of Pennsylvania

photo credit: greenspine.ca

photo credit: greenspine.ca

You literally are rewiring your brain with every experience you have, including the very one right now of reading thing (and for me, writing it).  I don’t have anything against religion in its best form, but I don’t like when people use it as a scapegoat or security blanket and never take responsibility for their actions, good or bad.  Of course, I’m also not a fan of zealots who take things too far and harm others “in the name of God.”  That’s just stupid and irresponsible.

No matter what, I feel the debate will rage on because spirituality, like love and your thoughts, is something intangible.  And anything that is intangible cannot ever really be proven or disproven.  It just depends on if people choose to believe in them or not.  When it comes down to it, how do you know you’re in love?

“Everything starts from a thought, and then the thought creates a reaction.”

~Sheri Kaplan, HIV positive but “defiantly healthy” with no medication

Sure, your brain reacts a certain way and releases certain chemicals, but in the end it’s really how you interpret what you feel and experience.  And if you want to fall in love, that is how you will interpret the chemical changes you feel happening.  Otherwise, you may just blame your libido or the weather.  There are plenty of people who look back after a nasty breakup and claim they weren’t really in love or they’ll fall in love with someone new and say that they didn’t really know what love was until this person came along.  It is what you say it is (for you, at least).  The power of spirituality comes in the flexibility in how we choose to understand our thoughts and emotions, but none of that can be physically tracked.

“I think we’re wired for the supernatural,” says Scott McDermott, a Methodist pastor.

I think so too, because we need to be able to believe in things and have hope, or else life can really get us down.  We need to have the capacity to believe that there is more, there is better.  That’s also what drives us to pursue excellence – a hope for a better life, a better world.  What it comes down to, then, is that immeasurables are too subjective to be objectively measured.  And that’s the problem here – we’re trying to use science that is based in objectivity to measure spirituality, which is steeped with subjectivity.  A conundrum, certainly, and probably one that will last as long as time.*

Synergy ball.    photo credit: sculptors.com

Synergy ball. photo credit: sculptors.com

For me, spirituality comes down to believing there are forces in this world that we can’t explain.  For example, how do you explain consciousness?  Is that not but an inexplicable result of our web of neurons interacting?  I consider myself spiritual in that sense and in the pure sense of believing in a spirit within us.  To me, the sum of the parts is greater than the whole.  I believe in synergy.  Two people working together can create things that they could not have done had they worked alone and then put it together.  Likewise, those billions of neurons in our brains get together and create more than what just a random pile of neurons could.  That extra bit that produces all these thoughts we have is what we consider our spirit.  From my point of view though, that’s where it ends.  Without the brain, there cannot be a spirit, though with a brain there may not necessarily be a spirit either.  Nature’s not always fair like that.  So, though the idea of an afterlife and our spirit continuing after we die is a nice one, it’s not one I buy into.  However, our deaths aren’t meaningless and can infect other people’s spirits to make them feel like ours has continued on, by touching their hearts and minds and rejuvenating their own spirits.

Also, it seems that people are brought closer to spirituality when their senses shut down.  From meditation and other forms of intense focus that take away from the ability to process senses to near-death experiences that rob the brain of oxygen to psychedelic episodes from hallucinagenics, people feel the closest to their spirituality when our brains are not functioning fully in reality.

“The brain function of many of these people who have undergone a near-death experience is altered,” Woerlee says. “That’s correct. It is altered. Extreme oxygen starvation does change brain function — because it causes brain damage to the larger cells in the brain.”

It’s brain chemistry, he says, not a trip to heaven.

You take a step away and see things from an angle you never did before because your brain is in an altered state.  The same thing happens with age; as we grow older, our brain structure and chemistry changes, so we experience the world differently as time passes.  Maturity and wisdom are actually changes in our brains that are reflected in our behavior, but really, what are they?  They’re just more examples of intangibles that can never be fully and satisfactorily measured.

Another thing, spirituality is NOT religion!  Religion is a form of spirituality, but I do not believe that all forms of spirituality result in a form of religion.

When it comes to the brain, Newberg says, spiritual experience is spiritual experience.  “There is no Christian, there is no Jewish, there is no Muslim, it’s just all one,” Newberg says.

<i>photo credit: pro.corbis.com</i>

photo credit: pro.corbis.com

Everyone can experience a connection with the world, but in different ways, like the athlete who feels their body move in just the right way at the right time.  As a swimmer, you get that when you dive and make the most wonderful entrance into the water.  Everything just falls into place and it all feels right.  Same thing with skating – there comes a moment when you become an extention of the board and you are in control.  It’s a sort of zen, even.  The most common one talked about is probably runner’s high, when you get into the groove and the world seems to fall away.  Really spirituality is intense focus on what you’re doing.  So much so that you don’t have room for your other senses to send their feedback to you, so all you know is the here and now and what you’re doing.  I believe that’s the “oneness” people who meditate feel.

“When people lose their sense of self, feel a sense of oneness, a blurring of the boundary between self and other, we have found decreases in activity in [the pareital lobes, where sensory information is taken in].”

You get so entrenched in your own mind, your own thoughts, and not paying attention to anything your body might be telling you that you start to feel more in tune with the world, as you do in a perfect dive, a glorious ride, or a unparalleled running rhythm.  It’s not just a mental thing; physically the part of your brain that processes your senses shuts down, presumably to allow the frontal lobes (where concentration happens) to work harder.

*Do note that this is different from things like wind, where you can feel it but not see it, because inner feelings are something that not everyone can agree upon.  When there’s wind, the person next to me can confirm that they feel it too.  You may not see it, but you feel it in a tactile way.  Similarly, air is even harder to sense, but once again, everyone can agree that they sense something and we have chosen to call it air.  But when you’re feeling from an emotional point of view, it’s completely internal and nobody else around you has to be sharing in such a feeling.  We’re all experiencing the same world more or less, but in very different ways mostly because of our minds.  Since everyone experiences their own feelings in different ways at different times, how do you come to an agreement?  Simply put, you can’t.

Same-sex marriage

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New York has passed a bill allowing same-sex marriage and I hope that this will push California to do the same.  It was one of the most disappointing moments in my life when Prop 8 was passed and gay rights activists had to go back to the drawing board to strategize about how to change people’s minds.  I think a lot of the problem here is that people recognize marriage as both a social and religious institution, but not a political one, when in fact the legal implications are the most vital.  When it comes down to it, it’s unfair to strip certain people of rights because they don’t fit the religious concept of marriage.  If marriage was purely a religious implication, it wouldn’t be a problem because the law would not be involved and individuals would not be barred from legal benefits.  But the fact of the matter is that the main reason it is not being recognized legally is because of personal beliefs related to religion.

A symbolic gay marriage on the UCLA campus.  So beautiful.

A symbolic gay marriage on the UCLA campus. So beautiful.

If you look at marriage from a secular point of view, there’s nothing limiting what gender the two are.  I thought our law was supposed to be secular, no?  In that case, why is religious reasoning allowed into legal debate?  I just don’t get it.  Perhaps we need to separate marriage and legal unions.  Marriage can keep its religious references and celebrations that are only recognized by the church, the temple, the mosque, what have you.  Legal unions should be fair to everyone, recognized by the law with all the tax discounts, inheritance rights, and government, employment, medical, death, family, housing, and other legal rights.  (See how much gay couples are missing out on?)  How terrible is it to not allow a life partner to visit their loved one because they are not legally recognized as next-of-kin?  How can you stand by and not let a couple adopt a needy child just because they are not seen as “married”?  Or how would you like it if your loved one was touted away by immigration officials because your marriage is seen as null?  Honestly, have some heart here.

Same-sex marriages do nothing to harm you personally.  Maybe you don’t agree with the idea that two people of the same gender should be together, but is that really your decision to make?  I really don’t like it when people go around thinking they can impose their way of life on others.  All these people are doing is trying to live as mainstream a life as possible and not be shunned or even persecuted for their preferences and choices.  I thought religion was supposed to make you a better person.  Is that not why you put your faith into some being that can’t be proved?  In the hopes that you will be enlightened and achieve more?  Whatever happened to the ideals of tolerance and acceptance?  It’s like what if one day you’re told that you’re not allowed more than two children because that is considered acceptable in the context of what a “marriage” is?  When you have more children, you aren’t harming others, but some people may disagree with a large number of children since that means less time and fewer resources dedicated to each one.  So what if one day you wake up and people have decided that it’s irresponsible to have a large family?  That if you had a third child you would lose all legal rights as a couple?

Are people just that stubborn in their old, outdated ways?  If you can accept sex before marriage, divorce, and other deviations from the image of what a “real” marriage is like, then why not this?  Times are changing and they are changing drastically and fast.  The way I see it, same-sex marriage is inevitable.  We’re headed that way just like decades ago forward-thinking people knew we were headed towards desegregation and gender equality.  If you look at the issue closely, you’ll realize that those long-held opinions are antiquated.  It’s time for change and change is inevitable.  Putting it off is only going to exacerbate the problem and leave a community torn and bitter.  A few years down the line are we going to need affirmative action for LGBTs?  Are we going to have to go back to the cycle that tries to right a wrong and then just creates more chaos and debate?  Has a lesson not been taught and learned by what happened due to racism, ethnic divisions, and gender inequality?

How about preventing the issue of feeling like you need to make something up to this group by not doing anything you’ll need to make up to them later!  (In other words, before you get so entrenched in denying people based on sexuality, much like people were shunned based on race or discriminated against due to gender, why don’t you take a walk through the history books to see the mess that caused.)  Why not some prevention before this escalates?  It’s about more than that, but at a very basic level this is just setting things up for a repeat of historical patterns.  Will we never learn?  Nothing irks me more than racism, sexism, and… sexualitism?  Don’t discriminate on the basis of sexuality.  Everyone deserves their own happiness.

So please, people.  Open your eyes.  Open your mind.  Open your hearts.

Good news for night owls!

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , ,
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“Early to bed, early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.”  Right?  Wrong!  I came across a blog post about how this old adage may just be a myth (and another one confirming his point).  Granted, I don’t know the validity of these claims, but they make sense and it sure does give me hope, being the night owl that I am.

It turns out that people’s biological clocks are genetically influenced to be different chronotypes, which means people have different preferences for when they are most active during the day.  For some, it’s early in the day (lucky them – it fits in well with societal boundaries) and for others, it’s late in the day (which does not bode well for those of us going to school or working).  Although getting up early may seem to make us better off (more daylight hours spent getting stuff done), it doesn’t work as well for those whose bodies naturally feel more energized in the evening and nighttime.

If it’s as hard for you to get up in the morning as it is for me, you know what the drawbacks are: feeling tired throughout the day, not working as productively, losing out on sleep, maybe even crashing during the day…  Sometimes you can’t fall asleep earlier at night, so you’re screwed when it comes to trying to drag yourself out of bed the next morning, with drowsiness haunting you throughout the day.  Not getting enough sleep means your body didn’t a chance to fully recover for the busy day ahead of you.  The quality of sleep can also suffer because you’re sleeping at times that are unnatural to your body.

This is not to say that getting up early is harmful (though it could be for certain people).  In fact, a study cited in the first article link found no correlation between sleeping habits and income, education level, or mortality rate!  The point is to listen to what your body is telling you.  You should sleep when you’re sleepy and wake up when you’re refreshed (although the range should be 8-10 hours – if you’re nearing 12 then you’ll end up feeling more exhausted).  Some people love to get up as soon as the sun is rising and others can’t stand to sleep until dawn is creeping up on them.  Typically, people have no choice but to get up early – for school, for work, and other obligations.  However, if you’re working from home, have flexible hours, are unemployed, or on extended vacation, it wouldn’t hurt to follow your circadian rhythmn.

Now I don’t have to feel guilty about my sleeping habits!

Friday the 13th

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Well, well, well, if it isn’t Friday the 13th again.  I usually don’t realize that it’s coming until the day before, or usually the day of.  I never did understand why people seemed to be so afraid of the day, or even of the number 13.  They even have a term for fear of this day: paraskavedekatriaphobia.  Try saying that fast!  Perhaps I don’t get it because I’m not a superstitious person – I’d gladly stay on the 13th floor of a hotel or work on the 13th level of an office building.  I love it when black cats (or any cats, really) cross my path and I don’t mind if a mirror cracks.  I’ll even air out my umbrellas inside – *gasp*!

It’s interesting to me how pervasive some of these superstitions can get – there are countless cases of numbering where the 13th floor, room, or even stable is skipped over entirely.  It’s borderline paranoia.  Come on, it’s not like there isn’t a thirteenth; you just haven’t named it such (this then begs the metaphysical debate about what numbers are and if they even exist – but I digress).  Apparently, all you need to avoid this “unlucky” number is to not see it.  A similar superstition surrounds the number 4 in Asian culture, which stems from the similarity in sound that it has with “death.”  The aversion for four is so great that you can even get cheaper cell phone numbers and license plates if there is a 4 contained in it.

Now I’m not one for superstition, but I do enjoy little charms and trinkets that purportedly bring about good fortune!  I see no need to buy into the fearful beliefs that the negative superstitions promote.  It’s all too easily a self-fulfilling prophecy: you’re so afraid of something bad happening because of that black cat crossing your path that you get distracted while obsessing over it and get into an accident!  Though I may not believe in these mythical beliefs, seeing a four-leaf clover or finding a penny heads up on the ground still brings a smile to my face and optimism to my heart.  Is that so bad?

Today is three of the Friday the 13ths we are going to have in 2009 (and that’s the most you can ever have in a year).  Ironically, the 13th of a month has a slightly higher of occurrence as a Friday than any other day of the week!  Check out the Wikipedia article on it (look at the last chart on the occurrence section).  So if you’re the superstitious type, hold on to your hats, it’s going to be quite a year.

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