Had a long day at work, so I’m pulling from a back-up stash of entries for when I just don’t have the time.
I mentioned before that I have a very complex self identity. Part of that was all the moving around while growing up, but another part was that initial move. Since I was only three and a half when I immigrated from China, I could be first or second generation American, depending on how you want to look at it. That is probably why I always called myself the 1.5 generation (not knowing that it is actually a recognized term!).
I could be first generation if you feel that anyone who personally immigrated is the first generation, or the children of those immigrants are the first generation. I could be second generation if you feel that the children of the immigrants are the second generation. However, children of immigrants are typically assumed to be born in the US rather than brought over at a young age. So, I don’t fit very neatly into any of the more traditional ways of viewing immigrant generations. It’s all very confusing.
I always grew up thinking that first generation meant that you were the first to enter the country. However, that would put my parents and I on an even field, which didn’t make sense. Hence, the one and a half generation – because I was born abroad, but grew up here. There are plenty of others who did the same and they may be equally confused as to what generation they are considered.
So I never knew if I was an immigrant because I had an alien card or if I was American because I became a naturalized citizen? Well, as it turns out, these things never have easy answers and I just accept being a little of both. Neither one really, yet both at the same time. This is how I imagine it would be to be a biracial or multiracial person. You are at once all of your parts, but none of them individually, and the sum of your parts does not equal an even whole, but more than that, with the interaction of the parts.
Rather than be confused or upset by this, I find it rather amusing and fun. It certainly makes for a lively conversation if the topic comes up. Self identity is such a complex issue; it can’t really be simple for anyone. So, I like to think of its nuances from time to time, but I never really worry myself about it. We’ve all got to find our way in life and this is only part of the discovery. Then there’s figuring out what we to define our lives by, in terms of our hobbies, abilities, lifestyle, and occupation.
This issue is only the tip of the iceberg! There’s a lot we can identify ourselves with, which changes over time too. So you know what, I’m not about to have an identity crisis. It’s cool. Who am I? Well, you’ll just have to see.
