Posts Tagged ‘observation’

Large families

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,
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photo credit: babybowsonline.com

photo credit: babybowsonline.com

You know, in thinking of family size, most people think of the social or psychological impacts, but rarely do they consider the environmental impact.  When you do, a whole new world opens up, with red flags popping up everywhere.  By default, more people means more consumption, more waste, and more pollution.  A big family has a huge carbon footprint, not only because they eat a lot, but even just the amount of air they breathe and carbon dioxide they exhale!

This is an interesting perspective brought on by Alan Weisman as he commented on the Duggar family and the wisdom (or lack of) in having so many children.  As he points out, we’ve only got one planet and a limited atmosphere.  Our resources are not getting bigger, but the population is and families of this size are just exacerbating the problem.

A number of factors have caused much of the population to delay or even give up childbirth, but I’m quite sure most people don’t do it because it can be bad for the environment.  I think this should be considered though, and would be good reasoning for limiting the number of children you choose to have.  After all, the more children you bring into the world, the more you are indirectly contributing to all the climate problems.  Especially if your family is big on meat consumption and gas-guzzling activities.  Funny how environmental health is harmed with greater Darwinian “fitness.”

photo credit: bioinfo.mpg.de

photo credit: bioinfo.mpg.de

I wonder if our genes will ever mutate to a point that will make us want to propagate, but not too much, since we could potentially run our own life source into the ground.  After all, they just want to survive generation after generation, but with no other way to continue on, what will they do?  It seems more likely that species that can continue living even if humans cannot will just go on and those genes will become the new super genes that have managed to survive all catastrophes.

I guess it’s unfortunate that evolution has pretty much come to a stop for us, what with all kinds of unnatural ways to keep people alive and help them reproduce when they otherwise would have been “weeded out” by the system.  Not that it’s bad that we can keep more people alive against previous odds, but it could mean doom for us as a species, or even a planet, if we don’t change our ways and continue to be so wasteful.  As every gene selfishly does whatever to get us to reproduce, it is blissfully unaware of how it could be destroying the very vessels that they use to survive down the line.

I guess it begs the question: should having big families be considered irresponsible to the environment?  Technically it is… though I suppose creationists would argue that every child is a gift of God, etc.  I’m sure you’ve all heard that line before.  Is this a case of creationism and evolution teaming up to produce a dangerous outcome?  Both doctrines basically say that the more children you have, the better.  Environmentalists may be wary of the legitimacy of that claim though.  I think, as with all things, it’s good to take it in moderation.  It may not be a perfect bell curve, but it sure resembles more of that than a straight line going up to infinity.  Certainly there’s a range that is “optimal” (if there’s even such a thing) and 18 is way over.  At the same time, if everyone had NO children, we’d die out in a single generation.  How thin is the line we walk?

Brain farts

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,
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Well gosh, if all brain farts are so pretty, maybe I wouldn't mind so much.  photo credit: jbartand.blogspot.com

Well gosh, if all brain farts are so pretty, maybe I wouldn't mind so much. photo credit: jbartand.blogspot.com

I’m sure we’ve all had them.  One moment you’re in the kitchen looking for something and then you stop suddenly.  What were you looking for?  It has escaped you and you stand there, bewildered and confused, trying to remember why you went there in the first place.  Or perhaps you sit down at your computer and all of a sudden forget how to type.  You start moving your fingers over the keyboard only to find a jumble of nonsensical letters coming out in streams.  Then there are the times when your mouth tries to move too fast for its own good, causing you to slur your words together and start babbling.

What went wrong?

It's not easy to get to Grand Master with 5 stars!  Now I've got to fight to make up for my brain fart.

It's not easy to get to Grand Master with 5 stars! Now I've got to fight to make up for my brain fart.

I guess part of human imperfection is these mistakes that we make, where a short-circuit in our neural synapses makes us lose our train of thought or forget an age-old habit.  Seems like some of our “mail” gets lost during delivery, or re-routed to the wrong address occasionally.  Such was an experience I had when I took a break from being glued to my computer too long, then returned only to find I’d forgotten how to use the controls associated with playing Tetris online.  I’ve been working on two-player levels, competing against other Tetris kings and queens around the world, so it certainly was not a good time to slow down my pace to try to regain the motor skill speed that I had managed to achieve.  It cost me a few losses, but after a few games I started to pick up on it again.  It was the most awkward sensation though, and reminded me of when you get all tongue-tied and sometimes your tongue just feels too big for your mouth.  You trip all over it attempting to pronounce some simple words and have to stop yourself, take a pause, and restart again.

Another time when your brain seems to shut down momentarily is when you into autopilot mode.  You’re doing something so familiar that you let your guard down, stop focusing, and suddenly you realize that’s not what you meant to do.  This can be quite common when navigating familiar streets around your home, where you park yourself in the lot of the local grocery store and start to get out only to realize that you meant to go to the bank instead.  Or maybe you’re typing and as your train of thought wanders, your typing starts to include terms similar to but not quite the ones you meant to.  It could have been a word spelled nearly the same, one that is typed out with similar fingers, or even one that you heard in a conversation near you that you picked up on.  Oh the silly mistakes we make when our brains get overloaded with information and stop processing at capacity.

It’s a humbling reminder that the world is full of its quirks that will never be completely fixed.  And neither should they be.  Many a happy accident has occurred and surely many more will continue to!  It’s not always a bad thing to be less than “perfect.”

Seeing red

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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photo credit: collegepublisher.com

photo credit: collegepublisher.com

Rage and desperation can be startling motivators.  It’s a theme that seems to come up occasionally, especially when it comes to military personnel in combat.  I guess when people stop caring about consequences, they can accomplish amazing things.  It can be good or bad, depending on if they get a personal vendetta against enemy forces or people who made the mistake of crossing their path.  I wonder how many times soldiers have gone off on a killing rage, earning them a Purple Heart or Medal of Honor.  I think they’re most vulnerable to this happening if they lost a loved one who was very close to them, like family members or lifelong friends.  The trauma of losing someone so near and dear to their hearts can make them snap and get tunnel vision, focusing purely on one mission: revenge.  Slashing out at enemy soldiers during combat can be admirable; slashing out at individuals or groups who have offended you can be tragic.  It’s a fine line sometimes between what is considered heroic and what is considered criminal.

photo credit: bbc.co.uk

photo credit: bbc.co.uk

Of course, this idea also works in other areas of life.  People have been known to accomplish great things because of their sheer anger towards something.  One such case is someone I know, who people say work so hard out of bitterness and resentment.  Whether she’s trying hard to prove something or just using work as a way to escape that which bothers her is unclear, but the dedication is hard to miss.  Those who feel they need to do something to prove they’re better or that they can accomplish something they were told they couldn’t are especially driven to show that they can.  Anger can make you run faster, climb higher, jump further.  So it seems that it’s not so much having negative feelings and motivations that are a bad thing, but rather what you choose to do with them.  Choose to punch a bag rather than a person; choose to prove them wrong rather than give up; choose to do the better thing.

Symmetrical beauty

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,
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photo credit: ihasahotdog.com

photo credit: ihasahotdog.com

In nature, as in most things humans create, symmetry is often regarded as a form of perfection and beauty.  Symmetry is supposed to signal genetic “fitness” in evolutionary terms.  It symbolizes harmony in more abstract terms and is considered aesthetically pleasing.  Even in the sciences and more technical fields, it allows patterns to form more easily and is respected for its precision.  Most creatures and plants we know have a least one axis upon which is forms (more or less) a symmetrical image around.  We often look for it in the furniture we buy and the mates we choose.  There’s some sort of allure about it and any asymmetry is “tastefully” done so that things don’t appear “out of balance.”  Surely you’ve noticed this?

Symmetry comes in many, many forms and has affected all things from art to religion to science.  For me, it is most apparent in the peculiarities that come of being very conscious of symmetry in terms of balance.  I try to eat equally with both sides of my mouth.  I try to use both arms equally (constantly switching the hand with which I brush my teeth and hair, for example).  I try to not always sleep on the same side.  In all this effort, I have found I concentrate a lot on my semi-ambidextrousness: eat with a fork and spoon with my left hand; eat with chopsticks with my right hand.  Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out so nicely and it’s unavoidable to drive with my right foot most of the time (I’m still working on the precision of applying pressure with my left foot), or —

Holy cow, I’ve just realized that I nearly thought my default thumb for pressing the space bar was my left one because I’ve been using that, but it’s because I trained myself to do so a few months ago!  Wow, it really worked and now I am far faster and more accurate typing without using my right thumb.  Now I’ll just have to switch back and forth between the two so I don’t lose dexterity in my right thumb now.  Ok, sorry for that digression.

So, as I was saying, not everything works out as well as I’d like, but for the most part I am constantly changing how I do things.  Some are just dangerous though – cutting with my right hand is still shaky business, shifting gears with my left hand could pose a huge hazard on the road, and riding goofy on my longboard could potentially give me more battle wounds and scars.

I'm not imagining it!  :(

I'm not imagining it! 🙁

What I really wanted to address is the unevenness I suddenly noticed a few days back, when I took pictures of my belly (inspired by Katana, who did it to track her fitness).  I have not been this thin/light in many years, so I wanted to document how it looked so later on I can see the difference (and perhaps be inspired by it to not gain too much weight).  After all, I couldn’t see the difference in the weight I lost in the past 5 months.  The only way I could kind of tell a difference was that my pants fit looser and my belly got flatter.  Otherwise, I still have hefty thighs and a fair amount of belly fat.  When I looked at the first picture I took, I was shocked and thought I must not have stood straight, so I took another.  This time, it became apparent that it was not my posture – my waist really is uneven!  One side is a pretty straight line from ribcage to hips, but the other has that kind of “cinched” waist look that is supposed to be feminine.

I’ve always had a slightly uneven backside, with the muscles along my spine on the left side being bigger than the muscles along the right side.  Now it seems I have another problem with my right side being weaker and less muscular than my left!  How tragic.  So now I’m concentrating on trying to put more strain on that side and working it out more in my day-to-day movements to slowly even it out again.  My asymmetrical hair may be an accepted look, but an asymmetrical body… not so much.

Now what am I going to do about the one-sidedness of riding my longboard?

Silly allotment theories

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , ,
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photo credit: lonvig.dk

photo credit: lonvig.dk

I’ve heard here and there this idea that “cute” babies lose their looks early and “ugly” babies grow up to be beautiful people (of course all such judgments are completely up to personal preferences, so what are their definitions, really?).  I always thought it was a funny idea and it makes me wonder if there’s a certain amount of attractiveness that each person gets and using it up too early in life exhausts its supply.  😛  I guess that explains the whole ugly duckling thing and those who blossom really do!  So, for this reason, I wouldn’t mind having “ugly” babies.  Then they can use up their attractiveness during the years when their self-confidence will probably benefit from it the most.

Similarly, I wonder if the same principle works for physical ailments and sicknesses.  I have never had a big injury in my life, but I am constantly bruised, scarring, or otherwise recovering some small injury I inflicted upon myself.  Do all the little things add up to cancel out a more major problem?  Wouldn’t that be an interesting way for the world to work… each year you get so much injury potential, which can come once in a big accident, or in many small incidences.  So for people like me, there are always little things going wrong, but never a huge tragedy, whereas for others, they generally have a smooth ride, then suddenly get thrown off course by a huge event.

Yeah, I come up with some random theories on the patterns of life.

Oceanic wonders

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
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Right before I left Hong Kong, I went on a tour that took us searching for pink dolphins somewhere north of Lantau Island.  Nobody is really sure why they’re pink, but they are undoubtedly so.  When I first heard of them, I thought they’d be a mild pink or something like that, where the scientists who study them exclaim, “Look at how pink they are!” and the rest of us stare and wonder what in the world they’re talking about.  Then, with just the right combination of sunlight and squinting, our eyes would play the right trick on us as the water made odd reflections and then – there!  We’d see it.

DSC06832That’s what I thought, anyway.  Then I saw pictures and it was undeniable; these things are PINK.  Like little girl playing hopscotch and blowing Bubble Yum gum pink.  Like pink rose pink.  Like how flamingos are neon pink, they are baby pink.  Nothing like the “pink” tint of human skin or other such wannabes.  So, I was really excited to go out to see some of these creatures for myself.  I almost couldn’t get on a tour, but we managed to book me for a tour before I was due to leave (though I had to delay my intended departure time by a few hours).

photo credit: hkdolphinwatch.com

photo credit: hkdolphinwatch.com

On the bus ride to the boat, one of our tour guides explained the sad state of affairs the dolphins and their natural habitat were in.  They’re hoping to spread the word and make pink dolphins a national treasure, so the dwindling number of 150 or so can continue on strong.  The future is not looking great for them, so they’re trying to raise awareness of the issue to be able to garner enough support to protect them.  After all, where else do you get pink dolphins?  As to why they’re pink, the main theory is that they live in murky waters and need less protection from UV rays.  Babies are still born grey, then they go through a “spotty” period where they start to shed that for the pink until they finally become fully pink and indoctrinated into adulthood.

As we were told about the shoddy tagging and tracking efforts and about the whale that came to the Hong Kong Harbor awhile back, I thought that maybe I should have been a marine biologist.  I would love to explore the things in the ocean and tag these pink wonders to track their population.  I love being out on the ocean or near any body of water and I wouldn’t mind living on an island or in the mountains.  However, I think that profession comes with the same type of down side that deterred me away from becoming a veterinarian – animal die frequently and in this case, much of it is because of human activity.  So just as I couldn’t bear the thought of putting down someone’s pet, I don’t know if I’d be able to not get depressed at the conditions that some animals are living in now, or what their future holds.  Oh well, I’ll just love them from afar and help out through volunteering and donations.

photo credit: sightseeingworld.com

photo credit: sightseeingworld.com

The passion with which the tour guide spoke of the dolphins made me want to be a tour guide too.  I would love to spend my days introducing travelers to that which I care about, whether it’s points of interest in a city, a unique experience, or a special animal.  It’s also why I’d like to run a hostel – to welcome all the strangers who have come to my city to see what there is to offer.  I think it’d be amazing to share what I love best with the myriad of tourists.  I’d hope I’d be able to inspire them to enjoy it as much as I do too.  I wonder if that type of job pays well.  😛

We arrived at the boat and were told that we could spot the dolphins’ fins bobbing in and out when they came up to breathe and that was how we’d find them.  With a quick warning that some rubbish may look like it at first, so look for clear movement, we were off to search for them.  For about three hours we were on the boat, enjoying the breeze and sun as they came and went, our eyes scanning the horizon, trying to pick out a fin emerging.  All I saw was an expanse of white speckles that would come and go as mini waves would break in the choppy waters.  I was so desperate to see one that I even thought I saw glimpses of pink that turned out to be a red warning flag, a shadow in the water, and other random things.  My mind was happily playing tricks on me at every opportunity.

DSC06638When we were first heading out, we were right around the area where the planes were coming in for landing at the airport.  Distracted, I took pictures and videos of them as they roared overhead and came down for a smooth landing.  By the time one plane landed, another was appearing from the clouds, making its descent.  One by one the planes took turns coming in, like clockwork, as others left going in the other direction.  I marveled at how many people and how much cargo I had just seen arriving in Hong Kong.  It was the first time I’d ever spent some time watching the operations of an airport and it was pretty cool.

DSC06656At one point when we were further out, I was sitting in front, staring down at the water when a little fish jumped out and quickly got overrun by the boat.  I continued staring down and soon more came, jumping just ahead of the boat, then falling off to the sides to avoid being hit.  Excited, I started to film and snap away, trying to get a good shot of these little flying fish.  Maybe it was just my imagination, but they looked a lot like mini dolphins.  I spent a long time observing them and noticed that when they are in groups, they all jump at more or less the same time in some sort of coordinated effort.  They also really seemed to like jumping in front of the boat in the rushing water, but once they went off to the side, they seemed to resume swimming more.  I guess they’re looking for the adrenaline rush!

DSC06697

Turns out I did manage one shot!

By and by the boat turned around and did what I dreaded most: headed back to shore.  I sat there thinking to myself, “We better see them now and they better get freakin’ close!”  Dismayed, I tried to enjoy the ride itself and the lull of relaxing on a boat.  Suddenly I heard, “12 o’clock!  12 o’clock!!!”  One of the tour guides had spotted something!  Everyone rushed to the front and looked straight ahead at 12 o’clock and… there!  A single pink dolphin emerged and went back down.  This one came quite close to the boat, but unfortunately I missed a picture of her.  Soon after, another was spotted at 9 o’clock and with her was an adolescent.  I spent the most time with these two, getting some decent footage and cooing happily the whole time.  More single ones were seen at 3 o’clock and back around 12 o’clock, but they were further away and disappeared much more quickly.

DSC06718I so wanted to hop in the water, toxins and all, and go join them.  I wondered if they’d come closer to explore if I had some body parts dangling in the water.  Still, it was so rewarding to finally find them, after so many hours of searching.  I had even begun to entertain the idea of how I could go on another trip (they offer a free retry if you don’t see any on your trip) – perhaps I could get an IOU that wouldn’t expire, so I could use it years down the line, or whenever I return.  Thankfully, I didn’t have to worry about that in the end and we ended the trip on a happy note.

The “foreign stamp”

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , ,
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How do people decide what language to start speaking to me in?  I’m really curious because I get English about 80% of the time, Cantonese 15% of the time, and Mandarin 5% of the time.  The only Mandarin I hear is from mainlanders who don’t know Cantonese and about 95% of the Cantonese I hear comes from average locals.  However, nearly all of the service people I’ve run into have spoken to me in English before I ever open my mouth.  This goes for ticketers, waiters and waitresses, and even the people selling their goods at the market.  Basically anyone with extensive experience dealing with tourists can easily tell I have a Western background, pretty much immediately.

So the question is, how?  I still can’t figure it out.  Is it the way I dress?  The way I walk?  The way I… you know, I really can’t think of any other reasons.  Whatever it is, I must have it blazing across my forehead, screaming something like: “I’m not really Asian!”  The accuracy with which these people do it is pretty amazing at times.  At first I thought that maybe it was just their general approach to strangers, but I was standing in line and the two girls in front of me each got a “xie xie” (thank you in Mandarin) whereas I got a “thank you” upon passing.  Is it because my hair is not permed?  (Those girls both had wavy-ish hair that is a light brown, much like so many others.)  Then I thought maybe it was because I had my map out sometimes, but there are plenty of visitors from both Chinese and English-speaking areas, so that shouldn’t distinguish me.

I remember the same phenomenon happened when I went back to China as a kid.  I was told that the way I held myself was different.  I wonder if the same holds in Hong Kong, so many years later.  Do I still walk with too much confidence?  Is my skin still too tan?  (I’m the palest I’ve been in the past decade!)  What am I doing to exude this Western air?!  It’s still a mystery to me, and maybe it always will be.

Airports reimagined

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , ,
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Bangkok Airport: it's like a robot caterpillar.

Bangkok Airport: it's like a robot caterpillar.


It first occurred to me as the bus was pulling away from the airport in Bangkok that it made no sense why the departure gates are so nice and up top whereas the arrival gates are given basement levels and dungeon treatment.  I was staring at its unique architecture and thinking of how high the ceilings in the departure area are, getting the bulk of the natural lighting.  Then I thought about the grungy ground floor that  I had just left, where everything was darker and grimier.  It had never hit me before, but suddenly I wondered: is this the first impression that a country or city wants to give to visitors?  Sure, I walked through some nice areas to get out of the airport, but in making departing so scenic an experience, are you trying to encourage people to leave?  Besides, the people in departure have seen your city already; they hardly need to see highlights of it.  Rather, it’s the people arriving who should get a glimpse of everything you have to offer.

So here’s how I envision it: people fly in from around the world to your airport, where they see some of the finest architecture you are capable of, preferably with some local flair or at least a memorable look and feel.  They disembark and take an escalator up to the top floor, where sunlight flows in during the day and stars twinkle overhead at night.  Along their walk they pass art that exemplifies what your city, your country is all about and get to see some mini models of cool buildings they’ll find, as well as some static scenes of what local life is or was like.  Already they can smell the food your town has to offer and envision the bustle or peacefulness of your streets.  Meanwhile, as they look around outside the terminal, they are offered beautiful views of the surrounding area, whether it’s the ocean water or city lights shining in the distance.

thai temple in bangkok

Wouldn’t you like to see a model of this temple greeting you instead of… nothing?


The anticipation builds as they approach immigration, where TVs depict highlights of what they can find after they set foot outside.  As they wait in line, colorful images catch their attention and useful subtitling leave them scribbling notes on what amazing things they want to check out there.  By the time they reach the immigration official, they are so engrossed in the videos that they hardly want to leave.  Officials are dressed in native attire and all wear a smile on their face as they greet you.  Though they take their roles seriously and carefully check your documents, they do so with a pleasant demeanor and welcome you to their city the moment you pass.  If you don’t, they politely direct you to wherever you need to go to be checked out further.  From there, they apologize for the inconvenience and allow you through or detain you because you really are a threat.

Carts are strategically placed beyond the immigration line so you’ll be prepared as soon as you get to the appropriate conveyor belt.  You can watch as the luggage is loaded from the truck to the conveyor belt outside, then taken up to where you are standing.  As you search for your belongings, you can distract yourself with spectacular views of planes taking off or landing, as well as enjoy the scenery and continue to watch those videos about the sights and sounds of the city they’re about to experience.  The moment they have all their belongings and clear customs, they are greeted with a bright lobby complete with free maps, information on the special concessions available for tourists, and the typical money exchange, bank, ATMs, hotel/tour/taxi bookings, and information centers.  For those being picked up, glass doors allow both sides to locate their parties upon approach, so they know exactly where to head to (rather than scanning the crowd trying to figure out where to go) as soon as they exit.  For the others, signs clearly point the way to the various forms of transportation offered from the airport and ticketing stands are located near pick-up locations or along the way to getting to the bus, train, shuttle, or what have you.

They should have had this in arrival!  I saw plenty of mini versions throughout Bangkok.

They should have had this in arrival! I saw plenty of mini versions throughout Bangkok.


Small touches add a local flair to the decor, from things like the design of the door handles to the decorations spicing up the space.  Murals show off the most popular attractions and display cases offer a preview of the cool things you can buy, do, or see.  A few small stores offer items for sale, just in case a visitor doesn’t want to have to track down an item they like somewhere in the city.  A couple of convenience stores and cafes allow a weary traveler to get a quick pick-me-up before the typically half-hour to hour drive to get into the city, or wherever their destination may be.  If possible, the bank on site would stay open all night, in case flights came in late and people missed their chance to withdraw money (and couldn’t through an ATM).  All ATMs would certainly be operating 24 hours a day.

As for the departure terminal, well, it would be below the arrivals and get less light.  However, it would be brightly lit and decorated with the top attractions that visitors and locals alike should have seen, as a reminder of the beauty of the city they’re leaving.  There would be messages all around inviting them to return soon and thanking them for stopping by.  After checking in and going through security, they’d walk past all the duty free shops as we do now.  Some restaurants would line the outer edge of the terminal with clear views of the runways.  All the waiting areas for the gates would also offer a look towards the flights arriving and departing.  When it comes time for boarding, stairs, escalators, ramps, and elevators would allow access to the floor where the ramp to the airplane is.  Actually, some  places function like this already (so what does their arrival terminal look like?).

This plan may not be practical, but it would be nice if they at least put more welcoming decorations in arrivals.  This idea was reemphasized when I saw all the cool things they had in departures as I was leaving.  I’m sure having a more inviting arrival terminal would make us all feel more welcome, whether we’re coming for the first time or coming home.

Timeless dilemma

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
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Truly like a ninja.

Truly like a ninja.

I have a friend, Ninja, who lives his life in such a way that it should be worthy of being made into a movie.  In everything he does, that’s how he’ll treat things.  It’s quite fitting that everyone sees him as a ninja, prowling around doing all kinds of cool moves and getting into spectacular “fights.”  I’m sure everyone would love to have his approach to life.  It’s really quite cool, because then he’s always having exciting adventures.  It helps that he’s extremely athletic, so he can escape situations if needed.  One of the examples was when he went to the midnight showing of Indiana Jones (whichever one just came out in the past year or so) dressed in a leather jacket, leather hat/fedora thing, and (real) bullwhip.  After the show ended, he stood up on the balcony and cracked his whip to cheers and whistles until security approached.  He then made a run for it and got out unscathed.  Now how awesome is that?!

Having too much fun to write about it!

Having too much fun to write about it!

Well, the thing is, if you’re out having such a fantastic time all the time, you never have time to record it for others to enjoy or for it to be passed down in the books.  This is a dilemma that I face all the time as I ponder how worthwhile it is for me to maintain a daily journal.  It started back in 4th grade, when I wanted a diary from the Scholastic Fair, but my dad would only allow me to buy it if I promised to write in it every day.  I did, and he got me the diary, but never again asked about it.  It was only in the months and years following, when my parents would find me scribbling away at yet another volume of my journal, that they realized I was serious.  Maybe they didn’t hold me accountable for my promise, but I did.  They used to scold me that I was wasting my time writing so much and it was just a liu shui zhang, or ‘running water account’.  Basically, it meant that my writing was as useless as a bank account where all the funds were drained, or something to that extent.

Nonetheless, I pursued until about a year ago, when I truly started to get behind on my writing.  When I can’t find the time to write an entry each day (which has been the case for many years), I’ll keep bullet point notes to remind me of what to write about when I do have time to catch up.  I used to be able to catch up on a weekly basis, which then evolved to a monthly basis and now… yearly?  I still have tons of notes for all the days I’ve missed, though even those I’m behind on now.  I’m not too worried though, since with the brilliance of the internet, I can just check my Facebook, blog, texts, and IMs from a particular day to piece together what happened.  Not the best way to keep track of my life, but it works.

Have fun playing with friends or chill out writing alone?

Have fun playing with friends or chill out writing alone?

My constant struggle with keeping a journal was that when I had a lot to write about, I had no time to write about it and when I had plenty of time to write, I had nothing to write about.  After all, if you’re too busy out doing fun and interesting things, you won’t have time to stop and spend some time writing about it.  Conversely, if you’ve got plenty of time sitting around, you aren’t really doing much exciting stuff to mention.  So I always question the existence of my journal and whether or not I should maintain it.  Even now, being so far behind, I fully intend to catch up on it eventually.  But is it worth the time?  Should I be doing something more notable instead?  I used to write when I couldn’t really do anything else, like when I was on planes or in a waiting room, but that doesn’t happen much anymore, so most of my time I can spend doing something else.  I’d like to live a storybook life, but I’d like to document it as well.  So where is my balance?  I don’t know if I’ll ever find one, but I will certainly always be striving towards one.

Mentality vs behavior

laelene Posted in general blog,Tags: , , ,
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[just a short post as I get ready for a busy couple of weeks]

Today I met with a guy who came off as a huge cynic, or at least someone who doesn’t appreciate the world for what it is, but is dissatisfied with much of it.  It was a very interesting chat to hear about his point of view and how he sees himself as an optimist.  To him, the world could be so much better, but it isn’t, which is why he claims he’s an optimist.  However, I see that more as a harsh critic.  After all, he never provided any solutions or ideas for how to make things better then.  Instead, he dissed what he didn’t like and spoke eagerly about what he did (New Yorkers’ no-nonsense way of life).

I was put off by his negativity at first, but found it interesting to hear his view on things.  To some extent, he brought out the critic in me and I told him some of the things that bothered me.  Ultimately though, I’m a positive person and I don’t go around sullying everyone’s moods.  I can see why he considers himself an optimist, but I don’t think he is.  a true optimist would think we can do so much more and come up with ways to do it because he’d believe in our ability to accomplish such tasks.

At the same time, I felt intrigued to try to understand his complex character more.  It was refreshing to have someone challenge your way of thinking and your opinions so much though.  Another interesting thought that came up was how he doesn’t hide his gripes with the world and feels that people who see problems but are still happy are insincere.  I didn’t believe that and felt that though there are things I am not happy about, that doesn’t mean I’m going to spend my days pointing out all that bothers me.  I spent some time afterwards considering why I didn’t feel that incongruency was not a bad thing.  I’m still not quite sure how to put all these ideas into the right words, so I’ll get back to you when I have.

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