Posts Tagged ‘panda’

Marriage: a broken institution?

laelene Posted in general blog, relationships，Tags: , , ,
10 February 2009
0

I’ve gotten the feeling that Millenials are jaded by the idea of marriage.  Or, at least, have such high standards and low expectations that they’re rather pessimistic about the whole idea.  Call it realism if you want.  Or it may just be cynicism.

This issue seems to stem from our generation growing up hearing the sad statistics of high divorce rates.  Of course, many also grew up in such households, having to live a life in single-parent homes, bouncing between parents, and dealing with step-parents and siblings.  Perhaps that is why this generation seems so much more against marrying (especially at a young age).

Too many of our parents rushed into marriage and it either failed or they are unhappy together.  Now, I used to be deathly afraid of commitment despite no family history of bad relationships (only one relative has gotten divorced and it didn’t seem nasty), but when I found Panda, it worked.  This whole relationship thing wasn’t as terrible as I imagined it to be.  Likewise, for marriage, I think that it comes down to the right feeling.

If it feels right, why avoid it? Sometimes you’re just ready to make that leap of faith.  And that is what any relationship is – faith in yourself, faith in your partner, and faith in your union.  You need to trust yourself and your significant other to make it work.  Sure, you may be too young and inexperienced for that judgment call, but if you’ve thought long and hard, if you’ve both talked about it, and you both feel comfortable, it can be a beautiful thing.

You can never be fully prepared for marriage and all the complications that it entails.  I don’t judge people based on what age they choose to get married.  For some, it works.  Statistically, younger couples are more likely to separate, but that tends to be an issue of maturity.  If you don’t know yourself well enough and you don’t understand your partner, it’s not going to work no matter what other factors there are.

Sadly, there are a lot of practical reasons that drive couples to the altar: finances, convenience, right of kin, etc.  Some marriages are carried out due to necessity or pressure, but you shouldn’t get hitched for such mundane reasons.  After all, marriage should be a celebration of love and devotion.

So why does it seem that getting married actually tears many couples apart?  Stability.  Though it’s great to have in our lives, if that’s all you have in a relationship, it stagnates.  So many couples feel their relationship diminish over the years, if only because they know they have each other to depend on, through thick and thin.  So they stop trying.

It shouldn’t be so easy though.  Relationships should constantly be evolving and changing as the individuals do.  The moment you stop working on it, you have doomed it.  Think of it as a process rather than a goal to be reached.

Marriage as an institution needs a major makeover if it is to survive.  Though, perhaps it doesn’t need to be saved and Gen Z can come to age in a society where couples get legal civil unions.  I wouldn’t mind a secular institution that allows gay unions as well.

Sleepless in my bed

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
08 February 2009
0

It’s early in the morning and I have yet to sleep all night.  This has been an ever-increasing problem with me in the past week.  I’ve always been a night owl, but now I’m up until brunch time and then I end up sleeping through until dinner.  If I have something to do during the day, I just take a nap before I have to go.  It’s not enough sleep, but I get through the day and usually pass out in the evening.  However, that sleep is never very restful and I end up waking up later that night, which just leads to another all-nighter.

I’m starting to get a headache from this, but there are so many things to occupy my time!  Sometimes I get overwhelmed trying to do it all and next thing I know, the birds are chirping outside and the sun has come out to shine again (or, in today’s case, just light things up through the clouds).  I have found so many blogs that may be worth following and now I just spent hours creating this website on Weebly.

My mom just got up to go to the local swap meet.  She loves to take a walk around there and try to haggle a few deals here and there if it’s something she needs.  In just two hours I should be driving down to UCLA to meet up with Panda and a friend for brunch.  At least I haven’t been sleepy or tired while driving!  That has only happened to me once in the past three or four years, as far as I can recall.  (I got off at the next exit and pulled onto a small street to take a nap.)

Should I take a two-hour nap?  Probably.  I’m at the point where my eyes start to feel heavy and I can sense the bags developing.  I also get ridiculously hungry at this time… grumble.

An important decision: Singapore

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
02 February 2009
0

My best friend’s blog inspired me to pick up writing again and now one that she referenced has inspired me to take an incredible job opportunity abroad.  It started off when Katana mentioned Penelope Trunk’s entry on how that isn’t her real name.  This caught my eye not only because I use something other than my birth name, but also because Ms. Trunk started the website Brazen Careerist that Katana had recommended to me as a networking tool.  Interested both in the story behind her alias and background as an entrepreneur (especially a woman entrepreneur, which seems a lot harder to find), I went to her blog.

At first, I was unimpressed.  Here was a woman who had changed her name multiple times and wrote about it in a quirky writing style that didn’t suit me.  All those changes made her seem flighty, almost shady.  I had been expecting some sort of great revelation that led to her current name, but she didn’t even choose it.  The first time she changed her name would have made a good story, but the other times it was just giving in to pressures.  After reading the article, I hoped a second reading would show me something I had missed.  I was about to start on that when other links distracted me and before I knew it, I was engulfed in the opinionated advice of a career woman.

From working as a professional to working as a mother, tips on relationships to advice for the future, she covered a lot of ground.  I found what she wrote to be thought-provoking, whether or not I agreed with it (and mostly, I found I did).  She referenced Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness, multiple times, which won brownie points for me – I have read the book twice and will probably continue to read it in the coming years, or at least remind myself of the lessons held therein.

Hours later, I was still reading, scouring every entry that had an interesting title.  I read about her experience beinga block away from the World Trade Center as it collapsed, why graduate school has become a deadend, why working any job is better than taking nothing, how changing jobs should be in the normal course of a career, how my generation is unique professionally, that failure will come and failure will go (and only those things worth doing will make you doubt your ability to accomplish them), and so many other lessons.  Most were lessons I knew in the back of my mind, but never really took to heart.  Some were new concepts that just made sense.  And somewhere in the midst of all this, I realized that I needed to stop living in denial.

I want to take the opportunity in Singapore.  I am going to stop being afraid of failing, I am going to stop being afraid of disappointing, and I am going to try.  I may not have a definite plan, but I have goals, dreams, aspirations.  I have a vision.  It’s time to stir my passion and just go for it.  It’s not going to be easy and it will take a lot of time, energy, and effort, but what better time than now?  I have the least to lose – no job to quit, no family to care for, no rent or mortgage or loans to deal with.  I will, however, be terribly sad to be so far from Panda.  He is supportive of my hopes and career choices though, so we can work through it.  I need to stop being so scared of how difficult it will be to not see him for months when I can’t even go a week without going crazy.  Because you know what?  Once I’m over there, working, learning, growing, it won’t seem as bad as when I’m sitting here like a couch potato, with no real plans and no schedule to adhere to.  Plus, I’ll be living with Marylin!  I’m sure my “twin” can help me get through rough times and we can commiserate, since her boyfriend is also here in California (albeit up north).

Stranded

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
25 January 2009
2

Last night, I went to the Hammer Museum for College Night and dropped by the OCHC Semi-Formal.  The galleries at the Hammer were left open, with 15-minute tours given periodically.  Two bands were scheduled to perform, with a fashion show and dancing to entertain the crowd between the gigs.  They had drinks provided by GuS (Grown-up Soda), cookies, and catering by Wolfgang Puck (they own the cafe downstairs).  I don’t eat hamburgers (I’m not vegetarian), but I had these and they were delicious.  I also managed to snag a piece of pizza on my way out.  I had stuck around for awhile, hoping to catch a server coming up with a full tray so I could bring a burger to Panda at the semi-formal, but none were to be seen.  Oh well.  From there I went to find Panda at the dance and we even went on the dance floor for a few minutes!  I snacked a bit more as he ran around taking care of things and waited for him to excuse himself for the rest of the night.  It’s always nice to see him.

I was leaving UCLA just before 1 AM (Saturday) when I got stuck in traffic on the 405N for over two hours.  After passing the Getty exit, traffic was slowing rapidly (haha) and I knew I was in for trouble when an ambulance made its way up the shoulder.  Immediately I could tell that there had been an accident up ahead that had just gotten called in.  I wasn’t sure if it blocked all the lanes, so I patiently waited for 10-15 minutes before deciding it was going to take awhile and turned the car off.  In the mean time, a firetruck and four police cars had made their way up the shoulder as well and I could see their flashing lights about 3/4 miles ahead.  I called my mom to let her know I’d be running late and then texted Panda to see if he could find out more for me.  He was able to confirm the accident and apparently Sigalert was saying it’d take 40 minutes to get 6 miles.  Except there was one problem: we couldn’t move those 6 miles!  All lanes were completely sealed.  The accident was in the way.

I almost wanted some snow right about then so we could play in it (though I’m glad it wasn’t that cold, I’d hate to have the cars running all that time).  I imagined if we’d be able to work out a system of people sharing heat in one car, then moving to another to conserve a bit.  After waiting for a good half hour, I decided to step outside, where some guys had started to gather.  I talked to a few and found out that some driver had been weaving in and out of traffic and hit a car.  The driver was killed and there was no news on the other car.  One of the guys is a truck driver, veteran to these types of things and he said it’d take 2 hours at least.  Great.  The other guys started to get impatient and decided to venture south along the shoulder.  The exit behind us was probably only half a mile away, so a few of them (with some maneuvering of other cars) turned around and headed down.  The first guy we sent off was stopped by what we thought was a cop car – game over.  Except it was the coroner, so that guy didn’t get ticketed after all.  We told him to give us one long honk when he was driving back up Sepulveda (parallel to the highway) if he got by ok.  A minute or two later, we heard a long honk and soon the troops had been mobilized.  At one point it looked like an entire strip of highway was going to get cleared from the cars escaping via the shoulder and I was tempted to give it a go myself.  Alas, I don’t have the guts to chance it and it’s not like I had a pressing need to leave anyway, so I stay put.

Conveniently (hah), I also had to go to the restroom.  -___-  After venturing to the side of the shoulder and attempting to peek into the depths, I decided it was more worth it to hold it.  After all, it was pitch black and I had no idea what kind of drop off there was awaiting me.  Edward, the truck driver, did say he had a flashlight if I really needed to go.  I got a little excited when the coroner’s car came driving by because he told me the CHP could take me to go to the restroom, but once we saw it was the coroner, well, I just didn’t really want to go.  Edward kindly helped me think of various solutions to the problem, if I really couldn’t hold it in any longer: a Hummer limo ahead of us could possibly have a bathroom in it; certain other vehicles, like charter buses also have them (he’d seen one nearby right before stopping, but it was nowhere to be seen; or I could hide under the shadowy depths of his truck to do my business.  To try to avoid all these awkward situations, I remained standing for as long as I could.  To stay distracted, I watched the traffic (that had been redirected) flow along Sepulveda and waved to those cars that had made it over from our area, honking at us to join them in their escape.

Three tow trucks went by and by 2:45, my feet hurt and I was getting cold, so I climbed into the backseat of my car to hug the bodypillow I had with me.  Panda was heading to bed at 3, so I called him to talk before he retired for the night.  Right around that time, it started to drizzle outside and I began to notice brakelights emerging ahead.  Everyone was turning on their cars again!  Excited to see movement, I rushed to the driver’s seat to get ready to leave as soon as things started moving.  We snailed along and I broke free of traffic ten minutes after they’d finally closed up the investigation and cleared part of the roads.  As I drove by, I saw a baby blue car on a tow truck that looked like a baseball had been thrown at its windshield.  The smell of the flares seeped into the car as I wryly observed the rectangular dry patches on the road where cars had been parked moments earlier.  I took a look at the traffic jamming up on Sepulveda and wondered if the redirected traffic was going to be re-redirected back to the 405 now, or if there’d be some buffer time.  Edward had told me where the nearest bathroom would be once we started moving again and though I apprediated his effort, I just wanted to get home by 4.

It was interesting to be standing and walking on pavement that usually never gets cars parked upon it.  I also observed how some people came out of their cars and others you would think were abandoned.  A couple of people had the confidence to walk a good mile up to the scene to check it out.  I was paranoid that traffic would begin to flow and I couldn’t rush back to my car in time.  There were a few cars holding up traffic when we did start to drive off.  I guess those drivers did what I didn’t dare and let their guards down, either by leaving their vehicle or napping inside.  When the entire row of cars in front of me had cleared out, I kind of wished I had my waveboard or skateboard in the car, so I could play around a little.  Now that would have been fun.  All in all it was a very… unique situation and experience.  What a way to end the night.

[edit] I was searching and searching for a news article about last night’s accident, expecting some generic headline about a crash, but this is what I found: http://cbs2.com/local/405.woman.killed.2.916740.html.  “Pedestrian Fatally Hit While Crossing 405 Freeway”  WHAT?!  I read and reread this headline during my search for an accident on the 405 on January 24th, 2009, but I didn’t think to click it because it sounded nothing like what I thought the crash was!  But alas, it is the reason for my two-hour delay last night and the story is far more bizarre than I expected.

Changing times

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
11 January 2009
0

Every quarter, my fraternity (Alpha Kappa Psi), goes on a retreat.  In the fall, I have no idea where we go since I believe I’ve actually missed those whenever they came up.  In the winter, it’s up to Big Bear for a lovely tromp in the snow.  Then in spring, it’s off to some beautiful beach house or someplace out in Palm Springs.

This winter’s retreat is my first as an alumna – no obligation to stay for whatever period of time or participate in whatever activities.  Just me, my fraternity brothers, and making it whatever I want.  And though there are treasured moments of bonding and fun, I find myself spending much time contemplating by myself and desperately trying to stay connected to the internet long enough to hold a decent conversation with my boyfriend.  Ay.  I didn’t even step out into the snow!  Not that I was prepared at all, what with no thick clothes to speak of.

Maybe this whole adjusting to life outside of college thing isn’t as hard as I anticipated.  It certainly would be nice to get that job though…  I’ve been so used to earning income these past couple of years that I don’t even know what to do without it.  My bank account is dwindling far too quickly for my comfort.

On-screen keyboard

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
06 January 2009
0

So today I spent an exorbitant amount of time downstairs chatting with my mom and after a happy time I retreated back to my room with a hot cup of water.  Little did I know how much trouble that would cause.  -___-  As you may be able to guess, I consequently spilled said water and created quite the disaster for myself.  Now I am stuck using the on-screen keyboard, which is a painstakingly slow and arduous task.  I spent ages blasting the keys with those keyboard cleaners after letting what I could drip out first.  Then I dug out the one hairdryer that my family has owned and tried to save the keys that weren’t working.  Instead I managed to ruin more keys.  🙁

At first it was just 1 2 3 4 and 7 8 9 0 that weren’t working.  Now q w e r u i o p, the right shift key, and the arrow keys don’t work either.  Strangely, when I use the broken shift key with qwer I get 1234 and for uiop I get 7890.  Hmm.  So after all these desperate attempts, I was, of course, very sad and it just didn’t help when my boyfriend decided he needed to lecture me on being more cautious.  Now here I am, keyboardless and with noone to talk to.  :'(  Sad times.

Back to school… NOT

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
05 January 2009
0

Today, all across the nation (and likely, the world), students are returning to the classroom.  And I?  I sent my dad off at the airport with my mom this morning and returned home to scan some documents.  Just another day, just another chore.  Now, for the first time in my life, I’mnot going back to school.  It’s a strange sort of feeling to hear about all those who are going back to the old routine.  After 16 years of that, what else am I to expect?  Classes, breaks, homework, midterms, finals… it was all so familiar and now I’m in a whole new dimension, dealing with job searches, applications, cover letters, interviews, networking…  sigh.  It’s time to move on with my life, whether I’m ready to or not.

My parents and Panda have been on my case to apply for jobs, send out my resume, get something going.  I know they’re right, but at the same time… it’s so hard to find the motivation to because I have such a specific image of what I want!  Anything less is just not good enough and I’m afraid I’m being too picky.  I’m sure there are a lot of options that I can settle for, but that’s the problem: I don’t want to settle.  I want to find a job I’m passionate about, something I’ll look forward to doing every morning.  Something I can do for the couple of years that I’d need to before business school.

Well, I guess I just need to hop on it, do my research and see what’s out there.

Rose Parade Floats

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , ,
03 January 2009
0

This morning I was rudely awoken at 9 with my mother asking me if I was going to go.

“Go where?” I mumbled, squinting through sleepy eyes.
“To see the Rose Parade floats!” my mom exclaimed as if I wasn’t paying attention.  (What she doesn’t know is that her first sentence or two woke me up and I never actually “heard” them.
“Ugggh.” I grunted and closed my eyes, huddling under the blankets more.

With a swift tug, she pulled the blanket off and held out her hand.

“Come on,” she gestured for me to get up.

Sure that I should go, I still hadn’t decided if it was worth the lack of sleep and suffering to get dressed in the cold air.  Soon she got tired of waiting for me and went back downstairs to continue without me.  I eventually resolved to get up and drag myself downstairs, shivering.  We piled into the car and headed off, with my mom happily sharing some of the dark chocolate-covered cherries she’d bought and informing my dad that the way he was driving to get on the highway is not the most efficient way to get there.  Meanwhile, my dad went forth as he pleased, changing the radio station sporadically until he settled on a Spanish channel called QueBuena!  o.O  Of all the stations… he had to choose the one we wouldn’t understand?  Haha, I don’t get it.  But I can see how the other songs are a little grating to the ears if you aren’t used to it.  Along the way, I texted Panda because he lives in that area, so going that way reminded me of him.  🙂

So we got to Pasadena City College, parked the car, and got our tickets before boarding a shuttle to the site.  It was a bit of a gloomy day, but that turned out to be nice since we didn’t have to sweat it out in the sun and the flowers probably withered a little less.  I volunteered to decorate the floats a few years ago, so I kind of already knew how it worked, but it’s always cool to see so many nice flowers.  Strangely, I wasn’t in a picture-taking mood, so I just enjoyed looking at the floats as my dad ran around snapping shots.  About halfway through his camera died, so he moved on to my mom’s, lol.

One of the few pictures I did take with my camera, of my parents.

One of the few pictures I did take with my camera, of my parents.

We were walking for a good two, two and a half hours before getting back to the car and navigating our way to a dim sum place on Garfield and Valley.  Our family friends also have their office there and we just happened to run into the husband coming back from a lunch break as we left from our own lunch.  We went upstairs, where my parents caught up with him and I wished I could be spending time with Panda.  It was a nice day out with my parents though – we don’t get to go that often and my dad is going back to China in two days.

Fresh outlook

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
01 January 2009
0

Well, with a new year, I thought I’d start something new.  Recently I’ve been inspired by my best friend “Katana” to do more blogging.  Since she moved out to Kansas I haven’t gotten to see her much, so reading her blogs are a great way to stay in touch (and entertained!).  She’s made a career out of life in the blogosphere and while my hopes are not exactly along those lines, I’d also like to write more like she does.  Granted, I still have my personal handwritten journal to take care of (and that I’ve neglected for a long time), but there’s nothing quite like blogging to capture the small things in life.  I find it’s a great place to explore my thoughts in a more immediate way.

Though I kept another LiveJournal a few years back, I think it’s time to use a different domain for this new chapter in my life.  Maybe I can track my progress as a recent graduate, looking for a job and figuring out where to lead my life.  I know where I think my life is going to go is going to change a lot before it settles anywhere and I’m ready to explore what there is out there for me to do.  I can also follow the development of my relationship (the first!) and how my hopes and expectations evolve over time.

Ok, so… where am I in my life?  I just graduated from UCLA with a Bachelor’s of Arts in Psychology and Economics.  I’m looking for jobs nearby (preferably in Westwood, otherwise in Los Angeles somewhere) in marketing or administrative work.  I want to work for two or three years before going to business school for my MBA.  After that I’d like to get into upper level management, get the experience to see what it takes to run a company before branching off and getting into entrepreneurial work.  The first thing I want to do at that point is start an environmental consulting firm focused on conservation and recycling.  I’ve also toyed with the idea of a vocational school for athletes and a craft/party store complete with classes.  But that will be on the back burner for many more years to come.

Well, at least that was my 10-20 year plan.  More recently I’ve been considering an opportunity to start up a branch of a Singaporean company (Caelan & Sage) here in California with my Singaporean “twin” – let’s call her Marylin.  However, there’s a lot of research, preparation, and information I need to look into before I go forth with this.  It would be lovely to get a head start on my dreams of entrepreneurial success though.  I have high hopes and dreams, though I’m trying to stay grounded and be practical about this.  However, I am fresh out of uni and ready to conquer the world!  Ultimately I just want to learn and grow, then take that to inspire and motivate people, as well as create happy work environments.

As for my personal life, it’s the first time in my life that I am happily seeing someone.  I’ll refer to him as Panda.  He is an amazing person and I’m really lucky to have met him.  I’m still grappling with this concept: someone likes me and is good to me?!  I’ve made some poor decisions in the past, leading to some unfortunate experiences, which makes me appreciate this all the more.  My other best friend, “Elle,” bluntly showed her shock when she heard I’d found someone who treated me well.  She’s happy for me, of course, but she’s seen me go through some less than savory characters and never really get into a relationship.  I’ve also been known to run from any guy who shows interest in me, so she’s glad that I still like this one!

The world has a lot to offer and I have my fair share to contribute.  Onward!

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