Posts Tagged ‘storytelling’

Feline adoration

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
30 April 2009
0

I have, as long as I can remember, always loved cats.  I like animals of all sorts, but felines are certainly my favorite out of the bunch.  Perhaps it’s because much of my behavior is like theirs, so I feel a connection.  Last night I ran into a plump kitty lounging around outside on my walk home.  Being the first time that I had come across a cat and I wasn’t headed anywhere or with anyone, I decided to stop to pet it.  I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or a girl, but it certainly enjoyed my stroking and scratching.  I was reaching out pretty far, so I tried to shift to move closer, but that scared it a few feet away.  I considered trying to approach it again, but it takes some time for cats to trust you, so I decided that was enough for the night and headed back.  As I made my way back to Marylin’s, I thought of my beloved cats and how sad I am to not have them anymore.

The first cat I ever had got some sort of disease and had up to 90% of her lungs filling up with fluid before we found out and put her down.  That was the first time my dad and I cried together.  Actually, that’s the only time I can remember.  The second one we got had the longest life of them all and got sick recently, dying just on or past Christmas day 2008.  He was in China and my parents and I were in Cancun for the break.  I wish he could have held out for my dad to get back to him.  Then the third one we had just disappeared one day almost six years ago.  My mom is convinced that the coyotes or owls in the neighborhood caught him.  He was always a rambunctious one, so I wouldn’t be surprised if he ventured too far.  We’ll never really know what happened to him, but I can always hope that someone took him in and he’s happily squeezing himself into their sinks for his naps now.

This is Jerriey, our second kitty, curled up on my favorite blanket.

Lately cats have been on my mind a lot because one of Panda and my friends got herself a little kitten that was found on site for a Habitat for Humanity project.  That reminded me of the three other times I have come across cats that I really wanted to adopt.  First was a little black kitten we found at a club in the Echo Park area.  It was my first day on site for the filming of Wristcutters: A Love Story and this little guy was found hanging out in the back area

Little Echo.

Little Echo.

where the crew hung out as we waited through shots.  I named her Echo (I think the club was named that too) and gave her a lot of attention.  In fact, I even managed to convince the club owner to adopt her, since I couldn’t.  Next was a pair of kittens, brought to us on Wilshire Boulevard.  Katana and I were just walking along in Westwood when this kid comes running up to us and asks if we’d like to adopt kittens.  We looked at each other with those yearning eyes.  In our hearts, we really wanted to.  In our minds, we knew we couldn’t.  So, we only glimpsed the kittens he held in his hands, swaddled in his clothing before we sadly had to say no.  We watched as he ran down Westwood Boulevard and talked about how we could make it work.  Then, in the spur of a moment, we decided to go with our hearts and take them.  We went after the boy, but didn’t know where he had gone.  I looked to my left and noticed a pet store, so we went in.  The boy had just handed over the pair and when we tried to take them now, the store owner said she’d have to take them in for various shots and clean them up before we could come back to adopt them.  Sigh.  In the weeks after, we thought long and hard about how we could do this, even thinking we’d name them Boba and Udon (one was black and one was grey).  Unfortunately, practicality won out in the end and we never did go back for them.  Finally, the third came when I was volunteering at a cat home.  A tiny grey kitten was confined in a box with a plastic facing so we could see.  She was held there because she was still being treated after being rescued from Hurricane Katrina and,

Miss Katrina.

Miss Katrina.

consequently she was named Katrina.  I loved that little cat from the seconds we got to spend with her before turning our attention to the cats we could interact with.  Just the way she cocked her head when she looked at us was adorable enough for me to want her.  Unfortunately, I was still in school at the time and my dad had left the country, so it was just my mom taking care of the one cat we still had.  But I wanted a kitten to raise myself.

This is a dream I’ve held for years and years, ever since I got to carry little Jerriey home from the shelter, so cute and loveable.  He spent the whole time purring, which is what won me over.  I have mentioned this desire many a time and though he started off first not comfortable with the idea, he is now more open to it.  Granted, we had to have a whole hullabaloo of a… discussion over it, but he’s willing to consider it at least.  To me, having a cat is almost more important than having kids.  Not only are they nice to cuddle up with, their purring is good for your health.  They are very independent and don’t require much attention or care, which is how I live my life.  They train very easily, from going to use the litter box when nature calls to coming to eat dinner with the banging out a plate.  I also like to crawl into small spaces and squeeze myself into strange positions to sleep.  And come on, there’s a reason we call it the “catwalk” – they’re beautiful and graceful creatures!  Cats are highly misunderstood animals.  People take their independence for aloofness, much as they do with me.  And I think that is why I defend and adore them so much.  I’m misunderstood too.

Our friend's new kitten, isn't she precious?!

Our friend's new kitten, isn't she precious?!

Well, my dream of owning a cat is still very far off, sadly.  I have to wait until I’m settled enough to keep one with me.  I have to make sure I have the funds to buy all the food, litter, and catsitting services I would need to take care of it.  Thankfully, they love very simple little toys, so just a little catnip and some string or crumpled newspaper can do the trick.  Once I feel like I have the resources and capabilities to finally care for a cat of my own, I hope Panda will be ready to have one too (or maybe more).  He doesn’t even need to do a thing.  I’ll buy everything, scoop the kitty litter, feed them, play with them, and arrange for their care when/if we are away.  All he has to do is let me have one.  For now, he has agreed to catsit our friend’s kitten if she ever needs us to and we will go visit her after I get back.  I hope he likes that experience so he’ll be willing to have one of our own.

Back in high school Katana and I would joke about how we’d grow old and have properties next to each other, each with certain natural formations that we want (like a waterfall for me), and we’d both have houses full of cats.  (This was back when we imagined ourselves as old maids, never having been able to truly settle down.  I guess it could still work with men in our lives, as long as they allowed all the cats.)  At night, we’d both go out and sit on our rocking chairs on our porches to enjoy the nightfall, either knitting or petting a cat.  We’d have our houses close enough that we could see each other, but our property large enough for ponds and creeks and forests and whatnot.  I think it’d be great if we do end up that way.  Yup, we have all the makings ofbecoming crazy cat ladies.

Productive day

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , ,
17 April 2009
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I feel quite good about today overall, since it has been a long and busy day.  Though it started off a bit slow, with Marylin and I running half an hour behind schedule, it was still an efficient day.  A lot of things happened, starting with the mysteriously loud bangs we were hearing – turns out it was the water jug delivery guys.  We got our new stash of water to guzzle (which we do at a very high pace), then received two samples of pillows and blankets from a company in China (for Napper’s other business), and the model ship we have been waiting for!  The ship was made by prison inmates and donated to the Yellow Ribbon Project as a way to promote giving prisoners a second chance.  When Zen saw it, he was very keen to buy it and was actually able to!  I always love mail (and packages especially), so it was rather exciting to keep getting deliveries to the door.

On an individual level, I sent out some follow-up e-mails to people I met at the SHRI Congress.  Some of them took me awhile to craft, since I wanted to make just the right impression and give just the right message.  I feel quite good about what I ended up sending, so we will see how the replies are.  I also spent a lot of time doing some random market research and got a chance to chat with Lorry and share my opinion on something he was working on.  It was a nice bonding bit, getting to spend some time brainstorming and discussing ideas.  I got a chance to step out for lunch, which has been more occurring more rarely these days, so that was nice.  Soon after, I got a call from an old friend  back from Perth for the week and made dinner plans.  I then continued working, taking some small breaks here and there and had another fruitful sharing session with Lorry, which made me late heading out of the office to go to dinner.  Though Orchard Road is not far from our office, it still took me a good 20-25 minutes to get there!  At least the trains weren’t packed.  I guess people go home way earlier than 7:30 on a Friday.  Thank goodness!  Those 6 o’clock crowds are killer.

I spent many hours over dinner catching up with my friend and then we met up with a good friend of hers.  A lot of interesting topics were discussed and it was very nice to spend some time out for myself, chilling and talking over dinner and drinks.  There was a lot of ground to cover, after three years of not seeing each other, then mixing in a new person.  It was quite nice to see her because 1. we didn’t expect to see each other again for years, if at all; 2. Singapore was the last place we thought we’d meet up (it was supposed to be LA); and 3. I had no idea she was coming back so soon until just a few days ago.  This was rather unexpected and a great refresher of my second year of uni.  Ah, the good old days…  Life has changed so much since then!  The college lifestyle is so special.  Pity it can’t be retained as we move on into the workforce.

As I was leaving, I checked with Marylin to make sure she was still awake to let me in.  Turns out she and Zen were still out, hanging out with some of his friends from the Navy.  Thus, I was dropped off at Clarke Quay and made my way to a rooftop bar.  I met four other guys there and we sat around having a grand old time.  It was a nicely breezy night up there, so it was quite comfortable.  I munched on some ice to help clear my throat from the smoke I had been close to at the bar I came from and eventually we headed off to get some “supper.”  What do you actually call a meal that you have at 3 in the morning?  Over dinner, we continued to crack jokes offhandedly and have a grand old time eating porridge.  I avoided the frog meat and got myself a bowl with some chicken shreds in it.

We were out until nearly 4 in the morning!  If tomorrow wasn’t a Saturday, I don’t think I could make it.

Beautiful Los Angeles

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , ,
12 April 2009
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I was watching a video with clips of an interview conducted overlooking the San Fernando Valley today and it brought up so many memories, particularly of Valentine’s Day, when Panda and I had a similar view.  Seeing that, with the California sun and telltale smog, made me miss LA so much.  Not just the memories and experiences from there, but the greater Los Angeles area in general.  From the landscape to the opportunities to the people, there is so much to love.  Between two cities in LA County, I have spent the greater part of the last six years living in Southern California.  I have certainly grown to the love place, despite the hours I spent travelling up and down the 5 and 405, stuck in traffic.  Of course, there is also a slew of terrific memories of all the wonderful things I got to experience there.  Most recently, there was the drive up and down Mulholland Drive that brought about some great new views of familiar territory.  Then earliest on, I had been introduced to many of the main attractions in the area, from Santa Monica Pier to the Hollywood Bowl.

I remember when I first moved out to California, I hated the place.  I was heartbroken from being torn from my high school friends, teachers, classes, and organizations with such little notice (everything happened within a period of two weeks).  I never got a chance to tell people I was leaving, but for a handful of close friends who I saw briefly days before flying away.  Everyone else just started school that year to find me on the other side of the country.  Between having to adjust to a new social life and academic challenges, it was frustrating to also be annoyed on a daily basis by small nusances like the dry weather.  I had to start showering in the mornings and pin my hair up to prevent it from getting too staticy and itching my skin.  It was also irritating to have to slathe on lotion day in and day out, just so my skin wouldn’t crack painfully, retricting my activity.  It took my body two full years to finally adjust to the arid SoCal weather.

Once I started college at UCLA, things began to look up as I started to discover myself more and more.  No longer worried about brittle hair or dry skin, I could go out and enjoy myself so much more.  It’s amazing how basic physical comfort can contribute so much to quality of life.  College life also brought about so many opportunities, explorations, and new experiences.  Although I had always grown up independent, this offered a different level of freedom, where I could sleep in on days I didn’t have class in the mornings or stay up all night hanging out with friends just because.  I also began to learn how to take care of myself, from doing laundry to making sure I ate and slept a decent amount.  Let’s not forget that students are offered so many great deals, from the countless groups to get involved in to the plentiful discounts exclusively for them.  Through that, I got a taste of the wide variety of attractions that LA has to offer, from the beaches and mountains to the entertainment centers and museums.  Food from all over the world is more or less offered there as well, though to differing degrees of Americanization.  Overall, it was truly unparalleled exposure.

Even though I’m used to never staying put in one city for too long, I can see myself staying in this one for years to come.  I have always strongly believed that I can make a living in any city, as I have always done.  But, at the same time, there’s something nice about claiming a city as my own.  As the one that I know in and out.  As the one I came of age in.  As the one where I found myself.  There’s a certain romantic notion about devoting so much to a city and absorbing yourself in that culture.  And of all the cities I’ve been to, I can’t think of another one better suited for my wants and needs.  The only thing I wish was different would be the quality of air.  Every time I see that layer of smog, I can’t help but think of how many years of my life I could be taking off just by breathing that in.  In the long run, I can see this being a city I would want to settle in.  However, at the same time, I am still interested in living in other places while I can still move around.  I don’t know how Panda feels about that one though.  Perhaps I will just have to take business trips and vacations to the other places I’ve wanted stay in.

I miss my home.  Not just the house we have, but the friends who are still there and the familiarity of the place.  I feel safe there, surrounded by everything I know and understand.  It has become my element, where I can effortlessly navigate life there.  Plus, I left my heart there.  I can’t wait to go back, if only to be able to hug Panda again and return to a place that is mine.

Aches and pains

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
30 March 2009
0

I had an appointment with a Chinese masseuse today it was at once a soothing and painful and tickling experience.  I have had a rather weak and very tight back for 15 months now, occasionally feeling like a 60-year-old woman with the type of soreness I would get there.  I threw it out back in late 2007, early 2008 and it never quite got better.  At first, I would just avoid doing anything that required me to bend or twist in ways that my back would not allow.

When I got back to school, I started going to the Ashe (Student Health) Center for physical therapy sessions.  It helped a bit and I started to gain more strength in that area, but I wasn’t very good with keeping up the exercises that were given to me.  My insurance only covered so many sessions, so I then decided that I had plateaued and had enough.  I stopped going and gave acupuncture a try.  I don’t know if it did anything since I only did it once, but yet again, I didn’t want to continue so long as I had to pay.

This summer found me in Beijing, with massage services aplenty.  My dad got me a membership card thing at a local place and I started to go there every couple of days for the month that I was there.  My flexibility was improving a lot, but then I had to fly off again, to a place where such services are far too expensive.  For months, I have not been doing anything for my back and it has only given me scattered bouts of grief.  I’ve been meaning to take care of it and go try more variations of help for it, but between not having the time and not wanting to expend the money, I tend to not get it done.

Well, I finally got around to getting another massage and it was a lot different from the last series I got.  This one involved a lot of poking and pressure in the crevices of my spine and some pressure points.  I tried my best to stay still and breathe normally, but I found myself clenching and holding my breath more than a few times.  I came out of it all a bit tender (and hopefully not bruised), but feeling good.  Not excellent and through the roof, but less tense, for sure.  I’ll wait to see how I feel tomorrow.

At one point, my loose shoulder was kind of sliding around in its socket (yes, I know, gross imagery, but it’s not that bad and doesn’t really hurt), so I’m sure the muscles around there will be very unhappy with me in the morning.  I can feel it already.  That area has never been very strong, so all this shaking around will have that joint all riled up.  I’d really like to soak in a sauna right now.  Nice and hot and wet.  My skin would thank me.  I just hope my right arm doesn’t get too weak tomorrow, or else it’s going to quite the task shouldering my heavy purse, writing, and typing.

One of these days, I want to go try out the chiropractor as well; I hear they work wonders.  Maybe when I get insurance.

Earth Hour – a reflection personal passions

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , , , , , , ,
28 March 2009
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It was 8:05 PM when I opened up my planner to pen an event into it.  Suddenly, a reminder of Earth Hour was staring up at me.

“25 minutes!” I gasped.

“What are you talking about?” asked Marylin as Zen peered at me quizzically.

“Earth Hour!  We’ve got to turn off our lights for Earth Hour!”  I looked over at Zen: “You signed us up!”

And so, we all changed our plans to meet this commitment we had made by pledging our support for Earth Hour.  Rather than continue to work in the office as we had thought we were going to do, we headed out to eat some dinner.  Ok, so we cheated a little and didn’t confine ourselves to the dark.  But hey, we did turn off our lights!  We just went to take advantage of lights that were already on, that is all.

Being that recycling and conservation are the very things I want to build a company around someday, it was important for me that people are aware and care for causes like these.  Lately I’ve been going to a lot of informative sessions about various organizations in Singapore that are meant for the betterment of people.  There are the various divisions of the People’s Association, like Family Life, which is meant to promote the quality and importance of family life.  There is the Urban Redevelopment Authority, with plans to add infrastructure throughout town and expand and improve nature areas.  There are the efforts of the Yellow Ribbon Project to bring awareness and acceptance to ex-offenders, offering them a second chance at their lives.

And then, there’s Marylin’s passion for people with disabilities, which I’ve heard a good bit of lately.  Let’s not forget Zen’s love for the people in his life, which is pervasive in all that he does.  All this makes me wonder: for all the love I feel I have for people, why am I more interested in volunteering with animals and the environment?  Perhaps it is because I see it as my time to connect with the world and, in a sense, meditate.  It’s much easier to do that when your interactions don’t require conversations.  I’ve also always felt a huge connection with nature, finding the most peace in getting away from people and society.  I want to preserve that aspect of this world.  The things that live by their own rules and not ours.

So, sometime down the line, I want to create an environmental consultancy.  I don’t have the background to really go into air and water pollution stuff or how infrastructure can be built to be most efficient, but I can definitely become an expert in the types of materials and processes that are environmentally friendly for building with.  Mostly though, I want to advise organizations on how to create an effective recycling program, ways they can conserve on energy, alternative sources of power that can be employed, and also provide training for their members to promote awareness of these issues and show them why they should care.  I can also have seminars explaining how everyone can reduce their carbon footprints and offer easy solutions to greener lives.

As for the interest in animals, I absolutely adore cats (though I do like all creatures), so I think that will just be a personal pursuit for now.  I’m still trying to convince Panda to let me raise at least one cat.  Katana and I always used to joke that we’d grow old and be “crazy cat ladies” living next door to each other.  Though I don’t want to be stepping over them at home, I wouldn’t mind two or even three.  For now, I’ll have to wait it out and then find a shelter nearby with cats to volunteer at.  I’d really like to start a cat shelter myself, but I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to give any of them away.  Ever.  Maybe I’ll look into championing spaying and neutering and adopting from shelters.

Bothersome bugs?

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
20 March 2009
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Why do people have this aversion to bugs (and amphibians and reptiles)?  Generally they are not going to hurt you and if you just let them be, they will not bother you too.  Yet, it seems that a dislike for these creatures is widespread, from girls who squeal and hide to guys who rush off in a different direction.  Reactions and distaste can range from just avoiding them as much as possible to chasing after them in an attempt to kill them.  But for me, it’s a completely different story.

I know that my own fascination for them stems from my upbringing in the plains of Kansas and interactions with a lot of boys.  When you grow up without being taught to fear or even dislike those critters, but rather play with them and use them as your personal scientific discoveries, it’s hard to want to run from them or kill them.  I remember days on the playground spent thinking of the best ways to catch the grasshoppers that would jump so far, the butterflies that flitted around so high, the praying mantises that would blend into the grass, the spiders that would scuttle so quickly, or the worms that would squirm away into the ground.  I was always so interesting to see all that they could do, from jumping long distances to flying great heights to doing crazy disappearing acts.

Sometimes in my explorations I would accidentally kill the creatures, but eventually I learned how to take care of them and keep them alive.  I even developed a theory that praying mantises will go blind in captivity after one that I was playing with at home developed black eyes that were blind.  I learned how to test he it was blind by slowly moving my finger or a blade of grass towards him.  When he didn’t react as he had done previously, I was quite certain he could not see.  Saddened by this, I took him outside and let him back into the grass, following him around as he moved slowly along the ground.  I don’t know how long this lasted, but at some point, his eyes became clear again!  Then when I tried to get too close, he then scrambled off, probably cursing me in his head, if he’s capable of that.  Look at how educational it can be!

However, there are some bugs that I don’t like either, mostly mosquitoes.  I find them interesting nonetheless, but ultimately annoying with their buzzing and affinity for my blood.  I get a morbid sense of pleasure when I hear them zap in those blue light things that you turn on at night to kill them off.  Yet even with that, I can’t help but be curious about why they make that sound, why they are attracted to the light so much, if it hurts, etc.  Learning about other forms of life make you question all kinds of things about life!  It can be an educational experience if you question all the whys and hows.

These experiences and preferences can work for me in a good or bad sense.  Good in that I am not afraid of them, so I can come in quite useful in getting them out of a room or away from an area, but bad in that I usually don’t want to and can’t kill them, much to my friends’ dismay.  Don’t you find it fascinating that this thing can fly?  Or make silk strands so strong they are virtually indestructible?  Or climb walls or hang around upside down?  Personally, this intrigues me beyond normal curiosity and it gives me a great deal of respect for them.  I think they’re rather cool.

Why look for aliens when you’ve got so many strange life forms in your backyard?

When cheese starts to stink

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
17 March 2009
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No, this is not about food.  Rather, it is about a couple that Marylin and I encountered on the bus ride home.  There we were, innocently sitting there on our trek home when a girl plopped down on the seat across from me.  Her boyfriend stood beside her and got dangerously close.  In fact, he was nearly on top of her.  Since I was facing that way, I couldn’t help but notice them from time to time.  That is when my mind started to register the yellow shirts they were wearing.

Now, at first that didn’t seem like a huge deal.  Maybe they just both were in the mood for yellow t-shirts that day.  But then I saw the design on them: matching cartoons.  You know the “Little Miss” characters?  Yeah.  That is what opened my eyes to their black pants.  They were thus deemed the “bumblebee couple” for their color choice.  Well, now that I had noticed a pattern, their matching chain bracelets popped out at me too.  I saw a tattoo on the girl’s hand and even started to scan the guy’s hands for a similar marking.  Thank goodness I didn’t find one, or else I may have been consumed with nausea (partly contributed to by the bus movement).

I don’t mean to judge, but why would you EVER want to match your partner like that?  Unless it’s a costume party or a uniform you two must both wear to school or work, it’s just not cool.  The time and effort spent on that is a sad waste of time that could be much better spent.  If it’s accidental, it can be forgiven once or twice, but a consistent pattern probably points to a serious excess of time.  Is it just us or is that behavior that should never catch on?  I admit, I can be really cheesy sometimes, but even this is too much for me.  You can be cutesy with each other in private all you want, but too much PDA is just disconcerting.

Motherly affection and devotion

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
15 March 2009
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You know when your mother loves you when she is willing to fly to a country she has never been to to live with you to help you with your language skills.  o.O  And you know she really sacrifices for you when she’s willing to make time outside of a full-time job to help you translate things.  Sometimes, it still amazes me how much my mom has and would give up for me.

It all started pretty much from birth.  My dad had to leave for the US 6 months before I was born, so she bore the pregnancy herself.  Then, 6 months after that, she had to leave to join my father in Pennsylvania.  She and my father had to work as Research Assistants (and my dad was also a Teaching Assistant) to save up the money to bring me over three years later and support us from there.

From then on, she supported my dad in every move we made, from PA to Kansas to Missouri to New York to California to China again.  Sometime in Kansas she decided that to provide the sort of flexibility in mobility that we would need, she would stop working and be a stay at home mom.  That meant that growing up, I was rather spoiled with the ease of having my forgotten homework delivered to me during the day, being driven to all kinds of activities (mostly sports meets), and having my mother on call for all of my wants and needs.

Starting the day she started staying home, other than the years she went back to China working on a business she started with my dad, I never had to go home to an empty house.  She’d wake up at 4 in the morning to drive me to swim practice, she’d sit around waiting in the car for me every day after school that I had to stay late (back before we had cell phones), she’d trek out to school in the middle of the day to drop off something I needed, and she even came back from China to live with me after I graduated UCLA to keep me company until I started working.

Throughout those years, she has also spent her time managing our finances, making sure we were saving up and investing wisely, laboring over the pains of day trading (thank goodness she gave that up), anticipating my dad and my own needs, finding a balance between giving me what I wanted and what I needed, always supporting my dad with what he needed, cooking, cleaning, and tirelessly devoting herself to being a great mother and an amazing woman.  She did so much behind the scenes that I may never know about, but one of the things I learned a few years ago was that she always carefully planned trips to either be the whole family traveling together, or she and my dad splitting up.  That way, it decreased the odds of both of them getting killed in an accident, leaving me an orphan.

Beyond that, she had great potential to be a highly successful engineer (and potentially, manager) in her own right, but she gave that up to be the cornerstone to her husband and daughter’s success.  Even now she is extraordinarily gifted in that area and could be a great engineer for an aerospace company (which is her dream), but being out of the work force for so long has hindered her aspirations.  She has never complained about what she has given up for us and happily shifted her life to fit our needs.

Now we are all in different countries, though she is based in Beijing with my dad, and she is willing to come to Singapore to stay with me!  I was explaining to her how it seems that people here seem to assume that I know so much of the background for Chinese language and culture just because I have a very standard accent and sound quite like a native, but I essentially grew up American, so much of that knowledge is lost on me.  I am concerned about my reading and writing skills in Mandarin that I may need to use for an upcoming project, so she suggested she come so she can be here with me and help me.  Of course, she’s still got her own work to do, so that would be a lot of time out of her day to help me improve my Chinese.

To her it may seem like a small gesture, but to me it really speaks volumes for her deep commitment to me, my future, and my success.  It really meant a lot to me.  I’m learning to appreciate her more and more.  A few years ago, I probably would have thought it was normal and nothing special.  That’s just how much she has conditioned me to her support.  So I hope she doesn’t feel under appreciated, because she isn’t.

Broken identity (a follow-up)

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , , ,
10 March 2009
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Had a long day at work, so I’m pulling from a back-up stash of entries for when I just don’t have the time.

I mentioned before that I have a very complex self identity.  Part of that was all the moving around while growing up, but another part was that initial move.  Since I was only three and a half when I immigrated from China, I could be first or second generation American, depending on how you want to look at it.  That is probably why I always called myself the 1.5 generation (not knowing that it is actually a recognized term!).

I could be first generation if you feel that anyone who personally immigrated is the first generation, or the children of those immigrants are the first generation.  I could be second generation if you feel that the children of the immigrants are the second generation.  However, children of immigrants are typically assumed to be born in the US rather than brought over at a young age.  So, I don’t fit very neatly into any of the more traditional ways of viewing immigrant generations.  It’s all very confusing.

I always grew up thinking that first generation meant that you were the first to enter the country.  However, that would put my parents and I on an even field, which didn’t make sense.  Hence, the one and a half generation – because I was born abroad, but grew up here.  There are plenty of others who did the same and they may be equally confused as to what generation they are considered.

So I never knew if I was an immigrant because I had an alien card or if I was American because I became a naturalized citizen?  Well, as it turns out, these things never have easy answers and I just accept being a little of both.  Neither one really, yet both at the same time.  This is how I imagine it would be to be a biracial or multiracial person.  You are at once all of your parts, but none of them individually, and the sum of your parts does not equal an even whole, but more than that, with the interaction of the parts.

Rather than be confused or upset by this, I find it rather amusing and fun.  It certainly makes for a lively conversation if the topic comes up.  Self identity is such a complex issue; it can’t really be simple for anyone.  So, I like to think of its nuances from time to time, but I never really worry myself about it.  We’ve all got to find our way in life and this is only part of the discovery.  Then there’s figuring out what we to define our lives by, in terms of our hobbies, abilities, lifestyle, and occupation.

This issue is only the tip of the iceberg!  There’s a lot we can identify ourselves with, which changes over time too.  So you know what, I’m not about to have an identity crisis.  It’s cool.  Who am I?  Well, you’ll just have to see.

Singlish

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: , ,
07 March 2009
0

Part of the acclimation here is getting used to the language patterns.  The good thing is that people in Singapore primarily speak English and some Chinese, both of which I am fluent in.  However, as it is with any country, it takes time to get used to the accent, language patterns, and slang.  This takes me back to my first night in my flat in England, gathered around the kitchen table with my neighbors, freaking out to myself because I could not understand a word of what they were saying.

Sometimes, when they are speaking very quickly or not facing me, I find it rather difficult to follow what they are saying.  Plus, throw in all the cultural references, inside jokes, and other communication barriers and you’ve got a huge jumble in your mind.  It’s taking me some time to sort things out, remembering all the background information for historical and cultural references, what certain phrases mean, and also catching up on what the lingo is like around here.

I grew up learning very standard English and Chinese, so it’s a challenge to understand the accents and local jargon that gets used.  Grammatically things are very different too, which poses a mild block in my mind that slows down my processing.  Plus, I’m used to being very compartmentalized with my languages, rarely switching between them, but now everyone is transitioning around a lot more than I’m used to.  The Chinglish I speak at home hardly uses English phrases and is about 90% Chinese, so I’m thinking and reacting in Chinese for the most part.

I’ve learned a lot since my arrival and I continue to try to keep up with all the background information that I need to try to pick up when trying to adjust to a new culture’s style of communication.  The cadence of speech is very different as well and it certainly has been interesting learning to get used to it.  It’s not that I haven’t heard this type of speech before, but more of the overwhelmed senses I have, struggling to figure out all of this very new information.

I’ve been exhausted lately, crashing to bed without a second thought and happily sleeping through the night.  Gone are my insomniac days, which is good, since I no longer lie in bed thinking about what to do.  However, I have already fallen asleep half a dozen times just writing this post.  So, for now, I’ll let my subconscious brain process all the information from this week.

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