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Posts Tagged ‘work’

Clouded

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: akpsi, environment, experiences, future, goals, google voice, google wave, green, health, job hunting, panda, pictures, work

06 October 2009

photo credit: markterrybooks.com

At moments, my mind is clouded by a foggy haze. Thoughts no longer come in lucidly and I can just imagine the transmissions in my brain slowing down. It’s hard to focus when an invisible weight sets foot on your cranium and won’t dissolve, no matter how you try. In fact, it’s almost like corn starch in water or a Chinese finger trap, where the harder you try, the more resistant it gets. So I’ve given up fighting against the current and decided that it’s time to let my weary mind rest for the night. I have no clue what has brought on this mental murkiness, but along with it I feel a sense of increased agitation and restlessness.

Snippets of thoughts run through my head – things to remember, things to do, things to… wait, what was I thinking again? A train of thought is lost just as easily as another takes its place and my mind jumps around lethargically in a way completely unlike the normal stream of thoughts that has me working at a quick pace. I remember websites I meant to visit and read, but I’ve no patience to go through the words. My left eye feels more strained than my right and that irks me. I remember moments that I was harsh or irresponsible towards Panda and I get a pang of guilt.

Too many choices lay in my path and I can’t seem to rationalize my decisions. Everything is a good path, so how do I choose just one? I want to go to all these events, but I don’t have the time and shouldn’t use the resources to. I’ve been craving ice cream all night long and never got around to getting some. I’ve wasted way too much time agonizing over when I’ll gain access to Google Wave, then researching Google Voice and MetroPCS instead. Why? Because I’m curious and wanted to learn about them. But I feel at a standstill, unable to get what I want though I know what it is that I’d love so much. A lot of that has to do with my job search.

I wouldn’t say I’ve found a dream job, but I’ve found one that fits my main specifications and sounds wonderful:

1. with UCLA

2. environment-related

3. decent pay with benefits

4. small work environment

But I haven’t heard back and it’s frustrating because I hate the whole job hunting process and I’d like to just get a job and settle a bit. Much as I enjoy what I’m doing now, there’s huge pressure from my parents to find a job. I don’t think they want anything else from me now, even if I win an award or get to do something prestigious.

I'd like some tranquility and a sense of accomplishment right about now. photo credit: healthyoga.com

My body feels out of sync and I’m getting more conscious of my unevenness. I haven’t had a proper workout for ages because I’ve been telling myself that I’ll start up a routine once I get a job. See, even I’m placing these restrictions on myself. I just want to land that job, get an apartment, get that new car, and begin a routine. Strange. I’m not one for routines and doing the same thing over and over again. But at the same time, I’d like a little more pattern in my life. Living week to week is not sustainable. So many things hinge on settling (and having money): starting to attend yoga classes, joining a massage clinic, picking up more hobbies, getting more creative with cooking, hitting up more restaurants, going to football/basketball games, getting alumni membership in Alpha Kappa Psi, reading books again… I’m putting off everything requiring money or a steady time commitment. After all, I don’t want to start something just to have to change when I do start working full-time.

Gridlocked

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: driving, environment, experiences, future, goals, los angeles, opinion, opportunity green, pictures, traffic, work

22 September 2009

Brake. Gas. Brake. Gas. Brake. Brake. Brake.

What it looks like. photo credit: enterstageright.com

The morning commute sucks, even at 9:30. You would have expected it to be a little clearer, but I guess enough people go to work later that it doesn’t even matter anymore. Panda has mentioned a few times that he wants to live near work so he only has a 5-minute commute (much like mine to Opportunity Green when I’m at his place). I completely understand. The problem will be working close enough to each other that we can find a place that isn’t too far from either. For I certainly don’t want to have to wake up in the morning only to drive an hour and a half to start working. It’s exhausting and the complete wrong way to start the day. I’m amazed that so many people do it.

I hate to get up in the morning as it is. When you put a morning commute as miserable as they get in LA, that’s just about the worst way anyone could start their day. I can’t imagine something more stressful and draining, both physically and mentally. And for those who experience road rage and get extremely anxious when they are running late, it’s emotionally taxing as well. If only everyone could just work from home and cut the commute, be close enough to just walk on over, or had public transportation that easily transported people. Maybe cities should be planned in such as way as to ease this sort of congestion. I’m not sure that would be enough though, what the complexity of the problem. Perhaps businesses and residences should intermingle more evenly to spread out the flow of traffic in all directions instead of one main one. It just doesn’t make sense to have hordes of people heading into a central business district each morning and rushing out each evening. Is there really any real benefit to having business hubs?

What it feels like. photo credit: Curtis Gregory Perry on flickr

It might be that the problem would not be solved with a different distribution of businesses, but rather needs to be tackled via transportation solutions. I know I sure wish I had someone to drive with so I could take advantage of the carpool lane and probably shave a good 20-30 minutes off of my 90-minute drive. Even better would be a mass transportation system that runs at that time. The only way I can get from my valley down to more central LA via public transportation is a commuter bus that only runs in the early morning. This city is in desperate need of a mass transit makeover. Buses, trains, subways, monorails, whatever. A city so spread out shouldn’t leave its people with so few options to get around.

Let’s end the concept of rush hour. It’ll make the atmosphere cleaner and the people happier.

When time stands still

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: childhood, daddy, elle, experiences, friends, katana, los angeles, memories, mommy, observation, opinion, relationships, travel, ucla, work

20 September 2009

Just like old times, taking self-portraits in the car.

I got a chance to hang out with Katana yesterday and it never ceases to amaze me how each time we see each other, I don’t feel like she’s been gone for that long. The last time I saw her was sometime during Christmas break a good nine months ago, but it’s easy for us to fall right back into an old pattern, an old routine. I guess this is kind of how I live my life, since the same thing happens when my parents and I are reunited, and last month when I finally came back to LA and saw Panda again. In each case, the time we spent apart doesn’t seem so long because of the ease in which we slip back into familiar territory. Sure, a lot has changed, but fundamentally, we’re still the same.

It’s weird to think about Katana and Elle, who were the two best friends I had from my high school years at Valencia. Ever since Katana and I graduated, with her going off to VMI, then NMMI, and I going off to UCLA, the three of us have only gotten to hang out sporadically, whenever it happened to work out. Usually that meant about once or twice a year, particularly the over the holidays and/or during another one of our seasonal breaks. And though interactions were few and far between, we were still the Asian girls who stood out and didn’t quite fit into the mould of what people expected girls, especially Asian girls, to be. I guess that’s what ties us together in the end – this common way of life that leads us from “normal” girl activities to things like JROTC, where we met, or to be particularly outspoken about some feminist beliefs.

Sometimes I can’t believe I’ve known these two ladies for nearly 7 years now! I haven’t ever known and stayed in contact with someone for that long. Being that I moved every 3-4 years, that’s not too surprising. For the first time in my life though, I’m going back to old friends again and again. They are no longer memories to be stored away in a compartment labeled based on what city I knew them from. Now they are a consistent prescense in my life, however fleeting that may be. So I guess this is shocking to me because I don’t know what it’s like to have lifelong friends. Do they all fare so well seeing each other so infrequently? No matter where we are, whether it’s spread across three states in the US (like we are now), or spread across countries (as we’ve often been), I don’t need to see or even talk to these girls to know they will be there. It’s kind of like family.

A picture is also like a moment frozen in time... photo credit: _Mike_Howard_ on flickr

Speaking of family, mine is also a very scattered one, with me seeing my relatives something like seven times over my lifetime and seeing my parents twice a year on average. And though we’ve all grown a lot these two decades, I still think of my parents as 35-year-olds and honestly, only when I look closely do I realize they’re not anymore. But in my head, there’s a semi-frozen image of my family members – my cousins are still budding young adults, my parents quite young, and my grandparents still sprightly. Sure, we’ve added a few new members since then, but they kind of just get tacked on without the others gaining much in age. I don’t know how it works in my mind, but that’s how I recall my closest kin. Every time I see them again, even after four years away and so much that happened in between, I remember a lot of my childhood and the main processes remain unchanged. I still get spoiled and stay with the same people and generally do and eat the same things.

Even for my parents, the few weeks I see them out of the year doesn’t seem so odd because those memories last me a long time. I’ve got so much other stuff going on while I’m on my own that just touching base with them semi-annually is plenty to work from. It does get lonely in the house sometimes when I’m the only one, but I’m used to solitude. That was much like how our household functions anyway. Besides, at my age, it’s time to be moving out and doing things on my own. Much as I adore my house, Valencia is not really the place to jump start a career. I’d rather be in Westwood or Santa Monica, or somewhere more central to the hubbub of LA.

Finally, the day that I came back after months away in Singapore, I was nervous to see Panda again. It was our first time being apart since things really got started and it was certainly not a short period of time to cope with. Even now I wonder how we managed, because not seeing him for a day can make me antsy. I was glad that we fell pretty quickly back into a comfortable rhythm, working out our schedules around challenges, as we’ve always done. I had been afraid that it would take some time to warm up again and that we may almost be like strangers for a bit, but that didn’t last very long. Once again, time altered its flow for me (well, at least to my perception it did) and it was like a fraction of the time had actually passed. I guess that’s what happens with people you care about. Katana said it best: we have changed enough to have things to talk about, but haven’t changed so much that we don’t connect anymore.

Seeing red

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: observation, opinion, pictures, work

01 September 2009

photo credit: collegepublisher.com

Rage and desperation can be startling motivators. It’s a theme that seems to come up occasionally, especially when it comes to military personnel in combat. I guess when people stop caring about consequences, they can accomplish amazing things. It can be good or bad, depending on if they get a personal vendetta against enemy forces or people who made the mistake of crossing their path. I wonder how many times soldiers have gone off on a killing rage, earning them a Purple Heart or Medal of Honor. I think they’re most vulnerable to this happening if they lost a loved one who was very close to them, like family members or lifelong friends. The trauma of losing someone so near and dear to their hearts can make them snap and get tunnel vision, focusing purely on one mission: revenge. Slashing out at enemy soldiers during combat can be admirable; slashing out at individuals or groups who have offended you can be tragic. It’s a fine line sometimes between what is considered heroic and what is considered criminal.

photo credit: bbc.co.uk

Of course, this idea also works in other areas of life. People have been known to accomplish great things because of their sheer anger towards something. One such case is someone I know, who people say work so hard out of bitterness and resentment. Whether she’s trying hard to prove something or just using work as a way to escape that which bothers her is unclear, but the dedication is hard to miss. Those who feel they need to do something to prove they’re better or that they can accomplish something they were told they couldn’t are especially driven to show that they can. Anger can make you run faster, climb higher, jump further. So it seems that it’s not so much having negative feelings and motivations that are a bad thing, but rather what you choose to do with them. Choose to punch a bag rather than a person; choose to prove them wrong rather than give up; choose to do the better thing.

Major pain

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: advice, college, family, pictures, ucla, work

31 August 2009

The selection can be daunting, what with thousands to choose from...

I got a call from my cousin today, who is settling in to start college in Boston. She’s a bit concerned about choosing classes, since she has yet to settle on a major. The pressure is high for her to choose a major that she will excel in, which is no easy task, given her unfamiliarity with the language she will be taught in. Additionally, because of the huge cost to study in the states, she’s under a time limit to complete a degree in the standard four years. It may not be a huge problem if she didn’t want to double major. But of course, college always presents itself as a major changing force in a person’s life, whether they have trouble choosing what to study or they need to adjust to life away from home. It’s never easy, is it?

In my faltering Chinese, I advised her to try to find classes that she needs to take anyway to satisfy requirements. I didn’t know how to say “general education” classes, but I described classes that overlap with needs and she mentioned she does have certain types of classes like science and math that she needs to fulfill no matter what. I also explained to her how my dad and I don’t believe the major really does that much. What it comes down to is the skill sets you learn from each type of degree – in the sciences, the scientific method and critical thinking; in the arts, writing and critical analysis. From there, there are many directions you can go. I recommended that she go talk to the professors in the areas she’s interested in to ask them about possible career paths and insight into their respective fields and she mentioned a dean, which is also a great idea. Too bad she doesn’t remember his/her name and isn’t sure where to track down said dean…

From personal experience, I also encouraged her to take advantage of that which I never really did – office hours and tutoring. Those resources are readily available to her and that extra effort and commitment can really go a long way. Sometimes I wonder how I would have fared if I had gone to use those resources, but I don’t exactly regret not. I got through my double degree just fine without, with a few minor stumbles along the way when classes got tough. I’m still working on not always being oh so independent in certain areas, like studying. It’s one of those things that you really have to train yourself to get used to though. I hope she does better in that arena that I ever managed.

It’s funny how people get so worked up over what to major in in college. Haven’t we all gotten the memo? Except for highly technical jobs, a major is no sure indicator of employability or knowledge and skill set. So why is that people still feel it is so important to choose the right one when you’re only 18-20 or so? It’s one of those unfortunate myths that people are well aware of, but still choose to believe. There’s so much more than taking an exact set of classes to learn the skills truly needed to be a good worker. I think employers are understanding this more and more, but parents don’t always get news, I guess. I hope that my cousin can choose a major she really enjoys or at least is interested in and that my uncle will understand that it’s not that decision that matters most, but what she does with her time while studying for her degree.

Failure

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: personal insight, pictures, work

14 August 2009

If nothing else, he has been amazingly resilient to ridicule. photo credit: soundoflife.net

If nothing else, he has been amazingly resilient to ridicule. I respect that. photo credit: soundoflife.net

Failure. My greatest fear. Failing to accomplish what I want to. Failing to meet others’ expectations. Failing to become the kind of person I dream of. Failing to live a life I’m proud of. Fear of failure holds me back, paralyzes me. It gives me no room to breathe, no chance to defend myself. It suffocates me. And most of this is done in a very subconscious manner. But when I carefully examine my approach to things, I have learned that it all boils down to this simple fear. Katana wrote about the difference between success and responsibility and it seems that people often mistake the two. What I have come to realize over the years is that I admire people’s success, but not their responsibility. So, though there are people who I may think I want to be at times, I really don’t. I don’t envy the pressure they face, whether from the paparazzi following them everywhere or to their “failures” blasted out for the world to know. And I fear that sort of judgment of failure.

Even the smallest failures can hold me back from taking due risks, especially when it comes to work or a career. I am terrified of making mistakes on the job. I’m threatened by the possibility of falling flat on my face trying a skill I’m unfamiliar with. And so, I sit quietly, not really challenging myself, or keeping my ideas to myself, in case they’re ridiculous. It’s really hard for me to put myself up for judgment and I have actively avoided such things. Though I usually get very positive feedback, even the most tactfully-put criticism stings hard. I really need to overcome that, but it’s very hard for me to deal with a sense of disappointment. It’s like I could have, should have, done something, if only I would have. And that is an opportunity wasted, isn’t it? Of course, I don’t expect to grab every opportunity that comes by. Certainly I will miss out on some, but those that I do grab can be far better, if I play my cards right.

However, I’m not afraid to stand out. I’m not afraid to do silly, crazy, strange, weird, unusual things. I’m not afraid to be unconventional. That all goes to mush when it comes to a workplace environment though. At least throughout my educational years, people are expected to be learning at school, which in turn opens the doors for mistakes. In the workplace though, people are expected to be doing, which is much less conducive to allowing mistakes. I was blessed that the environment at C&S was very forgiving, yet even then I always feared that a request to talk privately was just another way to critique my performance. I’ve always had a deep-rooted fear and respect for authority, whether it be parents, teachers and professors, or bosses. It’s hard for me to see them as friends or as equals, no matter how well they treat me. Even though I’ve come a long way in not being held back by these feelings, there’s still quite a way to go and I would be devastated if something I did that was considered bad ever got in the news.

photo credit: twitip.com

I’m slowly breaking out of the grip of this fear, as I gain more confidence in what I do. I’m actually perfectly fine with putting myself out there to get a job and I don’t mind being judged and rejected for that, but once I’m working, I’m always afraid of how I am perceived by my supervisors. I’m not afraid of being jobless and I’m not afraid of asserting what skills I have learned from previous jobs. I don’t mind the idea of striking out on my own, but I’m letting my fear of failure in my parents’ eyes push that aside for a more standard job. The entrepreneurial desires will have to wait until I can justify what I’m doing to my parents. I must admit I am a bit fearful of not being able to hack it as a businesswoman though. I really do believe that I can do it though, and I will work at it until that becomes reality. I’m not afraid to work hard. I just don’t want people following my every footstep, documenting every mistake, and discovering all my weaknesses. I can do that just fine for myself, thank you very much. I think that’s the biggest driver behind why I wouldn’t want to be a famous star. I would like people to know my name, but in the same way we know someone like Bill Gates – he certainly doesn’t attract the screaming teenaged girls or stalker photographers quite like the people of Hollywood.

So there you have it, my greatest insecurity.

My Bruin obsession

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: environment, future, pictures, ucla, work

13 August 2009

I have spent the two weeks since I’ve been back looking for jobs purely at UCLA. I’m not interested in much else, unless a really great local eco-consulting opportunity comes up. I figure (as I always do) that if I don’t do it now, I won’t get a chance later. Once I get into an environmental career, since I’m not a researcher or professor, I won’t really get to work for my alma mater. So, now is the time, while the most important thing is just to get lots of good work experience for business school. It would help if it was on campus and environmental, which is why my top choice is any job with the Institute of the Environment. However, if it has nothing to do with the industry I want to get into later, it’s still useful as a learning experience and will help me have something to draw from when I pursue my MBA.

So, I’ve convinced myself that once I work for a few years and go off to graduate school, I will not be able to work for UCLA anymore. After all, the positions they offer wouldn’t really justify it and I should be focusing on truly building my career by then. That’s when I’d really need to know what local businesses are in the environmental arena (or maybe I’ll be ready for start my own thing by then). With that in mind, I am doggedly pursuing UCLA careers so I can fulfill one of my heart’s desires. I haven’t really been picky, considering all jobs that look about entry-level and don’t require a very technical skill that I know nothing about. From Housing to major departments to the Office of the Dean, I’m trying them all, though my hopes really are on that one with the Institute.

I’m also getting involved in some Young Alumni events, like the mixer I just went to, and next week there’s another similar event, as well as a Bruin sendoff in September, welcoming new Bruins who will be starting in the fall. I even donated a few dollars to the 5K Challenge, which is aiming to get 5000 young alum to donate at least $5 each. When that happens, a generous ’70 alumnus named Darryl Johnson will donate $10,000! Cool, huh? It’s a good way for him to get the young alum involved and feel good about themselves – after all, my $5 is helping to get UCLA $10,000 more. I’m an absolute sucker for all things Blue and Gold and I really, truly, believe I would bleed it if I could. 😛 But seriously, slap the UCLA logo on any decent-looking item and I’ll probably want it. One day I plan on having a room in the house Bruin-tized (oooh maybe I can even get a miniature of the Inverted Fountain!) and my school gear proudly displayed.

Just gotta go pick up my diploma now.

I’ve always been one for school spirit, buying lots of memorabilia for not only my college, but my high schools and even middle schools. I don’t think they sold stuff with my elementary schools’ names or logos, or else I probably would have gotten those too. I certainly was into the whole yearbook thing until I got to college. Since then, I’ve shown my commitment by working for four UCLA departments during my college career, living in on-campus housing for three years, and supporting the bazaars and sales on campus by buying quite a bit! In high school I got a class ring each for both of my high schools, but come college I felt that it was nicer to get a graduation package with a nice diploma frame, keepsake tassel, and t-shirt instead. I also joined the Alumni Association with a Lifetime Membership, for which I was given two license plate frames, two padfolios, a mug, and some other random small gifts.

I’m proud of the history of the school and the rich traditions we have, despite being so young. There’s really so many rewarding experiences that you can’t find elsewhere and I’m glad I chose to be a Bruin. I wouldn’t have it any other way. 🙂 [insert 8-clap :-P]

Young alum mixin’ it up!

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: england, experiences, food, panda, pictures, storytelling, ucla, work

11 August 2009

Yay free things! I <3 all things Bruin.

Today I attended my first alumni event, a young alumni mixer held in the San Fernando Valley. People from a variety of backgrounds showed up, ranging from fresh-ish grads such as myself from the Class of ’08 to people as far back as the class of ’98, and grad students as well. It was a nice event, with free appetizers and some raffle items. I was the first one to show up, even after I found that my original parking spot is permit-only and had to move my car a very long block away. The place was strewn with lots of small gifts that people could take at will, like Class of ’09 cups, Class of ’08 keychains, Class of ’07 stickers, etc.

I sat down to chat with a few people and when the appetizers came, I munched my way through quite a bit before curbing my hunger. I met a bunch of interesting people – a guy who was my year, a Chem major who is doing R&D work now; two girls who were ’04, one is a third grade teacher and the other a nurse at UCLA; a guy who was ’06 Psychology, now working on techie stuff for UCLA Biomed or something like that; a lady who was ’06 Music History and History, and has been a professional musician for 25 years; a girl who was ’03 and is working at the UCLA Fund; and a few others who work for UCLA, as well as a handful of people in the environmental field. I got a nice lead with Ms. UCLA Fund, who told me to let her know when I submit my application for a job on campus that I would really like to have.

As luck would have it, I also won a raffle item and chose to take home the mug. I was a sucker for the gold trim and black and white image of Royce Hall. I was almost tempted to get the mouse pad, but then I realized I never use one. This clocks in as the second mug I’ve won and one of many that I have unofficially collected over the years. I will never forget my beautiful black mug from Gallery and Toff’s (two nightclubs in York), which I got during Fresher Week when I first arrived for my year studying at the Uni of York. I think it’s the sturdiness, yet fragile nature of them that make me feel they are valuable enough. Everyone’s a winner when I win things, because I get really excited and that brings a smile to most everyone’s face (except for the super bitter who reaaally wanted to win too, I suppose).

I had nothing else to do, so I stayed quite late chatting with these people. The last guy I had an extensive talk with kept calling me a cougar because Panda is two years older than me. 🙁 He was teasing, of course, but for some reason I was very eagerly trying to deny his allegations. He joked that I go to high school proms to pick up guys and buy underage kids alcohol to bribe them, all ridiculous notions, but I still defended myself. I’ve had my share of pseudo-dating but I’ve quite happily settled on my first and only boyfriend, thank you very much. But hey, cougar is better than cradle-robber, right? And so I concluded my night, taste buds happy with the food, mind pleased with the service, and overall a very positive feel about the night.

Somehow I didn’t take a single picture there though…

Job market

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: animals, daddy, environment, los angeles, ucla, work

05 August 2009

My dad just forwarded an e-mail talking about the boom in jobs in the green sector. That’s great but, umm, where are they?! I would love a job in some sort of environmental firm, especially if it’s a consultancy. But alas, the focus seems to mostly be on energy and more technical stuff, so maybe I really should look into starting up my own little thing. Unfortunately, I would really need a partner who has the scientific background or some sort of environmental degree. I’ve joked with Panda that I will start up a business with his brother, but hey, I’m totally up for that if it’s possible. However, I haven’t even met the guy, so that’s really just a fantasy. More realistically, I’ll be looking for a temp job to start giving me an income, then continuing my search for something a little more permanent as I try to build up a career.

One of my three darling kitties.

Today I looked into cat sitting jobs and considered applying to a pet services company. It’s not exactly my ticket to a high-profile job, but it certainly is my passion. I have a strong affinity for animals in general and felines in particular. What’s better than spending my days with them? I’d get a chance to move around the area, visit a bunch of cats, and occasionally stay over at people’s houses to watch the fellows. Doesn’t sound like a bad deal, but of course then comes the question: where’s the future in that? Even if I did run my own little business for that, I see it more as a side gig or something for retirement. It’s certainly not the type of job I’d like to make a career out of, but more of one I’d like to maintain long-term as a hobby. Short-term however, it’d be a great job to have as I try to find something with a bit more growth.

What I really want to get into is eco-consultancy, but where do I find such opportunities? I’ve searched online for quite awhile and came up with Sustainability Works in Santa Monica, which is a non-profit that helps local companies change their ways to become more eco-friendly. However, their focus is quite narrow and I’d like a company that services the greater Los Angeles area, so I’d get a chance to deal with people from a variety of cities in the area. It’s surprisingly hard to find a job that apparently is popping up left and right. Just gotta love how articles only talk about a trend without any sound evidence, with solid examples of companies hiring or something.

Tour themes were always a fun thing to plan.

I’m tempted to fall back on some old jobs just to earn some money (hopefully they’ve still got space for me!) in the time being. Sad how lack of money is such a motivator. 🙁 For the moment, I’m really interested in a job at UCLA. I remember seeing a friend leading some donors or other important people around campus for a tour and it seems that’s the closest I’ll get to being a tour guide for UCLA after graduation. Everything else is student-led, so I’m out of luck in my dreams of being a fabulous tour guide (unless I attend graduate school?). Well, we’ll see, I’ve been browsing the listings and there are some interesting ones!

Lack of motivation

laelene Posted in general blog，Tags: food, friends, health, los angeles, ninja, pictures, singapore, work

04 August 2009

My trusty scale.

I’ve been back for just about five days now and not worked out once. Instead, I’ve gone to all-you-can-eat Korean BBQ, stuffed myself with a huge plateful of dumplings, scarfed down a gigantic serving of kimchi fried rice, and fed myself otherwise unhealthy amounts of food. I’m still happily one jeans size smaller and ten pounds lighter then when I left for Singapore, but who knows how long that will last. When I first discovered this weight loss, I couldn’t believe it. I was at the doctor’s and using a kg scale and the conversion just didn’t seem right. But since I’ve come back I’ve tried a handful of different scales and even tried on pants one size smaller to confirm. Time and time again, I’ve been amazed that I weigh what I haven’t since my high school days. Of course it’s not just about weight, but I do feel more sprightly now (though that may just be psychological, who knows). Nonetheless, it feels good and I’m still a healthy weight. So, to keep it that way, I’ve really got to buckle down and get myself to work out during the day at some point, but it’s just too easy to fall back into my lazy routine.

Oh yes, a most familiar scene.

Let me describe to you my life after college and before my stint in Singapore. I’d wake up ridiculously late, anywhere from 2 or 3 in the afternoon to even 6 PM at times. I’d casually drag myself out of bed in the heat and either go downstairs to pig out for a bit or go online and sit on the bed, typing away. At some point I’d hop in the shower to wash away the grossness from lounging around all day. I’d eat dinner around 8 PM and occasionally go for a nighttime stroll with my mother afterwards, as I promised my dad I would when he went back to China and couldn’t accompany her anymore. We’d walk for about an hour in the brisk night, then I’d get back and hop straight back into bed, prop myself up, and go online for the remainder of the night. I even set up a little snack station next to my bed, so a variety of food and drinks would be available within arms reach. I’d stay up all night on my laptop and fall asleep sometime between 6-9 AM, when the world lit up again and everyone else around me was just starting their day.

It’s no wonder I didn’t lose any of the weight I’d gained in college, despite eating less overall. Instead, my belly grew out a little and my thighs thickened, though of course I never noticed a thing, with such gradual changes. I don’t want that to happen to me again, so I’m trying to spend less time working on the bed and go downstairs to the dining room table to go online. I’ve also been keeping busy meeting up with people and hanging out in the places that I love. Unfortunately, much of that involves food, and plenty of it! It’s ok though, I just need to get off my butt and get my heart rate up to keep off any buildup. Maybe I’ll dust off that bike in the garage, or maybe I’ll bring out my beloved longboard. I do plan on learning how to surf once Ninja gets back from being Indiana Jones, so that should help with toning!

But for now, I have little motivation and all the reason to lounge around in bed all day. I’ve really got to start looking for a job though.

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