For the past couple of days I have not been the best of moods with my mother. Time and time and again, she has spoken about relationships in a way that make me feel like she is critiquing Panda when she knows nothing about how our relationship works. To her, she is giving me advice to forewarn me of many issues that can crop up so I am aware. To me, she is just doubtful of this relationship being a good one and working out the way that I expect it to. And so, listening to her talk about it always makes me grumpy, because it is not like that, he is not like that, and I am certainly not like that either.
It started with talking about my place in his life. Am I his priority or would he put his career potential or parents ahead of me? In trying to illustrate his cautious nature, I mentioned a time where he asked if his job potential would be hindered by me. My mom read that as him not sure if I am important enough to give up a better job for. She also assumed that just because I consoled him and said that it wouldn’t happen, I didn’t ask him what he would do if it did. Though I didn’t directly ask him, since then we have talked about many issues that have shown me all that he is willing to sacrifice, or change, for me.
A similar thing goes for his mom, who is hugely protective of him – would he let me get in the way of their mother-child relations? This one I’ve asked directly and he has promised that there will be a point down the line when I become the most important woman in his life. I don’t need that yet, but certainly I won’t put up with deferring to his mother forever. I have also clearly indicated my complete lack of interest in having our parents live with us. Live near? Sure, but not with. I value my privacy and independence far too much for that. I just hope that she will not try to be around all the time and can be content with certain weekends or afternoons/nights.
My mother said that you don’t have just a relationship with someone; you have a relationship with his family. And though that is probably true enough, I’m not willing to stop trying if the family proves to want very different things than me. However, she seemed to insinuate that any man who has a clingy mother should be stayed away from. Far away. I think it’s completely unfair to curse a guy for how his parents might act (and might is important here – after all, there’s no proof they’d be clingy in the future). Though your circumstances often dictate your personality, it doesn’t have to. Not all kids growing up in tough neighborhoods become criminals, just as not all kids growing up in affluence become successful.
I know my mom means well in the end, wanting to make sure I’ve thought of all of these “what ifs” and glitches that can tear a relationship apart. What she doesn’t know is how well we’ve handled things. Communication is still very much open and though we approach life differently, we share many crucial principles. Many things have already been discussed and we know where we stand with them and for the more unpredictable things, we’re willing to work together and compromise. Perhaps it is just because my mom has not had a chance to understand how maturely we handle our relationship, but right now her advice falls upon annoyed ears.
As luck would have it, I also won a raffle item and chose to take home the mug. I was a sucker for the gold trim and black and white image of Royce Hall. I was almost tempted to get the mouse pad, but then I realized I never use one. This clocks in as the second mug I’ve won and one of many that I have unofficially collected over the years. I will never forget my beautiful black mug from Gallery and Toff’s (two nightclubs in York), which I got during Fresher Week when I first arrived for my year studying at the Uni of York. I think it’s the sturdiness, yet fragile nature of them that make me feel they are valuable enough. Everyone’s a winner when I win things, because I get really excited and that brings a smile to most everyone’s face (except for the super bitter who reaaally wanted to win too, I suppose).
It started Saturday with dim sum, where we also ate with Cherry (who was also an Orientation Counselor with us last year) and Envie (Panda’s brother). It was really nice to catch up with Cherry, who just completed a rigorous summer program, and meet Brother, who I’ve heard about over the months, but never gotten more than an impression of. After we filled our bellies with delectable tidbits, we went across the way to a photo sticker machine place and took some fun shots together. Between the six of us we managed to squeeze into one booth and split the sixteen copies of the four shots we printed, then split off. I took Panda, Envie, and Cherry back before spinning back to get Opti and Doc, who had gone back to Opti’s so she could pack for the overnight.
As I thought, the wait was drastically shorter than the guy told us, so we were seated about an hour after we had originally arrived. Unfortunately, restaurants of this type work at a slow pace, casually letting you soak in the atmosphere and enjoy your soup and salad before the chef shows up to entertain the table. We were ravenous and didn’t get fed substantial food until about 10 o’clock. The performance was fun, but not as flashy as others I’ve seen and the fried rice was very tasty, but the chicken was a bit chewy and bland. The vegetables were juicy, but not my favorite thing to eat and the shrimp was pretty good with the provided sauce. Overall I felt the experience was average and probably not worth the money, so I think I’ll look for cheaper alternatives to this type of dining next time. It was nice to share it in a double date kind of setting though.
This morning, Panda woke up early and couldn’t quite get back to sleep, but the rest of us slept in until we lethargically pulled ourselves up and decided that we were due for some brunch. We walked down to a cafe that serves breakfast all day and uses fresh ingredients to make tasty sandwiches, burgers, and of course, the standard breakfast foods as well. From there, it was time to resume our carding craze until dinner. Throughout the game, the boys got chastised by the girls, who were both whooping the boys for the majority of the time. We can get pretty sassy and have a fun time bantering back and forth flirtatiously. The guys learned that they just couldn’t win unless they placated us. 😛
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