To be elite

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I often really wish that I had one thing I am extremely good at.  I admire the people who are leaders in their field, whether it’s scientific research, musical ability, sports prowess, or business sense.  If only I had such talent and discipline to join their ranks.  Instead, I’m the type of person who dabbles in a lot of areas and has a good breadth of knowledge and skill.  But my depth?  Lacking.  It’s the curse of the jack of all trades: master of none.  And though I look up to the people who are recognized as the cream of the crop, I’m not sure that I actually want to be like that, though if I was, it’d be nice.

I love swimming, but not that much!

I love swimming, but not that much!

I typically get bored with doing the same thing for prolonged periods, so I don’t know if I could stand to dedicate so much of my life to a singular goal.  Instead, I like broadly knowing more things and being well-rounded.  A little bit of this, a little bit of that.  I guess it comes from my nomadic lifestyle and social butterfly tendencies.  All this makes me great as a search engine, but not so much as a dictionary or encyclopedia.  There are certain pros and cons, of course, as with anything.  After all, people like me can be useful for linking things, finding things, and uniting things.  So it can be useful to get a basic idea from me, then be referred to someone with more expertise.  Still, I don’t want to be a complete generalist and I’d like to have one or two items that I can be a specialist in. The problem is… what?

I guess that’s why it’s hard for me to identify a passion.  I really like a lot of things, but I don’t really LOVE anything more than my other interests.  Therefore, it’s hard for me to decide on a passion to pursue when I have so many that I’m excited about and none that I want to give up everything else to focus on.  If only it was as simple and straightforward as knowing my one great passion and doggedly pursuing it day after day.  At least then I’d have a direction, a purpose.  As of yet, I’m still looking.  So, I truly respect the people out there who know what they want to spend their lives doing.  For me, it’s less obvious and that in itself will be a learning journey.

First encounter with the Goddess

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Disclaimer: Not for the faint of heart, if you get sickened easily by hearing of others’ bodily functions (though really, it’s not that graphic).

Well, I was off to a nice start with today’s post when my nausea caught up with me and I found myself, for the first time ever, learning to worship the porcelain goddess.  I had found it strange when I came back after a filling dinner, bloated from eating so much, yet still as nauseous as if I hadn’t eaten at all.  It wasn’t long after that I learned that my food was spoiled.  I’m quite sure it was the skinny little mushrooms wrapped in a thin slice of beef.  So there I was laying there, feeling as if my bile was rising, causing my saliva to go sour.  I went to the bathroom to spit out the bad juices only to find that I really was unwell.

In all of my life, I have felt nauseated many a time, but never once have I done more than gag a bit and flex that gag reflex a bit.  This would be the first time that I consciously regurgitated anything and it was surprisingly more natural than I ever imagined it to be.  I’m sure I was burped as a baby, but since then, the only time that my stomach has been unhappy enough with its contents was back in 5th grade, when I woke up to find that my nightmare had caused me to empty my stomach’s contents.  It was a completely novel experience to stand there and be conscious of what was happening to my body as my unhappy tummy threw out its contents in the only way it knows how.  I guess I found it a bit fascinating because I’ve only ever seen others do it before.  Experiencing it yourself makes it put on an entirely different dimension.

I curiously noted that the flow was so powerful that at one point it almost came out of my nose.  Gosh those muscles are strong!  Also, one of my contributions to the Goddess included red, which alarmed me for a moment until I smelled the scent of tomatoes.  Why I had that I have no idea, since I cannot recall what I might have had that included tomatoes, but I really doubt blood could manage to smell like that.  I did a quick check gurgling some water and checking my nose and but for a burst scar on my nose, there was no bleeding to be found.  Thank goodness.

Being my first time, I had no idea what to do afterwards, so I went online to look for some solutions.  What it came down to was: drink water.  And so I did, drinking down any more sourness that I smelled.  I didn’t know if it was better to lay down or sit straight, so I lay on the bed breathing deeply until that was uncomfortable, then sat up for awhile.  I called up my mom to confirm what action I should take and though I really wanted to eat some of that Mamee I had, I resisted the urge in case my stomach in its delicate state decided to rebel again.  It’s strange that though I lost my entire dinner, I feel less “hungry” than I had when I was full to the brim with that poison.  I guess the sour of bad food was mistaken for the sour of a stomach with nothing to be broken down by its acid.

And now a lesson learned, to be more careful about what I eat.  It didn’t seem that unusual for the food to be a bit sour, but I guess I should have smelled more intently.  This was after going to this very restaurant yesterday and finding the seaweed salad to be stale.  Perhaps their quality just isn’t up there.  It’s time to find a new place to have my solo dinners now.  At first I was afraid to sleep lest I have another incident in my sleep, but it seems to have subsided and I think my stomach would have emptied things out more if it needed to do so.  So instead of a thoughtful entry on feminism, today you get a lovely depiction of my night.  With that, I should rest, so good night!

(I hope you don’t mind the lack of pictures… I think that may just make you worse off, so I didn’t take any.  :-P)

Fear

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I just finished powering through a book called Turning It On by Robin Speculand, which is basically a collection of stories for the business world meant to be fables of sorts – they all have a specific point and lesson to be learned.  There were some great points I took from it, though I feel at this point in my development, nothing is new except the way and how well it is presented to me.  I mean, I know all this information, but hearing it again and again is what will help grill it into my life and make good habits out of them.  As the 7X7 Rule of Communication states, tell it 7 different times in 7 different ways!  So, though sometimes it feels repetitive, I push on in the hopes that these constant reminders will guide my behavior down a good path.

Fear makes my heart hurt!

Fear makes my heart hurt!

Now what I came across that did intrigue me was a new way of putting an old idea: FEAR.  In this case, it’s “False Evidence which Appears Real” and the four most common ones that are identified are fear of failure, rejection, being wrong, and emotional discomfort.  Funny, I was just talking about this with Starfish yesterday, because I often hold myself back, too afraid to jump for fear of all but the last one, pretty much.  I spend so much time thinking and analyzing, but my fear is what keeps me from putting everything into action.  It’s also what creates a lot of self-doubt, which otherwise is really not justified.  I don’t horrible feedback and I haven’t had a traumatic experience, yet I worry about so many things and how they are wrong, wrong, wrong.  And I hate to be wrong!

Part of the reason I believe in reminding myself is because for something like this that is so ingrained in my way of thinking and framing things, it’s very challenging to change.  But of course, I must strive for nothing but, since it’s obvious that I’m missing out on a lot, whether actually accomplishing what I dream of or learning valuable lessons from my stumbles, falls, and the resulting bruises.  I’m fine with physically tripping and messing up, but I dread doing so professionally and personally in the work that I do and the ways that I handle things.  Alas, so much of life is learning from your experiences (which inevitably include mistakes).  Just knowing I need to work on this doesn’t make it any easier and doesn’t make it happen any faster, but at least I am aware and trying right?  Right?

So, reading about this new way of putting fear really struck a chord with me since this is the very thing I am struggling the most to overcome internally.  After all, I can get a lot of outside support, but I need to change my mentality to truly stop behaving in a timid, fearful manner.  I’m not very good at it, but I think I’m better or at least more willing to consider facing and overcoming my fears.  It’s so strange that I am so hesitant when I’ve had certain failures that I have put behind me and nothing so terrible has happened because of them.  So why, why is it still such a challenge?!

Oh the places we’ll go!

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Well-worn and well-used!

Well-worn and well-used!

Suddenly, a whole new world is opening up to me.  I am getting an opportunity to travel when I hadn’t thought of it before and it is a wondrous thing!  I’m especially pleased because I’ve been wanting to explore this part of the world, but it’s hard to fit in weekend trips when all I want to do is sleep.  I’m reminiscing of my days spent exploring the wonders of Europe, with little more than my Eurail pass and train schedule to guide my way.  It was an uncertain, yet exciting time and things didn’t always work out so well, but in the end it was certainly all worth it.  My second time around was more stable and my friend and I had pretty stable places to stay, but even then we found ourselves wandering the streets of Paris for three hours until about 3 AM, trying to find our way back to the hotel in the early hours of my birthday.  Adventurous with a tinge of mystery and risk (though not quite danger, thankfully).

So now, fantastical images are filling my head of all the lovely places I can go and the fun things I can do.  Explore the coasts and beaches?  I’m there!  Take a little ride along the river?  I’d love to!  Ride an elephant?  Show me the way! From luxury to wild, including massages and mudbaths or toughing it out in the middle of nowhere, I’d love to go do it.  I just need to find all the cool things to do and plan out this amazing expedition.  Of course, I’m also going to be cautious and try to find some buddies to come along or stay with friends along the way, but if all else fails, I’ve traveled solo before and I’ll just be smart about where I go and how I act.  I’ve certainly had to take many random precautions before just so I wouldn’t be picked out as a target.  That would mean leaving the valuables at home and traveling relatively light with just one little suitcase.  But hey, that’s all part of the fun of it!

Maybe now I can get up close and personal with some other creatures!

Maybe now I can get up close and personal with some other creatures!

At this point everything is very tentative, but I’m quite sure I will be doing a fair share of exploring, though the actual cities and number of countries I manage to make it to is completely up in the air.  So is my final departure date from Singapore, which I’m looking to move up by a few weeks (upwards of a month).  After all, I don’t want to spend too much time traveling and there’s no point in staying too much longer since I’ve got a great feel for the company culture here and much of the work I do is completely doable from a remote location.  Plus, I miss Panda terribly, there’s no sense in troubling too many people for too long with a complicated living situation, and though I really enjoy the people and vibe of C&S, I’ve never been a fan of working at a desk.  There will be so much I will miss about this place when it really comes time to head off indefinitely, but there’s also no sense in stretching resources thin when there’s no real reason to.

And thus I enter another transitional period of my life.  🙂

The need for answers

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I have found that curiosity is a huge driver and motivator.  It pushes people to want to know more, which in turn translates to doing something to gain that knowledge.  It is also what allows us to continually improve, because we’ll always wonder “what if?” when we tap into our curious mind.  Really what it comes down to is asking questions.  In the quest to find the answers, we come across so many innovative ideas that can change the world.  But first, we must be curious and want to understand things more deeply.

air-france

photo credit: thesun.co.uk

This could be something as simple as unsolved deaths, as hit shows like CSI and the most recent tragic airplane crash of Air France flight 447, exemplify.  There’s this deep desire to find out why and how certain events happen.  In the event of mystery, there are plenty of people who are ready to devote a lot of resources to investigating the reasons.  I guess it’s because we like to see ourselves as logical creatures and as such, expect our world to behave in a logical way.  When something comes along that cannot be explained, it’s simply not enough to let it be, but there’s almost a need to find out why.  That’s why cases like Amelia Earhart disappearing or “eerie” coincidences are classic stories and people try to attribute it to a greater power that undetectable.

Of course, curiosity can also work in great ways, inspiring people to come up with great inventions and discoveries have changed the course of history.  What if Galileo had not wondered about how fast things fall to the ground?  What if Edison had never tried so hard to find a way to light up our nights?  Imagine how the world would be if neither of those events had happened.  I can’t even begin to – our understanding of basic physics and our nightly habits would be so different.  So I’m glad that people wonder about the world and are motivated to continue to change.  After all, a static world would be boring and unbearably predictable.

photo credit: cryptomundo.com

photo credit: cryptomundo.com

Even in my own life, much of the articles I find myself reading are because of my personal interests and curiosities.  I educate myself because I wonder what ways I can reduce my carbon footprint, better use my mind, or improve my relational abilities.  I take those questions and go about finding answers in whatever way I can.  Sometimes, that’s what inspires me to post too!  Perhaps in sharing my thoughts I can also find answers in the wisdom of my acquaintances.  I think it’s critical that people never lose sight of their curious nature.  For some, it’s testing the limits of humanity (how else did the 4-minute mile get broken?) and for others, it’s reasoning through things.  Whatever the purpose, it always makes us work harder, try more, and (usually) be better.  So let’s keep on demanding those answers!

Now that’s cultural immersion!

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dsc04830Though I’ve been getting little tastes of Singaporean culture throughout my time here and occasionally something will remind me of China, it wasn’t until last night that I truly felt a strong cultural impression in everything around me.  We had gone to East Coast Park, where there’s an outdoor cafeteria of sorts with stall upon stall of laksa, satay, dong dongs (I can’t remember what they were called), stingray, and who knows what else.  I felt at once lost and amazed among all the dishes I’d never seen and had hardly heard of before.  Paths cut through the park to allow bike riders, rollerbladers, and other such athletic activities to ensue.  A little stage consisting of a piece of carpeting and a half watermelon backdrop provided the scene for an acrobatics show.  On one side, we could look out across a small patch of trees to the ocean beyond, which was filled with ships.

Dong dongs?  Use those sticks to pull'em out of their shells.

Dong dongs? Use those sticks to pull'em out of their shells.

Upon arrival, we wandered around looking for a table for the six of us.  I noticed one recently vacated and we went to stand there as we waited for one of the table clearers to come by with a bucket.  After it was cleared, a nearby one opened up and since that one fit six exactly, we quickly shifted over.  With the dishes removed and the table wiped down, we sat down and discussed what to eat (more like I sat there listening to them!).  A guy with a handful of disposable plates in his hand said something to us and I think we ordered our satay that way.  I went for a walk around the stalls with Starfish’s best friend Foodie, who ordered food with Zen and Mac (our company’s creative director).  Zen pointed out a stall that is very well-known for its good beef noodles and is also notorious for opening and closing as the owner pleased.  Even when a minister from Hong Kong came by hoping for a bite, he refused to open up to serve the man!  Haha, now that must be some amazing recipe.  Meanwhile, Starfish and Violet (Mac’s wife who comes by to the office regularly) sat and watched the table for us.

Oyster omelet!

Oyster omelet!

We ended up getting an oyster omelet, the satay, stingray, those “dong dongs,” some fried chicken wings, fried tofu, and some random noodles.  And thus I was introduced to “Singaporean junk food” at their oceanside park.  I tried a little bit of everything, even the scary-looking shells with the rubbery insides.  I hate rubbery foods and this was not much different, but at least now I’ve tried it!

Stingray.

Stingray.

The stingray was surprisingly good and not at all the rubbery texture that I thought it would be (come on, don’t they look like they’d be super chewy things?).  Instead, the meat was tender and much like some of the fish that I like to eat, so that was nice.  It was a pity that it was topped with some sort of spicy sauce though, so my mouth was burning the whole time and I mistakenly took all the food to be spicy when it was just that one thing!  Thankfully, when we were done eating, we got some nice cooling drinks – sugar cane!  I was surprised that the drink was a green shade, but I guess it makes sense since it’s from a plant.  The taste of that kind of sweet is very distinct from traditional sugar and it reminded me of a time in my childhood when I gnawed on the cane itself.  All in all it was a refreshing experience and I truly felt the vibe of a different culture.  Singapore in many ways is both Eastern and Western, so it was nice to see something that did not remind me of either China or the US.

Puzzling ant behavior

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Some just look downright ferocious.

You can't quite tell from here, but some just look downright ferocious, like this monster.

Is it just me or do ants work in mysterious and wondrous ways?  From out of nowhere, they’ll find the food you neglected to clean up in time and bring their whole clan over to enjoy the feast.  It’s amazing to me how quickly they can locate food when from the looks of their trail, it certainly was nowhere near their point of origin.  Those scouts certainly do their jobs well!  Of course, nobody’s perfect and there are times that food goes gloriously unnoticed by them, though it seems that more often than not, they’ll get the prize.

It’s also crazy how they manage to sneak up on me when I wasn’t paying attention so food goes from clean to infested in about two seconds flat.  How do they do that?!  It’s unbelievably efficient.  If only humans could communicate so quickly and effectively.  Think of the things we could do if everyone knew what was going on just like that!  Similarly, they dissipate into thin air just as effortlessly, making me wonder where they hide when they no longer follow the trail.  They’re like ninjas, mysteriously falling into the background, ready to attack at the next opportunity.

I can’t help but marvel at these little creatures and their capacity for survival as a whole.  There are so many of them, they’re great at finding food and sharing the news quickly, and they can also scatter with due speed when it appears the food source is gone or there is danger ahead.  I’ve also spent quite some time noticing the different types out there, from the large black ones to the small brown ones and some flying ones here and there.  Ants are a diverse species and very well adapted to survive in almost any context (barring underwater), which is what makes them such great household pests.  The same goes for cockroaches, spiders, mosquitoes – but none can beat the sheer numbers and capability for teamwork that ants have!

Unprofessional appearances

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As I was researching for work this week, I came across some websites that looked worse than what I used to create in middle school.  It shocked me that businesses like that could exist and somehow make money when their homepage ran for miles with plain text in glaring colors detailing a lot of superfluous information.  It really resembled an infomercial: “Are you desperate for help?  Do you know what kind you want?  Do you know where to get it?  Are you looking for a great solution?  Well guess what?  Helpline is here!  For only nine installments of $19.99, you too can join the thousands who have found the help they need! …”  Catch my drift?

unprofessional

So plain, so bare!

I really don’t understand how people can take a company seriously when they don’t even bother to get a website designed to reflect their brand.  It is their front, their face, and they chose to represent it as such?  I wouldn’t trust my business with these people!  Who does?!  I see this kind of like a company that gets an empty warehouse to work from and all they get are desks and chairs.  They don’t carpet the place, add curtains, put decorations on the walls, or anything to personalize.  The whole place is dusty and smells strangely too and an unshaven man with food particles all over his beard throws open the door and rushes off when you knock.  You walk in to find minimalistic decorations and no sitting area for guests.  You’re then handed plain sheets of printed outlines of what services they offer. Would you want to engage this organization?  I wouldn’t!

Now there’s definitely a difference between looks to enhance an image and looks to just appear professional.  I’m not saying that these people should suddenly decorate like crazy, but there are certain protocols.  In the work force, people often have uniforms depending on their organization and if you wear something else, it can really change the impression that you give.  Much like dress codes, there are guidelines to follow to be taken seriously for business.  I think there’s a huge difference between just being casual (which plenty of companies have chosen to adopt) and being sloppy (which no company should ever adopt).

photo credit: inmagine.com

photo credit: inmagine.com

Women are most often judged for their appearances, so let me draw an analogy of a woman going to work.  If she shows up with tangles in her hair, some eyeliner gone wrong, and hiding herself in baggy sweats, I don’t think anyone would want to do business with her, especially when they get a whiff of her… odor.  Now if she were to show up to work with neatly combed hair, a fresh clean face, and a simple non-offensive t-shirt and jeans, she can be casual without looking like someone who can take care of her business.  Now of course, the way we’ve been conditioned, she is probably more likely to be taken seriously if she wears even dressier clothes, like a business suit.  But that’s a whole other story.

To me, a website like the one shown is basically not performing “proper hygiene” for itself.  When I come across something like that, I’ve got no better choice but to hold my breath and rush on by.  And so I did, quickly moving on to sites that had more thought and effort put into them.  Am I being too harsh here?  Do websites need the kind of grooming I’d like to see from them all or are they fine like this as long as they have all the information?  I can’t help but feel like this is unreliable and unprofessional.  And who wants to business with an unreliable and unprofessional organization, right?

An irony of life

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photo credit: Daily Bruin

photo credit: Daily Bruin

I came across an article in the Daily Bruin earlier this week talking about a first-year student who is battling cancer.  He’s not only going through various procedures to fight against the disease, he’s excelling academically and professionally.  It’s just another reminder that sometimes the worse off someone seems to be, the better off they can be.  Often experiencing a traumatic or otherwise negative life-altering event can show people the light and make them appreciate what they had and what they have.  Of course, there are also those who struggle in the face of adversity and fall to the wayside.  When you get stuck in a deep pothole, it’s either two extremes – you choose to look out at the light and work towards it, or you choose to look down at the darkness surrounding you and give up hope.

So really, the pressure of extreme circumstances can bring out the best and the worst.  This also reminds me of how people who tend to excel at something tend to excel at pretty much everything they do.  It’s a way of life, a certain discipline that drives them to do well, no matter what they’re doing.  Similarly, people who go through a tragedy or near-death experience are then infused with the drive to pursue excellence.  After all, many take it as an all or nothing issue, especially if they’re dying (faster than normal, that is).  I always thought this was an interesting phenomenon and I’ve wondered how I would take a terrible blow in my life.  I would hope that I would be the type who would turn things around and even do better than I had been, with a newfound zest for the life I almost lost sight of.

It’s always encouraging to hear stories like this, where people stop worrying about what will happen to them and how or how long they’ll live it out, but start to focus on what they can do in the mean time to make the best of it.  Crazy isn’t it?  Sometimes it takes a brush with death to truly live, or at least live a more rich life than before.  I think to a certain extent it is a desire to show people that not only are they going to defy the odds, they’re going to beat them and thrive.  And thus out of tragedy is born excellence.  Like they say, a diamond is only created under high pressure.  What better pressure is there than a threat to your life as you know it?

iPod Touch – a new toy!

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Yaaay, a package!  Please excuse my haggardly look.

Yaaay, a package! Please excuse my haggardly look.

My wait has finally come to an end as my iPod Touch arrived in the mail today!  I’ve just started to play around with it and I’m ready to use it tomorrow morning on the way to work.  I bought it to have some music to listen to as I travel to and from work, which will be a nice way to put myself in whatever mood I’m looking for.  Sometimes I want to be energized, sometimes I want to be soothed, and sometimes I want to be uplifted.  Whatever the case, my vast collection of songs (4039 to be exact) is sure to be able to whip up the right set of songs for me.  I have a traditional iPod at home, but it’s bulky and I hardly ever use it, so I decided it was time for something new.  It was also a nice way to treat myself and brighten my mood as I work through stressful times.

In my fiddling around, there are some features I wish it had – bluetooth, a camera, and speakers – but it provides more functions that I’ll probably ever use.  I’ve enjoyed setting everything up though, for the rare cases where I actually would want to know the temperature or check on some stocks.  There are also certain moments where I wish I could just integrate the phone in there as well so I don’t have to carry around a phone, camera, and the iPod.  However, I certainly am not planning on using a media package phone plan in the near future, so getting an iPhone would have been rather pointless.  I much prefer my 32 GB worth of storage in this sleek little sucker.  I wouldn’t mind if they could have put in a camera, but truth be told, it wouldn’t suffice and I’d still end up bringing my camera with me.  After all, I need flash, different focus settings, and a myriad of the features a standard digital camera has.  The one thing I would use a camera on the iPod for would be quick shots of random things when I don’t have my camera handy and portraits of the people in my contact list to use in their info.

dsc04811I’m really excited to head out to an Apple reseller store tomorrow (Cathay Photo) to find a nice backing for it, as well as some sort of screen protector.  Then I won’t feel like it is so delicate and that I have to tote it around so gingerly!  At this point I don’t want to scratch it up more so I can get something to preserve its condition, which is slightly worn in the back (but hey, it’ll be covered soon enough and it was definitely worth the discount!).  There’s not much point to this post other than to share a fun, exciting piece of my life.  New gadgets are always fun to play around with!  Now I need to arm myself with some cool applications though – any suggestions?

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